The "asking what your favorite color is back" situation

[jboibaby]

You're probably thinking "what does that even mean?" so hear me out...

Recently my partner and I have been having mega issues with his friend group and something that stuck out from a recent talk was those kinds of people that talk AT you instead of WITH you.

Like you ask them what their favorite color is, and they tell you because you're having a conversation... but then they don't ask you what your favorite color is back.

His argument: It's on "you" (the person asking the question) to let them know your favorite color, whether they asked you back or not.
My argument: Why would you waste time talking to someone who isn't going to ask you back the questions you're asking them- they clearly don't want to get to know you. If they just talk at you, or the conversation becomes basically about them, at that point it's less of a conversation and more of an interview.

I'm not trying to interview people, I'm trying to connect.

Is this just miscommunication? Have any of you experienced this kind of thing... though vague, I know, hopefully, you still get what I'm asking here.

I can't be the only one who thinks this is super weird.

 

[MerBoy]

I think it depends on the situations. For me, if some asks me something that I'm not interested in, like what's your favorite sports team, I'm not going to ask them back. I'm also probably not going to just offer information if they haven't asked back. I guess it would be a little weird if you ask what's your favorite movie, and they carry on about it, and then don't say what about you? Though sometimes conversations drift off. Or sometimes people are just self-absorbed.

 

[Andrej_u]

Yeah it seems like something that's not so clear-cut.
I personally really don't like it when I'm out on Saturday night, at a bar, and a person I just met asks me "what's your job? What do you do?".

I know it's a random conversation topic to get to know each other, but in my free time I want to forget about work! So I try as hard as I can to steer the conversation away, and try to talk about fun stuff. I would never ask back "what's your job?" because I don't care, and it doesn't or shouldn't matter in me deciding whether I like someone or not.

Your friend is partially right in saying that it's on you to make yourself known. I can ask questions and they help, but it also works if you tell me what you think is important about yourself. You might also not love answering some questions, e.g "tell me about your family", as most families are a dysfunctional mess, or someone might have passed away.

In the end, it's a matter of having a conversation flow. And yes, this can include having one person ask questions and the other answer. It's fine, as long as it's not one-sided long term, but that can also happen if one talks a lot and the other doesn't open up. There are many ways of being self-centred.