The Classifieds

Discussion in 'Funny Stuff: Jokes, Quizzes, Games & Pics' started by windtalkerways, Mar 26, 2006.

  1. windtalkerways

    Gold Member

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    • WE DO NOT TEAR YOUR CLOTHING WITH MACHINERY.
      WE DO IT CAREFULLY BY HAND.
    • GET RID OF AUNTS. ZAP DOES THE JOB IN 24 HOURS.
    • STOCK UP AND SAVE. LIMIT: ONE.
    • ILLITERATE? WRITE TODAY FOR FREE HELP.
    • MAN, HONEST. WILL TAKE ANYTHING.
    • WANTED. MAN TO TAKE CARE OF COW THAT DOES NOT SMOKE OR DRINK.
    • AUTO REPAIR SERVICE. FREE PICK-UP AND DELIVERY.
      TRY US ONCE, YOU'LL NEVER GO ANYWHERE AGAIN.
    • DOG FOR SALE: EATS ANYTHING AND IS FOND OF CHILDREN.
    • MIXING BOWL SET DESIGNED TO PLEASE A COOK WITH ROUND BOTTOM FOR EFFICIENT BEATING.
    • AMANA WASHER $100. OWNED BY CLEAN BACHELOR WHO SELDOM WASHED.
    • OUR EXPERIENCED MOM WILL CARE FOR YOUR CHILD.
    • FENCED YARD, MEALS, AND SMACKS INCLUDED.
    • NOW IS YOUR CHANCE TO HAVE YOUR EARS PIERCED
      AND GET AN EXTRA PAIR TO TAKE HOME, TOO.
    • MAN WANTED TO WORK IN DYNAMITE FACTORY.
      MUST BE WILLING TO TRAVEL.
    • TIRED OF CLEANING YOURSELF. LET ME DO IT.
    • SEMI-ANNUAL AFTER-CHRISTMAS SALE.
    • 3-YEAR OLD TEACHER NEEDED FOR PRE-SCHOOL.
      EXPERIENCE PREFERRED.
    • VACATION SPECIAL: HAVE YOUR HOME EXTERMINATED.
    • GIRL WANTED TO ASSIST MAGICIAN IN CUTTING-OFF-HEAD ILLUSION.
      BLUE CROSS AND SALARY.
    • USED CARS: WHY GO ELSEWHERE TO BE CHEATED. COME HERE FIRST.
    • FOR SALE: ANTIQUE DESK SUITABLE FOR LADY WITH THICK LEGS AND LARGE DRAWERS.
    • FOR SALE. THREE CANARIES OF UNDERMINED SEX.
    • GREAT DAMES FOR SALE.
    • FREE PUPPIES: 1/2 COCKER SPANIEL-1/2 SNEAKY NEIGHBOR'S DOG
    • MT. KILIMANJARO, THE BREATHTAKING BACKDROP FOR THE SERENA LODGE.
      SWIM IN THE LOVELY POOL WHILE YOU DRINK IT ALL IN.
    • DINNER SPECIAL -- TURKEY $2.35; CHICKEN OR BEEF $2.25; CHILDREN $2.00
    • THE HOTEL HAS BOWLING ALLEYS, TENNIS COURTS, COMFORTABLE BEDS AND OTHER ATHLETIC FACILITIES.
    • WANTED: HAIR CUTTER. EXCELLENT GROWTH POTENTIAL.
    • TOASTER: A GIFT THAT EVERY MEMBER OF THE FAMILY APPRECIATES.
      AUTOMATICALLY BURNS TOAST.
    • FOR RENT: 6-ROOM HATED APARTMENT.
    • WE WILL OIL YOUR SEWING MACHINE AND ADJUST TENSION IN YOUR HOME FOR $1.00.
    • CHRISTMAS TAG-SALE. HANDMADE GIFTS FOR THE HARD-TO-FIND PERSON.
    • AND NOW, THE SUPERSTORE-UNEQUALED IN SIZE, UNMATCHED IN VARIETY, UNRIVALED INCONVENIENCE.
    • HAVE SEVERAL VERY OLD DRESSES FROM GRANDMOTHER IN BEAUTIFUL CONDITION.
    • Ad seen in NY Times
      For sale by owner
      Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 volumes. Excellent condition. $1,000.00 or best offer. No longer needed. Got married last weekend. Wife knows everything.
     
  2. Webster

    Webster New Member

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    Thanks
    I really liked these
     
  3. windtalkerways

    Gold Member

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    :veryhappy: Welcome, Web!
     
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