Terrible Situation At Home

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by B_ScaredLittleBoy, Jun 3, 2007.

  1. B_ScaredLittleBoy

    B_ScaredLittleBoy New Member

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    Basically it's impossible for me to live with my sister. She constantly belittles me and calls me and treats me like shit. And its really got to me. Today I went in the kitchen and opened the pan to see what was cooking in it and she went 'What the fuck are you doing!? Get out you flid'. So then I gently slapped her on her arm and said 'ey'. Then she went crazy and slapped me across the face. So I slapped her back...

    Then her boyfriend came up and she clawed my face and slapped me in front of him. I just tried to push her away and he goes "touch her and I'll break your legs." so then I came back to my room and he goes "get a life you blah blah blah" etc...

    So I really feel like shit...my sister is probably a large part of my depression and I do feel really depressed now...almost crying.

    Should I move out? I spose I could go and live at my auntie's but I don't want to seem like a coward or anything...but I don't want to be around her all she does is insult me and I can't do anything back.

    :sad:

    I really hate it here...this is a new low.

    PS my (half) sister is 18, I'm 21

    Anyone been in a similar situation or have advice?
     
  2. MH07

    MH07 Member

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    You are 21. Time for you to have your own place.
     
  3. SassySpy

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    not only is it time to have your own place, its time to communicate in a mature manner instead of like 12 year olds. If she can't communicate clearly, you be the bigger man and walk away rather than get into the pushy- shove crap. Not healthy for your self esteem at all the way it is there now.
     
  4. canuck_pa

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    We all know just how to push our siblings buttons.

    You have to do something. The current situation isn't good for you're health.

    Do you and your sister live with your parents? Can you talk to them about it? Is it worth talking to your sister about how you're feeling and ask her why she's doing it? Did it start with the arrival of the boyfriend? Is she trying to push you out?

    If you can afford you're own place I would suggest you do it. If not, perhaps you should talk to your aunt or if you have a good buddy you wouldn't mind sharing with try that. You wouldn't be a coward. You'd be an adult.
     
  5. Jasun

    Jasun New Member

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    you're 21 and you live with your sister?

    dude, get a freaking life.
     
  6. datdude

    datdude New Member

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    Life is short guy. Being an adult is acting like one. Your not a coward by leaving, you are being smart. Why put up with any drama you dont need. If you can move out great do so. If not then just ignore her, dont talk to her and stay away from her. Its not worth feeling blue because someone else bullshit.
     
  7. lvsxy808

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    And that's helpful how, exactly?

    But yes, the fact is, you have to get out of there. However, I would make a point of telling her it's her fault. If you can get through to her that she's acting even more of a juvenile than you are, then maybe she'll start to grow up. Make sure she knows that you moving out is not equivalent to her getting her bratty way, but to you finally deciding you don't need to put up with her shit anymore.

    And her boyfriend? He has no right to threaten you in your own home, and it should show your sister that he's not the right kind of guy to be around anyway. If he can hit you, he can hit her. Not that I care about her right now.

    I mean...flid? I haven't heard that used since primary school - that proves how infantile she is.

    to summarise: You're right, they're wrong, so do something about it.
     
  8. B_ScaredLittleBoy

    B_ScaredLittleBoy New Member

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    Thanks...I'll move out tomorrow.

    She has been told a lot of times by me and my family about her attitude but she doesn't stop.

    And to Jasun: This is not Hollywood or America, all my friends live at home with their parents. They are 22+. Dude, get some freakin' manners. I pay rent here and do a lot of stuff around the house/for the business (unpaid). House prices are high here although I may move in with my friends but I don't think many want to. It's expensive buying or renting your own house. We are not rich kids around here.
     
  9. biguy2738

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    I understand how you feel because I grew up under those very conditions...and to make things worse, because I was the youngest and my Mom had this screwed up theory of respecting the oldest, irregardless of what the circumstances may have been, her reasoning was being the youngest equated being wrong.

    There are two differences however:

    1) If any of my sister's boyfriends were to interfere in our fights, there asses would have so been thrown out of the house...they are guests and will behave like guests.

    2) Irregardless of how things played out, you never...but never no matter what may bring it about raise your hand to a woman...it starts off with sisters but can so easily grow into a habit. Many of the members may disagree with me on this point, but it was the way I was raised and I do find some truth in it.

    The only response that I can give is, like everyone else has said, if you are able to move out, do it...it is one thing to perceive that as being a coward, it is another thing to allow your self esteem and dignity to be tramped upon.

    If circumstances prevents you from doing so, then my advice is to change the way that you deal with your sister. Firstly, work on your own sense of worth and dignity, in that way irregardless of what she may say or do, it really will be of no consequence to your life. I do not mean that you must be a doormat either. Secondly, instead of flairing up and retalliating, be calm and be in control, you are older behave like you are older and in charge...you can calmly challenge her by saying, "Why can't I look in the lid, and while we are at it, is it necessary for you to speak to me with such disrespect?" Avoid the shouting, name calling etc. If one reacts in that way constantly, people tend to become immune to. The fact that you are calm will make her realise that you are in control of the situation...she may also realise that her tactics to get a reaction out of you is failing miserably.
    If her boyfriend interferes, calmly and politely tell him that since he doesn't live under your roof, he has no say with the way things work in the house...he has two choices, he can either accept that fact and but out, or he can leave. No other option is acceptable.

    There will never be any respect or maturity at home unless you accept the fact that you are the older sibling and start setting boundaries in a respectful and dignified manner.

    I learnt all of this when it was too late - I had already moved out. However, I may be the youngest in the family, but today my Mom and my siblings are fully aware that I live with the FIFO principle, Fit in or fuck off...its as easy as that. Let my life and my actions demand your respect of you, and if you are unable to do so, there's the door, don't let the gate knock you on your way out.

    Hope there's something in this rambling helps! All of the best!
     
  10. GoneA

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    His sister's boyfriend has already told him that, and it hasn't helped much. What were you hoping to accomplish with that statement?

    And how, exactly, have you arrived at such a definite conclusion? How do you know he doesn't have a life -- and a very busy one, at that? The fact that he and his sister can't live together peacefully is hardly an indicator.
     
  11. lvsxy808

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    There is no such word as "irregardless." Stop using it. It's either "regardless" or "irrespective."

    Other than that, good advice biguy2738.
     
  12. biguy2738

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    Thanks lvsxy808. One point of clarification, I am South African and irregardless is part of our vocabulary along with many other "South Africanisms" :smile:
     
  13. Principessa

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    What planet do you live on that housing is not just inexpensive but easily attainable? I lived at home with my parents until I was 31.

    Get out as soon as you can. She's got major issues and she is getting in the way of your mental health. She isn't going to change; but you can.
     
  14. HazelGod

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    The instant you hear someone begin a threatening line like this, punch them in the mouth. Don't hesitate, don't wait for them to finish the threat, don't respond with one of your own. One shot, right in the teeth. The solar plexus works well, too, if you're worried about hurting your hand.

    I guarantee they'll never make the mistake again.
     
  15. ganja4me

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    Aim for the chin more than the mouth it makes it much easier to knock the person out if you're going to fight them you don't want them to get the chance to fight back.
     
  16. NIMBUS

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    Absolutely. There's three years between my sister and I (she's the younger). When I left school I worked for a while which meant that we both went off to uni in the same September.

    As teenagers we fought like hell. I hated her because she would always volunteer me to do jobs around the house etc. without even asking me first. She also used to automatically get things that I had had major rows with my parents over - one of the perils of being the oldest, I suppose. :rolleyes:
    It occasionally got physical. I put a tennis ball through her bedroom window one night when she was in bed below it, she stabbed me in the thigh with a nail file once.

    However, once we went off to college and weren't on top of each other (metaphorically speaking :eek: ) we began to appreciate only seeing each other about once a term - she'd come over for a weekend in Leeds, I'd go over for a weekend in Manchester. Relations improved. At home during the holidays I'd usually be out working, she'd sometimes go and work abroad.

    Then she got married. The change in our relationship since then has been phenomenal. We're like best buddies now, although we only see each other every couple of months and speak every three or four weeks. We occasionally have a major bust-up because she's still incredibly bossy (we had a massive row on Christmas Day a couple of years ago and the atmosphere was really frosty for several hours - but then it was forgotten, apart from some ribbing of each other now and then. She was in the wrong, again :biggrin1: .). Overall, though, since she got married it's my brother-in-law that gets all the flak.

    The teenage years can be really difficult, with hormones flying around all over the place on both sides. Even at 21 it's not settled - I was about 26 before I started to feel cooler, calmer and more collected about life.

    Seriously, if it's getting too bad, then consider finding somewhere and shacking up with a mate, or two, if you can afford it. A bit more space between the two of you will probably help your relationship a lot.

    Best of luck with it. Don't let it depress you too much. It might seem like the world at the moment but it's only a small piece of life-experience. In ten years time, when you're doing something else and settled, you'll look back on it as relatively trivial.
     
  17. Girth girl

    Girth girl New Member

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    This thread made me a laugh. A large penis support group for sibling tensions, oh the irony. Freud would love to get his hands on this thread.

    Grow up, get a hold of your situation, move out and get over it. Slapping is only going to make things worst and you add to the problem just as much as she is. You're the older sibling, you set the example.

    You're 21 I was already living out of home by myself at that age for two years, studying full time at uni and work almost full time hours with no family support. Get over it already!
     
  18. B_big dirigible

    B_big dirigible New Member

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    This is a rash guarantee. The procedure might work, or it might not. It does depend just a bit on the specifics of the situation and the personalities invovled.

    I haven't been in a real good knockdown dragout fistfight myself for over twenty years. Having tried both ways of getting through life, I can't make a blanket statement that one is always better than the other.
     
  19. NIMBUS

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    I'm sorry but that is unnecessarily harsh. If you had any concept of how expensive it is to live away from home now in the UK then you would understand part of his frustration. When I left home and started work, I was lucky, I managed to buy a one-bedroom flat because I was working for a building society and got a 4% staff mortgage (mortgage rates were then about 15%). Even though mortgage rates are now back down again into single figures, property prices have continued to spiral out of control and it has just got worse and worse for both home-owners and renters trying to get into the market. Most single people on a good salary simply can't afford to buy their own homes now - it's even getting tight for couples on lower incomes. The demand on the property market is now so heavy that rental charges are also extremely high. I don't know what scaredlittleboy's financial situation is but I expect that, at 21, he doesn't have a particularly significant income that would allow him to get into the property market, even in a renting situation, without needing at least one partner in the venture. I sympathise with him.
     
  20. hotman911

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    Get out of there. as for the fight she started it I would have knocked her teeth out then went str8 for her boyfriends nuts if he waas bigger then me.
     
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