1. windtalkerways

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    If you are new to Blues music or like
    it but never really understood the whys
    and wherefores, here are some very
    fundamental rules:

    1. Most Blues begin with: "Woke up
    this morning...."

    2. "I got a good woman" is a bad way
    to begin the Blues, unless you stick
    something nasty in the next line like,
    "I got a good woman, with the meanest
    face in town."

    3. The Blues is simple. After you get
    the first line right, repeat it. Then
    find something that rhymes - sort of:

    "Got a good woman with the meanest
    face in town. Yes, I got a good woman
    with the meanest face in town. Got
    teeth like Margaret Thatcher and she
    weigh 500 pound."

    4. The Blues is not about choice.
    You stuck in a ditch, you stuck in a
    ditch...ain't no way out.

    5. Blues cars: Chevys, Fords, Cadillacs
    and broken-down trucks. Blues don't
    travel in Volvos, BMWs, or Sport Utility
    Vehicles. Most Blues transportation
    is a Greyhound bus or a southbound train.
    Jet aircraft and state-sponsored
    motor pools ain't even in the running.
    Walkin' plays a major part in the
    Blues lifestyle. So does fixin' to die.

    6. Teenagers can't sing the Blues.
    They ain't fixin' to die yet. Adults sing
    the Blues. In Blues, "adulthood" means
    being old enough to get the electric
    chair if you shoot a man in Memphis.

    7. Blues can take place in New York
    City but not in Hawaii or anywhere in
    Canada. Hard times in Minneapolis or
    Seattle is probably just clinical
    depression. Chicago, St. Louis and
    Kansas City are still the best places
    to have the Blues. You cannot have
    the Blues in any place that don't get
    no rain.

    8. A man with male pattern baldness
    ain't the Blues. A woman with male
    pattern baldness is.. Breaking your
    leg 'cause you were skiing is not the
    Blues. Breaking your leg 'cause a
    alligator be chomping on it is.

    9. You can't have no Blues in an
    office or a shopping mall. The lighting
    is wrong. Go outside to the parking
    lot or sit by the dumpster.

    10. Good places for the Blues:

    a) highway
    b) jailhouse
    c) empty bed
    d) bottom of a whiskey glass

    11. Bad places for the Blues:

    a) Nordstrom's
    b) gallery openings
    c) Ivy League institutions
    d) golf courses

    12. No one will believe it's the Blues
    if you wear a suit, 'less you happen
    to be an old person, and you slept in it.

    13. Do you have the right to sing the Blues?

    Yes, if:

    a) you're older than dirt
    b) you're blind
    c) you shot a man in Memphis
    d) you can't be satisfied

    No, if:

    a) you have all your teeth
    b) you were once blind but now can see
    c) the man in Memphis lived
    d) you have a 401K or trust fund

    14. Blues is not a matter of color.
    It's a matter of bad luck. Tiger Woods
    cannot sing the Blues. Sonny Liston
    could have. Ugly white people also got
    a leg up on the Blues.

    15. If you ask for water and your darlin'
    gives you gasoline, it's theBlues.

    Other acceptable Blues beverages are:

    a) cheap wine
    b) whiskey or bourbon
    c) muddy water
    d) black coffee

    The following are NOT Blues beverages:

    a) Perrier
    b) Chardonnay
    c) Snapple
    d) Slim Fast

    16. If death occurs in a cheap motel
    or a shotgun shack, it's a Blues death.
    Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover
    is another Blues way to die. So are
    the electric chair, substance abuse
    and dying lonely on a broken-down cot.
    You can't have a Blues death if you
    die during a tennis match or while
    getting liposuction.

    17. Some Blues names for women:

    a) Sadie
    b) Big Mama
    c) Bessie
    d) Fat River Dumpling

    18. Some Blues names for men:

    a) Joe
    b) Willie
    c) Little Willie
    d) Big Willie

    19. Persons with names like Michelle,
    Amber, Jennifer, Debbie, and Heather
    can't sing the Blues no matter how
    many men they shoot in Memphis.

    20. Blues Name Starter Kit:

    a) name of physical infirmity
    (Blind, Mute, Lame, etc.)

    b) first name (see above) plus name
    of fruit (Lemon, Lime, Kiwi, etc.)

    c) last name of President (Jefferson,
    Johnson, Fillmore, Clinton, etc.)

    For example: Blind Lime Jefferson,
    Pegleg Lemon Johnson or Lame Kiwi
    Clinton, etc. (Well, maybe not "Kiwi.")

    21. I don't care how tragic your life is:
    if you own a computer, you cannot
    sing the blues, period.

    Sorry!
     
  2. tallguypns

    Gold Member

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    So let's see if this would be a good blues song.

    "I woke up this mornin' and both my Mercedes was gone.
    I said, I woke up this mornin' and both dem Mercedes was gone.
    I had to buy my supermodel a new Rolex,
    Had to get a ride there with the guys that manicured my lawn."
     
  3. windtalkerways

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    ROFLMAO!!!

    OMG...now that was truly hilarious, Tall.:biggrin1:

    I can just imagine the dead pan delivery!:tongue:
     
  4. javiclee

    javiclee New Member

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    As Robert Johnson said “blues aint nothin but a good man feelin bad”
    And I think that also explains why most blues songs are about women……..

    For example, take my wife.... Please.

    *Boom Tish*
     
  5. windtalkerways

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    Funny combo, Javiclee...

    Johnson & Dangerfield!:tongue:
     
  6. javiclee

    javiclee New Member

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    Hopefully when im old enough i'll figure out some of my own jokes!

    Now if you'll excuse me i have some finger painting to do.
     
  7. jakeatolla

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    The greatest blues line ever "If it wasn't for bad luck, I'd have no luck at all."


    Or from The Long Kiss Goodnight staring Geena Davis,
    Samuel Jackson singing :

    "Da na na na,got my dick in my left hand,
    Da na na na,got my gun in my right.... "
     
  8. windtalkerways

    Gold Member

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    I actually love the Blues.

    Got some:

    Bo Diddley
    John Lee Hooker
    Taj Mahal
    Sonny Terry & Brownie McGee

    I also love

    Muddy Waters
    Howlin' Wolf
    B.B. King
     
  9. javiclee

    javiclee New Member

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    i cant get enough of the blues,

    son house,
    robert johnson,
    blind lemon jefferson,

    to
    john lee hooker
    bo diddley
    muddy waters,

    and when i listen to jimi play red house i get a shiver down my spine.
    Ry Cooder to me is definatley the king of delta slide as well.
     
  10. jeff black

    jeff black <img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi

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    B.B king is the man!! Play it all night long man:cool:
     
  11. windtalkerways

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    I dunno where that thread went to
    that is for favourite songs for gettin'
    busy but the blues are awesome.
     
  12. B_horribleperson

    B_horribleperson New Member

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    this isnt a damn quiz???
     
  13. windtalkerways

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    *Laughs first then spanks HP !* :biggrin1:
     
  14. Pecker

    Pecker Retired Moderator
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    I got a big ol' slivver in mah tail,
    Ya know, I got a big ol' slivver in mah tail,
    'Cause once I got a look at yo daddy's shotgun, baby,
    I fergot yore mamma don't wax that ol' stair rail.
     
  15. windtalkerways

    Gold Member

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    ROFLMAO!!!! ((((Pecker)))) :biggrin1:
     
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