Tall, dark, and. . .

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Yowsers: This is my first "new topic" post, so here goes. . . .

I was talking to my best friend, Mike, who was feeling a little depressed b/c at the age of 26; he's never had a steady girl friend. This kinda of surprised me b/c he always gave me some great advice on issues w/ my girl friend.

Mike is a sweet, romantic, intelligent, decent lookin' guy. What gives? Mike's answer was that most women would never consider going out with him b/c of his height. He's 5 ft 3 in. The question is would any of you women (or men) go out with a guy who was shorter than you?

I never thought much about it, but then he showed me his Match profile and ran a search and most women seem to be looking for guys over 5ft10 and up. He's never had a single hit to his ad. So, I guess size does matter; its too bad b/c Mike is a great guy and I hope he finds love some day. :'( Of course, maybe he should move to Japan, he's a giant over there.

 

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7x6andchg: Yowsers -

You've hit on something I've dealt with...at 5'8" I'm not THAT short but women...tend to look for tall,dark and handsome. What's wrong with short, dark, and handsome?

Ladies?

7x6&C

 

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sammygirly: I tend to go for taller men because I'm quite tall myself and I just prefer it. I'm 5'11.

But, when I put some thought into it, I guess it has something to do with the whole thing that men are supposed to be stronger, taller...the protectors so to speak. Maybe it's inbred through evolution...?

 

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H8Monga: I have a best friend who is 5'4" and is a virgin like I am and he at times cited that women didn't want him because he was short. He knows a lot of women and they think he's cute and all but that's about it. He seemed to have had a couple of girls interested in him but it turns out it was just a mirage. Eventually one day he'll find someone and I tell him that.

I have noticed women in personals say they want someone 5'10" and up and I wonder if they mind an inch or two shorter.. it's not that big a stretch! besides... I also have know many guys who were 5'10-11" even 6' who appeared to be my height until they stand up straight. It's probably only in their minds and they may be shocked to find out the real heights.

 

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inquiringmind: Hi Hapi Papi,

I think that I covered what it was about short guys that bothered me in the "bragging" thread I wrote yesterday. I have found that most short guys I have dealt with have had so many issues that it was a tiring experience. I am 5'4" myself, but I tend to attract "tall trees" . Most of the men in my family are very tall, 6'4" to 6'7". So that was my standard for what a grown man looked like when I was young. It came as a great shock to me that when I went to college there were some young men who came to maturity at almost the same size as myself. I am so sorry that happened to your friend. It is true that many women have been conditioned to want a tall man. Just as many men have been conditioned to want a young, thin woman with large breasts and lovely legs. Both are the ideal.I think we must be genetically conditioned to be attracted to the most ideal physical specimen. However it is a cruel joke that most of us are not ideal ourselves and therein lies the rub. So we have to try to look past the imperfections of others and hope they do the same in ourselves. Tell your friend not to give up, there is allegedly a lid for every pot. Many women with good sense are still looking for the perfect fit!

Inquiring mind

 

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gigantikok: That just really sucks. Most women claim not to be shallow and that personality is so very important, yet they don't even give a short man a chance to prove themselves because the moment they first meet them, they judge them. ("Oop, he is "friend material" only") Short men may have insecurities due to their height, but they are no more insecure than the next person. The person who is not short finds something else to be insecure about. To make the assumption that a man will be more insecure because he is short is sugar coating the real reason why women don't go for men of small stature. A human being is a human being. Most women that claim penis size matters would still never turn someone down due to their penis size if their personality shines, so is it fair to turn down a guy due to height?

I would go for women of any height as long as they like me and I am attracted to them. 4'whatever to 6'whatever, I'll take them of any size. And even though women have been "conditioned", that is no excuse to follow the bandwagon. Appriciate someone for who they are, don't judge their worth on something as stupid as height.

 

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TragicWhiteKnight: What about guys who are considered too tall?

What about those who are the 'perfect' height but have bad posture/lurch/a bad walk etc?

They all fall outside of the 'ideal' look, so get disadvantaged; although short guys with big packages get the obvious advantage of looking even bigger than they actually are. Though I would agree with gigantikok that height is more important for women-seeking-men, than men-seeking-women (although they/we have plenty of other shameful over-emphases)

 

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longtimelurker: On the other end of the scale, I believe this is a problem that tall women have as well - I have seen several programs about 6'+ women complaining about how men find them intimidating. Being fairly tall myself (6'3), I prefer taller women (makes kissing SO much easier!), but currently living in one of the shortest cities in the UK, it's not an easy thing to find!

Maybe I'll just have to move to Holland or Denmark...

 

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prepstudinsc: Being tall, I prefer taller people, but it hasn't stopped me from dating short or average sized girls. Who the person is (personality, intellect, etc.) is more important to me than height. I'd date a midget if she was fun to be with, smart, and enjoyed life. Since I'm 6'2", giving someone a hug or a kiss is easier with a taller partner (5'8" +) but you just make accomodations with someone who isn't quite as tall. No biggie....

 

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sammygirly: I think we all know that I wouldn't turn away anyone for anything superficial. I've been through this over and over again all over the board - but when stating a preference, I definately prefer taller men.

And yes, a good point is brought up - taller women like myself have the same problem reversed. There's not many men who want their woman to tower over them, and again I think it's as I said before - Men are supposed to be the bigger, stronger of the species...not their amazon woman

 

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AnonyMs:
If you are using a match making site for social contacts, the shallow appearance stuff is all that matters. Have you read through the ads? Every person is witty, intelligent and fun to be with. The site themselves know that - that's why they tell you to be sure to post a picture.

It is not a good way to meet people IMHO.

Yowsers - would you go out with Mike? If not, why not? Is it an issue of his height or is it something else?

 

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longtimelurker:

It is not a good way to meet people IMHO.  

I dunno - my Mum was getting a bit lonely after splitting with my Dad a little while ago, so going on some advice, put an ad in an online date service thingy (can't remember which).

Well, she must have seen about 6 different guys in the few months following then, and is perfectly happy with the one she's seeing at the moment and has been seeing him for about a year now. She recommends it to everyone else she knows who's single.

 

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awellhungboi: My brother just met someone through one of those 'Speed Dating' things.

I've met nice people to chat with through various Internet personals sites, but nothing more than that.  I've pretty much given up on finding 'The One' anyway.  

I agree with you, though, Nony--when people list what they're looking for on those sites they're not going to say, "I want someone broke, dumpy, and anti-social.  Loud snoring and bad breath a plus!!" They're going to list an ideal (male or female), probably fully expecting to settle for less than that.

And that's great about your mom, LTL.  Maybe that'll help encourage Yowsers' friend not to give up!

 

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Javierdude22: Well, for me personally, those dating sites seem way superficial, with way too short curves, and with a large population of people that are not there for good reasons.

Regarding the height thing. Although I fully endorse the thought that it is the inside that counts and all else shouldn't matter, reality works far from that. I'm a tall guy, 6ft4, so I usually don't have trouble finding girls shorter than myself. But last summer for example, in Spain, my cousin tried to hook me up with a cousin of his wife who happened to be 6ft5 (!!!...a Spanish woman over 5ft8 is a novelty already). He said we'd be a perfect match as I am as tall. Well....no...it don't work like that!!

I think it dóes work like this: We all have an ideal type of partner in mind. For girls that may be tall dark and handsome, for guys blond, nice butt, and a nice set of....(cough).....brains....But, fat chance you meet those people on a regular or even annual basis. So, you meet that blond big....brained girl with a nice butt, who happens to to be Girlzilla at the same time. First you think...nah...too tall....but, when you happen to talk to her, it turns out she and you have everything in common, and a *spark* to go with that. The height problem falls away...

My point with this is that I don't buy it that it is the height problem that is obstructing anyone from meeting someone. Sure, some people have it up in many physical departments and may meet people easier, but I don't think it inhíbits you from meeting anyone.

It has everything to do with the attitude, personality, common interests, humour, and other physical attributes aside from height, to make someone interested in you.

 

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longtimelurker: [quote author=Javierdude23 link=board=women;num=1063423035;start=0#13 date=09/13/03 at 09:47:57]Well, for me personally, those dating sites seem way superficial, with way too short curves, and with a large population of people that are not there for good reasons.

Regarding the height thing. Although I fully endorse the thought that it is the inside that counts and all else shouldn't matter, reality works far from that. I'm a tall guy, 6ft4, so I usually don't have trouble founding girls shorter than myself. But last summer for example in Spain, my cousin tried to hook me up with a cousin of his wife who happened to be 6ft5 (!!!)...a Spanish woman over 5ft8 is a novelty already). He said we'd be a perfect match as I am as tall. Well....no...it don't work like that!!

I think it dóes work liuke this: We all have an ideal type of partner in mind. For girls that may be tall dark and handsome, for guys blond, nice butt, and a nice set of....(cough).....brains....But, fat chance you meet those people on a regular or even annual basis. So, you meet that blond big....brained girl with a nice butt, who happens to to be Girlzilla at the same time. First you think...nah...too tall....but, when you happen to talk to her, it turns out she and you have everything in common, and a *spark* to go with that. The height problem falls away...

My point with this is that I don't buy it that it is the height problem that is obstructing anyone from meeting someone. SDure, some people have it up in many physical departmenst and may meet people easier, but I don't think it inhíbits you from meeting anyone.

It has everything to do with the attitude, personality, common interests, humour, and other physical attributes aside from height, to make someone interested in you.

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I think the age helped slightly - nearing 50 (ooh - she wont like me saying that! ) there are a lot of divorcees floating around who, having been married for 20-odd years feel a bit intimidated by going 'on the pull', so internet dating is a great idea. For people more our age (early 20's), there will be a lot more nymphos who just a quickie and then they're outta there!

Sheeze - 6'4! You must feel odd walking around in Spain - I bet going back to Amsterdam feels a bit strange. I remember working in Copenhagen - it felt as though I'd suddenly shrunk 2-3", everyone was so tall! Being quite fond of being tall it was quite a shock to the system to be just 'above average'!

 

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wvalady1968: [quote author=Javierdude23 link=board=women;num=1063423035;start=0#13 date=09/13/03 at 09:47:57]

I think it dóes work like this: We all have an ideal type of partner in mind. For girls that may be tall dark and handsome, for guys blond, nice butt, and a nice set of....(cough).....brains....But, fat chance you meet those people on a regular or even annual basis. So, you meet that blond big....brained girl with a nice butt, who happens to to be Girlzilla at the same time. First you think...nah...too tall....but, when you happen to talk to her, it turns out she and you have everything in common, and a *spark* to go with that. The height problem falls away...

My point with this is that I don't buy it that it is the height problem that is obstructing anyone from meeting someone. Sure, some people have it up in many physical departments and may meet people easier, but I don't think it inhíbits you from meeting anyone.

It has everything to do with the attitude, personality, common interests, humour, and other physical attributes aside from height, to make someone interested in you.

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Well done, Javier!! The physical doesn't last, anyway.

A thousand women have walked by my guy and seldom given him a second look. [Thank God] It wasn't until I really got to know him that I realized how special he is. And how perfect for me.

 

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Yowsers: AnonyMs - If i was gay, sure, i would go out with Mike. Simply b/c he's a cool person, who i could trust and have fun with. Qualities that I'm lucky enough to have in Jackie, my girl friend.

It seems to me all it comes down to attraction. Dating sites may seem to be an act of desperation, but for Mike it's a perfectly reasonable route. He's tried meeting people at bars, book stores, the laundry mat, etc. museums. Over and over, he gets rejected. No one seems to find him attractive enough to bother to looking deeper into the great person he is. . .

The physisal doesn't last is true, but how many people have you broken up with b/c of something superficial. How many times have you seen a tall girl w/ a short guy? In sum, I'll never really know why Mike has been single all these years, as the old saying goes, until you walked in another person'shoes. . .

 

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aj2181: [quote author=TragicWhiteKnight link=board=women;num=1063423035;start=0#6 date=09/13/03 at 02:26:42]What about guys who are considered too tall?

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I fall into the too tall catagory. I'm 6'11". There are those women who like it and those who say "hows the weather up there, your way too tall for me". I asume that about 6'6" is about the tallest women will go. Am I wrong about that?

Its like most things there is a range of perfection and anything outside the range is imperfect. I believe that there is someone for everyone. Wether your tall, short, skin and bones, or a little on the heavy side. Some people are lucky enough to find their match and some don't.

 

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sudas: You know what the tall women say: "It's not fair when taller men date short women- who's left for us?" Black women say the same thing about Black men who date outside their race. I guess they're not interested in dating White men; same thing with tall women and short men.

It is possible for some people to look past the physical. But a woman has to face her peers. Who wants to be mocked? On the other hand, women may be more likely to look beyond the physical: balding, ugly, etc. Guys may ask a good-looking woman "why are you with that guy?"

All I can say is don't fall into angry-short-guy-with-attitude. The same applies for angry-Black-woman-with-attitude. Confidence, smiling and a friendly disposition should open doors.

 

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inquiringmind: Amen Sudas,

Preach it, brother! Preach it! I think many times it is easier to lump everyone into groups, and if we have had more than one negative experience with a person of a certain type, it is easy to go there. I guess I did that with the short guy rant I had earlier. I do have to say that I also have some very wonderful, funny ,short male friends who have beaucoups women. I think it is your attitude also.  I was speaking from a particular situation I am experiencing right now. There is a guy who I think is great but I am not trying to be in a relationship with him. He is pushing frantically and I know he will blow up when I tell him I am not feelin' it.  
I love having male friends who I can bounce  ideas and info back and forth with .I get many of my insights from  guys about the behavior of other guys. I am not discounting anyones's real pain .I feel for them. I also know that for some individuals it is easier to find some one that it is for others. But it gets really old walking on egg shells with someone no matter what the reason.

Inquiring mind


P.S. On the Black man/Black woman thing I can see with the shortage of eligible black men the sensitivity but there are many reasons for people falling for one another , So one must keep the faith ( I am not going to dare say,"Keep hope alive! ")