The Expectations of Men to Pay in Relationships?

[Phil Ayesho]

run.

run far, run fast.

Send her a current calendar with the current year circled in highlighter...

 

[Countryguy63]

Just so were clear I do like to take the lead, and I think it is a nice gesture that reinforces why I would make a good partner (at least in one sense) but it is when the girl announces that she expects it and thinks she deserves it that it becomes a bit of a sour topic.

I'd rather do it for someone who appreciates and therefore would want to do something back than someone who expects it and doesn't think anything of it.

You got it, right there ^^

Jonesy, you have too much going for to subject yourself to that kind of selfishness and inconsiderate behavior. :smile:

 

[Endued]

I remember being horrendously embarassed when I went out for a few drinks with someone and there was no cash point around or something, so she had to pay for pretty much everything. Like, I really had figured I'd pretty much blown it at the first opportunity. She didn't give a fuck though! Quite a relief tbh.

 

[693987]

You should never -expect- someone else to pay for things for you, regardless of gender. However, considering how difficult my financial situation has been the last couple of years, the people I dated knew that if we went out/did anything, I typically couldn't afford to pay. If it was something at home/cooking together, you bet your ass I helped out. I declined going out sometimes too, because I felt bad that I couldn't pay for my share. Those who did pay for everything on dates with me, it was because they could afford it. I certainly didn't demand it or expect it.

 

[tamati]

Tell her to kick rocks, while simultaneously telling her to grow the fuck up!

 

[spoon]

days of old, prior to Women gaining there rightful place beside the manipulative male (some of us)
altho now i get mightly pissed off' when i courteously, for no nasty reason at all, let a lady go first, and she gives me the most filthy of looks.............. just a common courtesy thing, and she takes it the wrong way grrrrrrrrrrrrr

I never did understand getting pissy at a kind gesture! I will speak up if I see this happening.

the man. THE man. our first meal, i sneakily paid while he wasn't looking. he was less than happy. after that he would grab my wrist if i reached for my purse.

some guys like to take the lead.

i'm happy either way. it depends on the relationship. i don't expect or demand, i wouldn't accept it on a casual basis... but...

for the right guy, if it made him happier AND it was within his means to do so without suffering and hardship, i would.

aaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh............ms. dolfie---new love! i think relationships are give and take. relationships differ--age, gender, socioeconomics, and education--all play a part.

Just so were clear I do like to take the lead, and I think it is a nice gesture that reinforces why I would make a good partner (at least in one sense) but it is when the girl announces that she expects it and thinks she deserves it that it becomes a bit of a sour topic.
I'd rather do it for someone who appreciates and therefore would want to do something back than someone who expects it and doesn't think anything of it.

The "I deserve it or demands this" is crap!

You should never -expect- someone else to pay for things for you, regardless of gender. However, considering how difficult my financial situation has been the last couple of years, the people I dated knew that if we went out/did anything, I typically couldn't afford to pay. If it was something at home/cooking together, you bet your ass I helped out. I declined going out sometimes too, because I felt bad that I couldn't pay for my share. Those who did pay for everything on dates with me, it was because they could afford it. I certainly didn't demand it or expect it.

i'm unemployed at the moment, and, understand this. not enough cash flow.

 

[hairynyc]

run.

run far, run fast.

Send her a current calendar with the current year circled in highlighter...

To be fair, will that calendar also include a chart showing salary discrepancies between men and women? Don't get me wrong, this woman sounds sort of entitled and I don't think Jonesy should waste his time, but it's not right to just point out the year and pretend that women are treated equally in our society.

I think a lot of times the person who asks for the date is assumed to be paying and since that's usually the man, there is this idea that he will pay. I've asked a lot of my straight female friends about this and they pretty much always offer to at least pay their share. The funny thing is that I have one friend who gets sort of pissed about this and says that she thinks the guy should pay, but the reality is that she will often end up paying for the guy. Certainly with her current boyfriend, she does almost all the work as far as organizing and usually ends up paying one way or another.

 

[D_GlennFeckless]

Whoa! When dating the woman who would become my wife I regularly asked for her to toss in for our various trips. The occasional "treat" was still there, but then afterwards, I'd playfully ask where she was going to take me next. It worked out well.

Perhaps your gf simply isn't accustomed to being in a role where she could contribute and be a part of a partnership, rather than an object.

As for being made to feel irresistible, note how he's her "ex"? I was the first guy my wife dated that didn't fawn over her and shower her with gifts; we were married after only 10 months of dating. 25 years later we're still a partnership.

 

[blazblue]

Whoever does the inviting should be the one who pays.

 

[_Jonesy]

As for being made to feel irresistible, note how he's her "ex"? I was the first guy my wife dated that didn't fawn over her and shower her with gifts; we were married after only 10 months of dating. 25 years later we're still a partnership.

As I said before, she told me straight up she dumped him because he stopped, which was because he couldn't afford it. lol!

 

[D_Judith K Rantz]

No, her selfish ideology is NOT the norm. Nor is it healthy or realistic.

 

[LargeSide]

I would NOT deal with that. I have to work hard enough to make enough to support myself, and this early in a relationship there is no need for you to be required to do that. You sound chivalrous enough as it is!

 

[_Jonesy]

Yeah well I was going to see if it continued over a week or two but tonight she has been really arsed on me on the basis she was tired... didn't apologise and has gone to bed without a word.

I just held my tongue and quietly decided she is a nightmare.

 

[helgaleena]

No, only ask her out when you want to have a princess act on your arm. Otherwise, keep looking.

Unless you have met her mother and love the mother so much you are willing to keep them both forever?

 

[_Jonesy]

That idea scares the shit out of me in this case helgaleena, so I'll keep looking

Those 2 together in the same room with me. Jesus. I'd come out feeling 2ft tall.

 

[hud01]

When I was 21 years old, I experimented with dating older men who were ~10 years older than me. There were a few who pursued me who were much older, though. I noticed a consistent theme that they assumed that I would be making no decisions. The question of whether I would pay never came up. I wasn't comfortable with those assumptions.

I ended up concluding that a lot of men who pursue relationships with women who were my age (21) were seeking a woman who would be more "compliant" to their wants and whom they would act more like a "daddy" to than an equal. I was not that woman. I was seeking someone who would treat me like an equal and I was at least twice as opinionated and outspoken as I am now. :tongue: :wink:

I believe that you shouldn't try to change people you want to date in major ways, like attempting to alter their ideas of masculine and feminine roles. If your values don't match the other person's values, then you won't make a happy couple together. Criticize that woman all you want, but obviously there exist men for whom she would make an ideal mate, and you never know, she could find someone whose values match her own and they could end up happy together.

Personally I think finding a good mate is in part knowing early on when to continue the search with other people because you won't work out with this person.

The girl I am talking to now is in that age range and she is as stubborn as a pack mule.

I don't like a woman who doesn't have an opinion and expects things to be done for her.

As for paying. Who ever ask the other out should pay and then in the future it should alternate, at least if they are at a similar financial position.

 

[hud01]

To be fair, will that calendar also include a chart showing salary discrepancies between men and women? Don't get me wrong, this woman sounds sort of entitled and I don't think Jonesy should waste his time, but it's not right to just point out the year and pretend that women are treated equally in our society.

Please stop with this tired argument. At my last job, my boss was a woman, her boss was a woman, her boss' boss was a woman. At my current job, my boss is a man, but his boss is a woman.

I have a friend, his wife makes almost 60% more than he does and he is above the state average. I had another friend, when he got married, his wife made about 25% more.

The truth women are being treated well, it is the last few generations of men who may not be.

 

[hairynyc]

Please stop with this tired argument. At my last job, my boss was a woman, her boss was a woman, her boss' boss was a woman. At my current job, my boss is a man, but his boss is a woman.

I have a friend, his wife makes almost 60% more than he does and he is above the state average. I had another friend, when he got married, his wife made about 25% more.

The truth women are being treated well, it is the last few generations of men who may not be.

Please stop with this tired "men are the REAL victims" crap. Women may have higher ranks than they used to but they still largely get paid less for doing the same work that men do.

Here is one article out of thousands for you.

 

[LaFemme]

Jonesy! You know I think the world of you, so you won't be surprised when I say you deserve better. I know you will treat the woman you love extremely well, but she had better adore you and reciprocate in a way you like! If you end up with a princess, than you had better be her prince where there is some sort of equity in the relationship that works for both of you. And no evil stepmother!

 

[tanstaafl16]

A couple of times when I was on dates with women, two of them went to the bathroom when the check came thinking it would be paid when they came back. Nice try ladies but you weren't great dates and you ate paying for half.