Telling girl about having a j/o buddy

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by D_Cole Mauser, Jan 7, 2009.

  1. D_Cole Mauser

    D_Cole Mauser New Member

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    Okay, so in the spirit of openness, I told my girlfriend of some time (almost a year) that I've jerked off with a few guys, just jerking and watching straight porn. She TOTALLY FREAKED OUT. She amongst other things, 1) punched me in the face, 2) screamed that I "liked dick"...(um, yeah... my own), 3) and said that I've betrayed her and that she can never see me the same way again.

    I tried to tell her that it wasn't about the other guys dick, just hanging out, telling sex stories, talking shit about the girls in the porn, laughing, drinking and hanging out. She totally flipped... cried, actually vomited, and was uncontrollably shaking.

    Anyone guys ever told a girlfriend about something like this? What was their reaction? Any tips, advice, etc? Would love to hear women too...

    Thanks!
     
  2. mickstl

    mickstl New Member

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    Based on your pics, fuck her....
     
  3. yurkon

    yurkon New Member

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    I told my girlfriend that I had JO buddies in the past. She had zero problems with it. If anything she was curious about what went on, how it started, who was there. Just curious about it, nothing more.
     
  4. D_Bob_Crotchitch

    D_Bob_Crotchitch New Member

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    Have you never heard of the term discretion? If you go around telling all your business, you have no business left.
     
    #4 D_Bob_Crotchitch, Jan 7, 2009
    Last edited: Jan 7, 2009
  5. D_Cole Mauser

    D_Cole Mauser New Member

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    I suppose, I just didn't see that there was anything wrong with what I had done...or that it warranted that response.
     
  6. D_Bob_Crotchitch

    D_Bob_Crotchitch New Member

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    I know you were trying to open up to her. Maybe, there are some things we should wait to share until we really really know their minds. I tell so little that people have to make up stuff on me.
     
  7. D_Ireonsyd_Colonrinse

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    I don't think you need to tell your girlfriend everything, Drew855 (especially if she gives off vibes of not being open about sexuality).

    Does she need to know you joined LPSG, for instance, and that you have a self-described 10% gay curiosity -- and what other dudes galleries you may or may not have looked at (or women's galleries)?

    Some things are ok left private. I do not feel this is being "dishonest" in the relationship. And from her reaction ("You like dick!") you needlessly burned yourself.
     
  8. B_Think_Kink

    B_Think_Kink New Member

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    Good one, the vomiting and shaking is not a good place to have gotten her to. I get that when I am extremely anxious and it never turns out good.

    Hope you can repair this, if not make sure you don't tell your next girlfriend.
     
  9. joybunny

    joybunny New Member

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    Wow. Sorry that she reacted so badly to your openness. It showed a lot of trust in her on your part. Sadly she failed. I know it had to be a shock to you but on the bright side she showed you a distasteful part of her that you were lucky to see now instead of later. I've never had a boyfriend to be that open with me concerning j/o but I bet most of them did it at one time or another. I just chalk it up to being another guy thing.

    I think that you deserve far better. It's her loss.
     
  10. Rico's thick 9

    Rico's thick 9 New Member

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    alot of women in close relationships don't understand certain things about male relationships. somethings are better left unsaid unless the women is completely open about these things and does the same thing with her friends.

    reminds me of a previous girlfriend who found a journal of mine during my college years, the journal discussed all of my sex exploits, etc; after reading that- she practically moved into my place to try and prevent me from fucking around on her.
     
  11. Principessa

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    BINGO! Some things you need to keep to yourself. :cool: My beau and I are honest with each other but I think we also know each others limits.

    That's because you spend too much time on LPSG. In the real world that's not so common. :redface: I'm not saying it's wrong, I'm just saying that just because 9 out of 10 guys on LPSG say or do stuff doesn't mean it's normal or acceptable in polite society.

    As for her reaction, it was as honest as you were. Think about that. :cool:

    The other thing men don't get is that there is no female equivalent to the circle jerk. Girls don't get together, sip chardonnay and drool over Mandingo, while rubbing our nekkid clits. It just doesn't happen. So for you to say what you did, all she could think was "OMG! My boyfriend is GAY!" Then her mind probably went to does he have herpes or whatever and did he give it to me? From there who knows where her mind went.
     
    #11 Principessa, Jan 7, 2009
    Last edited: Jan 7, 2009
  12. piratebulldog

    piratebulldog Member

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    I think your girlfriend's response was way over the top. Vomiting? Screaming?
    However, didn't you have a clue about how she would feel? This girl didn't just start over reacting to news that she opposes. You seemed to be pretty insensitive to her and didn't seem to know her very well judging from dumping that onto her like that. How did you think she would react?
     
  13. Jovial

    Gold Member

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    I think she overreacted. Getting sick and vomiting? I think she has a right to be upset or disappointed if she thinks this is like cheating, but to be angry and upset like that is not good. It makes me wonder how she could handle news of other upsetting things in her life. I say forget about her and find someone that accepts you for who you are.

    ...and you should be able to discuss this stuff with a lover. That is what intimacy is all about.
    But some women will show and look at each other's breasts.
     
  14. Principessa

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  15. Penis Aficionado

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    I understand your point, NJ, but it does raise the question: If a guy has had what might be considered gay experiences in the past, at what point should he tell a girl that he's dating? From your posts I gather your answer would be "never," but that somehow doesn't seem right, does it?
     
  16. Principessa

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    I have often wondered about that myself; and I don't have an answer for you that makes any sense.

    I wouldn't recommend mentioning it on the first date but then again if you wait too long it may seem like you were hiding it. I think the deciding factor has to be if the guy still messes around with other guys or has a desire for cock. If he is truly bisexual she needs to know before they become intimate. If it was just something he tried, decided he didn't like, and has been with women ever since then he needs to take it to his grave. It benefits no one to tell her.

    I'm usually a pretty good judge of people in person. I dated a guy for 12 years. I was head over heels in love and I never told him I had a threesome with two bi-guys in college. Why? Because he was a prude! A devout Catholic who went to confession every week and never missed mass. Even when he had to walk two miles during a blizzard to do it. If I had told him I sucked a dick while another guy did me doggystyle he probably would have had the same reaction as the OP's gf. Minus the punch in the face of course. :tongue:
     
  17. Nala

    Verified Gold Member

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    QFT!
    It is what accepting your partner for who he/she is is all about as well.
     
  18. Penis Aficionado

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  19. D_Jared Padalicki

    D_Jared Padalicki Account Disabled

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    There is nothing wrong with being honest in a relationship. If you can't be honest in there, you never can be honest.
    I think her reaction went too far. Okay, she can be shocked, but her other reactions went way too far.
    Maybe it isn't bad for girls to get teached on how men behave with each other and what they do. We guys always get to hear how we should understand the ladies and so on and on, but vice versa would be cool too.
    Only if they know wha testosterone could do too us :rolleyes:
     
  20. BerndVarandisa

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    I think you should be able to be open about your past experiences. If she can't accept them (and acts in a rediculous way as described) she's not worth bothering over.
     
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