The Empty Pursuit of Happiness

[earllogjam]

Happiness is one of many significant notches on the barometer.

Is it going to rain RB?

 

[Ethyl]

What is self-actualization? Sorry not very keyed into this stuff.

Abraham Maslow coined the term. It's used to describe the hierarchy of human needs ranging from fundamental to higher needs.

 

[rawbone8]

Is it going to rain RB?

The long term forecast is... yes. :wink:

 

[HazelGod]

Abraham Maslow coined the term. It's used to describe the hierarchy of human needs ranging from fundamental to higher needs.

Heh...I haven't invoked Maslow's hierarchy since my Lincoln/Douglas days.

I tend to side with Heinlen's views on social impetus. Anything freely given is cheaply held and ultimately meaningless...including citizenship. It is not until one is willing to recognize the value of something greater than himself that he becomes worthy of having his voice heard and his opinion count.

 

[DC_DEEP]

Yup - it's all about expectations. If you expect hapiness you will be disapointed when you, invariably, do not achieve it. If you expect less whatever you have feels better. Finns are among the most stoic of people I have ever met. Listen to your Finnish friend - he's just happy he's not having to fight the fucking Russians in the snow like Daddy and Granddaddy and so on. He has the right attitude.

Lots of truth here, ManB. Expectations have a lot to do with happiness. .

Earl, MercurialBliss has a lot of good philosophy and theory on this. Have a little interaction with her. You won't be disappointed.

What do you think would make you happy? And does it? Unrealistic or misguided desires and expectations can certainly lead to disappointment.

I tend to think happiness is not a state of being, but more of a process. I've often heard the cliche "if I could just have/do/see this one particular thing, I would be happy forever." So, you had sex with that "model of your dreams," or you made it to the top of Mount Everest. Certainly accomplishments that could bring some pride or happiness, but hardly an achieved, permanent state. It's a process.

I also think a lot of people have unrealistic ideas about what "happiness" is. Many tend to think of it as something like the manic phase of a manic depressive person. I don't think true happiness is that top-of-the-world sort of thing, although that's nice to have in small doses from time to time. True happiness, though, is a little more subtle... probably closer to what you are calling contentment.

Finally, if you don't have some variance, you will never appreciate happiness. The 24/7/365 "ideal" really is not ideal. Variety, with balance, should be the goal and the ideal.

And for what it may possibly be worth, my happiness quotient seems to be at a good place for me. I'm mostly happy, most of the time.

 

[hypolimnas]

I am beginning to believe that this is not a sustainable state .... I am beginning to feel that this is once again some more bullshit that we have bought into hook line and sinker .... He asked me why I thought it was necessary to be happy 24/7 and then asked me if I was an idiot.

This is my personal favourite:

If our ambition expresses itself in terms of worldly pursuits, at first we search for happiness, but then we begin to enjoy the struggle toward happiness as well and we begin to relax into our struggle. Half way to achieving absolute pleasure and comfort we begin to give in and make the best of our situation. The struggle becomes an adventure and then a vacation or holiday. We are still on our adventurous journey to the actual ultimate goal, but at the same time we consider every step along the way a vacation, a holiday. Chogyam Trungpa (1976), The Myth of Freeedom p. 27

I feel that partly an image of permanent happiness has become established as a marketing norm to assist sales for drug companies among others.

The more choices people have the less satisfied they are. I think this is the paper that explores this. It is long and I haven't read it in a while (you might need to enlarge the view) but I think it is interesting: http://msh1985.googlepages.com/maximizing_Schwartz.pdf

This is about Americans and happiness (because Americans can see things differently):The Average American: 1967 and Today: Weekend - Yahoo! Finance

This is about peer pressure, nerds and happiness (because there are a few here LOL): Why Nerds are Unpopular

 

[Pecker]

Happiness doesn't just happen. It requires some planning to attain and some effort to maintain.

 

[earllogjam]

Here is a exerpt from the Dali Lama's book that counters my assumptions of happiness as a self indulgent occassional phenomenon - an eye opener. Thanks SG.

The purpose of our existence is to seek happiness. It seems like common sense, and Western thinkers from Aristotle to William James have agreed with this idea. But isn't life based on seeking personal happiness by nature, even self-indulgent? Not necessarily. In fact, survey after survey has shown that it is unhappy people who tend to be the mose self-focused and are often socially withdrawn, brooding, and even antagonistic. Happy people, in contrast, are generally found to be sociable, flexible, and creative and are able to tolerate life's daily fustrations more easily than unhappy people. And, more important, they are found to be more loving and forgiving than unhappy people.

...We begin, then, with the basic premis that the purpose of life is to seek happiness. It is a vision of happiness as a real objective, one that we can take positive steps towards achieving. And as we begin to identify the factors that lead to a happier life, we will learn how the search for happiness offers benefits not only for the individual but for the individual's family and for society at large as well.

The Art of Happiness: a Handbook for Living
Dali Lama


To see that personal happiness has a ripple effect on everyone is something I have seen in group situations but never have I imagined it had larger ramifications of changing a society. Interesting. :smile: Now where is the road?

 

[earllogjam]

Abraham Maslow coined the term. It's used to describe the hierarchy of human needs ranging from fundamental to higher needs.

Self-actualization
Self-actualization is the instinctual need of humans to make the most of their abilities and to strive to be the best they can.

Self Actualization is the intrinsic growth of what is already in the organism, or more accurately, of what the organism is.[2]
​

Maslow writes the following of self-actualizing people:

• They embrace the facts and realities of the world (including themselves) rather than denying or avoiding them.
• They are spontaneous in their ideas and actions.
• They are creative.
• They are interested in solving problems; this often includes the problems of others. Solving these problems is often a key focus in their lives.
• They feel a closeness to other people, and generally appreciate life.
• They have a system of morality that is fully internalized and independent of external authority.
• They have discernment and are able to view all things in an objective manner.

In short, self-actualization is reaching one's fullest potential. Very few people reach this level, two percent to be exact.
According to Maslow, the tendencies of self-actualizing people are as follows:
1. Awareness

• efficient perception of reality
• freshness of appreciation
• peak experiences
• ethical awareness

2. Honesty

• philosophical sense of humor
• social interest
• deep interpersonal relationships
• democratic character structure

3. Freedom

• need for solitude
• autonomous, independent
• creativity, originality
• spontaneous

4. Trust

• problem centered
• acceptance of self, others, nature
• resistance to enculturation - identity with humanity

This seems rather didactic for me - a checklist for happiness, a goal for someone else. I think we all have most of qualities already whether we choose to use them all the time is another question. I understand this on an intellectual level as theory but it just doesn't fit my square peg I suppose. It is a good framework to understand human nature and fundamental needs however. I wonder how universal this is or if it is specific to Western cultures.

 

[earllogjam]

Happiness doesn't just happen. It requires some planning to attain and some effort to maintain.

You would have to know yourself pretty well and which buttons you need to push to plan for happiness.

Where is that map and those buttons?

 

[earllogjam]

The long term forecast is... yes. :wink:

Is this some conceptual art statement that brings up more questions than it answers regarding happiness? Too clever. *swooshes hand above and over head*

 

[dong20]

I consider happiness to be a state of minimum divergence of reality and desire - zero being nirvana.

In other words;

Happiness = (Reality - Desire) * (10/idealism)

Where Desire and reality are non zero values between >=1 and <=10, with desire always being greater than or equal to reality and idealism (how realistic we are about achieving our desires) is a positive number >=1 and <= 10 Where 1 is totally uncompromising, 10 is totally pragmatic.

Thus, in a given reality, the more we desire and the less realistic we are about achieving those desires, the unhappier we are likely to be.

Sorry, it's been a long day.....

 

[earllogjam]

I also think a lot of people have unrealistic ideas about what "happiness" is. Many tend to think of it as something like the manic phase of a manic depressive person. I don't think true happiness is that top-of-the-world sort of thing, although that's nice to have in small doses from time to time. True happiness, though, is a little more subtle... probably closer to what you are calling contentment.

Finally, if you don't have some variance, you will never appreciate happiness. The 24/7/365 "ideal" really is not ideal. Variety, with balance, should be the goal and the ideal.

Another kindered spirit :smile: . I don't think it is a process - more of a state of being for me. Not sure how I ended up here if it was a process.

I feel that partly an image of permanent happiness has become established as a marketing norm to assist sales for drug companies among others.

Yes, I feel the same way, that it is exploited much like beauty and insecurity to make money. That is the system we live in but you can, after a while, see them and their words for what they are.

 

[earllogjam]

I consider happiness to be a state of minimum divergence of reality and desire - zero being nirvana.

In other words;

Happiness = (Reality - Desire) * (10/idealism)

Where Desire and reality are non zero values between >=1 and <=10, with desire always being greater than or equal to reality and idealism (how realistic we are about achieving our desires) is a positive number >=1 and <= 10 Where 1 is totally uncompromising, 10 is totally pragmatic.

Thus, in a given reality, the more we desire and the less realistic we are about achieving those desires, the unhappier we are likely to be.

Sorry, it's been a long day.....

That happiness equation seems familiar. Have you posted it here before? I always have the difficulty of taking the zero desire Buddhist idea to heart. Aren't most of your joys tied into your desires? If there were no desires we would be emotionally flat, no? Not sure I would enjoy that. What would motivate you if you had little or no desire?

 

[dong20]

That happiness equation seems familiar. Have you posted it here before? I always have the difficulty of taking the zero desire Buddhist idea to heart. Aren't most of your joys tied into your desires? If there were no desires we would be emotionally flat, no? Not sure I would enjoy that. What would motivate you if you had little or no desire?

Something similar....

You may be right. Maybe it needs a tweak such that reality can approach but never equal desire so that zero is unachievable, like the speed of light, at least in theory. Like being unable to acheive light speed, the nearer one approaches nirvana the harder and harder it is to think of new desires.:biggrin1:

 

[Lex]

I've learned that those who are "happiest" and appreciate life most are those who have struggled and endured much pain.

I used to be miserable. I grew up without both parents around most of the time:a only child with no siblings or playmates. I was repressed and did not even know it. Then, slowly, I started to love myself. Not all at once, little by little. Over time, as I loved myself, saw myself as someone worthy or good treatment and love and tried to be a positive person, more and more good things began to happen for me.

Today I am truly happy, not just content. I am thrilled with my daily life and have a joy within me that I wish for everyone.

It's not easy to be happy. Our society is predicated on people being afraid and miserable. Feel sad: listen to sad music, watch hopeful movies, buy things to make yourself feel better. They have built an entire economy based on our collective misery.

Once you TRULY love yourself deep down, you free yourself from the thoughtless and (often) warped opinions of others and you allow yourself to be who you were born to be. You will refuse to allow ANYone to treat you less than you feel you deserve and you begin to radiate an energy that draws like people to you.

Good luck with that.

 

[Ethyl]

I used to be miserable. I grew up without both parents around most of the time:a only child with no siblings or playmates. I was repressed and did not even know it. Then, slowly, I started to love myself. Not all at once, little by little. Over time, as I loved myself, saw myself as someone worthy or good treatment and love and tried to be a positive person, more and more good things began to happen for me.

Today I am truly happy, not just content. I am thrilled with my daily life and have a joy within me that I wish for everyone.

It's not easy to be happy. Our society is predicated on people being afraid and miserable. Feel sad: listen to sad music, watch hopeful movies, buy things to make yourself feel better. They have built an entire economy based on our collective misery.

Once you TRULY love yourself deep down, you free yourself from the thoughtless and (often) warped opinions of others and you allow yourself to be who you were born to be. You will refuse to allow ANYone to treat you less than you feel you deserve and you begin to radiate an energy that draws like people to you.

Good luck with that.

Thanks, Lex. Valid points all and as you can probably tell from today's events in another thread, I do exactly as what's in bold above.

Actually what I was thinking when I wrote that post were the people I know who have overcome physical as well as emotional obstacles. Things you and I take for granted everyday. I have a friend who has one leg that is three inches shorter than the other. She's suffered from a myriad of medical problems all directly related to her handicap and she's one of the happiest people I know. Her husband adores her and everyone, including me, lights up when we're around her because she's funny as hell and always looks on the bright side, even during the rough times. Makes me think twice when I feel like complaining about my bum knee when it hurts.

 

[Lex]

Thanks, Lex. Valid points all and as you can probably tell from today's events in another thread, I do exactly as what's in bold above.

Actually what I was thinking when I wrote that post were the people I know who have overcome physical as well as emotional obstacles. Things you and I take for granted everyday. I have a friend who has one leg that is three inches shorter than the other. She's suffered from a myriad of medical problems all directly related to her handicap and she's one of the happiest people I know. Her husband adores her and everyone, including me, lights up when we're around her because she's funny as hell and always looks on the bright side, even during the rough times. Makes me think twice when I feel like complaining about my bum knee when it hurts.

Those are great points as well, MB. As my greatgrandmother used to say, "Everyday above ground is a good one." It's all realtive and keeping things in perspecitive is important.

 

[viking1]

Viking, have you ever felt that it is OK to be sad and you should just feel sad and be OK with it untill you get it out of your system? Kind of just burn it all up completely.

Well, 46 years haven't gotten it out of my system. I would liken it to trying to burn up a whole tanker load of gasoline in a weedeater. I had just as well be okay with it...there's apparently nothing that can be done.

I am very seldom ever happy. I range from okay with things for a few days and on occasion a week or two. To not okay with things (which is most of the time). To just plain unhappy (which is a lot of the time). To downright sad to the point of crying (happens often enough). As I said, I accept it, not much choice. Nobody said life would be happy.

 

[earllogjam]

I am very seldom ever happy. I range from okay with things for a few days and on occasion a week or two. To not okay with things (which is most of the time). To just plain unhappy (which is a lot of the time). To downright sad to the point of crying (happens often enough).

Be sad if that is what you are most comfortable with Viking - nothing wrong with that. It's an honest feeling - nothing to be ashamed or feel guilty about. It is just there. Maybe you enjoy being sad, it works for you. Why change? :smile:


So Lex, self love led to your happiness. How did you learn to love yourself so much? It seems like a basic question but I think self acceptance is hard for many. Do you do anything daily to keep yourself in a truly happy state?