The definition of slut

[NC_BBC]

But, to the OP, It's not the HOW MANY to me... It's HOW IT'S DONE. A slut to me (male or female) is someone who goes at "IT" with total disregard to the 5 W's (who, what, when, where, and why)

 

[petite]

Not individually, I agree. But those activities together in a cluster very much describe the overall bro lifestyle, and in my experience you can expect a bro-ish mindset from a guy you can check off most of those activities for - particularly muscle and "alpha" obsession combined with overt displays of female objectification.

While I don't agree philosophically, that "bro" you were arguing with has a point in that his nouveau chauvinist mindset is quite widespread - even among guys that put up a feminist friendly or overall "good guy" facade in social settings.

That's probably why my reality isn't his reality. I really dislike bros, so I don't spend any time around them. We're lucky to work in an industry that is almost totally absent of bros.

I like that phrase, "nouveau chauvinist mindset." I hate to see chauvinism making a come-back, but do you think that's the case with bros? Are they bringing chauvinism back?

I was actually surprised to see that you put the age of bros all the way up to 40, but I'm not an expert on them. They're for the most part invisible to me. If those guys are examples of bros, well, they're who I expected they are and I feel justified in having a low opinion of them.

 

[693987]

There's really no accurate definition of slut whore skank it's just a word that belittles women who have an active sex like
There will always be this double standard and sadly we can't change it

Uhm... myself and plenty of other people don't find the word slut belittling.

Also, ever heard of Slut Walks? Started because people were outraged at victim-blaming for individuals who had been raped. It branched out to include slut-shaming, for people who embrace their sexuality.

As the fantastic subgirrl pointed out, this thread has basically already been done rather recently. The quote from aninnymouse hit the nail on the head.

 

[petite]

While I don't agree philosophically, that "bro" you were arguing with has a point in that his nouveau chauvinist mindset is quite widespread - even among guys that put up a feminist friendly or overall "good guy" facade in social settings.

Okay, I'm revisiting this because I just remembered a conversation I had with TheBF a long time ago.

You claim that those guys pretend to be feminist in front of women but act like chauvinists in front of men. This is something I asked TheBF about.

I said something like this, "So supposedly guys aren't supposed to be serious about women that they have sex with too early, right? But look at the people we know. They clearly don't actually do that. Look at [here I gave a loooong list of examples of guys we know who got serious with women who broke the "rules"]. So, what's going on there?"

TheBF told me that it's because that's what men say to other men because they think that's what they're supposed to say. Even though they might not have the balls to admit it to each other, when it comes to girl that he falls for, it really won't matter.

"So, you're saying that there's a big disconnect between what guys say and what they'll do?"

"Pretty much."

So, according to him, at least some men are just pretending to be chauvinists in front of their male friends. Personally, I think you can judge what men really believe by looking at their actions, not whether they say what women want to hear in front of women or what men want to hear in front of men.

 

[_yayme]

Uhm... myself and plenty of other people don't find the word slut belittling.

Also, ever heard of Slut Walks? Started because people were outraged at victim-blaming for individuals who had been raped. It branched out to include slut-shaming, for people who embrace their sexuality.

As the fantastic subgirrl pointed out, this thread has basically already been done rather recently. The quote from aninnymouse hit the nail on the head.

I was just saying from what I've seen a lot of women don't like being call a slut or whore ect cuz they find it offensive
Now when comes to the fucking some women don't mind that at all

But really a lot of the times slut is used to demean women just for having an open an active sex life
But it's ok for dudes to sleep around and they are called pimps and players

 

[sbat]

Okay, I'm revisiting this because I just remembered a conversation I had with TheBF a long time ago.

You claim that those guys pretend to be feminist in front of women but act like chauvinists in front of men. This is something I asked TheBF about.

I said something like this, "So supposedly guys aren't supposed to be serious about women that they have sex with too early, right? But look at the people we know. They clearly don't actually do that. Look at [here I gave a loooong list of examples of guys we know who got serious with women who broke the "rules"]. So, what's going on there?"

TheBF told me that it's because that's what men say to other men because they think that's what they're supposed to say. Even though they might not have the balls to admit it to each other, when it comes to girl that he falls for, it really won't matter.

"So, you're saying that there's a big disconnect between what guys say and what they'll do?"

"Pretty much."

So, according to him, at least some men are just pretending to be chauvinists in front of their male friends. Personally, I think you can judge what men really believe by looking at their actions, not whether they say what women want to hear in front of women or what men want to hear in front of men.

Ah, and there's the monkey wrench that prevents anyone from generalizing - even about "bros" The BF makes a good point, and I have experienced what he is talking about.

On the other hand, very few men will admit to being chauvinist in public - our society is very thorough in shaming bullies and abusive people. Strangely enough, bullying and abusive behavior are very common, and its precisely because of bro culture - these are guys that go to good schools, have good jobs, maybe military service, in shape, and have the public appearance of upstanding contributors to the economy/society. They know how to act publicly. Sure, some are douchey and obnoxious and easy to spot, but if you ever went to group therapy at a women's shelter, you would be shocked at how insidiously widespread and harmful bro culture is among people you probably wouldn't suspect because they know what to say and how to smile in public.

 

[petite]

Ah, and there's the monkey wrench that prevents anyone from generalizing - even about "bros" The BF makes a good point, and I have experienced what he is talking about.

Some men probably also change as they mature, too.

On the other hand, very few men will admit to being chauvinist in public - our society is very thorough in shaming bullies and abusive people.

Which is how it should be. People should speak up and say something when they don't believe something is right.

Strangely enough, bullying and abusive behavior are very common, and its precisely because of bro culture - these are guys that go to good schools, have good jobs, maybe military service, in shape, and have the public appearance of upstanding contributors to the economy/society. They know how to act publicly. Sure, some are douchey and obnoxious and easy to spot, but if you ever went to group therapy at a women's shelter, you would be shocked at how insidiously widespread and harmful bro culture is among people you probably wouldn't suspect because they know what to say and how to smile in public.

I don't have to go to a women's shelter. I've experienced it, I know friends who have been hurt, and there are women here who have experienced it and share with each other, in private, the ways that they have been hurt by men who think like that, who have those kinds of beliefs. I don't know how much of that is specifically the fault of "bro" culture or that I would attribute it to "bro" culture. It's not something I've considered before. I'm going to have to think about that, but it's a subject I'm a bit ignorant about.

 

[NotSoDumb_Blonde]

I think the term generally says more about the person using it rather than the person it is aimed at.

This is what I always thought, especially if you are using it to hurt someone -- male or female --

 

[NotSoDumb_Blonde]

Personally, I don't care about numbers. That's just math and I've always hated math. I said it in the other thread and I'll say it here - everyone either has or doesn't have periods of promiscuity in their life. If they do, they may have it for a variety of reasons. Big deal. When I meet someone I care about, they come to me with exactly the right amount of lovers in their past - zero or a thousand, it doesn't matter.

My ex and I used to use the term slut or slutty to describe how we were with each other sometime. It wasn't derogatory, but a fun term to describe being completely uninhibited with each other - fun, sexual, crazy, open, adventurous. Like giving head in the parking lot at work or dry humping in the elevator. It was like a little code to text each other. To me it was kind of like reclaiming that word and taking some of the old sting from it. Years ago that word was used to hurt me - with him it was used to arouse, tickle and elevate me.

Thanks for sharing this LaFemme. I liked what you said about reclaiming it and also, thanks to everyone for opening up and talking about this topic on here. I have to say, I posted and ran. I read part of that other thread I commented on and got sick of the whole institution of men in general and I shouldn't have. Every awful person out there has a completely opposite and truly awesome person as a counterpart! Some of these posts prove that. Anyway, thanks to those of you who tried to really discuss this topic.

 

[bobg4400]

Just to be clear at this point 'bro' is the same thing as 'male chauvinist' right?

Anyway Male Chauvinism is one of those things guys mostly grow out of because it consists of expecting a woman to act like your wife from the 1950's with the cooking and the cleaning and the not allowed to get a job. Most women won't go for a guy like that so sooner or after when the guy wants to settle down he's forced to grow up and treat woman properly.

That's not to say there aren't guys out there who don't but those are the people you hear about in the news when their wife eventually manages to escape from the basement or something where he keeps her and forces her to have sex and cook for him, and no-one ever goes near those guys after their names and faces are plastered all over the internet.

 

[NotSoDumb_Blonde]

Just to be clear at this point 'bro' is the same thing as 'male chauvinist' right?

Anyway Male Chauvinism is one of those things guys mostly grow out of because it consists of expecting a woman to act like your wife from the 1950's with the cooking and the cleaning and the not allowed to get a job. Most women won't go for a guy like that so sooner or alter when the guy wants to settle down he's forced to grow up and treat womam properly.

That's not to say there aren't guys out there who don't but those are the people you hear about in the news when there wife eventually manages to escape from the basement or something where he keeps her and forces her to have sex and cook for him, and no-one ever goes near those guys after there names and faces are plastered all over the internet.

Sadly this is not entirely true. I wish it was only men like this that treated women poorly. There are tons of reasons why men treat women badly, and there are tons of reasons why women stay with those men, but needless to say, it's not just those 'news' stories -- trust me, I worked in the news and it's hard to get those stories unless the woman A) escapes, or less likely B) leave him and reports on him. So, yes, abuse happens and yes, it's those nice neighbors with the two kids, one dog and picket fence, sometimes. Other times it's the obnoxious asshole living next door that you just KNOW is abusing his wife. It's not always apparent, is what I'm getting at, and it is hidden -- shameful even -- to those who endure it (for whatever reason).

 

[sbat]

Just to be clear at this point 'bro' is the same thing as 'male chauvinist' right?

Anyway Male Chauvinism is one of those things guys mostly grow out of because it consists of expecting a woman to act like your wife from the 1950's with the cooking and the cleaning and the not allowed to get a job. Most women won't go for a guy like that so sooner or alter when the guy wants to settle down he's forced to grow up and treat womam properly.

That's not to say there aren't guys out there who don't but those are the people you hear about in the news when there wife eventually manages to escape from the basement or something where he keeps her and forces her to have sex and cook for him, and no-one ever goes near those guys after there names and faces are plastered all over the internet.

10 people may define bro or chauvinist in 10 different ways. In my mind, bro culture (aka nouveau chavinism) is somewhat of a male reaction to the growing power of feminist ideals as socialized norms, perhaps out of a feeling of displacement. It glorifies and worships male power and a universe where women are largely sexual objects.

While we would like to say "oh they'll grow up eventually" - a lot of them do. But I'm sure enough women on this board can speak to the psychology of abusive relationships to agree that it's really not that simple to "change the man or dump his ass". For someone bro to the core you can't change that any more than you could "tame" a headstrong and assertive woman. And the high levels of emotional manipulation make it hard for the woman to leave.

Also, the attraction that many women feel towards successful (or overtly masculine) bros is a reflection of instinctive response towards physical and financial power. Add that to the fact that there are many women who never grew up with positive male role models and expect that kind of treatment as "normal" - where I am in the midwest, bro behavior is very much validated by female sexual attention.

 

[petite]

10 people may define bro or chauvinist in 10 different ways. In my mind, bro culture (aka nouveau chavinism) is somewhat of a male reaction to the growing power of feminist ideals as socialized norms, perhaps out of a feeling of displacement. It glorifies and worships male power and a universe where women are largely sexual objects.

While we would like to say "oh they'll grow up eventually" - a lot of them do. But I'm sure enough women on this board can speak to the psychology of abusive relationships to agree that it's really not that simple to "change the man or dump his ass". For someone bro to the core you can't change that any more than you could "tame" a headstrong and assertive woman. And the high levels of emotional manipulation make it hard for the woman to leave.

Also, the attraction that many women feel towards successful (or overtly masculine) bros is a reflection of instinctive response towards physical and financial power. Add that to the fact that there are many women who never grew up with positive male role models and expect that kind of treatment as "normal" - where I am in the midwest, bro behavior is very much validated by female sexual attention.

So are you or are you not talking about those guys who are sort of like the preppy version of the Jersey Shore guys, but in a fraternity together? Is that what you mean by bro culture? I don't know anything about those guys, except what I've gleaned from other people making fun of them.

I think you might be right about a backlash.

 

[OlderGuy]

So are you or are you not talking about those guys who are sort of like the preppy version of the Jersey Shore guys, but in a fraternity together? Is that what you mean by bro culture? I don't know anything about those guys, except what I've gleaned from other people making fun of them.

I think you might be right about a backlash.

Yep. Think of Bradley Cooper's character in The Wedding Crashers. Or the ultimate bro caricature, Neil Patrick Harris' Barney Stinson on How I Met Your Mother.

I have known many bros, and even slumped into bro-ism in my past. It's easy to follow the herd especially when under the influence.

But as pointed out, true men grow up and stop treating women differently in front of their friends. Because men become secure in who they are and lose that need to show off or belittle others in order to make themselves feel better about themselves.

Most women have a very good bro radar. They sometimes play the game because bros can be fun. But brosephine, when they choose a mate, the way a man treats them, other women, children, pets, and strangers says a lot more about him than his cool bro persona.

 

[twoton]

I'm jumping in without reading through all the posts, but as for bro culture and male chauvinism, etc., I don't think I know any guys who are like that. I know they're on TV, and in the media, and people talk about them, and I'd know one if I met one, but scanning the memory banks for all the guys I know personally....can't think of any that fit that description.

That's not to say that pop culture and the media don't do everything in their power to nurture the bro culture, because they do. Kind of like giving all the bros a passing grade in life as long as they're not just jerks, but lovable jerks.

Women are supposed to be the responsible, intelligent adults and men are not only allowed, but expected to act like a bunch of 14 year old boys for their whole lives.

 

[fizzyjizz]

SLUT:What men with non-existent sex lives call women with good sex lives.

 

[VernalTiger]

While I don't agree philosophically, that "bro" you were arguing with has a point in that his nouveau chauvinist mindset is quite widespread - even among guys that put up a feminist friendly or overall "good guy" facade in social settings.

I'm thinking we need a new term... "Bro-vinist"...?

 

[sbat]

I'm thinking we need a new term... "Bro-vinist"...?

<sigh> I guess that could work instead.

 

[185248]

Lust. Yep, guilty.

 

[bobg4400]

I'm thinking we need a new term... "Bro-vinist"...?

Can't. Stop. Laughing. :lmao: