Texts From Last Night
- Thread starter Principessa
- Start date
(904): i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
(602): So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
(203): But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Thank GOD, I have never had that happen! ^^
(919): Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
(770): i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Who is Tebow?
(708): blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
(229): Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
(812): sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
(562): Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
THE ATL represents!
(404): Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
(1-404): No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
(404): Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
(404): she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
(404): she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
(602): So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
(203): But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Thank GOD, I have never had that happen! ^^
(919): Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
(770): i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Who is Tebow?
(708): blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
(229): Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
(812): sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
(562): Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
THE ATL represents!
(404): Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
(1-404): No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
(404): Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
(404): she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
(404): she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
These are TFLN's from area codes in which I have lived.
(202): i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
(202): i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
(202): We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
(202): did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
(202): so when am I gonna get some from you?
(617): when your dick grows 3 inches
(617): when your dick grows 3 inches
(202): Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
(202): He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
(202): He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
(202): I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
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(978): watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
(978): i used baking grease as lip gloss
(937): You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
(978): Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
(978): Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
(978): she sounds like chewbacca in bed
(978): my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
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Technically, I don't live in the 404 but it does cover the Atlanta metro area.
(404): I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
(404): Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
(404): we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
(404): the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
(770): if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
(770): his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
(770): Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
(770): should I fuck that poor girl
(1-770): no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
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(732): I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.(732): He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
(856): just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
(856): Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
(856): in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
whatireallywant
Sexy Member
Here are some from my neck of the woods:
(210): I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
(210): Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
(210): By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
(210): she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
(210): She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
(I like this one. :biggrin1
(210): this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
(210): I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
This next one is not in my area code, but it's so funny I had to include it:
(408): Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
(210): I should be sponsored by Trojan
(210): I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Not my area code, but so funny (and true!)
(847): So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
(210): stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
(281): Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
(210): I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
(210): Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
(210): By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
(210): she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
(210): She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
(I like this one. :biggrin1
(210): this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
(210): I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
This next one is not in my area code, but it's so funny I had to include it:
(408): Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
(210): I should be sponsored by Trojan
(210): I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Not my area code, but so funny (and true!)
(847): So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
(210): stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
(281): Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
(732):
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
(732): i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
732):
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
(201):
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
(732): i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
732):
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
(201):
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
invisibleman
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had another sex dream about alec baldwin...(I didn't write that. It never happens to me.)
god. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot. (Yep. Definately my town.)
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...(:rofl: Ain't THAT the truth!)
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
god. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot. (Yep. Definately my town.
)Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...(:rofl: Ain't THAT the truth!)
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
- The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK
Legendary Member
- Joined
- Aug 9, 2003
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- New Jersey, USA
- Sexuality
- 100% Straight, 0% Gay
- Gender
- Male
(785):
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
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(630):
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
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(270):
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
(1-270):
Does God suck his dick?
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(724):
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
(1-724):
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
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(702):
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
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(513):
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
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(612):
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
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(630):
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
*********************************
(270):
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
(1-270):
Does God suck his dick?
*********************************
(724):
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
(1-724):
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
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(702):
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
*********************************
(513):
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
*********************************
(612):
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
(408):
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
(717):
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
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(256):
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
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(814):
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
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(508):
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
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(818):
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
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http://about<b></b>:/What-Are-Favorites.html(901):
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
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(918):
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
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(410):
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
(443):
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
(717):
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
************************
(256):
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
************************
(814):
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
************************
(508):
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
************************
(818):
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
************************
http://about<b></b>:/What-Are-Favorites.html(901):
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
************************
(918):
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
************************
(410):
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
(443):
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
(203):
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
(973):
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelonuke:
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
***************************************
(813):
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
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(413):
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
(215):
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
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(214):
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
(630):
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
(973):
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
***************************************
(785): It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
uke:and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
***************************************
(774): It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
***************************************
(912): There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
***************************************
(813):
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
***************************************
(413):
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
(215):
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
***************************************
(214):
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Hmm, I bet I could do that. :wink:
***************************************(630):
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Best Text From Last Night EVER!!!!!
(212): You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
(475): Yeah?
(212): Stuck it in his pooper.
Nope, I'm addicted to this site. It makes me laugh out loud. :biggrin1:
I know, right. It's just too damned funny! :smile:
D_Raykbaynes Rodclogue
Account Disabled
it's a great site, especially when you search around your area code and wonder if you know some of the people.
(480): he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
(612): I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
(425): This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
(757): At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
(612): I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
(425): This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
(757): At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
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