Talking about the ex(es)

[silentview]

I was just curious of what you all thought about bringing up the "ex-factor" asking about their previous partner, sexual history, other packages and even just about the past relationships in general. Is it healthy to bring these things up in your relationship? How exactly would you get around to asking?
-Yt

 

[QuiteOne]

They're an ex for a reason. No reason to bring up the past. It's the future that's important.

 

[MarkLondon]

No, no, no! Never talk about the exes.

Especially not on a first date. I met with a guy once who went on and on about his abusive ex. Well, I gradually started identifiying with his ex, 'cos I eventually felt like slapping the guy myself.

 

[D_Jerry_Atric]

Let the other person bring it up.

Mark-I hear that. IME it seems that far too many gay men just talk obsessively or are fixated/obsessed about their ex's thinking that someone else wants to hear about it, that it's a good conversation to tell someone who you just meet or are starting to date, and it gets VERY tiresome and boring fast.

It's to the point where if I am with a guy and on the first date or first few dates he mentions his ex or a previous relationship and he does other red flags I'll politely tell him how things aren't working out.

 

[upone]

I know that no woman wants to hear about exes. If she wants to know, she'll ask.

 

[silentview]

good deal, I've always felt that way but have recently been feeling the urge to ask about previous partners... its good to get support before I put my foot in my mouth, won't be taking that road anytime soon.

 

[D_Suckleberry Hound]

when i was younger i would have said no.

these days my wife and i find it a huge turn on to talk about our exes (and our one night stands!) while we are fucking.

 

[MarkLondon]

good deal, I've always felt that way but have recently been feeling the urge to ask about previous partners... its good to get support before I put my foot in my mouth, won't be taking that road anytime soon.

I'm glad you're not taking that road. Especially as you're only 19. You'd presumeably being comparing yourself to the exes. Not a good idea at all. There's been various threads on here about straight men needing to know they're the best/biggest/only one to satisfy. The answer to that one is - if she's still with you, you're doing OK.

 

[MarkLondon]

when i was younger i would have said no.

these days my wife and i find it a huge turn on to talk about our exes (and our one night stands!) while we are fucking.

Ah, that's different. You're secure in your relationship.

 

[Enid]

I think it's healthy as it pertains to the current relationship -- id est, talking about what's worked/not worked for you in previous r-ships can be conducive to building a better relationship with your current partner.

 

[BJ89]

i always ask. just to see where they come from. what they have experienced. and also helps in finding out what they look for, need or how they act or deal with things in a relationship etc. etc.