Texting after a successful date

[Beedie Tijii]

Just a bit more background, since this discussion about getting home is actually relevant:

Since she had a long(ish) journey home, I did offer to let her stay over since I live in the city. I wasn't trying to use her missed train as an opportunity to get her into bed (I would not have enjoyed it, but would've slept on the couch if she'd asked) but was a bit concerned that she might think the offer disingenuous. She seemed to take the offer instride though, and did however text me two or three times on her way home, and again to let me know she made it safely (at my request). And that is the last I've heard.

Did I bungle this?

I am very much looking for someone to give me reason to delete my dating profiles, and will generally try to make this as plain to see as possible without appearing desperate or seeming too attached. I'm sure she, and most other single women using online dating services, are seeing more than one man at a time and that is fine. But to get ghosted like this under these circumstances seems strange to me. Obviously she may just not have been attracted to me, but she seemed to enjoy kissing.

Oh well, like I said, best not to dwell. Thank you all for your kind words and advice!

 

[deleted924715]

Could it be something incredibly practical? If you're in the city centre and she's way outside the city centre, presumably the dates will be on your doorstep rather than hers, because there is simply more to do? Taxis are expensive... could she be getting priced out of future dates? That's something she might be uncomfortable discussing and find it easier to just leave things. Just a thought.

Regarding the sleeping over thing, I wouldn't have either. I'd feel like I didn't know you well enough and I hate not having my stuff or a change of clothes for the morning. What I would say though (and I'm only speaking for myself) is that if there was genuinely no expectation of sex on your part, I would have expected you to offer to sleep on the couch without me asking. I wouldn't have kicked you out of your bed, but the offer would be important to me.

To be honest though, I'm reaching - there is nothing you have posted that screams huge red flag

 

[AlteredEgo]

I wouldn't check that he'd made it home okay.Often I really prefer them not to personally see me home unless I have got to know them well enough. All because of the occasional weirdo. When you take into consideration the fact that just on lpsg some of them don't handle rejection very well, it's wise to bear that in mind. As far as I know it is the generally accepted way of doing things for a woman to make her own travel arrangements.

Depends on how we met. But either way, if he hasn't seen me home because I've made my own way, he should want to hear from me that I made it in, and I absolutely want to get a two-word text "I'm home" from him.

 

[rtg]

I don't think you've done anything wrong. I'll leave it at that because obviously I'm in no position to be giving dating advice.

 

[AlteredEgo]

I don't think you've done anything wrong.

Yeah, me neither.

 

[950483]

Depends on how we met. But either way, if he hasn't seen me home because I've made my own way, he should want to hear from me that I made it in, and I absolutely want to get a two-word text "I'm home" from him.

That would be so weird . Maybe it's just more dangerous where you live. If he was the kind of man who needed that much attention or looking after, or his ability to remember where he lived and arrive at that destination unscathed was in question there probably wouldn't be a second date. I wouldn't mind him checking that I had got home safely, because if I hadn't he would be the prime suspect.

 

[950483]

The sleeping over thing might have put me off. Hopefully she realised you were kindly offering an alternative to spending the night stranded in a bus shelter rather than being pushy or presumptuous.

 

[AlteredEgo]

That would be so weird . Maybe it's just more dangerous where you live. If he was the kind of man who needed that much attention or looking after, or his ability to remember where he lived and arrive at that destination unscathed was in question there probably wouldn't be a second date. I wouldn't mind him checking that I had got home safely, because if I hadn't he would be the prime suspect.

We are not from the same culture. This must be one of those differences. However, you and BDTG are, aren't you? He should listen to you.

 

[950483]

BDTG and I are probably not from quite the same culture. In this situation the etiquette would be that he checked that she had got home safely, and not the other way round.

 

[rtg]

BDTG and I are probably not from quite the same culture. In this situation the etiquette would be that he checked that she had got home safely, and not the other way round.

It actually really bugs me when I ask a guy if he got home safe and not the other way around. More often than not if he doesn't text asking, then I won't.

 

[Beedie Tijii]

The sleeping over thing might have put me off. Hopefully she realised you were kindly offering an alternative to spending the night stranded in a bus shelter rather than being pushy or presumptuous.

I can't remember exactly how I phrased it, but I definitely prefaced the offer by saying that I wasn't expecting anything from her. I don't think she took offense at the time, but she may have been looking for red flags where there weren't any, retrospectively.

The bottom line is that we'll never know.

p.s. Different cultures: am I right in thinking that you are from Wales?

 

[950483]

I can't remember exactly how I phrased it, but I definitely prefaced the offer by saying that I wasn't expecting anything from her. I don't think she took offense at the time, but she may have been looking for red flags where there weren't any, retrospectively.

The bottom line is that we'll never know.

p.s. Different cultures: am I right in thinking that you are from Wales?

I just live here.

 

[Mercurygirl]

What is the best way to follow up after a date? What do you want a man to say, and should organizing a follow-up be the first order of business? Is it best to call, or is that too much too soon?

Don't do this ...

 

[AlteredEgo]

It actually really bugs me when I ask a guy if he got home safe and not the other way around. More often than not if he doesn't text asking, then I won't.

If he doesn't care to be sure that I got home safely is there really anything more I need to know about him?

 

[1dirtykitty]

If he doesn't care to be sure that I got home safely is there really anything more I need to know about him?

I couldn't have said it any better! *claps

I've had sexual partners that would ask me to call or text them so they could be sure I got home safe. it's about respect for the person

 

[AlteredEgo]

I can't remember exactly how I phrased it, but I definitely prefaced the offer by saying that I wasn't expecting anything from her. I don't think she took offense at the time, but she may have been looking for red flags where there weren't any, retrospectively.

The bottom line is that we'll never know.

p.s. Different cultures: am I right in thinking that you are from Wales?

Personally, I would have appreciated the offer, whether I took you up on it or not.

 

[kcrown1967]

I'm becoming a bit too old for the dating pool but I would have been very pleased to have had an experience like you described. It's becoming more difficult to find people that have respect and consideration. I blame the internet and technology for a lot of it but that's just my opinion. I mean, who would have thought maybe 10 or so years ago that we would have shows like Catfish on TV or the term "ghosting" would be so common.

If I ever lost interest in someone I always tried to politely tell that person. Having closure allows you to move on more easily in my opinion. As much as it may be hard to hear I would rather have someone be honest with me than to leave me wondering. I'm sorry she did that to you.