The ABC's of ex-girlfriends...

Discussion in 'Women's Issues' started by Ralexx, Apr 23, 2004.

  1. Ralexx

    Ralexx Member

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    A is for Arteries. You know, the things that your ex-girlfriend ripped out because she really didn't care for you you twit she was only after your money and could have given a shit about you.

    B is for Bitter. Who, me?? No way. I really hope things between them do work out. I hope they get married and have 2 children that are little devils and her hips get huge and his eyebrows finally grow completely together and they get fat and old together and then DIE!!

    C is for Call ya later. She won't. She never has before.

    D is for Dumped. Does D need to be explained?

    E is for Eating like a pig. Remember when you took her out and she said "I'm not hungry" so you figured you could take her to a nice place because you were able to afford a nice meal at this fine restaurant. Then she ate more than your Uncle Roy (you remember Uncle Roy the one with the mustard stains on everything). So you flip the bill and are broke for the next two weeks and she wonders why you were unable to call her that week and go see movies.

    F is for Friends. That is what she just wants to be. As if you can even stand to look at her.

    G is for Gun. And yes there is a waiting period.

    H is for Horny. Remember when she looked nice and even had a personality? Well, you figure it out.

    I stands for I still hate her. Odds are I always will, unless she calls me and offers me favors.

    J stands for Jim. This is her new boyfriend. Doesn't Jim have a nice car ? Doesn't Jim have a good job? Why does Jim want to date her? I think Jim could do much better. I hate Jim. Jim is my mortal enemy.

    K stands for Kill.

    L is for Love. It's a great euphoric feeling that exists between two people and is shared upon by both parties.

    L is also for Lunatic. Lunatics are crazy. Lunatics are the last people that actually believe in love.

    M stands for Mephistophiles. That is who she worked for.

    N stands for Necropheliac. She didn't move very much, did she?

    O is for On top. When on top she has another O word.

    P is for Pill. She said she was on it. She lied. She is now sueing you for a few hundred bucks a month.

    Q is for Quitter. She couldn't last.

    R is for Rich little Bitch. She bought my love but I paid for it.

    S stands for Suffer. That's what she made me do.

    T is for torture. Torture is what she did. She tortured you with the truth. She also tortured you with lies.

    U is for Understatement. Saying you hate that bitch is an understatement.

    V is for Voluptuous. That is the primary reason you were dating her in the first place.

    W stands for Whine. She was a pro at this.

    X is for Xylophone. Because X is always for xylophone.

    Y stands for You suck! Remember when she yelled that at you.

    Z stands for ZIPPER. This is what you got your hair stuck in while trying to get dressed too quickly while she yelled "QUICK! They're home!"

    . stands for period. Which is a couple of weeks late, because she lied to you about taking what P stands for. It also means you won't get any for a week.


    - - -

    Received it in my e-mail. I'm not trying to start any war, Allie !!!! ;D ;D :-*
     
  2. Imported

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    palladen: OMG, right on the nose! (he said, tongue in cheek, looking for shoes being thrown)

    p
     
  3. Imported

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    Tender: A is for Awhhh. Because that is probably all you will hear out of him when you tell him what a lousy day you had. Men are horrible at conversation...

    B is for baby. Cause that's what he acts like when you say NO.

    C is for Call ya later. He won't. He never has before, because calling would mean he has a COMMITMENT.

    D is for Duh! Do I REALLY need to explain that the trash is full every day?

    E is for Eating like a pig. Remember when he took you out, and he shoveled his food in, instead of eating maturely? then he belched loudly right before he seen a friend of his come in. thats when you had to finish lunch by yourself, as he sat with them.............

    F is for Friends. That is what HE never learned to be, because of FEAR. fear of everything that has to do with C.

    G is for GONE. because always when you need him, he's somewhere else.

    H is for Horny. Has no clue as to your favorite flower, may not even know your middle name, but... Well, you figure it out.

    I stands for I still hate him. Odds are I always will, because he only calls me wanting favors.

    J stands for Jennifer. The chick he meets up with on the net everytime he thinks I wont know.

    K stands for Kill. You know what kills the mood?
    him saying 'you done YET?'

    L is for Love. It's a great euphoric feeling that exists between two people and is shared upon by both parties, but men take it for granted until they are dumped.

    M stands for ME ME ME. Honey, can you bring me my shoes. my phone, my drink. oh, are you busy? ::)

    N stands for NO.n no you may not ask me to get my boobs enlarged.

    O is for On top. When on top she has another O word., yeah, its OH, sorry to disturb you...

    P is for Power. What IS it with boys and their toys? They have some power tool complex thing....

    Q is for Quitter. He couldnt last long enough.

    R is for Rich. He thinks we will get rich if he controls the check book, and everything else I buy. Fine, but he's selling the boat first!

    S stands for Suffer. That's what men bring upon themselves.

    T is for torture. Torture is what she did. She tortured you with the truth. -- Well, you asked.
    She also tortured you with lies. --well, you complained about hearing the truth last time :)

    U is for Understatement. Saying he loves you, really means 'I couldnt live without you doing my laundry, dishes and taking care of me.'

    V is for Voluptuous. The primary reason for dating her in the first place. How wonder the relationship is shallow.

    W stands for Whine. He was a pro at this. But, I dont know how to change a diaper!

    X is for X-rated. The pics he has plastered all over the garage, even after you explained they make you feel like leftovers...

    Y stands for You! "you this". "you that". blah, blah, its always MY fault...

    Z stands for Zoo. the place you spend all day. Three kids running around, with dirt up to your eyeballs, and he comes home and yells, 'whats for dinner', instead of kissing you.

    . stands for period.
    if he wasnt so scared of IT, he could have it ALL week...
     
  4. Imported

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    Duo187: Wow tender... but I think your generalization of men is wrong.
    Maybe it's just me, but if a chica says she has had a bad day I ask why and talk to her about it... just how I am.
    Period? thats not somehting I am scared of... I spent 4 years with the Volleyball team, I just know what buttons to and not to push thanks to that lol.
    But both are farely hilarious.
     
  5. Imported

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    Tender: lol!
    i dont think my generalizations about men are off at all.

    these dont generalize men.
    they pinpoint my Sweet Boy ;)

    Tender
     
  6. Max

    Max New Member

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    [quote author=Tender link=board=women;num=1082734046;start=0#4 date=04/23/04 at 20:54:45]lol!
    i dont think my generalizations about men are off at all. .... [/quote]

    This works the other way round as well ... if not even better. It's rare for me to reach the end of a day and not to have thought somewhere along the line how thankful I am to be married to my wife and not to A, B, or C, or to D, E, or F for that matter.
     
  7. jonb

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    Tender, darling, the taboo about menstruation is probably as old as woman herself. Everyone knows the taboo about menstruation's in the Bible. What people don't know is that even societies far more egalitarian wrt gender also have taboos wrt menstruation.

    In all honesty, men are jealous: Many ancient cultures thought that it allowed a woman to rid herself of foul humours. They were right; PMS is better than endometriosis or an inflamed uterus. Some cultures actually try to mimic menstruation in males: Australian aboriginals slit the underside of the penis, for example.

    Personally, I know that PMS includes headaches, cramps, and bloating, among other symptoms. I don't feel like having sex during any of those symptoms, so I'm sure she doesn't feel like it during all of them.
     
  8. Imported

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    bblumbee: Tender,

    I can only express this in 2 words:

    RIGHT ON! :)

    Both were cute

    bb
     
  9. madame_zora

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    thanks to both of you for the hilarious male/female debate! I have tears streaking down my face from the laughter. I think they were both right on the money, which doesn't mean every sentence applies to every person, but there were elements of truth in them both. Wonderful, insightful littanies- going in my favs file.
     
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