Ok, here goes ... Quite a long read, not much interesting stuff, but I felt like writing my thoughts down as they were happening.
Lots of things happened today, I will try to recap the day to the best of my abilities!
I left home around 9AM, went to donate blood at the hospital. Everything went fine, and I started driving to the bath house. Turns out they open at 12:00. Well, I did some shopping. Had to go to the bank to withdraw money, something wrong with my card. Bought some nifty devices to hold luggage and shopping bags in place in the trunk.
I went back, and the bath house had opened. It's a rather big place, there was a big queue. A slight bit of panic, how crowded will the changing room and showers be ..?
I had a little notebook and a pen with me in a backpack I knew I could bring with me into the facilities. I will now post the complete translation below, with some foot noted in
italic:
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Day one. Bought new swimming trunks when checking in. Brought a towel I had bought from the swedish cancer fund.
I stripped down, tried to feel as relaxed as possible. The shrinkage was quite severe. I did a good job of blocking the anxiety. So I went into the showers ...
Puls: 90
Shrinkage: Very Significant
Anxiety: Low
Self consciousness: High
Number of people in showers: 1
The other guy was perhaps four inches flaccid I'd say, quite short guy and thin built. Big open shower area, eight shower heads, we were two showers apart. I really fought to not feel like a freak. It worked ok, I just said "relax, relax, relax ..." in my head.
I put on my trunks and went into the general bathing area. There is several sections, one olympic sized swimming pool area, with diving boards, a shallower pool for kids, a huge open upper floor going around the walls, with gym equipment.
The other area is called the Adventure Area. It's a bit more for kids, a lot of waterslides, small yacuzzi's, baby pools, a big main pool with pathways and tunnels, caves and waterfalls. Lots of recliners along the tiled "beach". They get waves going twice an hour.
Upper floor is cafeteria, lounge area with three saunas, three big yacuzzis, a bunch of different showers, bath rooms, chairs and tables.
I sat down in a recliner along the "beach" and had my pad and pen at hand.
10 minutes in
Slight anxiety attack. Close to tears. Watching younger guys apparently relaxing, being comfortable and enjoying themselves.
Don't feel like doing too much, it feels like I am drawing very much attention to myself.
15 minutes in
Close to tears again. Thinking about how much I enjoyed being here as a kid. Not too much has changed in the general appearance of the facilities.
20 minutes in
I have frozen in place. Don't feel like making any movements.
Sitting in a recliner in the adventure area, writing this. Don't know where to go or what to do.
Trying to look busy with my pad and pen. My thoughts are racing, my head is buzzing ...
25 minutes in
If this had been a nudist facility I would be freaking out completely. Or would that only be the case if I was the only one being naked? Probably ...
The employee who greeted me at the counter has begun his life guard shift. I think he has recognized me. Don't know what he makes of my writing ...
28 minutes in
Trying to mentally create some pulse in my nether regions, to combat my shrinkage. I am panicking when thinking about the shower I will have to take when leaving ...
30 minutes in
Wave time. Way more elaborate safety instructions over the speakers than I remember from my childhood. Have they changed it?
An elderly woman with a toddler is sitting in a chair where the waves are breaking. Makes me think of my brother and his baby. Feel tears coming.
33 minutes in
My sense of perspective is dizzying. My head is spinning. Would love for someone to talk to about this, right now! I want to feel good!
Young girl, tattoo lower back, the belly tells she's in the beggining of a pregnancy ... She's guaranteed to have had sex ... What was she feeling, how did it happen? I'd like to know every step of the way, what was the process ..?
38 minutes in
That pregnant girl must be so confident! Not one thought about shortcomings, she is creating life!!
39 minutes in
Thinking about the fact that most people go here for the fun of it. Relaxed, filled with joy. Start to think about encouraging comments I have received here and elsewhere, tears start to burst forth ... Hopefully people will think the chlorine is making my eyes red ...
44 minutes in
A teenage girl's smooth cute belly caught my eye. My shrinkage eased somehow, feels like a decent soft size at the moment. Decides to take a walk and look around.
49 minutes in
The olympic pool area. The general public swimming laps, and a team of swimmers with a coach having practice. Noticed that the swimmers bodies weren't all that lean. Probably just swimming for fun. Quite halfassed job done with the tiles on the floor. A swedish flag and an EU-flag side by side hoisted halfway toward the ceiling. People excersizing in the gym on the second floor balcony. Thinking about how much excersize can be done at home for free.
54 minutes in
Scoreboard behind me. The records for the three longest distances are held by the same guy. Endurance ... A bit of panic regarding hygiene, everybody walks around bare foot on the same floor.
59 minutes in
Bath room break. Took a photo.
http://i.imgur.com/6G6Qy.jpg
Starting to fear that holding it in could have eased my shrinkage. With an empty bladder there is no telling how bad the shrinkage will get once it's time to leave ...
68 minutes in
Sauna in the unisex lounge area. I'm alone. There are three saunas. The craftmanship is comparable to my own sauna at home. A somalian guy walks in. We said hello. A bit of uncomfortable silence. He asked about my paper and pen. Explained my diagnosis, but not my symptoms. Told him that after the diagnosis I felt like getting my thoughts on paper.
75 minutes in
Had a good conversation with the somali man. He works as a teacher in high school. I am sitting in a yacuzzi at the moment. Trying to keep my notepad dry
I will weigh myself .... 121 kilo. A scale in the other room says 118. Must be the tilt of the floors.
80 minutes in
Sitting in the cafeteria. There are no clocks on the walls. Had to ask the girl behind the counter. Feeling a lot better after my talk with the high school teacher.
No cash, nothing to eat. Starting to think I should head home. The girl behind the counter has started wiping tables. I have to lift my notepad ...
I wonder if the showers will be crowded. When does this place close?
100 minutes in
Shower time. Nude. An older man gave me some shampoo, after me asking. Talked about this and that. Shrinkage, acceptable.
105 minutes in
Sauna, men's locker room.
Number of people: Five guys plus me.
All nude.
Lots of talking, movies, shawshank redemption, the swedish prison system, work and carreer.
Anxiety zero.
Self consciousness zero.
Quick shower after sauna. Drying off by my locker. Younger short guy changing a few feet off to my right. I felt a clear tension when he got down to his briefs. Tried to match me putting my sweater on and adjusting my collar to him getting naked.
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All in all, a positive experience. I bought a 12 session pass, so I can use the facilites whenever I feel like, within the coming 12 months.
