Suspects Husband Is Bisexual: How to Tell?

Discussion in 'Women's Issues' started by jason_els, Oct 5, 2007.

  1. jason_els

    jason_els <img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi

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    I'm posting the following on behalf of a friend who asked me to post this question on this forum which she knows I frequent:

    My husband often checks out other guys. After a couple of years of watching him watching men more than I do, I finally gently inquired about it. He said that he looks at other men as more of a fashion thing, like what kind of pants, jacket or haircut they have. My husband is very fashion conscious and has more hair products than I do, so I can understand how what he says might be true. However, I still feel like his attention towards other men, over women is a little sketchy.

    In past relationships I have often engaged in anal play/stimulation and enjoyed it. My husband and I did also, he is very much into anal play and had expressed that he had had several prior relationships with women with whom he had had anal sex with. In our marriage, on a couple of occasions, we took our anal/finger play a step farther with a dildo. I never got a chance to use it! He was very into being fully penetrated anally. To the point where I was a little stunned that he was so able to take it all in so quickly and freely. I, having engaged in anal sex before, need a little time and lube to get there.

    My husband admitted to one time event before we were married when he was drunk, where he awoke to another man giving him a blowjob. He told the man to get the fuck out and that was it. He shares with me that he used to be hit on all the time by other men and that he found it flattering.

    So, that's it. Don't know if perhaps I'm being paranoid. I feel like I could let it go if he didn't check out other guys so much.

    Can anyone relate to this issue or have any comments that would be helpful?
     
  2. SpoiledPrincess

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    Does she check out other women, I know I do and as he seems to be open in her communication with her I feel that if he wanted to play with guys he'd broach the subject. Lots of men love anal play, bottoms are fun, and if he's doing it with a woman it's automatically a heterosexual activity. Some men find it hard to admit they like anal play because some people assume it's a 'gay' activity, perhaps his openness in admitting he loves it indicates a general open attitude so he's find looking at other guys and admitting it because he has no hang ups. There are loads of guys on this site who are straight but who'll readily admit they love looking at other guys cocks, we all like to sneak a little look at the same sex and it doesn't indicate a sexual interest. She was able to penetrate him easily, that doesn't mean he's been penetrated before it could mean that he's relaxed about it and comfortable and trusting of his wife.

    He's with you, not with a guy, I wouldn't worry.
     
  3. ledroit

    ledroit New Member

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    This reminds me of a friend who says there are no Italian bisexuals. There are only straight Italian men who liked to get fucked up the ass now and then, no matter who does it.

    Some guys are just hard wired to enjoy anal sex. I don't think how you are wired matters much. There are plenty of gay guys who don't like anything up the butt--and other gay guys who do. I think it's more a matter of how your nerves are wired than anything else. Some guys like having their nipples played with too. Others just find it nice, but not hot.

    You can't construct sexual identities on things like that. What shapes someone's character is who they fall in love with, and which gender is going to excite and awaken the deepest kind of love that will sustain a relationship instead of having to be sustained. So what sustains your friend's guy's nterests?

     
  4. willie33184

    willie33184 New Member

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    I am not so sure I would say Bi-sexual but he may be curious...if hes checking out guys then I would say he is a little curious on how things are..the best way to tell is take him to a gay bar...if he seems ok then i would say hes straight but if he is put off by it or a little to comfortable...BE WORRIED!! The only other way to tell besides asking him flat out is to ask another man to join you and if he gets excited by the idea then you know!
     
  5. B_dxjnorto

    B_dxjnorto New Member

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    Maybe he's just got a big bungholio. People differ quite a bit in the sizes of the hoses and the orifices.
     
  6. ripsrips

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    Check out all possible hiding places for a dildo...if it slips in that easily he has to be loosing it up somewhere. Does he travel? He might be getting some on the backside.
     
  7. guiltrip

    guiltrip New Member

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    I think that looking at other men is sometimes more a sign of heterosexuality then homosexuality. Getting a blowjob from one is NOT and if someone is doing anything like that to you without your consent it really is rape. I know if a woman awoke to find someone eating her out without asking she would probably call the cops, so I dont know why it would be different for men.
     
  8. Mem

    Mem
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    There is no way to tell if he is bi. On Craigslist there are many bi or gay or str8 married businessmen who are looking for fun with another guy.
     
  9. diamond

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    My question to you, is if he were to be bisexual, would it bother you? He married you, and if he were to be BI curious, why not experiment together?
     
  10. Hugh G. Rection

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    Ummm your husband is hella gay
     
  11. submit452

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    To me, He's definately Bisexual.
     
  12. jason_els

    jason_els <img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi

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    Message from my friend:

    Thank you very much for all your responses, it has been very helpful and insightful.
     
  13. HazelGod

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    My thoughts exactly.
     
  14. AlteredEgo

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    The husband has expressed no interest in sex with men. He has expressed no such curiosity. From where do these presumptions come?

    I think our opinions are not only irelevant in this case, but impossible to take without a huge swallow of salt. Is the man queer? I don't fucking know. If he's your husband, ask him!
     
  15. str82fcuk

    str82fcuk Member

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    metrosexual shmetrosexual ... only big queens and real women are THAT into hairdos ... He is gay (a bit bi but mainly gay), in the closet obviously, and he is lying about what happened earlier (protesting too much) and obviously too skilled at self-repression to actually 'express' interest ... this is pretty obvious to any gay man ... amazing how fantastically clueless people can become when they desparately don't want to believe something ... by the way, closet cases are bad news, they end up going to nasty places to get their kicks ... and he is obviously DEEPLY experienced ... you'll wanna find a nice way to warn your friend ... of course there won't ever be any overwhelming evidence - he's not a senator getting trailed by stingers - but it will be a long slow painful heartwrenching gutwrenching failure if she stays this slippy course

    y'all don't have to believe it but it takes one to know one ...
     
  16. Hugh G. Rection

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  17. badboybryce

    badboybryce Active Member

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    I would just be concerened as to why the dildo slides right in? I have no experience with this, but I think that something goes in there often.
     
  18. dreamer20

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    Your friend has questioned her husband and gotten an answer explaining his habitual behaviour. She needs realize that she and he each have their own peculiar habits and not make herself paranoid over one of his. In her own words she should "let it go" and accept what he has said to her.
     
  19. Lito

    Lito New Member

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    Far too many signs imo. Too much smoke... guess a fire is a plausible (if not certain) explanation.

    My cousin's friend was like him, and came out of the closet not too long ago. Same situation here? I don't know... don't know the guy or anything... but it's possible, yes.
     
  20. jason_els

    jason_els <img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi

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    From his emotional distance and deep attachment to his mother. Distant in that he does not talk openly about his life, his friendships, or even something as simple as what he's reading. Inquiries to discover and share daily information are treated as tribunal questions. Attachments to his mother include his mother treating him with overt favoritism to the point it was amazingly obvious. He calls her many times a day, sometimes ten or more. She even has remodeled a carriage house at her home and wants him to move there to live permanently. My friend refuses to move anywhere near her husband's mother.

    Not a senator, but he is a lawyer in a state where admitting homosexuality to your wife could be legally considered grounds for fault of divorce and they've been skirting divorce since they were married. He's also poisoned the waters by getting a consultation from every top divorce attorney in the state.


    Speaking from personal experience, I'd have to agree with that. My friend states that her husband wasn't getting off from her using the dildo with him so much as from the act itself. She felt relegated to being a mere facilitator.
     
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