I was chatting on the Internet yesterday with a 22-year-old grad student who tried to explain what he meant when he said that he's bi. I kinda pressed him further, I admit.
Anyway, he talked a little bit about what he likes about women and what he likes about men. At first, he said that he was more partial to men physically. He likes male body contact. He likes mutual masturbation and giving oral sex, but he's not into more "intimate" behaviors like kissing or anal sex. (I don't blame him about the latter, though. I've never been comfortable with that either, even with a consenting woman.) He likes cuddling, though, with both genders. I asked him what he liked with women, and he said that he liked cuddling, of course, and vaginal sex. Kissing? Yeah, he'll kiss women.
Okay, so I think I got his tastes figured out a bit, and then he explains: "I like guys a lot. I don't know if I could ever be with a woman without having a guy on the side."
Of course, I don't think this attitude is fully representative of the bisexuality thing. Commitment is an emotional beast totally separate from what you fuck. Hell, heterosexuals and homosexuals still have problems keeping it in their pants.
What kept me interested though was that he pretty much shot down for himself any hope of finding a partner that he can fully invest himself into because his sexual needs were so much more powerful? That thinking might just reflect his age. You don't get the deep emotional drives psychologically for another few years, anyway; he's barely out of his manwhore period, ha ha. Marriage is a distinct stage in the life cycle. He's waist deep in graduate school, and that really does suck up and consume your life. You barely have time for anything, let alone a fling.
That comment still sticks with me, though.
Perhaps this is naive -- I'm gonna claim that now -- but I figure that if you really meet someone that you're compatible with, whatever gender that person may be, that that compatibility is strong enough to manage alternative sexual interests. That happens enough in regular relationships. If you're in a relationship, you tend not to be looking for other mates, even if they might be a little more physically attractive than your mate.
But the guy shot himself down, basically. Said that he'll probably never find that level of satisfaction in a mate.
What do you guys think?
I guess this is more directed toward those with bisexual persuasions, but I'm fielding comments from anybody at this point...
Anyway, he talked a little bit about what he likes about women and what he likes about men. At first, he said that he was more partial to men physically. He likes male body contact. He likes mutual masturbation and giving oral sex, but he's not into more "intimate" behaviors like kissing or anal sex. (I don't blame him about the latter, though. I've never been comfortable with that either, even with a consenting woman.) He likes cuddling, though, with both genders. I asked him what he liked with women, and he said that he liked cuddling, of course, and vaginal sex. Kissing? Yeah, he'll kiss women.
Okay, so I think I got his tastes figured out a bit, and then he explains: "I like guys a lot. I don't know if I could ever be with a woman without having a guy on the side."
Of course, I don't think this attitude is fully representative of the bisexuality thing. Commitment is an emotional beast totally separate from what you fuck. Hell, heterosexuals and homosexuals still have problems keeping it in their pants.
What kept me interested though was that he pretty much shot down for himself any hope of finding a partner that he can fully invest himself into because his sexual needs were so much more powerful? That thinking might just reflect his age. You don't get the deep emotional drives psychologically for another few years, anyway; he's barely out of his manwhore period, ha ha. Marriage is a distinct stage in the life cycle. He's waist deep in graduate school, and that really does suck up and consume your life. You barely have time for anything, let alone a fling.
That comment still sticks with me, though.
Perhaps this is naive -- I'm gonna claim that now -- but I figure that if you really meet someone that you're compatible with, whatever gender that person may be, that that compatibility is strong enough to manage alternative sexual interests. That happens enough in regular relationships. If you're in a relationship, you tend not to be looking for other mates, even if they might be a little more physically attractive than your mate.
But the guy shot himself down, basically. Said that he'll probably never find that level of satisfaction in a mate.
What do you guys think?
I guess this is more directed toward those with bisexual persuasions, but I'm fielding comments from anybody at this point...