Telling girl about having a j/o buddy

[StrictlyAvg]

I'm with you on this one, my husband knows everything about mine, and I know everything about his.

If someone can't accept my past, then I can't accept them in my future, it really is that simple.

Well that's what I'll be looking for too eventually. Also, if a future squeeze goes off the scale because of any proposals and fantasies I might put to her I would drop her like a stone if she didn't drop me first - and I mean that in the sense that a straight "no" is an acceptable answer for any such proposal that doesn't appeal whereas crying, sulking and stony silences are OTT.

 

[StrictlyAvg]

What the fuck kind of women do you know? I don't do that with my female friends. Breast show and tell :lmao: Boys think up some stupid shit sometimes.

I know plenty of girls who've done this - nearly all of them are straight! Sometimes just to do the "pencil test" or some such thing, usually just for shits and giggles though nothing sexual. Can't just be UK girls can it?

 

[Silvertip]

Wow. Sorry that she reacted so badly to your openness. It showed a lot of trust in her on your part. Sadly she failed. I know it had to be a shock to you but on the bright side she showed you a distasteful part of her that you were lucky to see now instead of later. I've never had a boyfriend to be that open with me concerning j/o but I bet most of them did it at one time or another. I just chalk it up to being another guy thing.

I think that you deserve far better. It's her loss.

I pretty much agree with JoyBunny, but there might still be hope for the relationship if she gets over her initial shock and reconsiders your revelation with an open mind. That may not be likely, but it's worth giving it a chance.

If the relationship doesn't work itself out I would recommend that you continue to be open about your own sexuality with any ladies you hook up with in the future. Having compatible values and thoughts on the subject of sex can go a long way towards avoiding future strife and guaranteeing a lasting trust between the two of you.

I had a friend once, far older than I (my parents' generation, actually), that confided in me that his wife wouldn't even undress for bed in his presence unless the lights were out. He loved his wife and their son, and they stayed married until death did they part, but he always regretted that her own outlook on the human body and sex was so prudish. I can't imagine spending a lifetime with that level of sexual frustration. Of course, they were both born a century ago and times have changed significantly since then.

 

[AlteredEgo]

I just want to say this:

A lot of people hold out hope for repairing this relationship. I do not. I pray he never lays eyes on her again. Imagine this for a moment:

What if Drew (or whatever the OP's name is) was a woman, and the significant other was a man. Would you still be advising female Drew how to get back together with her abusive, intolerant boyfriend? I bet you would not.

It doesn't matter that Drew is a man. His girlfriend punched him in the fae because she didn't like what she heard. She punched him in the face! She believes it is okay to hit him when she's angry. She's a criminal, and she's a domestic abuser. I have known women like this, and she'll hit him the next time he pisses her off too. She needs therapy. She has no ability to properly manage her anger.

 

[javyn]

BINGO! Some things you need to keep to yourself. My beau and I are honest with each other but I think we also know each others limits.

Honesty with limits? Isn't that a contradiction? Honesty with limits is a euphemism for dishonesty. Unless you consider holding back the truth a form of honesty, which, it isn't.

 

[D_Martin van Burden]

I agree that the reaction was a little over the top. She should've just hit you in the face with a heel and mockingly called her mother on an old rotary phone while she was at it. At the same time, dude, I don't think I would have let her in on that secret either. I remember dating a girl a number of years ago who hated the idea of me masturbating. She wanted me to save up and always get off with her, which was actually a decent idea but she wasn't very good at giving head. That, and if I got a boner looking me in the face that won't go down, I'll wrestle it to the ground.

So, I continued masturbating like normal and I didn't bother to tell her about it because it wasn't in her right to know. I think the subject came up once more and I told her rather point blank that that wasn't her call. There are things that I'm allowed to do in my private time, just like the times I choose to go out with friends instead of her required no approval ahead of time.

Like some of the ladies have mentioned before, I really do think it takes a secure, open girl to handle that kind of information. It's just like being asked, "Have you ever done anything with a guy?" A large majority of the (United States male) population should answer "yes" if they were honest, since it's pretty normal for same-sex teens to do some exploratory behavior. It takes a pretty cool, clinical, detached kind of delivery to admit to have had a mutual masturbation partner in order to ensure the significant other that that fact doesn't impinge upon the current relationship.

 

[D_Harvey_Dipstique]

well...curiosity is getting the best of me...

i looked at your pic and am just wondering....were you bigger than your buds? tell us less about the uptight girlfriend and more about you and your buds.

 

[D_Cole Mauser]

Thanks for all the messages...you've given me a lot to think about and I really appreciate it. There are a lot of questions that have been raised and I just want to clarify a few things...

She's really not a conservative prude when it comes to her sex life. She's admitted to making out and feeling up a few girls in the past. Even talked about her curiosity about going down on a girl: what it's like, how she would have no idea what to do, and how amazed she is that I love it so much because the thought is so abstract to her. She is obsessed about other women's bodies, looks at naked pictures of them all time... probably more than I do. This may have more to do with insecurity than attraction, but a fact nevertheless.

Perhaps I waited too long to tell her about this for her to be comfortable with it, as if the length of time I knew her before she knew this about me made it feel dishonest or dirty to her. I deeply regret getting her that upset, and it's something I would have never wanted. But, I also feel that there is a level of mutual respect that people in a relationship should have for one another, for the trust that is placed in the other individual, and the ability to accept who your partner is and the experiences that have led you to be who you are.

I, too, strongly doubt that this particular relationship can be saved... she doesn't even want to speak to me right now, and, since I posted, has already told too many people about this in her inner circle to have them re-accept me as her bf. The physical violence, while shocking to me, was performed by someone so weak that it hardly hurt anything but my impression of her. It's true to say that making statements like that are easier when it appears that she has no desire to be with me anymore, as if it's a form of self preservation. But, just as she said that every time she saw me naked, she would think of me beating off with friends, every time I see her I will think that she made me feel guilty and slightly ashamed about who I am, and that is a power that I don't want to give to anyone. I'm not saying that it is necessary to divulge every detail of everything you've ever done with your partner, but I do want a partner with whom I feel I could share anything.

Thanks again for all of the feedback... some of it has made me think from a different perspective, and some has just made me feel better... and I appreciate it all.

 

[D_Cole Mauser]

And yes, alstroe.... I was bigger than they were. :biggrin1:

 

[GirlNextDoor86]

I honestly don't think there was anything wrong with you sharing that with your girlfriend. I think that if someone I was in a relationship told me that I'd be more curious than upset.

 

[D_Harvey_Dipstique]

thank god...if you were the small guy I would certainly feel sorry for their gfs/bfs.....but tell us more about it!

 

[B_Think_Kink]

What the fuck kind of women do you know? I don't do that with my female friends. Breast show and tell :lmao: Boys think up some stupid shit sometimes.

I've done it.. with like all my girl friends, we look in the mirror and compare, jokingly of course.. and we always are commenting on people's boobs. And for what it matters... I'm straight.

I applaud any man who is comfortable enough to tell a partner about this type of thing, and personally given the severity of the reaction, I'd leave her without a seconds thought.

Women have a long history of bitching and whinning that men are never honest with them, yet when they are, punch them in the face, scream at them, vomit? You can't have it both ways.

On a side note, I love the way NJ once again decides to speak for all women, you may not, but others do. It was quite common place during a girls night out for one or other of them to start comparing breasts, size, shape, feel and so on, and if one happened to have implants, there was no escaping it, and yes, we'd sometimes watch porn together and get off.

OP - she was out of order, you did fuck all to warrant that reaction, maybe a little curiosity with initial shock and upset, but jeez, being punched? her vomiting and shaking uncontrollably? The girl has issues. Issues, which you don't need.

QFT!!!

 

[AlteredEgo]

She's admitted to making out and feeling up a few girls in the past. Even talked about her curiosity about going down on a girl: what it's like, how she would have no idea what to do...

Ohhhhhhh! So she's not just a domestic abuser, she's a hypocritical domestic abuser. I've completely changed my opinion!:tongue:

The physical violence, while shocking to me, was performed by someone so weak that it hardly hurt anything but my impression of her.

The reason I'm emphasizing this is that people who attract people who are willing to abuse them, statistically do so repeatedly. Therefore, i want this point clear:

It doesn't matter that she's incapable of hurting you with her bare hands. She's violent. She's arguably disturbed. People who hit other people as an immediate response to anger statistically escalate their violent behavior over time. What that means for you is that if your next girlfriend punches you in the face and it doesn't hurt and you stay with her, one day she might hit you in the face with something that does hurt, like a hot iron, a frying pan, a hammer. But don't take my word for it. Go to google and do some research on men who suffer from spousal abuse. Very often, they aren't even believed by police when a woman hurts them, so they really have no where to turn. Better to get out of these relationships, and stay out.

Everything else you said sounds so evolved and healthy to me. Best of luck to you. There do exist women who will love you exactly the way you are, and with whom you could share your whole being. Do not let this horrible woman steal your inner light!

 

[CUBE]

I believe it privacy but that said...your girl friend is a bitch...kick her to the hater curb

 

[Amber1]

Wow,

do guys do this alot???

I think I'd wanna come and watch and see what happens!!! ;-)

That would not threaten me at ALL and I would NOT think you were gay or anything....

BUT

Everyone is different, so your girlfriend sounds very sensitive and obviously an't handle this sort of thing....

I think the punch in the face is 'a bit much'!!! You dnt deserve to be hit whatever she thinks.

I guess the best thing is to just sit down and ewxplain things really gently to her, apologise for freaking her out.....and be VERY careful what you tell her in the future.....

 

[B_cigarbabe]

Aww, don't take it that way! I just mean we lived not terribly far apart, and still we are of completely different sexual backgrounds, and opinions which are often diametrically opposed. Yet there is this age difference, and maybe it plays a role.

Now, your Nana's old. :biggrin1:

Mine's older!:tongue:

I think we have the some of the same types of likes and experiences between us A.E and I'm even older than N.J.
Now you really are a prude N.J.!
Of course I've unabashedly admitted to more than you both with and without women. Though I've yet to have the knickerless Kotch!:tongue:
I'm waiting for her!
I have to agree with what Altered Ego said in totality.
She is disturbed and unable to handle the small stuff
which I consider that to be.(what you told her)
There would never be any "telling her gently" bullshit
since she doesn't deserve any consideration at all.
Find a women who will accept you without limitation.
C.B.:saevil:

 

[nakedfish]

i am wondering if she ever went to or saw the vagina monolouges? seems women can dabble in what seems to me to be " kinda lesbian" stuff, but guys who shower in the locker room are Homos............. just another double standard!

 

[CALAMBO]

drew...you have unlocked alot about you and her, and alot about the members here....smart guy to get out now than later...drama of this event tells the future clearly for you about her...made me also think more about keeping my mouth shut, thank you very much! had always thought that thinking ain't cheating, evidently some women do not agree.

 

[AlteredEgo]

Mine's older!:tongue:

I think we have the some of the same types of likes and experiences between us A.E and I'm even older than N.J.
Now you really are a prude N.J.!
Of course I've unabashedly admitted to more than you both with and without women. Though I've yet to have the knickerless Kotch!:tongue:
I'm waiting for her!
...
C.B.:saevil:

Uh-oh! She don't like to be called a prude! :biggrin1: If you and Kotch have a little party, you have to give us pictures. It would be rude to deny us all to witness the meeting of two LPSG icons!