This thread was prompted by comments made in a thread about a member leaving - this thread is not here to discuss Mandee or her specific issue with specific PMs - there is another thread entirely dedicated to that topic.
I thought about posting this in women's issue, but really it is not a women's issue - it is a people issue because it is not so much the fact of a woman's behaviour prompting certain reactions that I think needs discussion but more the attitude that there is some kind of hierarchy that certain people should modify their behaviours in order to avoid certain reactionary behaviour from other people.
It has been said here recently (paraphrasing hugely) that women who post nude, pornographic images should expect to attract derogatory, aggressively sexual comments and that if a woman wants to avoid receiving these comments she should only post wholesome pictures and comments. A side point was also made that a woman posting sexual images of herself was lacking self respect!! Now that maybe another discussion for another thread but it certainly serves as another example of double standards (what I found truly outrageous about that was the comment came from another woman [I have no reason to doubt the poster is a genuine woman either]).
Now - in the case of LPSG specifically that is clearly a case of double standards. Is it not to be expected that men posting pornographic images should receive the same? Albeit from a different audience. I know that some men here do receive that kind of PM - should they be expected to handle it differently? Should they be more surprised than the women? Is there a difference in how the straight guys should react and how the gay guys should react?
I have an answer to all my questions myself, of course. And the answer is No - there is no difference. We are all human beings and we should be afforded the same respects. If that respect is violated by an aggressively sexual advance (in whatever form) then a wrong has been done, regardless of the victim's sex, colour, orientation, religion, etc., etc..
There are behaviours online and in real life that we all accept are unreasonable. PMing someone continually with sexually aggressively comments (especially after being asked to stop or receiving no reply and regardless of whether those comments are derogatory or complimentary), touching someone sexually without their permission (sexual assault), rape - I am not saying those three things are equivalent but they are forms / levels of the same kind of abuse.
What I am trying to get round to in a somewhat long winded and rambling way, is that there seems to be an opinion that people should modify their behaviour if they want to avoid being the victim of this kind of abuse. Further to that there is an opinion that certain types of people (e.g., but not exclusively, women) who need to be MORE careful that others and that it is in fact the woman's (in this example) lack of propriety that leads to, or in part causes, the abusive behaviour.
Now, laying my opinion on the line, I will say that I believe that to be utter bollocks. I believe that if a person has it in them to be abusive they will find a victim. You might as well say that child abuse is the fault, in part, of the child for being alone with a paedophile as say that a rape victim was 'asking for it' as a result of any sexual behaviour or way of dressing / talking. And indeed that point has been made in court several times and been the subject of many works of fiction in many genres.
So why does the opinion prevail that a person can be in part responsible, by their behaviour, for their own abuse?
Does anyone here really believe that a man or woman posting sexual images here should expect abusive PMs? And that the very act of posting those images is the cause of the abuse?
I know I am not alone in my opinion but I would like to hear from those that believe in some level of 'asking for it' how they justify that opinion.
I thought about posting this in women's issue, but really it is not a women's issue - it is a people issue because it is not so much the fact of a woman's behaviour prompting certain reactions that I think needs discussion but more the attitude that there is some kind of hierarchy that certain people should modify their behaviours in order to avoid certain reactionary behaviour from other people.
It has been said here recently (paraphrasing hugely) that women who post nude, pornographic images should expect to attract derogatory, aggressively sexual comments and that if a woman wants to avoid receiving these comments she should only post wholesome pictures and comments. A side point was also made that a woman posting sexual images of herself was lacking self respect!! Now that maybe another discussion for another thread but it certainly serves as another example of double standards (what I found truly outrageous about that was the comment came from another woman [I have no reason to doubt the poster is a genuine woman either]).
Now - in the case of LPSG specifically that is clearly a case of double standards. Is it not to be expected that men posting pornographic images should receive the same? Albeit from a different audience. I know that some men here do receive that kind of PM - should they be expected to handle it differently? Should they be more surprised than the women? Is there a difference in how the straight guys should react and how the gay guys should react?
I have an answer to all my questions myself, of course. And the answer is No - there is no difference. We are all human beings and we should be afforded the same respects. If that respect is violated by an aggressively sexual advance (in whatever form) then a wrong has been done, regardless of the victim's sex, colour, orientation, religion, etc., etc..
There are behaviours online and in real life that we all accept are unreasonable. PMing someone continually with sexually aggressively comments (especially after being asked to stop or receiving no reply and regardless of whether those comments are derogatory or complimentary), touching someone sexually without their permission (sexual assault), rape - I am not saying those three things are equivalent but they are forms / levels of the same kind of abuse.
What I am trying to get round to in a somewhat long winded and rambling way, is that there seems to be an opinion that people should modify their behaviour if they want to avoid being the victim of this kind of abuse. Further to that there is an opinion that certain types of people (e.g., but not exclusively, women) who need to be MORE careful that others and that it is in fact the woman's (in this example) lack of propriety that leads to, or in part causes, the abusive behaviour.
Now, laying my opinion on the line, I will say that I believe that to be utter bollocks. I believe that if a person has it in them to be abusive they will find a victim. You might as well say that child abuse is the fault, in part, of the child for being alone with a paedophile as say that a rape victim was 'asking for it' as a result of any sexual behaviour or way of dressing / talking. And indeed that point has been made in court several times and been the subject of many works of fiction in many genres.
So why does the opinion prevail that a person can be in part responsible, by their behaviour, for their own abuse?
Does anyone here really believe that a man or woman posting sexual images here should expect abusive PMs? And that the very act of posting those images is the cause of the abuse?
I know I am not alone in my opinion but I would like to hear from those that believe in some level of 'asking for it' how they justify that opinion.
