The ComMANdments

Discussion in 'Funny Stuff: Jokes, Quizzes, Games & Pics' started by D_Thoraxis_Biggulp, Aug 20, 2008.

  1. D_Thoraxis_Biggulp

    D_Thoraxis_Biggulp New Member

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    As the name implies, it's an ongoing list of qualities and/or accomplishments that make a man, well... A Man. Not stupid inane shit like being able to knock back a case of Millers in one night and make it through work the next day.
    No, useful stuff like... being able to get your keys out of a locked car without a slim jim or a large blunt object. Or being able to admit when you should've taken your wife's advice (or even better, taking it in the first place). I'll start:



    ComMANdment 1: Thou shalt neither objectify women nor womanize objects.
     
  2. invisibleman

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    ComMANdment 2:
    The inner spiritual way of MAN is undefinable and varied.

    ComMANdment 3:
    Thou shalt not wear high heel shoes unless you have a "Chevy Chase" coverage provisioned in your health insurance plan.

    ComMANdment 4:
    A MAN should learn to cook for himself and for others.
    And use SAFESERV protocols while in the process.

    ComMANdment 4a:
    You cook...always take pleasure in cleaning up utensils, dishes, table,
    and taking the trash out. It isn't difficult if you have a plan. And especially, if you make one pot meals.

    ComMANdment 5:
    A MAN should always hold high regard for himself, his fellow MAN and woMAN.

    ComMANdment 6:
    A MAN should always have a sense of humor but never at the expense of others.

    ComMANdment 7:
    A MAN should always express himself.

    ComMANdment 8:
    A MAN should improvise when the routine no longer serves him.

    ComMANdment 9:
    A MAN assumes responsibility for his actions/inactions.

    ComMANdment 10:
    A MAN should be a focused JACK-OF-ALL-TRADES guy in a respects to his life.

    ComMANdment 11:
    Act and be satisfied. When the well is dry, MAN can get into stupid and
    sometimes serious situations when unsatisfied with life.

    ComMANdment 12:
    If you learn to create love for yourself, you will not depend on it from anyone else.

    ComMANdment 13:
    Never allow another MAN to dictate what is MANly or masculine. Every man has to define it and tweak it for themselves.

    ComMANdment 14:
    Never play into any MAN's "rites of passage"...even for family.
    Life is its own rites of passage.
     
    #2 invisibleman, Aug 20, 2008
    Last edited: Aug 20, 2008
  3. D_Thoraxis_Biggulp

    D_Thoraxis_Biggulp New Member

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    4, 8, 9 and 10 are really good ones.
     
  4. D_Thoraxis_Biggulp

    D_Thoraxis_Biggulp New Member

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    ComMANdment 11:
    Thou shalt know that the truly shortest path may appear a detour.

    ComMANdment 12:
    Thou shalt hold esteem to blood over money.

    ComMANdment 13:
    Thou shalt help friends move, but save thy own ass and testify when it comes time to move bodies.

    ComMANdment 14:
    Thou shalt realize that all Men hold the power to move mountains, but alone it is nigh impossible.

    ComMANdment 15:
    Thou shalt always know an alternate route and never run short of sleeved cards.
     
  5. invisibleman

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    ComMANdment 2:

    The inner spiritual way of MAN is undefinable and varied.

    Why? A MAN, like a woMAN, is an explorer and an active participant in life. Everyone has purposes. Intentions. Mind and spirit (imagination and outlook) works to serve whatever those purposes and intentions are.

    ComMANdment 3:
    Thou shalt not wear high heel shoes unless you have a "Chevy Chase" coverage provisioned in your health insurance plan.

    ComMANdment 4:
    A MAN should learn to cook for himself and for others.
    And use SAFESERV protocols while in the process.

    ComMANdment 4a:
    You cook...always take pleasure in cleaning up utensils, dishes, table,
    and taking the trash out. It isn't difficult if you have a plan. And especially, if you make one pot meals.

    ComMANdment 5:
    A MAN should always hold high regard for himself, his fellow MAN and woMAN.

    Another MANifestation of the golden rule.

    ComMANdment 6:
    A MAN should always have a sense of humor but never at the expense of others.

    ComMANdment 7:
    A MAN should always express himself.
    Why? How else is anyone going to know who you are as a person if you don't express yourself.

    ComMANdment 8:
    A MAN should improvise when the routine no longer serves him.

    ComMANdment 9:
    A MAN assumes responsibility for his actions/inactions.

    ComMANdment 10:
    A MAN should be a focused JACK-OF-ALL-TRADES guy in a respects to his life.

    ComMANdment 11:
    Act and be satisfied. When the well is dry, MAN can get into stupid and
    sometimes serious situations when unsatisfied with life.

    ComMANdment 12:
    If you learn to create love for yourself, you will not depend on it from anyone else.

    Why? A man cannot break his own heart.

    ComMANdment 13:
    Never allow another MAN to dictate what is MANly or masculine. Every man has to define it and tweak it for themselves.

    Why? Every man cannot possibly BE anyone else's ideal of a MAN. Because a person is not your ideal of what is a MAN, doesn't make them NOT men. It makes them different...but a MAN still.

    ComMANdment 14:
    Never play into any MAN's "rites of passage"...even for family.

    Life is its own rites of passage.
     
  6. invisibleman

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  7. D_Thoraxis_Biggulp

    D_Thoraxis_Biggulp New Member

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    ComMANdment 16:
    Thou shalt stand thy ground, but know when thy footing is unstable and how to get the fuck out.

    ComMANdment 17:
    Thou shalt know the difference between a bad moon on the rise and a bathroom on the right.

    ComMANdment 18:
    Thou shalt realize that thy flesh is mortal, but thy deeds shall outlive it.

    ComMANdment 19:
    Thou shalt know that silencing one's own laughter is neither a sign of maturity nor coolness, but rather that thou art a prick.

    ComMANdment 20:
    Thou shalt not think the likes of P. Diddy the godfather of hip hop music, but rather that he ruined it much like Kenny Chesney did to country music.
     
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