The Demise of Dating

BobLeeSwagger

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I think this trend has been exaggerated by a lot of commentators. Yes, people have more random hookups than they used to, but I really don't think it's replaced dating in most people's minds. I think sex that happens within the first few dates is very common now, but I think most people do have a date of some kind much of the time.

If it IS true that hookups have replaced dating, then that's a bad sign. Not so much because random sex is bad, but because you're not meeting people that are relationship material. And if you don't meet potential romantic partners, you'll have a hard time relating to them when you DO want to settle down.
 

marleyisalegend

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Aren't you the guy who said we shouldn't be judging the sexual relationships of others?:suspect:

I'm not judging anyone's situation. If u wanna hook up and form a relationship that's fine. But don't sleep with a stranger, try to boyfriend/girlfriend them and come whining to me because it didn't work out. What I said still stands. If you want a relationship with someone, get to know them sooner rather than later.

Men being so much more superficial in their sexuality, more likely than women to be extremely turned on or extremely turned off by a single physical attribute (which may be covered at all times in traditional dating models), I can see some advantages in hooking up first.

Bullshit, women aren't superficial in their sexuality? HA! You must not have many female friends.
 

jason_els

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So I go on the first date with a guy ever and now I discover nobody's dating any more??

WHAT THE FUCK??!!! I'm supposed to call him up and say, "I like you. Let's fuck and see if we like each other after we come?"
 

AlteredEgo

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I used to date first, make sure it was exclusive, and then we'd have as much sex as possible. Then, after a particularly traumatic break-up, I still wanted sex, but not a relationship. So, I hooked up. I found men who were easy to be around. They were men with whom I could be friends, and over time I did become friends with some of them. I do not envy those who cannot experience sex as either something purely physical, or as a physical expression of a spiritual or emotional connection.

... It says he can't commit and has little respect for women or himself. He clearly doesn't know what he wants.


I don't know. Maybe it just says that at one point in his life, what he wanted was sex.
 

Principessa

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I read that piece in this morning's paper. It appalled me.
I can't imagine wanting to have sex with someone I do not feel close to.

Ditto. :cool:

I think this trend has been exaggerated by a lot of commentators. Yes, people have more random hookups than they used to, but I really don't think it's replaced dating in most people's minds. I think sex that happens within the first few dates is very common now, but I think most people do have a date of some kind much of the time.

If it IS true that hookups have replaced dating, then that's a bad sign. Not so much because random sex is bad, but because you're not meeting people that are relationship material. And if you don't meet potential romantic partners, you'll have a hard time relating to them when you DO want to settle down.
Exactly! This is what I'm saying.
 

marleyisalegend

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Here's the problem, many young people (and some of the older folks) don't realize that the following is NOT an equation:

I wanna fuck you=I love you=I'm in love with you.

Some people think that because someone is hot and makes them laugh it means they're going to spend their lives together. Some people do try dating, but they do it completely wrong. Codependent fuckheads.
 

Principessa

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Here's the problem, many young people (and some of the older folks) don't realize that the following is NOT an equation:

I wanna fuck you=I love you=I'm in love with you.

Some people think that because someone is hot and makes them laugh it means they're going to spend their lives together. Some people do try dating, but they do it completely wrong. Codependent fuckheads.
My problem (for lack of a better word) is that I can't fuck someone I don't at least really, really like. The best way for me to get to know if I like someone is to date him.
 

marleyisalegend

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My problem (for lack of a better word) is that I can't fuck someone I don't at least really, really like. The best way for me to get to know if I like someone is to date him.

It's not a problem, you're doing it the right way which is sometimes difficult, and might explain why others do it backwards. Most of the people I've seen do it the exact opposite, they start fucking first and then worry about compatibility later. I read threads from people who were dating someone for 2, 3 years and they talk about problems they have that wouldn't be an issue if they had just talked to their partner in the beginning, instead of waiting 3 years to ask "What are your goals in life, what do you want from this relationship, do you have any hang-ups, etc...."
 

D_lkjhgfdsa1234

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I don't think either way is wrong. If the chemistry is there and you want to fuck someone of the opposite or same sex, go for it and then talk after the sex to see if you can hold a conversation with them and relate to them afterward. If they listen and can hold a conversation, you are physically and emotionally compatible. You can then set up a date. This way will save you a lot of money as well because you will find out first if your partner is worth it. If you fall asleep, then you are not interested in him or her and that partner should run off and see someone else.
On the other hand, you can date but if you find out she is a prude and you love sex, that can also be a deal breaker and a big waste of a Friday or Saturday evening which you could have spent on another girl or guy. I, for one, had relationships fail because she wanted to keep it puritanical because she was part of a religion. These prudes WILL be problem wives or husbands later on and you WILL sleep with someone else because he or she WILL NOT put out except for the kids popping out. Then he or she will leave you for the sex with someone else. However, if your partner puts out after a few dates, that is good also and she is worth the time and money you spent on a date with that partner. That means you are emotionally compatible AND physically.
 
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marleyisalegend

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^Yeah, don't get me wrong, I didn't mean to imply that you shouldn't fuck someone until you know them like the back of your hand, the problem is many people don't know how to handle that.

Few people are able to handle sex early on, they get too attached to people that aren't good for them cuz they've been having sex for months. I guess what I'm trying to say is, if your agreement is that you're fuck buddies, keep it that way and don't expect more unless you speak up and discuss this with your partner. That's how you get crazy stalkers and shit, givin somebody that good booty.
 

just some guy

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Labels are dumb. People obsessing over whether or not an encounter with another person was a "date" or wasn't a "date," whether sex was just a "hook up" or something "more meaningful," whether the person they are seeing is their "boyfriend/girlfriend" or just a "friend" or "fuckbuddy"... are way too stuck on labels. Obsessing about this kind of semantic bullshit is completely non-productive. Live your life. Stop worrying about what category you fall into.

I see girls. Often I have sexual relations with them. Often this happens the first or second time I see them. Sometimes we have sex again, or several more times. Sometimes we see each other again in non-sexual contexts a few times, or several more times. I used to think that sex was something that was always meaningful and should be waited for. I used to swallow that load of BS the abstinence-only freaks try to cram down the throats of all their children about sex ruining a relationship (in fairness it often does, but only because people are so neurotic about it thanks to being brainwashed into thinking it's something more than it is). Then my mind was shackled by social conditioning. Now it's free. Do I date more than I fuck or fuck more than I date? Better question: is there an important difference or does it matter? I vote no. Do what feels right.
 

marleyisalegend

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sex ruining a relationship (in fairness it often does, but only because people are so neurotic about it thanks to being brainwashed into thinking it's something more than it is

I agree. I think any situation is cool as long as both parties understand what to expect or not expect. Most people make assumptions when they lay down and that's what leads to all the drama. "You're sleeping with someone else?!" "How come you didn't tell me you have AIDS?!" "What do you mean can you call me? Hell no! You were just a piece of ass."

All of this can be avoided if both parties make their intentions known sooner rather than later.
 
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I found this comment from a Brit interesting:

Well, I'm a full generation older than current college kids, but what you're describing here has been the norm in the UK for at least 20 years, probably more than 30. My generation and older in the UK have never 'dated', a practice we've seen in US movies and always regarded as a strange Americanism!

In the UK, you meet people through friends, hang around in groups for a bit and then find an excuse to go home together one night. If the sex goes well, then you start going out to dinner alone, introducing them to your other friends, etc.

This isn't seen, in the UK, as a collapse in the social system (it IS the social system for anyone under 50). Instead, it's seen as a less pressured way of deciding if you want to be with someone: like most British people, I would find a proper 'date' with someone I hadn't already slept with to be horribly over-pressured and really obviously a kind of job-interview for sex.

Of course, for anyone who's not still in school, the British system is very dependent on meeting people through friends and friends of friends, so that they're not 'real' strangers. In other words, your extended social network provides a kind of 'screening' process to bring together people who will have things in common. Perhaps the studies of sexual behaviour in the US need to take this variant into account in order to understand what's happening? Far from being a sign of atomization and alienation, I would certainly see the British pattern as an indication of strong organic social connections which provide a large pool of new but 'safe' people to meet. As a final aside, of course pub culture is crucial to this, as the pub is the venue for these group gatherings where people initially meet friends of friends.

 

str82fcuk

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Interesting post there. I guess I'm even more British than I realised.

Anyway, from some of the other posts here, I see that one of the main reasons people are in favour of dating is that it is better for building relationships. But what nobody has mentioned so far is that maybe the reason many young people are not interested in dating is because they're not interested in relationships ! ? ...
 

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This has always confused me. I started a similar thread last year.

I'm not sure the difference between a date and a hook-up. And I'm not sure how to ask someone to hook-up. I'd like to know the proper etiquette. If I ask a woman on a date and get a surprised reaction I guess she would be less surprised if I asked if she wanted to fuck? :confused:

Or by hook-up are people talking about being drunk at a party or nightclub and leaving with someone? How do you meet someone in day to day life and go directly to the hook-up? No one ever explains the details of how that happens. Do you just ask someone to come over to your place to hang out and it's understood that you will have sex? But if it's something prearranged, then I consider it a date, whether there's sex involved or not.
 

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well - if you meet someone while out, hit it off and end up at your or her place for the purpose of sex, then i would say its a hook up. if you meet again, on purpose and have sex, i would call that kind of a date.
day-to-day hook up? umm....not too sure about that one. a half caf. low fat no foam latte just doesn't seem to have the same allure of 'let's go back to my place'. lol.
 

D_Ireonsyd_Colonrinse

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Jovial:

I think the difference between a date and a hook up is -- a hook up implies casual, easygoing connecting for the express purpose of getting your rocks off. Hooks ups can last 15 minutes or all night, but there is very little emotional or cerebral connecting (imo). It's a quick, loose connection that is all about reaching physically climaxes. Everything's geared toward the climax. It is understood that shooting your load (one or more times) is a means and an ends all unto itself.

A DATE, on the other hand, may or may not include sex, but it's a bonding, a getting-to-know-you ritual. Time is involved. An itinerary is frequently planned. A date implies something more emotionally. possibly intellectually, substancial that the quickie hook up which is purely physical. The movies, a restaurant, a coffeeshop, an art exhibit... dates can segue into the physical, but have their eye on building a more meaningful relationship. Hook-ups are not interested in lengthy conversations and meaningful "relating". Only momentary, shoot-your-load, have fun while doing it, sensual animalism. The goal is ejaculating your load. It is very possible for a date to conclude with not even one load ejaculated.

It's possible to still remain a virgin at the end of a date. But not at the end of the hook up.
 

Principessa

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Interesting post there. I guess I'm even more British than I realised.
Anyway, from some of the other posts here, I see that one of the main reasons people are in favour of dating is that it is better for building relationships
But what nobody has mentioned so far is that maybe the reason many young people are not interested in dating is because they're not interested in relationships ! ? ...
True...but why not? What are they afraid of?

This has always confused me. I started a similar thread last year.
I'm not sure the difference between a date and a hook-up. And I'm not sure how to ask someone to hook-up. I'd like to know the proper etiquette. If I ask a woman on a date and get a surprised reaction I guess she would be less surprised if I asked if she wanted to fuck? :confused:

Or by hook-up are people talking about being drunk at a party or nightclub and leaving with someone?
That's what I mean by hook-up.

How do you meet someone in day to day life and go directly to the hook-up?
If memory serves you get drunk or stoned, make out, then go someplace and fuck.

No one ever explains the details of how that happens. Do you just ask someone to come over to your place to hang out and it's understood that you will have sex? But if it's something prearranged, then I consider it a date, whether there's sex involved or not.

I think the difference between a date and a hook up is -- a hook up implies casual, easygoing connecting for the express purpose of getting your rocks off. Hooks ups can last 15 minutes or all night, but there is very little emotional or cerebral connecting (imo). It's a quick, loose connection that is all about reaching physically climaxes. Everything's geared toward the climax. It is understood that shooting your load (one or more times) is a means and an ends all unto itself.
EXACTLY!!! :hail: All hail WillTom our new dating terminology guru.

A DATE, on the other hand, may or may not include sex, but it's a bonding, a getting-to-know-you ritual. Time is involved. An itinerary is frequently planned. A date implies something more emotionally, possibly intellectually substanial than the quickie hook up which is purely physical. The movies, a restaurant, a coffeeshop, an art exhibit... dates can segue into the physical, but have their eye on building a more meaningful relationship.

Hook-ups are not interested in lengthy conversations and meaningful "relating". Only momentary, shoot-your-load, have fun while doing it, sensual animalism. The goal is ejaculating your load. It is very possible for a date to conclude with not even one load ejaculated.

It's possible to still remain a virgin at the end of a date. But not at the end of the hook up.
Yup, :yup: :cool:
 

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I agree. I think any situation is cool as long as both parties understand what to expect or not expect.
Yes, and as long as they know what they want. If you're looking for a LTR, random hookups with strangers or near-strangers is probably not the way to go.

Of course, for anyone who's not still in school, the British system is very dependent on meeting people through friends and friends of friends, so that they're not 'real' strangers. In other words, your extended social network provides a kind of 'screening' process to bring together people who will have things in common. Perhaps the studies of sexual behaviour in the US need to take this variant into account in order to understand what's happening?
That's a very good point. There is no real equivalent in the US to British pub culture. Not that American people don't hang out with their friends or go to bars; of course they do. But the behavior is more fluid (no pun intended). There is less of a tendency to have a single bar where you hang out with your friends, day after day, and bars that are frequented by young people past university age almost invariably have a certainly hookup-ish vibe.

For many Americans, no longer living in the towns where they grew up or went to school, the only place they meet people in a non-sexual setting is work.
 

Principessa

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Yes, and as long as they know what they want. If you're looking for a LTR, random hookups with strangers or near-strangers is probably not the way to go.

That's a very good point. There is no real equivalent in the US to British pub culture. Not that American people don't hang out with their friends or go to bars; of course they do. But the behavior is more fluid (no pun intended). There is less of a tendency to have a single bar where you hang out with your friends, day after day, and bars that are frequented by young people past university age almost invariably have a certainly hookup-ish vibe.

For many Americans, no longer living in the towns where they grew up or went to school, the only place they meet people in a non-sexual setting is work.
That's very true. I didn't realize Europe and other countries operated differently.