Lately I've been feeling a dichotomy between how I feel about myself in sexual settings and non-sexual. I think it's pretty common for people to act one way in bed and one way in the rest of their lives, but is it healthy?
For me in particular, this site and "big dick worship" culture in general was integral to my sexual development. I was still a virgin (more like an incel but with less of the angry weirdness) at 18 when I joined this site. I didn't have my first time until age 22 and I wasn't steadily getting action until I was 26. So a large portion of my sexual development and gratification came from here; from posting pics, showing off, being flirty in chat. Getting a private chat with a new girl was more exciting to me than meeting a new girl in the real world, because I knew I could cut to the chase and talk about my favorite subjects, particularly my size, which made me feel special and confident.
Offline, I've had self-esteem problems as long as I can remember. I know on a superficial level that I'm handsome, interesting, and desirable, but years of rejection and social anxiety, particularly in high school and college, has sunken in a deeply persistent voice of negativity telling me I'm none of these things, that I'm boring, robotic, and can't relate to people.
This site, and similar activities (flirting on Skype and such) provide me an escape from those feelings. But is it just like a drug, a high that I'll keep chasing? Or is there a way to let my online persona help my offline confidence?
Wondering if anyone has had similar experiences.
For me in particular, this site and "big dick worship" culture in general was integral to my sexual development. I was still a virgin (more like an incel but with less of the angry weirdness) at 18 when I joined this site. I didn't have my first time until age 22 and I wasn't steadily getting action until I was 26. So a large portion of my sexual development and gratification came from here; from posting pics, showing off, being flirty in chat. Getting a private chat with a new girl was more exciting to me than meeting a new girl in the real world, because I knew I could cut to the chase and talk about my favorite subjects, particularly my size, which made me feel special and confident.
Offline, I've had self-esteem problems as long as I can remember. I know on a superficial level that I'm handsome, interesting, and desirable, but years of rejection and social anxiety, particularly in high school and college, has sunken in a deeply persistent voice of negativity telling me I'm none of these things, that I'm boring, robotic, and can't relate to people.
This site, and similar activities (flirting on Skype and such) provide me an escape from those feelings. But is it just like a drug, a high that I'll keep chasing? Or is there a way to let my online persona help my offline confidence?
Wondering if anyone has had similar experiences.