Texts From Last Night

Discussion in 'Funny Stuff: Jokes, Quizzes, Games & Pics' started by Principessa, Nov 20, 2009.

  1. Principessa

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    About Texts From Last Night

    Texts From Last Night (TFLN) was founded in February 2009 by two friends for reasons that may or may not include: the tendency to press send more easily as the night turns to morning, friends social habits, Kwame Kilpatrick, exes, law school, closing down bars and leaving tabs open, general debauchery and/or a common disgust for all the negativity surrounding the "sexting" phenomenon.

    (209): what is college for if not random hookup sex?
    (951): learning.
    (209): i would literally fuck learning if i could.

    (301): the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.

    (514): take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.

    (407): He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.

    (816): I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy

    (+44): phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...

    (301): woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.

    Worst Night Ever Texts

    (940): there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me

    (865): I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.

    (917): you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.

    (510): i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me

    (740): I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?

    (215): you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off!!!

    (+61): She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.

    (516): Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.

    (630): I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important

    Best Night Ever Texts

    (407): i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...

    (774): i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...

    (312): I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.

    (703): Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more

    (215): i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section

    (510): he said he didn't have a condom.
    (415): and you said?
    (510): that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.

    (214): Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.

    (847): I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
    (1-847): How was it?
    (847): Fantastic, but that's not the point.




    Many thanks to jjsjr for introducing me to this site! :cool::smile:
     
  2. Gillette

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    My all time faves from there:

    (973): On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?

    (706): If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore

    (615): drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.

    I thought the last one was so funny I sent it to a friend. He said it wasn't funny at all because it had happened to him. Twice the laughter.

    I've noticed ytcorp has been sampling TFLN lines in his sig. Another fan of the site among us.
     
  3. voidout

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    best site ever...and all the affiliated sites are friggin' bomb-tastic, too.
     
  4. B_hungprepjock

    B_hungprepjock New Member

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    ha-ha, gurls (excuze me, wimmin) with ur sumwot desperate sounding affirmations: ‘i am blessed, i am blessed, inhale, exhale, repeat...’

    if u say that ouloud 2 urself at a party, u shud not b surprised 2 wake up in bed with another gurl!

    no offence, just sayin...
     
  5. voidout

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    you're an idiot.
     
  6. nicenycdick

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    uh huh
     
  7. jjsjr

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    Many thanks to jjsjr for introducing me to this site! :cool::smile:

    You're welcome!
    :biggrin1:
     
    #7 jjsjr, Nov 20, 2009
    Last edited: Nov 20, 2009
  8. Sassy

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    SO funny! I have to check it out!
     
  9. D_Ivana Dickenside

    D_Ivana Dickenside New Member

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    these are so hilarious! i heard about it before but never bothered to read em until now. i'll have to check it out. :cool:
     
  10. TurkeyWithaSunburn

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    (781): my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special

    I'm sure the dealer sent out something like:
    yeah black friday I'll be having a WHITE sale...
     
  11. Principessa

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    (732): A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands.

    (732): They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
     
    #11 Principessa, Nov 30, 2009
    Last edited: Nov 30, 2009
  12. voidout

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    submitted by me!!!

    (631): I'm a little drunk and by a little I mean definitely. It took me four times to spell that right.
     
  13. cups

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    These are frikkin hilarious!.......lmao.....Thanks for postin!!
     
  14. TurkeyWithaSunburn

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  15. voidout

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  16. Principessa

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    (857): I wonder if u can grow weed on Farmville and sell it to Mafia Wars? :confused:
     
  17. voidout

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    (631): i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker

    (262): My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...

    for NJQT...

    (314): He thinks I want his fb password to check up on him but I really just want to get him farmville and send myself gifts...

    :lmao: :rofl:

    and one of my new favourites...

    (502): Dude, you cockblocked yourself by referring to your dick as Willy Fuckalottapus, the pelvic punisher.
     
  18. D_noihio

    D_noihio New Member

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