The 'bad' jokes thread!

[mitchymo]

I shall start with one i read recently on a biscuit wrapper.

What is black and white, black and white, black and white and black and white?.........





.......a penguin rolling down a hill!

 

[Mandee]

lol that is too cute!

 

[B_Nick4444]

what's the fastest speed a chick can have sex at?

answer: sixty-eight ... at sixty-nine, she flips over and blows a rod!

 

[mitchymo]

what's the fastest speed a chick can have sex at?

answer: sixty-eight ... at sixty-nine, she flips over and blows a rod!

PMSL.....Disqualified! that was too funny

 

[Captain Elephant]

What does an old woman taste like?







Depends.

 

[Calboner]

Q: Where does a king keep his armies?

A: Up his sleevies.

Loved the penguin joke, by the way.

Edited to add: Our dear, departed (from this site) former moomber Dumbcow started a thread on "a man walks into a bar" jokes. The first joke was this one (I have changed the wording):

A man walks into a bar. He says: "Ow!"
​

Others included these, posted by me:

A blind guy with a seeing-eye dog walks into a bar, picks up his dog, and swings it around in a circle. The bartender says, "Hey! What the hell are you doing?" The blind guy says, "Just having a look around."

A duck waddles into a bar, perches on a stool, and asks the bartender, "Got any grapes?" The bartender says, "No, we haven't got any grapes! This is a bar; we sell drinks! You can either order a drink or get out." So the duck leaves.

The next day, the duck waddles back into the bar, perches on a stool, and asks the bartender, "Got any grapes?"

"Look, it's just like I told you yesterday: we sell drinks, not grapes! If you're not going to order a drink, get out of here!" So the duck leaves again.

The next day, the duck waddles back into the bar, perches on a stool, and asks the bartender, "Got any grapes?"

The bartender yells at him, "For the last fucking time, no, we haven't got any fucking grapes! And if you come in here and ask me that question one more time, I'll nail your fucking beak to the counter! Now get the hell out of my bar!" So the duck leaves again.

The next day, the duck waddles back into the bar, perches on a stool, and asks the bartender, "Got any nails?" The bartender, momentarily nonplussed, says, "Nails? No, we haven't got any nails." "Good," says the duck. "Got any grapes?"

 

[midlifebear]

Q: How do you get a BYU coed into your dorm room?
A: Open the door, grease her hips and throw in a Twinkie.

 

[midlifebear]

A UT Austin football player was making out with a UT coed in a parking lot by Town Lake. The session got pretty steamy when the coed finally whispered in the football player's ear, "Now I want you to kiss down where it's hot and sticky."

So he drove her to Beaumont.

 

[Calboner]

Q: How do you get a BYU coed into your dorm room?
A: Open the door, grease her hips and throw in a Twinkie.

:biglaugh: Oh, you BAD!

Apart from the college reference, that sounds like an answer that Al Bundy would give.

 

[Pecker]

A skeleton walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "I'll have a beer and a mop!"

 

[nudeyorker]

A man walks into the bar and sits down and puts a small box on the bar, the bartender asks 'What's in the box?" The man opens the box and brings out a 10" man playing a small piano. The bartender says "That is amazing, where did you get the tiny piano player?"
The man says "I rescued a genie from a bottle and he gave me one wish...he must have misunderstood me and thought I said a 10" pianist!"

 

[Pecker]

So I sent a post to the Moderators: "I want to report a nuisance."

They responded, "Not you again!"

 

[MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK]

So a gay couple are driving down the highway and come to a stop at an intersection. When all of a sudden, a truck rams them from behind. The one gay guy gets out to talk to the trucker. His friend yells to him,"Tell him we're going to sue,sue,sue!!" So he goes over to the trucker, and asks why he did it. Indignantly, the trucker yells, "Ah, blow me!!"

So the gay guy runs back to his car happy, and tells his friend, "Good news; he wants to settle out of court!!"

 

[Calboner]

A man walks into the bar and sits down and puts a small box on the bar, the bartender asks 'What's in the box?" The man opens the box and brings out a 10" man playing a small piano. The bartender says "That is amazing, where did you get the tiny piano player?"
The man says "I rescued a genie from a bottle and he gave me one wish...he must have misunderstood me and thought I said a 10" pianist!"

I hope that people know that joke when they see the name of this member:

12inch_pianist

(You see how everything is bigger on this site.)

 

[mitchymo]

So I sent a post to the Moderators: "I want to report a nuisance."

They responded, "Not you again!"

Hahaha love it :biggrin1:


Three decorators walk drunkenly out of a bar, they were plastered!

A blind man walks into a bar....that's gotta hurt!