The dating/relationship failures thread

[someperson]

I'd love to see statistics that back up your last sentence. That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever read. And as for the "state" going after people - maybe in the movies. District attorneys traditionally take 1/3rd of what they collect. I was more than willing to give them 33% of the more than $100,000 still owed (not including interest) in child support granted by the courts.

Agh, you got me started on this. Don't go there. It won't go well for you coming from a mother who's been through it successfully and with a lot of pain.

Oh, your first sentence, I guess I found the only guy that not only wanted to support "another guys kids" but became a great Dad in the process.

Google returned over 2 million results https://www.google.com/webhp?client...g+child+support+for+a+child+that+is+not+yours

 

[950483]

Google returned over 2 million results https://www.google.com/webhp?client...g+child+support+for+a+child+that+is+not+yours

And did the 2 million results say something along the lines of "DNA test - problem solved"?

 

[589189]

im going with the old sports gem ' to finish first, first you must finish'. Upon reflection a lot of my relationships have been sucesses, survived them first, learned from them, developed for the better as a result of them, i guess it hinges on what constitutes as 'failure', and in what context......next id like to point out what life is alike at the bottom of the sea bed, its like the first point i made...'its really fukin' deep'.

 

[someperson]

And did the 2 million results say something along the lines of "DNA test - problem solved"?

yeah good luck collecting what is taken houses,cars ,other property.. the state goes by what's on the birth certificate. .
..first. if one is married it puts one on hook automatically to pay child support in many states (even if it's not ones child)

 

[AlteredEgo]

That is so cute!
- that you counter actual humor by BEING smug and patronizing while claiming you are not.

Because YOU are a smug, patronizing person, naturally that is the tone in which you chose to read a matter-of-fact response. Naturally, you just had to up the ante on your bad behavior in your own even more smug response, right? How's this for patronizing? You do realize, do you not, that you aren't required to actually be a large penis to post here.

yeah good luck collecting what is taken houses,cars ,other property.. the state goes by what's on the birth certificate. .
..first. if one is married it puts one on hook automatically to pay child support in many states (even if it's not ones child)

Wait... how does that come I to play if the child is already much older than the marriage to a man whose name is not on the birth certificate? What does that have to do with single mothers dating? You're really reaching now, and making very little sense.

 

[someperson]

Because YOU are a smug, patronizing person, naturally that is the tone in which you chose to read a matter-of-fact response. Naturally, you just had to up the ante on your bad behavior in your own even more smug response, right? How's this for patronizing? You do realize, do you not, that you aren't required to actually be a large penis to post here.


Wait... how does that come I to play if the child is already much older than the marriage to a man whose name is not on the birth certificate? What does that have to do with single mothers dating? You're really reaching now, and making very little sense.

when you get married in some states such as a " property state" you share 50/50 that includes paying child support upon speration even if they are not yours

 

[wallyj84]

Can we move away from the divorce stuff?

That really deserves its own topic.

 

[AlteredEgo]

when you get married in some states such as a " property state" you share 50/50 that includes paying child support upon speration even if they are not yours

Not if there is already an established father. That has nothing to do with the situation described, and you are way off topic.

 

[Scarletbegonia]

My divorce is not final, my ex, my best friend in all the world, and I still cohabitate, and my boyfriend is still a year away from moving close. He lives two states away. It's over 600 miles. It's a ten hour drive. I miss him all the time. My ex is heartbroken, and I feel like a criminal for hurting such a gentle, decent, loving soul. But we both need to be free to find better suited partners. I found a great guy (actually, he found me) and my ex can find a great guy too. Still, it is frustrating and worrisome that I waited so long to marry, rejected several proposals, and ended up choosing so poorly for myself. It can really make one question a lot about oneself.

He is still your best friend in all the world? You chose well. He wasn't trough growing into himself, in a basic way.
Sure we all continue to grow, but his journey had a major breakthrough. Perhaps he still has more of it ahead.

 

[Scarletbegonia]

yeah good luck collecting what is taken houses,cars ,other property.. the state goes by what's on the birth certificate. .
..first. if one is married it puts one on hook automatically to pay child support in many states (even if it's not ones child)

Then don't go on the birth certificate or adopt.
That's how it happens, and if an adoptive father, and that's what the non sperm donor father on a birth certificate basically is, decides the child isn't theirs because they aren't married to the mom anymore, well, they are a piece of crap person.
On that theory, I wasn't entitled to support from my dad. But I was by the legal system that was meant to protect me, the kid, in a divorce.

A relationship with a child is different than with a partner in so many ways. Starting with: the kid didn't ask for it. Consent is a thing.

But you would rather spout MRA lines than think.

 

[EllieP]

Google returned over 2 million results https://www.google.com/webhp?client...g+child+support+for+a+child+that+is+not+yours

And if you bothered to click on one of those two million links you would see something along the line of Florida's laws:

You Cannot Disestablish Paternity If:


(a) You married the mother of the child and at the same time representing to the community that you are the father
(b) You stated that you are the real father in a sworn document
(c) You consented to be named as the child’s biological father on the child’s birth certificate;
(d) You received written notice from a state agency or court requiring a DNA test – and then ignoring that written notice
(e) You signed a voluntary acknowledgment of paternity

But if you're insinuating that I found the guy with the deepest pockets and named him the father, well, I could take that as an insult, but instead I'll just assume that your circle of acquaintances is vastly different from mine.

 

[AlteredEgo]

He is still your best friend in all the world? You chose well. He wasn't trough growing into himself, in a basic way.
Sure we all continue to grow, but his journey had a major breakthrough. Perhaps he still has more of it ahead.

I hope so. I just want him to be happy. That's all I ever wanted. Yes, he's still the best friend I've ever had, perhaps even a better friend than I deserve. He continues to give to me in ways I will never be able to repay through the care and consideration he extends to my grandmother, my brother, and my nephews, simply because I love them. He is the very measure of a good man. He is grace personified. I will always do my very best to be a good friend to him. He never hesitates to be a good friend, a brother, to me.

 

[KennF]

It was only after my self-imposed exile when I threw away my grocery list and gave up on men that one found me.

That's how it tends to go. What we thought was a wanted requirement...wasn't; but what we needed...we found.

Crazy...eh?

 

[KennF]

most guys don't want to support another guys kids that is why..it also happens that these guys get hooked into paying child support for kid's that are not even their own.in many states they go after the guy with the $$$$ rather then the actual father.

That is anecdotal, not actual. When love comes, the children of "another guy" become part of the total picture. There are just as many guys that want "families" but don't feel they have the time for the "baby/toddler". And the child support or money is NEVER going to stop someone from loving.

As for going after guys with money, instead of actual fathers... that is hyperbole and not factual. It makes for great drama on TV, but the law, in most states, is rather clear on the issue.

 

[KennF]

when you get married in some states such as a " property state" you share 50/50 that includes paying child support upon speration even if they are not yours

Absolutely. And I see nothing wrong with this.

You shouldn't be getting married and dividing up people that you agreed to care for, like property. It is a horrid way to consider children... Oh they are YOUR children, or they are HIS children. When you married the family, you married the family. If you wanted to separate out the costs of children or prior <fill in the blank>, then there are prenuptial agreements to limit things.

What you are saying is that if things go bad with the spouse, you'll abandon the children.

If you want to view the victim's perspective, then view it from the children who don't get a voice in the marriage decision.

 

[Phil Ayesho]

Because YOU are a smug, patronizing person, naturally that is the tone in which you chose to read a matter-of-fact response. Naturally, you just had to up the ante on your bad behavior in your own even more smug response, right? How's this for patronizing? You do realize, do you not, that you aren't required to actually be a large penis to post here.

Yeah- i don't think you comprehend what smug actually is.

Claiming you can get laid Every. Single. Time. you're interested... Sure- that's "matter of fact"--- Bragging, as if its a matter of fact.
That's smug.


Of course, I ought to have specified that a sense of humor gets a straight man laid. My bad.
( I never said its the only thing that gets you laid.)

There is nothing smug about suggesting that everyone gets their heart broken.
Me included. Nothing smug about suggesting that giving up is for the grave and that everyone who's lonely ought to keep trying. That there is nothing wrong with being devastated by a breakup, because that just proves it mattered to you.

Sympathy isn't patting someone's hand and telling them you understand. Everyone understands heartbreak.
Sympathy sometimes is telling the bruised and the broken to walk it off and get back in the game.


I will maintain...there is no point to living pain free.

Sorrow is not something to be avoided... You know it is coming in some measure, at some time. Even if you meet THE ONE with whom you will share a deep love life long... it will be stripped from you by death.
Periods of sorrow are a given in life.

But you can ruin your entire life living in dread of the sorrows to come.
Like trying to protect yourself from a great pain, by choosing instead to endure the dull ache of loneliness each and every day.


Too many of us armor over our injuries with revisionist histories of the loves we lost. We vilify or demonize those who hurt us to make the pain somewhat less and salve our own egos from self examination of our own failings.
And that works- but in muffling our pain we muffle our joy, as well.

We sacrifice what we loved about a person on the altar of avoiding our own insufferable pain.
or worse- we sacrifice our own hopefulness to the narrative of mistrust.

I am not smug because I suffer these pains like any one else. Maybe worse than most because I choose Not to armor myself to injury.

I am still devastated by being dumped by my very first girlfriend...40 years ago
I can still cry over that wound.
But that is because I still cherish what was wonderful about that love, about that woman.

If I want to keep hold of what was wonderful... then of course I must keep hold of the pain I felt in losing it.
I still love her... and so it still hurts that she let that love go.



Wisdom... i think, must be the layering of all these joys and all these sorrows that we accumulate thru life,
like coats of lacquer...

we can paint them opaque and muddy- or they can be clear and lucid and add astonishingly beautiful depth.

I want to see my own past clearly... like that deep grain under twenty coats of lacquer. I want to remember why I risked my heart and why it hurt so much, because I want my next love to matter just as much or more.

and there will be a next love.

All I have to do is remember what it feels like to be eager and hopeful.
To give without fear.

heartbreak won't kill us.
We write the narrative of our own lives.
So write yourself stronger.


I want to hold and be held.
And I know I am not the only one.


hows that for patronizing?

 

[bi_todd]

*unwatch thread*

 

[KennF]

well the state is quick to jump the gun. you have to fight it and is a easy loss because lawyers can get expensive fast.. they zero out a bank account faster then court date. this happened to my cousin. ended up over drawing him a few grand.. owell

I am sure that your cousin's situation didn't come strictly from the court. In order for a court to take money from a bank account, there has to be a court order. And for there to be a court order, there has to be a court hearing. And for there to be a court hearing, there had to be notice given to your cousin. If your cousin didn't show, or moved and didn't leave a forwarding address, then there could be a default judgment, which isn't that tough to reverse pro se.

As for the lawyers taking the money, they can't take the money. They can bill for there time and your cousin would have to pay the bill.

So, there is nothing I can see from this that the court or lawyers would overdraw his account "a few grand".

I do agree that lawyers can be costly. So you have to pick and choose your lawyer with care, or, learn how to file pro se. Family court is extremely liberal when it comes to pro se filings.

 

[wallyj84]

This thread has really degenerated.

 

[Phil Ayesho]

This thread has really degenerated.

sorry
I'm an infamous degenerate.