Takers or givers?

monstro

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I guess I'm also confused about this -- -- should people be nice all the time. Heck, is ANYONE nice all the time??!!

No one has any responsibility to be nice all the time. I believe it's better to recognize and express how you feel in the moment, whether good, bad, or indifferent and expect (nay, insist) that friends, family, and loved ones treat you with the same level of respect with which you treat them.

Maybe you want to take a look and figure out what you're getting from this relationship? I just hope you understand that your self-worth is not predicated on how he reacts to you; that you have no responsibility to placate anyone. Respect yourself. You are a smart, talented, beautiful, and kind individual and if he can't recognize that, that's his fault and his loss; it's not a reflection on you and you really have no responsibility to try to change him.

I hope things work out for you.
 

Jovial

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My first thought was, I bet she takes him back. Then a few posts later hotmilf said they made up. That's why he treats you like this, because you are willing to take him back.

My second thought was why do you consider sex something you give to men? Shouldn't it be equal? I mentioned this in another thread. Even if the sex is good for both, women still feel like they deserve something extra for having sex.

The third thing is you should know by now not to do things that men don't appreciate. You just end up feeling angry for not being appreciated.

Some people are takers, but for every taker there is someone giving. If that works for you, then good. I guess he has some redeeming qualities or you have some bad qualities to balance how he treats you.
 

Principessa

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BTW, if I remember correctly you have an open sexual relationship with him.
Ugh! That's rarely a good sign.
Babe I would run away with you in a flash and give you the life you deserve. However right now this will not end well for you.
ManlyB did I not nail it about dead on? I don't believe his story but Hotmilf does and thats what counts I guess.

I know this sort of man. He is a user and a taker and he will never re-pay her. These guys always have a big deal brewing or a big score about to hit. It won't happen. Does he pay his child support? I say no. You do.

Please HM come to your senses and move on. Find a real man and play with him. This makes no sense. You are too attractive and too smart for this.
Quoted & bolded in red for emphasis!

I actually thought the Tony Robbins thing when she said that too! :biggrin1:
Great minds think alike!
So you shouldn't take that as a personal blow or as a sign that the man is going to leave you or something (that's just insecurity making you think that... think about it, it's not very realistic for a man who's been dating you for 7 years to take off because of one silly argument).Hey now. :tongue: Njqt466, you're naughty!
Naughty is one of my best qualities!

Wait a second . . .7 years :eek:!?!?! You have been in an open relationship with a man whom you financially support for 7 years??!! SEVEN YEARS!?!? :aargh4:I'm sorry his time is up. I gotta agree with Wyldgusechaz. He may have been a little harsh in his wording; but he is 110% correct. :cool:

Hindsight is 20/20 and I am speaking as a woman who has been where you are. Run! Get out now while you are still young. Please don't make the mistake I did.:redface: I stayed with a man for 10 years, I worked two jobs help put him through dental school, at which point we were supposed to get married. But then he needed to go back and specialize in maxillofacial surgery and still I waited. My father offered to give him seed money to set him up in a practice. He declined, wanted to make it on his own. That should have been a clue; but nooo, I was in love, I believed him. :rolleyes: :duh:

Long story short, he dumped me 2 months before my 30th birthday. It was the last semester of grad school so I literally had no time to cry. :frown1:(That's right I went to grad school full-time and had a part-time job to help support him!) Do you know what he said to me as we were breaking up? I didn't feel like his girlfriend anymore. WTF?!:mad: Apparently going back to school and developing interests separate from his was a bad thing.

Hotmilf, I know your situation is different but the lie remains the same.
 

Wyldgusechaz

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BTW, if I remember correctly you have an open sexual relationship with him.
Ugh! That's rarely a good sign.
Quoted & bolded in red for emphasis!

Naughty is one of my best qualities!

Wait a second . . .7 years :eek:!?!?! You have been in an open relationship with a man whom you financially support for 7 years??!! SEVEN YEARS!?!? :aargh4:I'm sorry his time is up. I gotta agree with Wyldgusechaz. He may have been a little harsh in his wording; but he is 110% correct. :cool:

Hindsight is 20/20 and I am speaking as a woman who has been where you are. Run! Get out now while you are still young. Please don't make the mistake I did.:redface: I stayed with a man for 10 years, I worked two jobs help put him through dental school, at which point we were supposed to get married. But then he needed to go back and specialize in maxillofacial surgery and still I waited. My father offered to give him seed money to set him up in a practice. He declined, wanted to make it on his own. That should have been a clue; but nooo, I was in love, I believed him. :rolleyes: :duh:

Long story short, he dumped me 2 months before my 30th birthday. It was the last semester of grad school so I literally had no time to cry. :frown1:(That's right I went to grad school full-time and had a part-time job to help support him!) Do you know what he said to me as we were breaking up? I didn't feel like his girlfriend anymore. WTF?!:mad: Apparently going back to school and developing interests separate from his was a bad thing.

Hotmilf, I know your situation is different but the lie remains the same.

Thank you NJ. I come here once in awhile to browse but I am always stunned at how little street sense anyone has here. Bizarro world. By a long shot you are the clearest thinker of all. Not one aspect of HM's guy"s story rings true, but no one but you can see it.
 

No_Strings

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Real men fix their own mistakes.

Real women fix their own mistakes.

Why are you insulting HotMilf by giving her some kind of advice - can't she fix her own mistake? She must be pathetic, just like those men who can't fix their own mistakes.

Men, real men, should have their lives under their control.

Women, real women, should have their lives under their control.

That she "wasted 7 years on a man" clearly indicates that she wasn't in control of those 7 years.
What a loser.
She needs a real man.
Right?
 

Axcess

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Real women fix their own mistakes.

Why are you insulting HotMilf by giving her some kind of advice - can't she fix her own mistake? She must be pathetic, just like those men who can't fix their own mistakes.



Women, real women, should have their lives under their control.

That she "wasted 7 years on a man" clearly indicates that she wasn't in control of those 7 years.
What a loser.
She needs a real man.
Right?

Who's really got 100% control of their lives?
 

naughty

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Bad behavior rarely fixes itself by itself. There are individuals who are takers and you are not going to change them. Run past go , do not collect 200.00. You can do bad all by yourself. You do not need to have anyone ride your back to the promised land. Last time I checked you were not a mule. :mad:
 

ManlyBanisters

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Real women fix their own mistakes.

Why are you insulting HotMilf by giving her some kind of advice - can't she fix her own mistake? She must be pathetic, just like those men who can't fix their own mistakes.

Women, real women, should have their lives under their control.

That she "wasted 7 years on a man" clearly indicates that she wasn't in control of those 7 years.
What a loser.
She needs a real man.
Right?

Thank you No_Strings - I'm not the only one who found that guy's 'tude a bit too fucking much, I see.

Who's really got 100% control of their lives?

Neo :cool::tongue:
 

Guy-jin

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It's extremely presumptuous to assume we know enough about hotmilf's relationship or her man to say whether or not she should break up with him. That's why I wouldn't give such advice either way based on what I know about her.

And she's not about to listen to Internet people about something so important anyway, I should hope.
 

B_Hickboy

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That suggests there are more givers, not more takers though...
Not at all. If I give 100 dollars to each of ten people, there are ten takers and one very broke giver. There's no limit to how many people will take, and how much each of them is willing to take, unless,

"There's a river born to be a giver,
Keep you warm won't let you shiver,
His love is never gonna wither,
Come on everybody time to deliver."

At a metaphysical level, we're all simply distributors, with one Source.
 

ManlyBanisters

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Not at all. If I give 100 dollars to each of ten people, there are ten takers and one very broke giver. There's no limit to how many people will take, and how much each of them is willing to take, unless,

"There's a river born to be a giver,
Keep you warm won't let you shiver,
His love is never gonna wither,
Come on everybody time to deliver."

At a metaphysical level, we're all simply distributors, with one Source.

Hmmm, I think I prefer you with your mouth shut and your clothes off. :tongue:
 

snoozan

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That said, he sounds a bit too high maintenance for my liking. I say dump him and go out with Guy-jin. :wink: He's nice, smart, funny, employed and has a rather large penis. :smile:

Step off. Guy-jin is mine, dammit!

What a coward. yes I have made up my mind about him and I have been right. He is a weak man. He couldn't have held a job for 7 years so she did not have to support him? Thats weak, the textbook definition of weak.

What about men who do this? Is it the same? My husband has supported me for 7 years through college, having a child, having a serious illness, a career that costs more than it pays most of the time... In all ways, I've been weak, I've been a leech, and I've been a drain on his resources. And yet, I get the feeling WGC would see this as different than hotmilf's situation.

Wait a second . . .7 years :eek:!?!?! You have been in an open relationship with a man whom you financially support for 7 years??!! SEVEN YEARS!?!? :aargh4:I'm sorry his time is up. I gotta agree with Wyldgusechaz. He may have been a little harsh in his wording; but he is 110% correct. :cool:


Would you say this if it were a woman doing this?


I stayed with a man for 10 years, I worked two jobs help put him through dental school, at which point we were supposed to get married. But then he needed to go back and specialize in maxillofacial surgery and still I waited. My father offered to give him seed money to set him up in a practice. He declined, wanted to make it on his own. That should have been a clue; but nooo, I was in love, I believed him. :rolleyes: :duh:
Long story short, he dumped me 2 months before my 30th birthday. It was the last semester of grad school so I literally had no time to cry.

NJQT, this is your experience, and it's not a universal one. A lot of times these arrangements work out well. Your man may not have been using you-- maybe your relationship just wasn't working and he left. There are no guarantees and contracts in relationships like this-- it's a risk. Don't also forget that you got something out of the relationship as well because you stayed in it.

I think it's up to hotmilf to decide what's really going on here, and if what she's doing is worth the grief and aggravation.

And WGC-- just because you make a little bit of money doesn't mean you're automatically entitled to the best, most attractive women. It doesn't mean you should have the pick of the litter, and it seems like this is what you're getting at in this thread and others. You seem to be a little bitter that a woman like hotmilf doesn't automatically pick a man like you.