The 'Ex' Factor

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by B_ScaredLittleBoy, Aug 4, 2007.

  1. B_ScaredLittleBoy

    B_ScaredLittleBoy New Member

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    Basically I'm feeling a bit 'low' tonight. I was okay til my ex text me. She texts randomly, when she feels like it. I think just to tease me and see if I still want her. Which of course, I do.

    I replied and she didn't reply back...and I really wanted someone to talk to. Because I have no one to talk to here and I like (or used to like) how funny and witty she was. Something happened today too which also upset me.

    Anyway the main thing is I have a lot of pent up emotions and unresolved issues...and she makes me feel as close to normal as I ever have. Or used to. It annoys me that she toys with me and doesn't want to be with me. I want to be with her because she makes me happy :smile:. I know that's flawed thinking. So, a lot of things happened to me when I was 15/16 that have pretty much fucked me up.

    I was just wondering if anyone has advice or perhaps some compassion for me? Therapy would probably be good but I'd get loads of shit from my family. They expect me to be 'normal' and say 'what's wrong with you' etc etc. I don't think they realise how first of all not having a father, then being told he's dead, then being told he's alive, then being told he's 'this man'. And each time, all your friends and everyone at school knowing about it, taking the piss etc... There are other 'events' beside that but that's a main one.

    So to sum up: I want my ex but she doesn't want me. Which I suppose is understandable. Also, I think I need some therapy/counselling or just some tips on how to 'cope' or something. *sigh*

    It would be comforting to know that I'm not the only one who feels like a complete mess sometimes.
     
  2. Rugbypup

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    You not alone matey, and you have us to talk to...

    ;-)
     
  3. arliss

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    sounds to me like you need professional help..a good therapist will do you good..never mind what the family thinks..(do they have to know) do this one for you...talking to people on here who have a superficial understanding of what you are going through or have experienced will only give you temporarily relief....not get at the root of the problem...or help in any extended way...you need to sit down with someone who is qualified and trained to help you explore the issues confronting you...things have a way of worsening over a period of time....
     
  4. the_1homie

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    i know that feeling im kinda in that situation but at the tail end of finally getting over it and getting her off my mind i know its a hard thing to do but just move on and meet other girls she is poison if she toys with you...but i realized its crazy the power emotions for a female can dictate a life dont let it happen to you man find someone who appreciates you
     
  5. SpoiledPrincess

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    You need to get this girl out of your life, she's only playing with your emotions for her own amusement. The only way to get over one girl is to get on another one :) You say your family expects you to be 'normal' and 'say what's wrong with you,' well why don't you tell them exactly what your problems are and how you feel they've affected you, it can't do any harm and who better to talk with than someone who loves you. We all have issues in our past but it really is largely up to us how we deal with them. I don't really talk about it because I dealt with it but I had something major happen to me, I worked out how I felt about it, how I would let it affect me and moved on - I chose to not let it affect me because I have that power. You do too.
     
  6. B_ScaredLittleBoy

    B_ScaredLittleBoy New Member

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    Thanks guys :smile:

    Ignore that crap in the first post lol. It's just when she gets in touch. I want her so bad and it depresses me. I'll feel better tomorrow :cool:

    Til she texts me again lol. I want to try and avoid the therapy but I'll say. Spose I just have keep positive and focus on things that don't have tits.

    PS SP - thanks to you too. I have thought and felt about telling 'them' (really only my mother and sister, they make me feel the worst) but everytime I do I feel like I'm going to break down and I don't want to do that. I thought about writing a letter and letting them know that way. Maybe I'll do that :)
     
  7. MH07

    MH07 Member

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    You are totally not alone. I just went through the same thing (January 1 -- present) with a 7 year relationship.

    Time heals all wounds. Trite but true.
     
  8. SpoiledPrincess

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    Don't worry about breaking down in front of your mum, we're mums and we still love you even when your eyes are red and swollen and snot is dribbling down your top lip :) If you're unhappy we want to help to take your pain away whatever the price is. If you do feel unable to talk a letter is a brilliant way, you don't have to send it straight away, you can add to it and edit it until you're happy that you've got down exactly how you feel and haven't forgotten anything.
     
  9. Not_Punny

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    Hey SLB, it's super rough, especially when there are deeper wounds that get scraped open.

    On the plus side:

    - You're a poet and possibly a songwriter too. These reflections (and pain) will give you oodles of materials for years to come.

    - You're only going to grow from this experience. (And my goodness, think of what a great father you're growing the potential to be!)

    - Time is a big healer.

    On the minus side: Time sure moves his ass slowly when you're not having fun.

    My advice, for what little it's worth, is WRITE, WRITE, WRITE.

    If you feel you need counselling, then get it -- and to hell with what your family thinks: it's YOUR life.


    :wink:
     
  10. Not_Punny

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    P.S. The poem in your current signature is so beautiful and so sad. :redface:
     
  11. txnrude

    txnrude Active Member

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    Hey man, you are definitely not alone. I went through the exact same thing. Even after a year I still have feelings that don't seem to go away. I forget about them, but if she IM's me or calls me, or I run into her at one of our mutual friends parties, my chest still starts to pound. I wish I had some really good advice but I don't. All I can offer is the knowledge that this is life and it happens to alot of people. I know very few as optimistic as I am, but just know that with as many people as there are all around, you are bound to meet someone who makes this girl completely irrelevent.
     
  12. Male Bonding etc

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    Not a mum here, but I have had relationships go bad, and everything can look pretty fucked getting over them. Inevitably we start thinking something truly is WRONG with us, BUT with time things do improve. Others come into our lives and events distract us, and we gain new perspectives. Give yourself some time and allow yourself to grieve for what was lost.
     
  13. B_ScaredLittleBoy

    B_ScaredLittleBoy New Member

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    Thanks everyone, especialy MILF :smile:

    [My sig is part of Thieves In The Temple, by Prince. I love him :cool:]
    My writing is kinda shit next to his :tongue:

    I feel better now. I guess it just is when she gets in touch I think 'Why isn't she with me'. 'What's wrong with me?' etc. (Like MaleBonding said) But maybe there's something wrong with her if she doesn't want to be with a stud like me! :tongue:

    Anyway, about talking to my mum. I don't want to. I don't feel very much love for/from her and I guess on one hand don't feel she 'deserves' to know how I feel or see me cry. She's never taken an interest in anything or given me any advice etc. A letter is probably the way to do it.

    Thanks. I really feel a lot better now :smile:

    And I do think I'd be a great dad someday :biggrin1:
    Thanks, this is a great place. Especially for people like me who can't really open up 'IRL'. Bob bless you all! :tongue:
     
  14. socoken

    socoken New Member

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    Take that sentence to heart, and run with it, I cant stress that enough. He who has confidence in himself, gains the confidence of others. Pretty soon you will stop saying it, and start feeling it and others will too. I just got out of a bad breakup about 6 monghts ago, and its still messing with me a bit. Actually, I broke down and called her today to see how she was. I still think about her, but I dont get fucked up about it like I used to.

    Theres nothing a little vodka and a pretty girl cant fix.
     
  15. RomanCandle

    RomanCandle New Member

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    Good to see everyone here could help you out.

    I think it's pretty safe to say we've all been through what you're going through. I'm also glad to see you've realized this girl is no good for you, and it's best for you two to go your seperate ways.

    It might take awhile to get over her, but I'd be willing to bet it will happen sooner than you expect, and eventually you'll laugh at yourself for pining over her so hard!

    And you'll find another girl soon too. You seem to be a smart, sensitive, artistic kind of guy...I'm told chicks love that sort of thing!
     
  16. Rugbypup

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    Anyways, just think, there's always some one worse off than you fella, ive never pulled a woman, no matter how hard i've tried...

    :)
     
  17. B_ScaredLittleBoy

    B_ScaredLittleBoy New Member

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    Foreign chicks? lol.

    And if they do, they're not making themselves known :tongue:
    There is a girl I like though. We get on well. And...she has the rack of an angel :biggrin1:

    I'll wake up even happier tomorrow :smile:

    This is why I love this place :redface:
     
  18. B_ScaredLittleBoy

    B_ScaredLittleBoy New Member

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    I've only actually 'pulled' once. I was pissed out of my head and lost my friends. So I went for the sexiest little girl I saw. And she was little :tongue:
    That's one way of doing it.
     
  19. Rugbypup

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    well, regardless of the method matey, thats still one more than me, lol
     
  20. B_ScaredLittleBoy

    B_ScaredLittleBoy New Member

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    If you're tall(ish), just go for small girls/guys. They'll like you just cos you're taller than them :tongue:. All you have to say is hi and you can tell by their response if they like you.

    Being drunk really helps though. Good luck :smile:
     
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