taking it - warning - gay.

[Roark1976]

this is less of a big dick question and more a dick question in general. i've been a top for the past 20 years, but have recently wanted to get into the flip side of the equation.

everyone says that it hurts at first, but then you get the pleasure. unfortunately all i've gotten so far is the pain. and we're not talking about huge guys.

any advice?

 

[B_lrgeggs]

this is less of a big dick question and more a dick question in general. i've been a top for the past 20 years, but have recently wanted to get into the flip side of the equation.

everyone says that it hurts at first, but then you get the pleasure. unfortunately all i've gotten so far is the pain. and we're not talking about huge guys.

any advice?

Sorry, this advise you might not be looking for. And I hope this does not take away too much of your pleasure of sex...But if it painful (and risky) , why even do it?

 

[fratpack]

Since you have been a top for the past 20 years, think about what you did to make your partner comfortable in taking you. Make sure you loosen up, use plenty of lube and relax. Your hole is not used to being stretched out and you still might be a bit resistant to being a bottom.

 

[eyescream]

Keep at it, takes getting used to and use plenty of lube. If it still hurts after a while it's probably not your thing.

 

[Countryguy63]

Sorry, this advise you might not be looking for. And I hope this does not take away too much of your pleasure of sex...But if it painful (and risky) , why even do it?

Because the way people describe it, the pleasure is intense!! It can be a "What am I missing" or "I want to for him" or many other reasons.

I'm in the same boat. Have tried relaxing, taking it slow, different positions, lot's of lube, lot's of foreplay, etc.. the best I could get was almost not hurting. I want to feel the pleasure everyone talks about. And I want to please also.

And if you knew what was in my future, you'd help me find a way...FAST

 

[kudo451]

Well on the practical level, preparation is important if you are not necessarily a natural bottom. Best advice I ever got was:

Take a hot bath just before. The hotter the better to not only help you relax but it helps your inner muscles to relax as well. (best advice ever!)

Be clean and comfortable. When you are confident about this you are more relaxed and can focus more on the fun. Being tense is the number one reason you won't be having any fun.

Don't be afraid to practice a little with maybe a dildo or vibrator during masturbation. sometimes the self discovery can really help you find what it is you are looking for when you get with a lover. The idea that everyone is just natural at everything is not necessarily reality.

Sometimes its the other guys fault. They just want to move too quickly (even the experienced ones). For some guys it takes real time and tenderness. Because being turned by the opportunity and relaxed is 90% of the game.

And my own observation: As crazy as it sounds I often find that well hung guys are often easier to take than small or average guys. though I don't know why, it could be just me. Also sometimes the fun is in the idea of being kind of violated and/or submitting yourself to someone rather than the whole act getting plowed so this whole thing also has an intellectual/emotional side to it as well.

 

[MarkLondon]

I did try, in my youth when it was expected of me, to no avail. I couldn't get past the pain and discomfort and never experienced any pleasure from bottoming.

The one guy that didn't cause me too much pain was huge and took 20 minutes to gradually ease himself in while paying attention to the rest of my body. I was ok with that but can't say it drove me wild with passion, more amazement that it could be done. Anyway, I ain't bothered with it since, and that was 1977!.

 

[Roark1976]

thanks for the input.
yes, i agree, cg63. a big part of it is that i'm supposed to like it - read into that what you like - and was always opposed to it until my last boyfriend in atlanta shoved a finger up in the land of dixie and it was amazing. but that seems to be my limit.
will continue to work on it.

 

[Roark1976]

and kudo, that might be the problem. i may not be a natural bottom, but i love the connection it makes. maybe a little training with toys is the way to go, because every time i have to tell a dude to stop it obviously hurts his feelings / ego / whatever.

 

[Roark1976]

and re: lrgeggs. you make an excellent point, but i think what countryboy has to say plays a lot into it. it's more of something i want to do for the other guy rather than myself, as insane as that sound. but you know, i was raised catholic.

 

[justacynic]

thanks for the input.
yes, i agree, cg63. a big part of it is that i'm supposed to like it - read into that what you like - and was always opposed to it until my last boyfriend in atlanta shoved a finger up in the land of dixie and it was amazing. but that seems to be my limit.
will continue to work on it.

While I'm straight, I have explored this part of my body since I learned that the male equivelant (however you spell that) of the G-spot is in there. I also have fantasized about it in terms of 'this must be something like how a woman feels when I do it to her.' Anyway, based on my personal subjective experience:
Start with one finger. Use it on a semi-regular basis. Usually either the pointer or middle finger can go deepest. When this becomes fairly effortless, try introducing a second finger, even if only to get it in there and hold still until you relax.I would think that by the time you work up to three fingers, you'll be ready for a guy. (no experience to help confirm that theory though). I can say this worked out for at least one woman I knew though. ;-)
Also, I recommend doing an enema if haven't before. It's not something to overdue, of course, but you feel so squeaky clean and smooth on the inside. And then you don't have to worry about bumping into 'things'.

GL

 

[Roark1976]

hey justacynic, and thanks.
i have a couple of completely straight friends who loved to get nailed for that same g-spot reason. they get off on it while i, a gay man, have yet to get off on it.
it's starting to piss me off.

and re: the finger thing; that's why i'm exploring this. a previous boyfriend loved to shove a finger(s) up there while we made out, and i loved it. its the transition from fingers to dick that's giving me problems. maybe i just need to find a tiny, tiny man.

 

[B_blackrabbit]

Plenty of lube, and relax.......If you antisipate that its going to hurt it will

 

[rugger89]

i dont know if you guys have it where you are, or if its legal...but in australia i think there are these thing called poppers (?) you can get from adult stores and they are supposed to thin your blood or something and make every thing more relaxed and stretchy...

 

[NCbear]

. . . . every time i have to tell a dude to stop it obviously hurts his feelings / ego / whatever.

Then maybe the problem is the guys who are trying to top you are not as patient as they need to be. It's not all about them and about the feeling of your tight hole wrapped around their dicks. Instead, it's about you being comfortable with being a bottom.

Try to find a sensitive, patient top who will stop when you need him to stop. Someone who will understand where you're coming from. Someone who wants you to gain as much pleasure as possible from the experience.

NCbear (whose man is like this, which is the only reason I've ever bottomed)

 

[midlifebear]

If you're not "oriented" to be a bottom, it takes time. That said, the absolute best times I've ever had being fucked have usually been with me on my hands and knees in a sixty-nine position sucking on a nice tool while a third (and experienced -- "experienced" is important the key) person slowly pounds me doggy-style. Alternatively, kneel in front of the mattress or a couch, wherever you find the most comfortable bent over (and supported) position. Then you can focus on relaxing.

And the best advice? You should buy a set of butt plugs (usually three to a pack: small, medium, and not so large). Practice on yourself with lots of lube while jacking off. Eventually your sphincter won't be so timid and you'll learn how to open up and trust your partner.

Although messier than KY-type lubes, silicon-based will offer you the longest lasting and most lube for you're Euro or Buck. And they are condom friendly.

Good luck, and remember: most great bottoms are the most virile, masculine men around. :smile:

 

[kudo451]

Position is also another key issue. I find the positions that most tops really like to start in are the very positions that seem to amount to the most pain for a bottom. The least painful position I discovered was on my side actually with my bottom leg extended and the top leg bent at the knee. The top is usually on his knees and can get in between the legs. not necessarily a position for an entire evening but as a starter position it is a lot better than missionary, doggie-style or even bottom on top positions.

Strangely enough I am not a natural bottom either. But I am a total bottom (go figure). So it has never been "easy" for me either. I just know that I prefer it to being a top for other reasons beyond just sex I guess. Tops just turn me on and bottom types don't.

But I also find that a lone finger gets "me" off far more than even a huge cock in my ass. And not to put a point on it but I think many women say the same thing about getting fucked. A finger or an average size penis can really do incredible things a dick cock can't in the orgasm department. But the thing about being a bottom is the pleasure of being on the receiving end helping a man at his most turned on and viral get off. Many times I find myself having a mental climax at the same time I know he is going to climax in me (on me? whatever!).

So if what you are looking for is that crazy climax you always read about in the porn mags from some guy ramming his cock up against your prostate, I would say that is not a common experience to either tops or bottoms and only happens in a perfect storm kind of situation. The right body type meets the perfect length of cock with two guys in the perfect mood--which ain't gonna happen too often.

 

[Lex]

Great advice in this thread already from NCbear and midlifebear. These things are key. It took me a while to learn to bottom. Took a while to be able to relax without the help of poppers.

Once you have found a patient and experienced top and have learned how to relax, you also want to make sure you are squeakly clean. Any leftover up there will make the experience unpleasant (from a smell and lack of lubricant aspect).

CountryGuy63 - I feel your sense of urgency and will be happy to help in any way possible, woofer!

 

[Corius]

Why is it that so many have assumed that there has to be pain for the bottom? What we need is a clear distinction between pain and what I call discomfort. A patient partner is a must and bottoms discover that even some very big cocks can be welcomed.. I would say that if the enduring memory is of pain then one would be wise to avoid bottoming. Ask yourself if you can take the temporary discomfort; your loving partner should want your memory to be be untouched by pain and he will be better equipped to comply if he himself has been a bottom.

 

[chamisaguy]

Interesting and valuable insights and hints, here, guys! I agree, too, that the early tries might be assisted along with kudo451's advice about lying on one's side as the bottom. (Related to this, is the position my urologist puts me in for protate ultrasoundexams/biopsy, etc. using the ultrasound probe which is much like a medium dildo, I guess). The torso is more relaxed as is the rectum, as opposed to the body core muscles having to supporting you upright or even in a doggie position -- it allows things to "intrude" much easier, IMO.

The deepest penetrations are enabled by the bottom being on his back, missionary style, legs up, or riding the cock from above cowboy style, I think. Although with him being on his stomach and the top guy lying on the bottom's back entering from on top is no slouch either wink.

I'm the top mostly -- although for the right guy I'm ready to flip and go into that zone myself! To do that for me, not a "natural bottom" the secret is, as stated somewhere else on here by another (astute) poster: "with enough time, lube, and lust, anything is possible" -- It's TRUE! Believe me. "Chemistry" is magical, I think. And an orgasm enhanced by rectal stimulation can be IMMENSE!

The other suggestions of fingers, dildos and butt plugs, practice, silicon lube, and so on are all very valid, too. You may not become the complete bottom you visualize, but I'll bet you will get to the point where you bring that bottoming option into the mix and you'll both be having some wild times!:smile: