Telling a good friend you want t date them?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by HairyTXdude, Jan 4, 2009.

  1. HairyTXdude

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    Ya see almost a year ago, i was dating this guy for a while and he ended up cheating on me and we broke it off but we remained good friend, but i've never lost feeling for him, I've never as happy as when I'm talking to him, Do you think its worth the risk and telling him that i still want to be with him (even though he is unhappily taken now) and maybe loosing him as a friend?

    Has anyone had anything similar to this happen to then?
     
  2. Blktopbuttlvr

    Blktopbuttlvr New Member

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    As I get older I find that is always one or two guys you have dated in your life that you didn't get any closure from, I recently went thru something like that and I'm definitely glad I did instead of wondering about what could have been. I say go for it.
     
  3. THEDUDEofDestiny

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    dude, he's a cheater
     
  4. HairyTXdude

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    Does that mean he couldn't change?
     
  5. killerb

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    doesn't mean he can't...
    anything is possible...
    including the possibility that he will not change...

    are you really into this guy, or do you just miss the companionship of being with someone?
     
  6. HairyTXdude

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    I dunno...i've heard both from my friends... I'm never as happy as when I'm talking to him, i just can't have conversations with anyone else like i can with him and i can't stop smiling after i've seen him (this is what my friends have told me) but then again..he was also my first real relationship...and kiss :confused::redface:
     
  7. THEDUDEofDestiny

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    it doesn't mean he can't change. it means i wouldn't count on it.
     
  8. HairyTXdude

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    ....I dunno if i can find the balls to risk it....
     
  9. jason_els

    jason_els <img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi

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    When you say, "unhappily taken," do you mean he's not happy in his relationship or that you're unhappy that he's in one? If he seems very happy in the current relationship then wait until he's single again. Whatever you do, don't sabotage their relationship because he'd never forgive you even though karma dictates he'd deserve it.

    Tough call this one but I do believe it's worth a try when the opportunity presents itself.
     
  10. HairyTXdude

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    I mean that he not happy with his current boyfriend AND that I'm not happy that he's taken and unhappy.......i want him to be happy, even if that mean him being with someone else...........
     
  11. jason_els

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    Then you know what? Go for it. Get looking as hot as possible and then get him alone and let him know in no uncertain terms just what he means to you and why. Pour your heart out but also let him know that he needs to respect your relationship, whatever that means. He may not be able to be monogamous at this point in time and, if you can live with that, then accept it and I mean really accept it. If you cannot live with that then accept his rejection of your offer. Don't cave in to letting him play around if you truly can't tolerate it. You both need to know what your position is on this before you get back together and you both need to be completely honest in your answers if you're to trust each other enough to have a relationship.

    Otherwise keep him as a friend or, if you can't do that, let him go and move on. I hope it works out for both of you.
     
  12. HairyTXdude

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    I was thinking about just messaging him "hey, do you think it is possible that we could ever be more than friends again, because i would really like another chance at your heart." or maybe just a simple "hey, do you think it is possible that we could ever be more than friends again".....
     
  13. Realslik

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    Just move on, find someone else. He has broken your trust, it seems lovely to be with him, but am sure he will think your only after revenge, your relationship wont be a healthy one
     
  14. jason_els

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    No, this is something you do in person at a time you'll know you'll both be alone without threat of interruption.
     
  15. CALAMBO

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    dude...you will sound needy to him or anyone that has blown you off..no pun intended.....if want hurt again and again...drama rules....now if you just want to hook up ...make it plain and simple...and upfront
     
  16. jeff black

    jeff black <img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi

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    At the risk of repeating people, telling your friend that you still care for him (especially when he's with someone else) isn't really a good idea.

    He's moved on to some extent. Why not keep those feelings to yourself and just continue being his friend?
     
  17. HairyTXdude

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    no, i dont want a hook up, i want a relationship


    Because ive have already spent the past 8 yrs of my life, keeping the feeling i have for a girl (my best friend) to myself, everyday its torture, i don't know if i can handle doubling that feeling, but i've never clicked with anyone else they way i have with them.....
     
  18. jason_els

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    Sorry to say Jeff, he's right. You've got to come out and try it because otherwise it will only get worse. He needs to know definitively whether there is a chance or not and that won't happen until he confronts his friend. Once he knows then he either gets what he wants or he will be better able to move on. Been there, wrote the book, signed copies at Borders.
     
  19. HairyTXdude

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    I wish i could tell him in person, but we don't live that close to each other, plus he's taken and a doubt his boyfriend wants him around a guy who he told his friends that was "one of his best romantic relations" and the fact that when i see him i get smitten and its hard to control my words and emotions...:frown1::frown1:
     
  20. HairyTXdude

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    Well i went ahead and texted him, i woke up this morning with a pair of balls and I'd figured I'd better use them while i had them.

    I text him "hey, do you think it is possible that we could ever be more than friends again, because i would really like another chance at your heart."

    i got back "um idk"

    I replied "I'm sorry that kinda came out of nowhere. I know your in a relationship but i just need to know how you feel because I really do like you and wish we could give this relationship thing another try. I understand if you don't want to, I cherish our friendship. I just want another chance to be with you."

    he said " y don't u ask me that when I'm single cuz u know my answer when I'm with someone"

    feeling stupid, i replied with "I'm sorry that I brought it up now it was just something I needed to get off my chest"

    to which he said "Its ok u no it don't change me thoughts or feelings so don't feelings so don't sweat it handsome"
    (alot of errors maybe 'Its ok u no i don't change my thoughts or feelings so don't feelings so don't sweat it handsome' or 'Its ok u no it don't change my thoughts or feelings so don't feelings so don't sweat it handsome' lol)

    So I'm pretty content now, with the way things stand, i just wanted to update everyone :)
     
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