Talking to parents about sex

Discussion in 'Women's Issues' started by D_Ivana Dickenside, Mar 23, 2009.

  1. D_Ivana Dickenside

    D_Ivana Dickenside New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 19, 2007
    Messages:
    4,864
    Likes Received:
    3
    how did you tell your parents you were sexually active?

    i ask this because my mom stumbled upon my skimpy lingerie and sex toys in her suitcase she let me borrow a few months ago. i was totally embarassed when i saw what was in the bag she gave me (and i swore i unpacked it before i gave the suitcase back to her!). she didn't say anything, but for heaven's sake, the woman is not dumb and i'm sure she knows the purpose of victoria's secret!

    i'm still recovering from shock. however, i am preparing for the worst because i know the dreaded "when did you start having sex?" question is coming. so what's a young woman like myself to do? i don't know what to say, or how to say it cause it's the most awkward subject to discuss with your mom, especially because we have never really talked about sex openly.

    so i guess what i'm asking is... how did you all discuss it with your parents? did you say it openly, or did your parents just eventually figure it out? did they give you the dreaded sex talk? any advice how to go about this?

    i'm directing this question towards the women, but the men are free to join in on the discussion. any help is much appreciated!
     
  2. B_Think_Kink

    B_Think_Kink New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 25, 2006
    Messages:
    10,742
    Likes Received:
    17
    Gender:
    Female
    I told my mom the day of loosing my virginity that I was having sex. I also tell her when I have new partners. I am currently fucking my classmate... and she thinks he's hot. So it works. My parents are very open though. I would suggest telling her only what she asks and then if you're comfortable.. tell her more.
    Good luck.
     
  3. D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah

    D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah Account Disabled

    Joined:
    Apr 5, 2006
    Messages:
    5,455
    Likes Received:
    14
    Ive never asked what my parents do and they've never asked what i do.
     
  4. D_Sue Ellen Brastretcher

    D_Sue Ellen Brastretcher Account Disabled

    Joined:
    Jan 8, 2008
    Messages:
    1,201
    Likes Received:
    1
    LOL. I have two kids and I have never talked to my parents about sex.
     
  5. D_Hyacinth Harrytwat

    D_Hyacinth Harrytwat Account Disabled

    Joined:
    Jan 3, 2008
    Messages:
    908
    Likes Received:
    0
    For my Mom, she knows I was raped. My Dad doesn't. I'm sure both have accepted that by now, I'm sexually active. I would hope your mother can figure out that you're a little old for the birds & the bees talk! I never got one and I'm sure my mother is thankful she never had to.

    No idea what kind of relationship you have with your mother, but if she asks, I'd keep it to yes or no questions, and if she gets too nosey, ask why she didn't show this much interest when something else happened in your life :tongue:
     
  6. Steve26

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Apr 14, 2001
    Messages:
    844
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    347
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    New Hampshire + Massachusetts
    Since you're on this site, I'm assuming you're 18 or older ... so your parents probably aren't especially shocked to learn that you may be sexually active. At that age, it is almost more surprising for someone *not* to be.

    Also, not to state the obvious, but virgins own sex toys and wear Victoria's Secret underwear, too.

    From what you say about your parents -- that they've never talked openly about sex -- I'd be surprised if they said anything about what's happened. Sex tends to be an awkward topic for parents to breach anyway, and they're probably more mortified than you are by all of this.

    Since you're legally an adult, one could argue that it's none of their business. Bottom line, I really wouldn't worry about it if I were you.

    Steve
     
  7. MickeyLee

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 3, 2008
    Messages:
    11,785
    Likes Received:
    1,800
    Location:
    neverhood
    blame security at the airport. some pervert riffled ya bag to plant sex toys and sexy bloomers.

    give her as much information as your comfortable with. tell her you're safe, respect yourself and partner, that any more information requires several rounds of strong mixed drinks and some rowdy chick rock playing in the background.

    ml

    random add-on - when i was 15 my mother found my porn stash *the guardian, body play, international leathermen, blue blood, bad attitude, on our backs* here is the next 20 mins of my life.

    Mom: i thought you were a lesbian?
    Mickey: i am.
    Mom: but these are naked men.
    Mickey: no, nekkid leather men.
    Mom: so you like men.
    Mickey: no... well.. yes....kinda... well hairy gay men. it's mostly for research.
    Mom: *just a twitch around the eye*
    Mickey: *uses awesome jedi mind control* there is no porn, these are not porn magazines
    Mom: oh, will you be home for dinner?
    Mickey:*internal dialog* i so have super powers!
     
    #7 MickeyLee, Mar 23, 2009
    Last edited: Mar 23, 2009
  8. StraightCock4Her

    StraightCock4Her New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 30, 2007
    Messages:
    922
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    DFW, Texas
    Fuck that, just don't discuss it.

    If she asks.. Just tell her that it's not nice to talk about such things :p



    I wish I could talk to my parents about sex but they are fuckwits at times and I can barely talk to them about anything.. So I doubt it.
     
  9. nicenycdick

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Oct 17, 2007
    Messages:
    1,825
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    15
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    New York, NY
    I wouldn't worry about it at all. My parents never talked to me about sex...well, my father told me when I was 14 not to make any girl a tramp...but that doesn't count. That was in the late 60's and attitudes were different. I have two girls (25 and 16 now) and I have had very open conversations with them about sex (as I have with my son, now 21). I am sure your Mom and Dad are very aware that you are sexually active. If they want to know, they will ask..either directly or indirectly. Respond to those questions candidly, but with very little detail. Believe me, they really don't wanna know too much.
     
  10. D_Andreas Sukov

    D_Andreas Sukov Account Disabled

    Joined:
    Oct 6, 2008
    Messages:
    2,933
    Likes Received:
    3
    dont mention it. if they want to know let them ask. its never been brought up with me. my dad found some used condoms in the bin, yeah im stupid putting them in the family bin, and he was like "sam have some respect for you gf what if you mother had found them?" then left it. we dont need to knowwhqat we both do. besides i heard enough "shudder"
     
  11. D_Ivana Dickenside

    D_Ivana Dickenside New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 19, 2007
    Messages:
    4,864
    Likes Received:
    3
    thanks for all the advice everyone. unfortunately my mom isn't as cool as kink's mom lol.

    so far i haven't said anything to her and she hasn't really said anything either. steve26, i think you may be right!

    the only thing she did say this morning was, "stacy, don't go out and have too much fun, you hear?" which, i think that was her way of saying, "calm down and stop being such a horn dog!"

    i think i'm safe for now. but i still fear the dreaded sex talk.
     
  12. Ed69

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jul 26, 2006
    Messages:
    2,617
    Likes Received:
    211
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Talent (OR, US)
    My mother could not take it when I got married just after my 21st birthday.We lived with my parents for the first year and a half.Mom never got used to seeing a half nakkid female come out of my bedroom for coffee in the morning."Dear God not my baby boy!"She walked in on us one time and one time only!She got a full view of me getting a bj,something she never would do for dad!Sex was never talked about when I was a kid, and most certainly not after I braught my wife home.Cause then they would have to admit how badly disfunctional they were.
     
  13. Cool Guy

    Cool Guy New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 1, 2009
    Messages:
    7
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Florida (US)
    Hi Stacy, It is natural for people of your age to experiment with sex! Be a bit more careful next time but carry on with what you love doing and don't worry about the consequences at home. Chiz - Cool Guy
     
  14. IntoxicatingToxin

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Sep 10, 2006
    Messages:
    10,133
    Likes Received:
    152
    "Mom... I'm pregnant."

    And I'm not kidding. That was the first time my mom ever KNEW I was sexually active. I was 18 years old.
     
  15. B_spotted_duck

    B_spotted_duck New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 1, 2008
    Messages:
    2,455
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    west coast liberal-friendly zone

    LOL... Wish I'd had that power in my back pocket when I was 14 and got caught with my playboy stash (tame, I know). I settled for putting replacement magazine covers on things ("Natural History" and "Smithsonian" were favorite false covers) and making sure they were stashed in places less likely to be discovered...


    Never had a serious conversation with my parents about any such thing.
     
  16. Principessa

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 22, 2006
    Messages:
    19,494
    Likes Received:
    28
    Gender:
    Female
    I didn't, don't intend to either. Just came back from 5 days on the road with TruckerTexman and as far as they know we slept in separate bunks.

    Freud would say you left that stuff there on purpose because you secretly want her to know that you are sexually active. That you want her to see you as an adult.

    I don't understand. :confused: Is this a cultural thing or maybe a generational thing? Cause I don't have any black friends or any female friends in the 38 and up age range that talk about sex with either one of their parents.

    Wait a sec! Your mom never gave you the birds & bees talk?!?! :eek: Did she at least explain to you about menstruation before it happend. See, my mom gave me detailed information about sex, how babies are made, periods etc. when I was in the 2nd grade. I was 7 and honestly didn't care.She knew that but showed me where all the books she had bought on the subject and posters ( she was a school teacher) would be if I had any further questions.

    Other than that, I was told that one should never discuss politics, sex, or religion at the dinner table or in mixed company. :lmao: For years I thought that meant I couldn't discuss religion with my Catholic friends since we were Methodist. :rofl:

    Oh thank God! I thought I was the only one. :redface:

    :lmao: One rather boring Saturday, my mom and I were watching the Porky's trilogy together. I was like 20 and she asked if me and my then bf french kissed. I think I gagged on my Kool-Aid and popcorn. Other than that, no she has never asked about my sex life. I'm pretty sure my dad thinks I'm a 42 year old virgin and I'm cool with that. :cool:

    LOL ya know what? I think that is how it should be. :cool: Seriously, why does everybody have to discuss everything all the time? When I get pregnant I will definetely tell my mom. :biggrin1: I will let her draw her own conclusions as to how I got that way.
     
  17. meegsatori

    meegsatori New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 2, 2009
    Messages:
    22
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Birmingham
    I have one of the strangest relationships with my parents. My friends think it's great. My parents are quite young my mum was 16 when she had me. They've always been open about sex with me and I have conversations with them that would seem innapropriate to others.
    Since I came out I have been given a Durex playset every year from them amongst my gifts. Which was shocking when I first got one.
    NOw my dad tries to set me up with guys he works with, For the record my dad has real bad taste in men lol. But i think it's sweet of him if not embarassing.
     
  18. D_Ivana Dickenside

    D_Ivana Dickenside New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 19, 2007
    Messages:
    4,864
    Likes Received:
    3
    so the latest thing my mom said to me was, "stacy, don't get pregnant please! i don't want you to end up like your brother's GF [who is a young mother]."

    i think that's her way of hinting to me that she's aware, but she's not outright saying it like she wants to know about my sex life. it was awkward, but kind of reassuring at the same time.


    it's a good theory but it's completely off. the last thing i would intentionally do is show my mom a pair of anal beads and a bunny lingerie costume. i don't like to embarrass myself purpose and it was definitely a slip up on my end since i forgot to unpack it.


    i would say it's definitely a cultural thing... asian families still hold eastern ideals and talking about sex openly isn't high on the list of discussion topics at dinner.


    she kind of gave me the birds and the bees talk, but i filled in the blanks she left out from my friends and high school health class. we mostly talked about periods, how to use pads, etc. she also taught me about sexual abuse, rape, assault, and the things i need to be aware of to stay safe.

    and speaking of periods, one funny thing my mom still says to me after all these years is, "tampons are only for married women," meaning only women who have sex can use tampons. i will always get a kick out of that one because she knows i only use tampons :rofl:
     
  19. D_Ivana Dickenside

    D_Ivana Dickenside New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 19, 2007
    Messages:
    4,864
    Likes Received:
    3
    i wouldn't say it's a strange relationship, but it's definitely rare. i have never had that kind of free-thinking relationship with my parents and it's probably better that way in my case.

    how is it like opening up a durex playset on christmas morning? do tell... :tongue:

    ...and thank goodness it's not only me who's father tries setting them up with ugly men! even though i already have a BF who i am madly in love with, my dad still tries to get other guys for me. i think he's trying to pass on his dreams of me being a player like he was in his youth lol.
     
  20. D_Cock_Hudson

    D_Cock_Hudson New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 29, 2009
    Messages:
    1,028
    Likes Received:
    4
    I have never told my parents. There has never been the need to tell them as I left home at 18 to go to uni and have lived away from home ever since.
     
Draft saved Draft deleted