Talking to women at the club or bar

Discussion in 'Women's Issues' started by Kassokilleri2ff, Apr 27, 2009.

  1. Kassokilleri2ff

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    Is quite a daunting task!

    So I've been going out recently and getting pretty drunk at the clubs or bars here with people I work with. I'm still pretty much terrible at talking to girls, and I'm afraid to look like a retard. But when I get tipsy and I see one of my friends talking to a group of girls by himself, for some reason that gives me some confidence to join him and be like "what's up!?".

    I did that a bunch of times and every time I got nice responses like "hey cutie! What's your name!" And stuff like that. From that point we would talk a bit, my friends doing most of it, and depending on who I had joined up with, my friend would somehow ask for a phone number or to take them home or something like that, and everything always went sour and the girls would be like "oh I gotta go!" Lol. So I pretty much saw all my friends get rejected and it was sort a funny, and I hope I didn't help them get rejected, I think it was their fault for asking to takes girls home too soon or whatever.

    Anyways, that little story is just to say, I thinked I gained a bit of confidence from the nice responses I would always get from joining in conversations. I'm actually starting to believe I'm actually cute in the eyes of women. (I think I've been called cute by a lot of gay guys but they don't count)

    So after the club or bar we always want to go to the strip club. The strippers are hot of course, but it seems here I have sort of learned how to talk to girls, for at least a couple minutes. The strippers like to talk to you. I probably had like all the strippers in the club sit and talk with me for a while, and the conversation always sort of went in a certain way. "Where are you from?" what do you do?" "Where are you headed?" "Are you from this town or did you grow up somewhere else?" "Do you like your job?" "What are your plans for the not so distant future?".

    And this bring me to my main point. Is this how I'm supposed to talk to women at a bar or club or anywhere for that matter? I know how you al grew up with nice lives and know all what to do and think shit is easy but please suspend your disbelief for a little while.

    I always thought you were supposed to be original and shit when talking to women. Can I just use a simple guideline like those questions above? I'm not good at thinking of shit to say on the spot. Are women looking for some guy to just come up and amaze them with smooth talking or are they just looking for a guy who like, knows the rules and the order of the game to play?

    It seems like a game to me. And I don't know how to play. Is that what sets us loser guys apart? We don't know to ask her name and where she's from and various other topics? Or is that just boring uninteresting and I still haven't got a clue?

    So when I run out of questions, and things go silent, and nothing of similar interest between me and a girl comes up in our conversation, can I just be like "well nice to meet you cya later" and walk away?

    Also, what happens on that rare occasion where we have something in common, and we go off on another topic we both enjoy. How do I go about trying to get her number or giving her mine se I can see her again? Thee way my friends did stuff seemed wrong because when they tried to give or get numbers the girls would suddenly remember their gyno appointment or something lol. Any tips for me ladies and gents?

    I feel like I'm almost at a fucking scientific breakthrough. If you read all of this. Thanks, I tend to want to give background story so I think shit makes more sense.
     
  2. Capt_obivous

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    I'm watching this thread, you sound like me :p
     
  3. transformer_99

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    Not really, they either want to talk or not. I think they're more shocked that the approach was made in the first place. It's awkward, maybe even unsolicited. The other day we (co-workers) were at a happy hour, the group of women at the table next to us were having a great time, eventually breaking out the point and shoots for the happy hour snapshots. That was my way in, one was trying to frame the girls and capture the moment of the night out. So that's where I came in, the helpful stranger. At any rate, it played out for whatever it was worth, and nothing really came of it. But for the moment I figure I was perceived a little better than the next guy ? At any rate, I had low expectations on my part too. But there you have it, there's always an angle and an icebreaker. Not every encounter bags a trophy ?
     
  4. B_DEATHbyCARROT

    B_DEATHbyCARROT New Member

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    I'm a guy and was in your situation when I was younger. I used to get nervous and such when I first started clubbing, but then I realized three things:

    1) There are a lot of women and unless that particular one has done something special, you shouldn't put to much stock into her liking you. Chances are you are in a club full of women, so if one doesn't like you just move on to the next who for all you know may be a much better person than you were just talking to. When you appear nervous you will probably give off signals (body language and such) that you are.

    2) Women only have the upper hand in these situations because the guy gives it to them. How? I can't tell you how many times I have gotten attention by doing nothing but standing around and not chasing like all the other dudes around. I think what it shows is that you don't NEED that woman, you are CHOOSING her. It's like this: If you were rich and women knew this and were throwing themselves at you, after a while you would stop respecting those women. But a woman who doesn't seem to need your money would probably hold your attention. Women are rich with vagina and if you appear to need that from her a lot of women will be turned off.

    3) Coming up with a line is a mistake. Just talk and have a conversation. If she likes you she will go along with it... and if she's a terrible conversationalist you are allowed to get bored and move on. You're allowed to have standards. Don't try to force a conversation. If you have to that its a terrible sign...

    Hope that helps and good luck!
     
  5. D_Selmus_Swallow

    D_Selmus_Swallow Account Disabled

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    I've never had luck with women in bars, and less in clubs. House parties and gatherings among friends, better.

    I dunno, I guess when you've spent years in bars, and you realize there's not much to talk about among random strangers with no other bond than maybe a desire to destroy their senses with alcohol...well, it's not my thing, usually. It's too inorganic and forced, the entire social scene around the bars I'm at. Occasionally someone walks in who catches my interest. That's not often, but then again I'm pretty sure I don't have much in common with anybody, as far as interests, beliefs, or whatever go at the bar, at least assuming a typical bar. Drinking alone at the bar, my usual method of drinking out, is not going to help much either if you're planning on getting any.
     
  6. B_starinvestor

    B_starinvestor New Member

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    my $ .02


    Never act overly excited; use the same tone of voice you would use with someone you've known for years.

    Be friendly. Just a polite smile and introduction gets things going. If I have any interest in the girl, after a few minutes I always offer to buy her a drink.

    Throw something funny in there, i.e. 'i'm usually at the library or training for an ironman competition, but my friends dragged me out to this bar.'

    Or, if they ask you what you do for a living, "I'm a bounty hunter" "I'm green lantern,' "I'm a foot model" something like that.

    Once you get her to laugh, you're set.

    A bar isn't a place where people want to be super serious. Its a social institution.

    I dunno. It works for me.

    Good luck:wink:
     
  7. RamIt

    RamIt Member

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    Of the few things I have learned-

    1) Really corny funny pick up lines can work, if you have that sort of fun outgoing personality and it is natural for you. If it is forced or awkward, its over. Its hard to go wrong with "Hey, how is your night going?"

    2) Women might become uneasy when you approach them, its up to you to pick up on that and disarm it. They are uneasy because they are uninterested in you, it is a bad time, or because they dont know when you are going to leave. One of the best ways to get past that is to start off by saying "My friends and I are about to go (somewhere else), but I wanted to come over and say hi quick." If a woman knows you are only going to be there for a minute, she will be more likely to let you chat her up. Either get her number if you are feeling it, or end it with "sorry to cut things short, but I have to run. Have a great night, it was great to meet you."

    3) Confidence is money. He who has confidence in himself, gains the confidence of others. Fake confidence is cockyness, and I think women can smell it a mile away. If you are confident in yourself and calm and cool, it will put her at ease and intrigue her. If you can get her to let her guard down by not setting off any of her alarms by being nervous or creepy and awkward, you stand a good chance of having a decent conversation with her. From there, just be relaxed and let things go with the flow.
     
  8. Kassokilleri2ff

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    Yea I don't know how to relax and go with the flow and exhude confidence and not be nervous. I want to know what to say beforhand because supposedly natural things for everyone else is definitly not for me in most cases. But every tip where you give an example of what you said or say seems to help a lot more than "just be confident" which doesn't make sense to me.

    I know not to just try and get laid with every girl I talk to. At this point I don't even care I just want to be able to learn to talk to them first.

    Pretty much every interaction I've had with females is from me doing nothing and them being agressive enough to come to me. And me being me I'm like "omg a girl! Yes!" And I go with it from there. But I know I can't just rely on girls coming up to me or ill never meet anyone.

    Thanks for the tips so far, I like the idea of saying something funny stupid like "I'm a foot model" and other stuff I forget the instant I read it. Ill have to reread the thread a few times lol.
     
  9. RamIt

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    99 percent of the time, its not what you say, its how you say it. You need to find out what works for you by trying different things until you find an approach that works. Once you have a good feel for the flow, and have a system that is natural for you, you become confident.

    Women are just people, so talk to them like people. Dont let the situation intimidate you, and dont wait for someone to say "whisper this magic code into her ear and she is all yours." There is no secret magic code that is universal. The only ingredient needed to dine on success is confidence.

    If there was a simple formula to pick up chicks, everyone would know it, and it would take the fun out of it. No skill worth having comes without some work.
     
  10. B_DEATHbyCARROT

    B_DEATHbyCARROT New Member

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    Your confidence will not come from you knowing you will succeed. It'll come from not being afraid of failure. Only way I know of to get that is experience...
     
  11. ManlyBanisters

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    Not a women's issue, definitely a men's issue.

    Talking to somebody, whether you are sexually interested or not, is not a game - Don't treat it like there are rules. You are just yourself having a conversation with another human being. If it helps, pretend you are stuck in a lift with an ugly man and just trying to make conversation to pass the time til rescue arrives.

    Lines are shit - only shallow people buy them.
     
  12. B_Hickboy

    B_Hickboy New Member

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    Hi, come here often?
     
  13. D_Ivana Dickenside

    D_Ivana Dickenside New Member

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    if you get turned down at a bar or club, seriously, don't be bummed out at all. it's not the end of the world. the best places to meet and socialize with other people is away from the bar and club scene.

    take it from someone who has ditched numerous guys with fake numbers and excuses... the majority of women don't go to places like bars and clubs to man-hunt. usually when you see big groups of women, they go just to have a good time with their friends, have a few drinks, and maybe dance with a guy or two. i don't mean to kill your hope, but club people, including men and women alike, are honestly the least serious crowds.
     
    #13 D_Ivana Dickenside, Apr 28, 2009
    Last edited: Apr 28, 2009
  14. B_625girth

    B_625girth New Member

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    I found the less I worked at trying to get laid the more successful I was, if that makes any sense. a sense of humor, be nice, be polite all go a long way. don't break into jokes like a stand up comedian, although there is a time for that. usually if there is a group of guys and gals and every one is having a good time. being physically attractive certainly helps. carry yourself with confidence, but not arrogance. and learn to dance. you don't have to be great or know the latest steps, but most gals like to dance. if you give a compliment, mean it, don't just say it. and don't get too drunk. meeting someone you like when you are plastered and then trying to remember the next day what you said or did is no fun.
     
  15. Skull Mason

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    I see some people here are aware of the Mystery Method...

    I would like to agree with death by carrots advice above. Furthermore, the worse thing you can do is make something awkward. Sometimes, the longer you hang around, the better chance there is to it being awkward. Get in, and then get out. You will leave a good impression, and then move on to somewhere else in the place. At that point you are basically demonstrating higher value (Mystery Method), as opposed to just hanging around the girl or gals with a bungee chord attached to them, just hoping to not let go. You can always go back in a little bit or say something as you pass by again. It gets them thinking about you. And never stare at girls, it creeps them out.

    It shows you are not desperate, and that you have other things to do (even if you don't). Obviously the hardest part about speaking to women is the approach. I'll give you a good one; the American Idol approach. This has worked every single time I have tried to talk to someone or a group of people over the last few weeks. This includes being at the singles table at a wedding, as well as a bar etc.

    Just go up and ask them, and appear excited, "who here watches american idol!", or in the case of a stray target, "tell me you watch american idol". Most do, and if they answer yes or get excited, immediately praise Adam Lambert to the fullest. Not only is it fact he is the greatest ever, but it shows you are not too manly or tough enough to give praise to someone as unique as Adam. The conversation can take off from there.

    Just remember, human beings give off energy. You always want yours to be positive, but don't make it fake. I find that when I am not feeling great, no matter how good I look or how many abs are showing, I'm never very successful. People's energy pick up on things like that. So exercise, go for runs, feel good. Be happy and that energy will be contagious.
     
  16. richeee

    richeee New Member

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    Biggest problem is to try TOO HARD! If it is not easy for you to start and continue a conversation, ask questions that will get her to respond with a detailed answer. The more she tells you, the more you will have to respond to. Ask about siblings (brothers/sisters) which usually makes good conversation and try to show interest in her, and what she is about. "Done any travelling?" "Tell me about your family" "So, whats the funniest thing that has happened to you". You get the idea. Ask about her and with questions that invite her to tell you alot. They always want you to show interest them and about them. That then invites you to reciprocate. Good luck.
     
  17. Zayne

    Zayne New Member

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    Approaching people in a place that's too loud for talking guarantees you'll be judged on your physical qualities. If you're not very skilled at talking but look good in low-lighting, then just blurt out anything you want and follow up with a smile.
     
  18. Skull Mason

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    "I'm 40 feet tall and made from diamond." :biggrin1:
     
    #18 Skull Mason, Apr 28, 2009
    Last edited: Apr 28, 2009
  19. Zayne

    Zayne New Member

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    "I'm 40 feet tall and made from diamond." :biggrin1:

    better really be good-looking, but yeah, pretty much. Not too much emphasis on the mental in a club. Acting skills probably help.
     
  20. Skull Mason

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    I think if you aren't particularly good looking this would be more effective. If you are then the girl would probably think you are an arrogant prick.
     
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