Telling A Man's Age by His Trips to Wal Mart

Discussion in 'Funny Stuff: Jokes, Quizzes, Games & Pics' started by Principessa, May 25, 2009.

  1. Principessa

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    Telling A Man's Age by His Trips to Wal Mart :smile:
    You are in the middle of some kind of project around the house mowing the lawn, putting a new fence in, painting the living room, or whatever. You are hot and sweaty, covered in dirt or paint. You have your old work clothes on. You know the outfit - shorts with the hole in crotch, old T-shirt with a stain from who knows what, and an old pair of tennis shoes.
    Right in the middle of this great home improvement project you realize you need to run to Wal-Mart to get something to help complete the job.

    Depending on your age you might do the following:

    In your 20's:
    Stop what you are doing. Shave, take a shower, blow dry your hair, brush your teeth, floss, and put on clean clothes. Check yourself in the mirror and flex. Add a dab of your favorite cologne because you never know, you just might meet some hot chick while standing in the checkout lane. And you went to school with the pretty girl running the register.

    In your 30's:
    Stop what you are doing, put on clean shorts and shirt. Change shoes. You married the hot chick so no need for much else. Wash your hands and comb your hair. Check yourself in the mirror. Still got it. Add a shot of your favorite cologne to cover the smell. The cute girl running the register is the kid sister to someone you went to school with.

    In your 40's:
    Stop what you are doing. Put on a sweatshirt that is long enough to cover the hole in the crotch of your shorts. Put on different shoes and a hat. Wash your hands. Your bottle of Brute Cologne is almost empty so you don't want to waste any of it on a trip to WalMart. Check yourself in the mirror and do more sucking in than flexing. The spicy young thing running the register is your daughter's age and you feel weird thinking she is spicy.

    In your 50's:
    Stop what you are doing. Put a hat on, wipe the dirt off your hands onto your shirt. Change shoes because you don't want to get dirt in your new sports car. Check yourself in the mirror and you swear not to wear that shirt anymore because it makes you look fat. The cutie running the register smiles when she sees you coming and you think you still have it. Then you remember the hat you have on is from Buddy's Bait & Beer Bar and it says, 'I Got Worms .'

    In your 60's:
    Stop what you are doing. No need for a hat anymore. Hose the dog crap off your shoes. The mirror was shattered when you were in your 50's. You hope you have underwear on so nothing hangs out the hole in your pants. The girl running the register may be cute, but you don't have your glasses on so you are not sure.

    In your 70's:
    Stop what you are doing. Wait to go to Wal-Mart until they have your prescriptions ready, too. Don't even notice the dog crap on your shoes. The young thing at the register smiles at you because you remind her of her grandfather.

    In your 80's:
    Stop what you are doing. Start again. Then stop again. Now you remember you needed to go to Wal-Mart. Go to Wal-Mart and wander around trying to think what it is you are looking for. Fart out loud and you think someone called out your name. You went to school with the old lady who greeted you at the front door.
     
  2. D_Pubert Stabbingpain

    D_Pubert Stabbingpain Account Disabled

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    I stop what I am doing, jump in the Jeep and hope I bump into a like-minded horny home improvement junky at HomoDepot.
    :biggrin1:
     
  3. nudeyorker

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    LOL...can I start telling people I'm in my 20's?
     
  4. chicagosam

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    You can try.:biggrin1:

    I must be ageless because I never go to Walmart.
     
  5. NOINRI

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    Don't people go to Home Depot for that kind of stuff? Rarely did I hear my grandfather in the middle of a project decide that Wal-Mart was the place to go. Ha.

    Wal-Mart is where kids go to loiter because McDonald's is closed.

    It's where I go to buy Video Games because you'd never find me working on an outside project and if I was, I'd go to Home Depot. Did I mention Home Depot. Yeah.....

    Don't mean to be difficult.....
    Yeah I do.
     
  6. Principessa

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    :lmao: Does it mean anything that only gay men repsonded to this thread?

    I currently reside in rural Georgia and oddly enough the Home Depot is across the street from the Walmart. :biggrin1: For some home project items such as caulk and caulk guns, contractor bags, etc Walmart is less expensive.

    Also, I got this joke from a trucker forum. Many truckers use Walmart parking lots when the nearest rest area is full.
     
  7. MickeyLee

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    4am notice you are out of those lil donuts with the plasticy-chocolate coating.
    put on bathrobe. wonder if dinosaur house shoes will cover the no shirt, no shoes, no shopping requirements.
    search for keys.
    roam the isle of walmart for donuts, new coloring book, CD with a funny/awesome death metal cover.
    impulse grab sponge bob footie jammies
    eat half the donuts while roaming.
    talk to the man in a scuba mask and tin-foil hat. nod politely, worry his smile means he thinks he's still got it and that you might want it.
    proceed to check out.
    the woman behind the counter glares as you approach.
    realize you forgot your wallet on the counter at home.
    grab the half eaten bag of donuts and make a run for the door.

    ml

    ps... funniest damn thing i have read in a while, thank ya Ms. NJQT
    at what age do you stop going on the fly because you actually work at walmart as a greeter? like 65?
     
  8. D_Pubert Stabbingpain

    D_Pubert Stabbingpain Account Disabled

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    First, what's with the sexuality discrimination remark? Come on! Everybody knows *real* men go to HomoDepot! :biggrin1: Whether they are gay or not so give it a rest already.

    And yes, we know why truckers use the WalMart parking lot. Except for the Rx comment, this "joke" works a lot better with HomeDepot.
     
    #8 D_Pubert Stabbingpain, May 26, 2009
    Last edited: May 26, 2009
  9. FlowerChick

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    Oh, too funny! I needed that, thanks so much for the post.

    Funny thing, some of it is actually pretty true to life. Ahh, life imitating art nevertheless. There are quite a few "literal" posters who respond I notice on this site. Come on, lighten up guys!!! Get the joke for what it says, appreciate that someone posted something funnuy, perhaps about you; am I right.

    Guys, straight or gay, please try not to take things so seriously, even literally... Use your mind... Sometimes a large cock is really just that... A big dick! People are much more attractive who laugh a little!
     
  10. Not_Punny

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    LOL...

    And just to be morbid, when you're dead do you go to WalMort for funeral home improvement?? (somebody shoot me)
     
  11. Ed69

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    I'm 40 and don't do any preening whan I go to wall-mart.(mid project)If the the girl behind the counter wants some dirty sex?Then I'll rubb my grungy self all over her!lolAnd there are times I wander around looking lost!
     
  12. D_Bob_Crotchitch

    D_Bob_Crotchitch New Member

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    I never go to walmart either. Plus, I tend to thoroughly investigate all the things I'll need before I start a project. Also, I keep all the leftovers for future use. I don't have a dog so no crap. :p I don't own shorts with a whole in the crotch either. I'm in my 40s and don't have anything to suck in to hide. oooo struck out on all accounts.
     
  13. Principessa

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    So you're saying gay men are prejudiced against Walmart, why is that? :confused:
     
    #13 Principessa, May 28, 2009
    Last edited: May 28, 2009
  14. Incocknito

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    Did you know Walmart have their own online dating site? Its called Walmate

    www.walmate.com
     
  15. NOINRI

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    I don't. To park?
     
  16. jodaho

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    I put on a pair of 501's and go to Lowes. If a woman that works there checks out my bulge and smiles then I flirt with her. If one of the guys that works there with a cute bubble butt checks out my bulge and smiles then i flirt with him. lol
     
    #16 jodaho, May 28, 2009
    Last edited: May 28, 2009
  17. Principessa

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    I am so naive. :why:
     
  18. BirdinMo

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    I'm the guy who will be up at 2:30am and think "Oh! they are making new donuts, the old ones should be going to the clarence rack. I better go get some before the good ones are gone." And go to to buy them in my sleep pants with no underwear and an old t-shirt that needs to be burned. Then wonder around till like 3:30-4:00am go home pig out and go to sleep.
     
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