Taking compliments from people?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by B_Hung Jon, Oct 7, 2010.

  1. B_Hung Jon

    B_Hung Jon New Member

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    One of the things I've noticed is that I much prefer to receive compliments from people who I feel some friendship (relationship) with than strangers. Even though it's nice to get them in all situations. What I find interesting is that when a person I find attractive thinks I'm hot, then somehow it affects me more. Or even more so when it's someone who I love or who loves me. I think it's similar to being lusted after by someone who I feel the same way about. For me it's actually a big turn on when lovers tell me they want to "jump my bones". How do others feel about this? Thanks. :biggrin1:
     
    #1 B_Hung Jon, Oct 7, 2010
    Last edited: Oct 7, 2010
  2. _Edu

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    You are not hot... You're HOT!!! Hahaha
    I guess I share your opinion, feelings are stronger when you have some connection with that person & the compliment "feels" better, I mean its nicea to hear good things from ppl you know... btw I love the term "jump my bones" ;) haha
     
    #2 _Edu, Oct 7, 2010
    Last edited: Oct 7, 2010
  3. goodwood

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    yes. it IS more meaningful to receive compliments from someone you are close with in some way because you are more easily able to understand context and subtext and all of that.
    i realize this now in the old age of my late thirties - people have wayyyy better thigns to do with their time than to proffer compliments to someone they have no interest in or don't care about. my point is: if someone takes the time to pay you a compliment - believe it is well intentioned and sincerely offered and simply offer a sincere 'thank you'. maybe even offer a smile with the thanks.
    think when you offer someone a true compliment. you mean it and you hope they believe you when you say it. its the same when someone offers you a compliment.
    but yes - it is easier to make sense of and accept compliments from someone you have some sort of relationship or friendship with to be sure.
     
  4. SpeedoMike

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    it is more heavenly to give a compliment than to receive one.
     
  5. luka82

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    Compliments make me feel uncomfortable, but I like giving them, though;)
     
  6. D_Jared Padalicki

    D_Jared Padalicki Account Disabled

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    In some circumstances I don't agree.
    I always have the feeling that when people who know me, with who I'm friends/close with, give me compliments, they give it because that is what friends do...
    So a compliment from someone who is more strange to me can be more suprising and sometimes more honest.
    But I agree that when you know someone very well and you know that person is honest with you, then a compliment from that person is real.
     
  7. 8060

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    I am more much a fan of receiving compliments from people that I know and have a real connection with. At the very least a compliment is no more than a few positive words with the intent of brightening someone's day or spirit. The intent of the compliment is what drives me most--where it comes from. Here, compliments tend to come from a visual point of view wherein life they can be more heartfelt and have a greater on me.

    When I joined this site, compliments from strangers were invigorating and empowering. They had a lot of fizzle. When I know very little of the person complimenting me, it can take away from the affect that the intent of a compliment can have on me. I dig complimenting my friends and strangers. Physical compliments are very easy to give. Eye candy is a boost for compliments of that nature. But when you can compliment someone's personality, I believe that those have a greater magnitude and stick with me much longer. Knowing the person you're complimenting can effortlessly turn a physical compliment into something much deeper and it's received differently from them. The latter is having your compliment taken with a grain of salt and that defeats the intent of the compliment. That's my thoughts on the subject.
     
  8. Chase1600

    Chase1600 Member

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    As a young person I didn’t know how to accept compliments. Maybe it seemed too personal. I certainly didn’t know how to say thank you; I may have felt obligated to respond with something similar which could have been contrived.

    As an old person, I’ve developed better skills at accepting, maybe deflecting if it seems wise, and I’ve learned to compliment. However, I’ve also learned to respect that many people really are like I had been and may be uncomfortable being complimented. It is obviously a tricky business for a man to compliment a woman about certain things – those relating to her attractiveness. Many things are off limits if she is married, even though I am gay, it may not be appreciated in that context – that sort of thing.

    When making small chat with people you don’t really know well, you do have to temper compliments because they can seem too attentive and therefore prying, maybe even creepy.
     
  9. ConstantComment

    ConstantComment New Member

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    I have very complicated thoughts about compliments. Like others I generally accept the odd compliment from someone as an effort to make me feel good. However, I appreciate the substance of the compliment more when I value that person's opinion. For example, compliment about how nice my shoes are is fine from anyone, but really believing that my shoes look great can only be possible when I value the dress sense of the compliment giver.

    The problem I have with compliments is that quite often they can be a strategic tool in managing/ manipulating relationships. Just about every advice book on how to make friends will have a chapter on compliments and the unmitigated message that you will never go wrong when complimenting someone, no matter how and no matter how often. I disagree. Here are some scenarios to think about:

    1. I remember an ex bf in a rush to get me to like him decided to sieze on my cooking skills. While we were staying in a chalet, I was making fried eggs for my sister and me, the really greasy kind just as I like them. From all this hooting and hollering about how good they look and how good they smell. Bf just had to have a show from me and to put on his own show the next day. He pulled out a chair and sat in it backwards to attention. Wanted to know how much of each ingredient to put in; whether every flick of the hand, spatula, sigh, whatever was siginificant in the making of the eggs. When they were finally finished, he took a fork full of the eggs and passed them in front of his lips much the way an adult does when encouraging a baby to eat. I asked him should I make a plate for him. He said no because he followed a high carb low fat diet and the eggs were too fatty for him. Just what was the point here?

    2. Since compliments are viewed as a tool to get people to like you and to give the appearance that you like someone, sometimes people throw around compliments just for that purpose. One of the wives of my ex husband's friends, a very conniving and toxic woman, would compliment me loudly in front off my husband. He told me that this woman liked me and used those compliments as his proof. It was therefore my fault that we did not get along. (my ex husband effectively had his nose up his friends butt, figuratively speaking).

    3. What sounds like on the surface is a compliment can be meant as and ultimately is a put down. The famouse example is Churchill's quip is "yes, he is a modest man and he has so much to be modest about." Or how about "well done. Are you sure you didn't have anyone help you?"

    Another minefield is to tell someone that it looks as if they lost some weight as if that's a good thing. The problem with that is that it suggests you've been thinking that they needed to lose weight for a while.

    I get suspicious of compliments when they are repeated too often and/or out of context. Admittedly, I have a couple of friends who really lend an ear when I need one and I do often say that between us privately and that I am appreciative of this trust connection we have. So there is an exception. But for example, outer circle friends who loudly tell me my hair looks great as if they get kudos for being so kind, umm no thanks.
    Repeated too often in front of others.
    When actions can express a compliment better than words. Like eating someone's cooking. Like wearing an outfit that someone sewed. Like using someone's services when appropriate and so on.
     
  10. 8060

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    Well said, ConstantComment. You paint a good picture of compliment's intent.
     
  11. flame boy

    flame boy Account Disabled

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    I'm terrible at receiving compliments, people often says I am too self-deprecating. I would never offer someone a hollow compliment, I would always mean what I was saying - if I didn't think it, I would just keep quiet.
     
  12. ConstantComment

    ConstantComment New Member

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    Yeah, are you sure you're not just trying to see me up. :wink:
     
  13. 8060

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    :biggrin1:You're right. I was just trying to make you feel better for replying.

    No, seriously, I agree with you wholeheartedly. You should keep your eyes peeled though. I might be on some B.S. later:wink:
     
  14. minimag

    minimag Active Member

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    The only time I get compliments from people are when they're trying to "butter me up" because they want a favor (that they have no intention of ever repaying).
     
  15. nudeyorker

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    The key to compliments is knowing how to give them and how to accept them. If they are genuine than they are a priceless gift. When they are used for manipulation they are simply a backhanded bitch slap wrapped with fancy intentions and an air kiss.
     
  16. bigbull29

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    Honestly, I get embarrassed when I get compliments (unless it's about my package). I'm just too humble.:biggrin1:
     
  17. SouthernSpunk

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    I tend to treat complements suspiciously when they come from non-friends. I'll acknowledge them and change the subject. I hate watching people try to manipulate me with flattery.

    Sexual complements are the worst.I've been in several situations where employees thought that a few slick comments would get them what they wanted employment wise. I was quite happy to put a copy in their quotes in their personnel file.
     
  18. bigbull29

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    Remind me not to compliment you, buddy. :biggrin1:
     
  19. 8060

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    I would suggest that you undertake 30 Days of No. That's the act of verbally saying no to everything that you have wanted to say no to for so long. It's like chicken soup--heals you from the inside out. When people get shocked that you said no when you always say yes just tell them, "I'm on 30 Days of No." "Of what?" "Of No." "Oh.":biggrin1: "I'm on Day 4 so...."

    A good balance between confidence and humility is a hot characteristic. Compliments can act as a way to see yourself through other people's eyes and you can learn a lot about yourself that way.
     
  20. simbablk

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    I have to agree that it DOES feel good to get compliments from people you genuinely admire and respect.

    It does the ego good :)

    Simba
     
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