Thank you Madame Zora

Discussion in 'Women's Issues' started by Imported, Nov 19, 2004.

  1. Imported

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    AverageJoe: I really want to thank madame zora for her insights and candid views.

    I was completely happy and secure with my size (7x5.5) and have never had any indications from my wife that she was unhappy. As a matter of fact, much of what you have said zora, is in alighnment with her views. She is not a size queen, but then she may not know that as I have been the only one she has ever been with.

    I only ever doubted when I read a Penthouse letters talking about wife swapping because she missed having the "better" feeling of being filled 11". Suddenly, I felt that no matter how good in be I was, she might like bigger better. What a sorry state that was!

    I've talked with her, and she says that it's me, and my caring, humorous, intelligent personality, skills, etc. Above all, emotional connection, that is what makes sex. And honestly, it's the same for me. The firery way she responds to me in bed is way more important. I feel like a good fit down there, and she says it's the same for her.

    I really just wanted the truth about is bigger better. But I see, like all things in life, it is ultimately who you are with and what you make of it. I understand that women have preferences for certain sizes, but that wouldn't necessarily keep them from being happy and satisfied. And there are some women who like all sizes. It just can't be specifically quantified. And madame zora provided proof of this in her posts. I believe that I have the perfect dick, for my wife and that is all that matters. And it is a good overall size anyway.

    It was theraputic hearing this come from a self proclaimed size queen.

    Sorry for the rambling.

    Joe
     
  2. madame_zora

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    Aww, Joe, thank YOU for posting your experience here, I am sure it will be helpful to a lot of guys. We all need reassurances sometimes, it's only natural. I am glad this was cause for you and your wife to draw closer, ultimately that is the goal of marriage, no?

    Your note came at quite a good time, as I am having an "ugly" day! No matter what I try to do I go through this sometimes, and it is so nice to hear that someone thought enough of me to write something so sweet today of all days, you're a real gem. Jana
     
  3. naughty

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    Workin' up a good pot of mad!
    Thank you Joe,

    For acknowledging what Mme Z has been saying for months! It is great to see that someone around here gets it.I think ultimately we all see and perceive things through our own filters of experience and self concept. All too often we see deeper problems being focused on the size of one body part. You had an epiphanal moment! I am so glad that you and your wife have such a fabulous relationship. We could all drive ourselves crazy by what other options may be out there, but if you have found someone that you can really be yourself with that is better than gold. We all have our rights to seek our heart's desire, I am glad you and your wife have seemngly found that place together.

    Naughty
     
  4. hose 85

    hose 85 Member

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    Zora, you give GREAT insight on the size debate, bigger is not always better.

    One experience I had when I was in HS was with a girl who told me her previous boyfriend was very well hung (10+), and he hurt her during sex and she was very sore afterward. She said I was the perfect fit for her (8.5 x 6), and we could fuck for hours with no ill effects. We stayed together for 2 years before going our separate ways.

    The moral of this story is not all women like huge penises.

    Just my 2 cents J.
     
  5. D_Barbi_Queue

    D_Barbi_Queue Account Disabled

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    she's even great at making us gals feel welcomed here too. Thanks MZ!
     
  6. madame_zora

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    Okay, okay, here's some more info for all the would be self haters- NO ONE in the real world knows how to measure a dick! I am sick to absolute death of hearing how everyone's ex boyfriend has a 10" cock, it's not mathematically possible! We're talking about one tenth of one percent of the population OR LESS!! The odds of YOUR G/F having that is astronomical!!!!! The reason it seems possible here is that we draw from all over the world to assemble this group, and probably a very large percentage of exceptionally hung guys have made their way here looking for answers to their unique needs. Guys with 10" dicks are extraordinarily uncommon, treat with skepticsm any woman's self conducted measuring, she probably measured his dick, his balls and half his leg. Topside, non-bonepressed measurements will almost always reveal these guys to be SEVERAL inches smaller than they claim. I've personally seen over 1000 dicks and I've never seen a true 10" cock in real life. I know they exist, but that's how rare they are. Most women will never see one, so if you've heard that more than once (and they're not talking about the same guy) it's almost surely bullshit. I've seen pics of guys measuring their dicks where the ruler started at 3'' at the stomach, I just hope it was cut off and they were not shoving it that far into their stomach, but these are the lengths some will go to in order to impress.

    Hose 85, and 8.5 inch dick is enormous! I'm sure at that size you're in the top 95 percentile, many women will never see one that size either.

    My point with all of this is that misinformation is a dreadful thing, but I can only emphatically shout, PENIS ENVY IS A GUY THING! There are a few women who are size queens, but very few, percentage wise. Be a good man, take a bath, tell some jokes, show interest in your partner, and your sex life will be a good one, your penis is a means to and end, not an end in itself. Hugs and kisses all, Jana

    ps. Texassgirl, you rock! Thanx for making me feel at home at Just Bitchin'. My internet time is limited now since I'm sharing a computer but you were so good to me there, it was groovy!
     
  7. Imported

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    AverageJoe: Well, now that the size issue is settled, I need some help on this….

    This is a long post, but I need some opinions and/or advice. Not really qualifying for this forum, I nevertheless chose to post this here because of the candid, non-diminishing nature of this forum.

    I can’t make my wife come. As a matter of fact there is only one way she ever has, and that is to rub on her pillow. She can’t even do it with her hands. Pocket rocket has been close. She loves my oral, and says it blows her mind, but it just doesn’t build the same way. Same for sex. We have a good, snug fit and sometimes she can’t always take all of me, even though her OB/GYN says she is a little larger than average. I know about the G spot and am working on that, it’s just when she starts saying “just like that, right there” that gets me so hot I blow!

    Is size an issue here? I know that most women on this forum need larger, but some here might not. Guys, is your size always a sure way for her orgasm, or is technique the important factor here? I strongly suspect technique, but just curious.

    Is it the nature of how she achieves orgasm? By the way, the reason for this very specific technique is because she grew up with multiple siblings living in the same bedroom.

    I can live with it either way, as she seems satisfied, but my insecurity lies with, “what if some other man could make it happen?” Plus, it seems unfair to me that I can always get off, but I can’t reciprocate for her.

    Any thoughts?
     
  8. benderten2001

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    Avg. Joe, I'm much too modest -_- to delve into too many details here, but suffice it to say every couple achieves various sexual "outcomes" through trial and error. Since we're all different, we each respond differently to stimulus and technique. It's been a long established suggestion in these discussions around here the importance of good communication. So--with that, let me just ask you....have you and she discussed this and, is this a concern for both of you or just you, Joe? I suppose every man's ideal in a sexual relationship with a woman is to achieve virtually every known sexual response we've ever heard tell of. But, is it REALLY required (of every woman) in every episode of intercourse? I'm learning that while orgasmic responses are certainly the ideal, they don't always occur in every sexual encounter and the sexual therapists I've read indicate this is perfectly okay and acceptable. Afterall, sex can be so much more than just the physical contact....much, much more. I believe you already have indicated you have a lot going for you already (from what you've told us about her response and her acceptance of you). So, take heart in that much! And, lighten up perhaps on yourself and (forgive the pun) "go with the flow" you already have going for you!

    ---------

    Now, to Mdme. Zora:

    I've always loved her posts (and whoa! --that Avatar!) ^_^

    What strikes me most though is Mdme. Z's candor and willingness to just speak her mind and be herself. I must accredit her with setting me straight on the subject of "size queens". Through her persistance yet, calming, determined resolve!.....she has convinced me there are women out there who do look for larger sizes purely for legitimate needs for physical gratification purposes. Such women are not necessarily trying to be cruel or discriminate of men! She also has pleaded with us guys to realize not all women seek or require "size" so... in other words, "lighten up". You know, we've heard this from countless other women throughout our lives (many of us) but, for me to hear it from Mdme. Z. (somehow)...it just meant something. I feel I can really believe her. I believe her because she has conveyed a sincerity to help us guys overcome (for many of us) an entire lifetime of incorrect, dastardly-wrong! thinking about ourselves and each other. And---what women expect of us. Admitting to this human frailty of ours as men (concern over penis size) doesn't come easy for any of us guys. (Of course, we don't have any men around here who have this issue, do we? ;) )

    Anyway, Madame Zora (Jana)....a GREAT BIG THANK YOU.
     
  9. madame_zora

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    Benderten, you are awesome! You also have leant a kind ear and words of caring advice to me and it is truly appreciated. Funny how many incredible expansive minds have made their way here to this group about dicks! Well, it's all good to me. Since I've been here, I've learned so much about human sexuality both of men and women, it is my fondest wish that we could all learn to love ourselves for who we are. I have read every study ever posted here and a few others, spent time going through Kinsey's site, and have tried in ernest to discern the "truth" about penis size. While I have been disappointed at the amount of credible information out there, I feel I've been able to piece together a fairly realistic view.

    Now, Average Joe- I am not sure exactly what the issue is with your wife. She is able to orgasm by some genital rubbing with a pillow, but not through oral or penetration sex? Hmm, well unlike men, women have to "teach ourselves how to come", so if she learned to orgasm this way because of her household situation, she may have trained her body to react to that certain stimulus. I have two suggestions, 1) try to get a good look at what is happening physically when she does this and replicate to the best of your ability concetrated stimulation of the same areas. It may take a long time, so don't give up! Her body needs to readjust it's expectations of where the sensations will be coming from. 2) something I feel is anyone's best bet is oral stimulation coupled with vaginal penetration of a finger or two. Once again, the thing to keep in mind is that it may take significantly longer for her than it does for you to reach orgasm. A lot of times, men (thinking from their own perspective) KNOW they'd be shooting rockets after that much genital attention, so if it hasn't happened yet, they feel they've failed and begin losing interest. Not so for women, it often takes me 45 minutes to orgasm when I masturbate! And that's with me knowing where all my buttons are, so timing is so very relevant. If this is truly a goal of yours, you may have to understand how differently the genders operate sexually. No doubt she may be entirely unaware of this herself. Bender said it all when he said it's all about communication! Talk to her, get on the same page. If the two of you decide you want to go exploring for the female orgasm, happy hunting- it can be an incredible trip! If, on the other hand, she feels "put on the spot to cum" that could be awful for her nad she may prefer to do this her own way. You will have to be very adpet at reading between the lines here, if she says it's not that big of a deal, you may have to read in her eyes if it really is or not. She may be trying not to put you on the spot. Sometimes genuine caring and concern for each other's feelings can deter honest communication. Since you have discussed your size concerns, I have no doubt that this will be just one more reason to know each other better and love each other more.
     
  10. Imported

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    AverageJoe: To everyone that responded, thank you. I have gotten the questions and insecurities taken care of.

    I have talked at length with my wife on this. I believe that she truely doesn't mind about how she comes, but is willing to continue to grow and explore sexually. She absolutely fascinates me, and there is so many things I want to "experiment with". We have both agreed to take it in stride, as we don't want love making to become clinical.

    I can't tell you how blessed I am to have this woman. After 10 years, it just keeps getting better.

    Good luck to all with all troubles. Life is what you make it, and with determination, you can make life grand.

    That's it for me on this site. Thank you.
     
  11. Imported

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    patinero38: As I am a fairly new poster here, but still, I do also want to express thanks to Madame Zora.

    Over 18, and you are called adult. But at what age one becomes wise...

    Zora you are and I love reading your posts: candid, humourous, caring, but above all wise!

    Hats off, or as we in Europe use the French expression, 'Chapeau!'


    To Benterden, respect, you talk my words!

    Good to find great personalities in this group.... (It is comforting, knowing most people on earth are making war)

    Wew, don't want to sound bitter; but how I love a good intelligent, caring conversation and honest sharing of thoughts.... Ban hatred and war...

    Love to you all, Pat.
     
  12. soccerfanatic

    soccerfanatic New Member

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    I agree with Zora, I find it highly unlikely that anyone on here has a girlfriend with a 10 incher lol :rolleyes: :p
    Sorry, I'll fetch my coat :(

    Seriously, you seem a decent guy though Joe, and I'm glad you've got over your insecurities. As others have said, bigger isn't necessarily better. Speaking from personal experience, most women joke about it and are really excited when they see my cock, i'm very, very big btw, but thats all it is, just being playful. When it comes down to it, very few women would actually want one my size inside them.
    Its "good for looking but not for f***ing" as my friend Coleen once told me lol, after she'd refused to be more than friends for that reason :(

    I'm too big IMO and would much rather be your size. Most guys do brag to try and make out they're huge but I can bet that the majority of "huge" guys on here share my attitude, that it has major drawbacks and is not all its cracked up to be. 7" is MORE than enough to satisfy almost all women, so you got nowt to worry about.

    And besides, your gf loves you for your personality rather than your equipment size. And if she didn't then she's obviously not the one for you :)

    Sorry if this is just similar to previous posts in this topic but I like the sound of my own voice too much lol. Or keyboard in this case :)

    And for the record, you're right Joe, I've been lurking here for a while and Zora's a really lovely person, and that avatar is hot lol ;)

    So is TexasAssGirl btw, you're bf is a lucky guy :(
     
  13. cypher13

    cypher13 New Member

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    Average Joe -

    A lot of people may come down on me for this, but...what the heck?

    If you want to get your wife to orgasm, focus. Mentally, that is. Granted, in its more advanced aspects, this is not easy and takes a great deal of practice, though a lucky few are born with this trait. I am not among them, though my partner is. Fortunately, however, anyone can do this and so you already have everything you need, and then some.

    Hold her, make her feel loved, desired and needed. Sustain these feelings in her awhile, as she must feel accepted and receptive to you. Clearly you love her and value your relationship with her, else you would not be asking this question. Just asking this question tells me that most of the problem is already overcome.

    When you do focus, look into her eyes...concentrate on giving her pleasure. This is why she must feel accepted and receptive to you. Concentrate on what you are doing when you are performing oral or genital sex....maintain this focus and you will have a very, very happy partner. Listen to her...watch her..."read" her signals and act accordingly, but don't be thinking about the day at work, your problems with your boss or anything like that. Be in the here and now, and you'll be fine. This is the only difficult part of what I am talking about here, and this is easily learned.

    I cannot overemphasize the importance of eye contact. Really look....project your feelings and attentions...she will respond in kind, and your encounters will take on a new dimension. Ifyou are uncomfortable doing this at first, concentrate on the color of her eyes, the patterns in the iris...but strive toward looking directly into the puupil. You will both feel much closer to each other. What you are doing is projecting not only your feelings, but your involvement. How many times do people make love out of a sense of duty, or mechanical movement or just to have something to do? Worse still is when this attitude becomes habit...this is when it is like scratching an itch and your partner starts looking at the ceiling - thinking how it needs to be painted.

    Don't ever kid yourself on this point: human sexuality, particularly in the male, is a confidence game played only with yourself. Believe in yourself...believe in your partner, believe in your relationship....and if you really believe you can do it....you can - and will. When you get good at focusing your attention, you will be the best lover you can be, and never mind size, you will be the best lover almost any woman has ever had, even without using your penis, thus making size a moot issue - for all intents and purposes, this technique can make any man as big and life-giving as the sun itself. An exaggeration? Try it and find out.

    So, what do you do? Concentrate your attention on her body, on her mind, on her pleasure centers....if you don't know what she likes, ask her, she will be touched that you did. And focus on giving her pleasure. Visualize her having the orgasm of her life...and again...and again...and again. Do this throughout the love making session...visualize the pleasure you desire her to feel passing through your penis, tongue, fingers...whatever...into her wherever you are touching her. And practice, prctice, prctice. You will only get better at this.

    I might add that my experience dictates that women are far, far more generous lovers than men, as a rule and when you give her her pleasure she will do everything she can to give you yours, so you both win.

    Now, the beautiful thing is you do not have to get into any heavy yogic stuff to do this, at least not initially. Just concentrate, as you would on any activity that would normally engage your attention. Stick with it, and your natural abilities will be more than adequate for the task at hand. Furthermore, since (I think) the female multiple orgasm is a learned response, it will get easier and easier for her as you both go along.

    I am sure people will say this is sheer nonsense, maintaining the best - or only - way to get a woman to orgasm is through relentless thrusting or purely physical stimulation, some will be cruel and say things like "Gee, cypher, spoken like a true 4 incher!" Feel free to draw your own conclusions about me from this post, I don't care what people think about me. What I am telling you costs you nothing but a little time and effort (and, with a bit of practice, far less effort than you are already expending) and will pay you ever-increasing dividends for the rest of your life. Apply it elsewhere, and those rewards will extend outside the bedroom, too.

    If there is any point here where I have not expressed myself well or left something unclear to you or anyone else, please ask.

    So, as I see it this is nothing but good news, Average Joe! Sorry, I tend to get so loquacious at times.

    Do this, and in a month or so, you can write and tell us how wonderful it is to enjoy your wife having many, many beautiful orgasms.
     
  14. madame_zora

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    Cypher, spoken like a true gentleman and expert lover! I would almost be afraid to have a sexual encounter that intense, but I must admit you made the hairs on my arms stand up. What an incredible notion, I am going to sleep and dream of that one, thanx!
     
  15. cypher13

    cypher13 New Member

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    Thank you for your kind words, Madame Zora.

    a
     
  16. Ecchi

    Ecchi New Member

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    What can I add that hasn't been said? Even in my rare visits, Zora is obviously a prolific, intelligent contributor to discussions. She is definately constructive and helpful, but I admire her fiery, straight forward nature as well (are you part Irish, Hun?). She's an absolute Goddess, both in wisdom and looks. The LPSG Oracle.

    To Cypher, you sound like quite the wiseman too. I'd love to take your advice personally, but around Kris, I get so worked up physically and psychologically ... I dunno if I lose focus ... but it's like, it becomes an obsession to make her orgasm as hard as possible, over and over.
     
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