The Blues

windtalkerways

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If you are new to Blues music or like
it but never really understood the whys
and wherefores, here are some very
fundamental rules:

1. Most Blues begin with: "Woke up
this morning...."

2. "I got a good woman" is a bad way
to begin the Blues, unless you stick
something nasty in the next line like,
"I got a good woman, with the meanest
face in town."

3. The Blues is simple. After you get
the first line right, repeat it. Then
find something that rhymes - sort of:

"Got a good woman with the meanest
face in town. Yes, I got a good woman
with the meanest face in town. Got
teeth like Margaret Thatcher and she
weigh 500 pound."

4. The Blues is not about choice.
You stuck in a ditch, you stuck in a
ditch...ain't no way out.

5. Blues cars: Chevys, Fords, Cadillacs
and broken-down trucks. Blues don't
travel in Volvos, BMWs, or Sport Utility
Vehicles. Most Blues transportation
is a Greyhound bus or a southbound train.
Jet aircraft and state-sponsored
motor pools ain't even in the running.
Walkin' plays a major part in the
Blues lifestyle. So does fixin' to die.

6. Teenagers can't sing the Blues.
They ain't fixin' to die yet. Adults sing
the Blues. In Blues, "adulthood" means
being old enough to get the electric
chair if you shoot a man in Memphis.

7. Blues can take place in New York
City but not in Hawaii or anywhere in
Canada. Hard times in Minneapolis or
Seattle is probably just clinical
depression. Chicago, St. Louis and
Kansas City are still the best places
to have the Blues. You cannot have
the Blues in any place that don't get
no rain.

8. A man with male pattern baldness
ain't the Blues. A woman with male
pattern baldness is.. Breaking your
leg 'cause you were skiing is not the
Blues. Breaking your leg 'cause a
alligator be chomping on it is.

9. You can't have no Blues in an
office or a shopping mall. The lighting
is wrong. Go outside to the parking
lot or sit by the dumpster.

10. Good places for the Blues:

a) highway
b) jailhouse
c) empty bed
d) bottom of a whiskey glass

11. Bad places for the Blues:

a) Nordstrom's
b) gallery openings
c) Ivy League institutions
d) golf courses

12. No one will believe it's the Blues
if you wear a suit, 'less you happen
to be an old person, and you slept in it.

13. Do you have the right to sing the Blues?

Yes, if:

a) you're older than dirt
b) you're blind
c) you shot a man in Memphis
d) you can't be satisfied

No, if:

a) you have all your teeth
b) you were once blind but now can see
c) the man in Memphis lived
d) you have a 401K or trust fund

14. Blues is not a matter of color.
It's a matter of bad luck. Tiger Woods
cannot sing the Blues. Sonny Liston
could have. Ugly white people also got
a leg up on the Blues.

15. If you ask for water and your darlin'
gives you gasoline, it's theBlues.

Other acceptable Blues beverages are:

a) cheap wine
b) whiskey or bourbon
c) muddy water
d) black coffee

The following are NOT Blues beverages:

a) Perrier
b) Chardonnay
c) Snapple
d) Slim Fast

16. If death occurs in a cheap motel
or a shotgun shack, it's a Blues death.
Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover
is another Blues way to die. So are
the electric chair, substance abuse
and dying lonely on a broken-down cot.
You can't have a Blues death if you
die during a tennis match or while
getting liposuction.

17. Some Blues names for women:

a) Sadie
b) Big Mama
c) Bessie
d) Fat River Dumpling

18. Some Blues names for men:

a) Joe
b) Willie
c) Little Willie
d) Big Willie

19. Persons with names like Michelle,
Amber, Jennifer, Debbie, and Heather
can't sing the Blues no matter how
many men they shoot in Memphis.

20. Blues Name Starter Kit:

a) name of physical infirmity
(Blind, Mute, Lame, etc.)

b) first name (see above) plus name
of fruit (Lemon, Lime, Kiwi, etc.)

c) last name of President (Jefferson,
Johnson, Fillmore, Clinton, etc.)

For example: Blind Lime Jefferson,
Pegleg Lemon Johnson or Lame Kiwi
Clinton, etc. (Well, maybe not "Kiwi.")

21. I don't care how tragic your life is:
if you own a computer, you cannot
sing the blues, period.

Sorry!
 

tallguypns

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So let's see if this would be a good blues song.

"I woke up this mornin' and both my Mercedes was gone.
I said, I woke up this mornin' and both dem Mercedes was gone.
I had to buy my supermodel a new Rolex,
Had to get a ride there with the guys that manicured my lawn."
 

javiclee

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As Robert Johnson said “blues aint nothin but a good man feelin bad”
And I think that also explains why most blues songs are about women……..

For example, take my wife.... Please.

*Boom Tish*
 

windtalkerways

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javiclee said:
As Robert Johnson said “blues aint nothin but a good man feelin bad”
And I think that also explains why most blues songs are about women……..

For example, take my wife.... Please.

*Boom Tish*

Funny combo, Javiclee...

Johnson & Dangerfield!:tongue:
 

jakeatolla

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The greatest blues line ever "If it wasn't for bad luck, I'd have no luck at all."


Or from The Long Kiss Goodnight staring Geena Davis,
Samuel Jackson singing :

"Da na na na,got my dick in my left hand,
Da na na na,got my gun in my right.... "
 

windtalkerways

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I actually love the Blues.

Got some:

Bo Diddley
John Lee Hooker
Taj Mahal
Sonny Terry & Brownie McGee

I also love

Muddy Waters
Howlin' Wolf
B.B. King
 

javiclee

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i cant get enough of the blues,

son house,
robert johnson,
blind lemon jefferson,

to
john lee hooker
bo diddley
muddy waters,

and when i listen to jimi play red house i get a shiver down my spine.
Ry Cooder to me is definatley the king of delta slide as well.
 

Pecker

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I got a big ol' slivver in mah tail,
Ya know, I got a big ol' slivver in mah tail,
'Cause once I got a look at yo daddy's shotgun, baby,
I fergot yore mamma don't wax that ol' stair rail.