The Expectations of Men to Pay in Relationships?

rbkwp

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Chinese tend to love flashing there $ around, and often a race to see who pays first, means a lot to them........

I hang back often...hah not really, but they LOVE shouting there Uncle....
 

hud01

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Please stop with this tired "men are the REAL victims" crap. Women may have higher ranks than they used to but they still largely get paid less for doing the same work that men do.

Here is one article out of thousands for you.
The reason you are clueless is they are not talking about the amount women get paid for the exact same job. They group jobs by category so a woman who is in a field which pays less is grouped with a man who is in an entirely different job that the surveyors determine is equivalent

this

That's partly because women tend to cluster in lower-paying fields. The most-educated swath of women, for example, gravitates toward the teaching and nursing fields. Men with comparable education become business executives, scientists, doctors and lawyers — jobs that pay significantly more.

Read more: Equal Pay and the Gender Gap: Men Still Outearn Women - TIME

women are far more likely to take time off to start a family or work part-time while rearing one. Over a period of 15 years, according to a 2004 study by the Institute for Women's Policy Research (IWPR), a full 52% of women in the prime earning age range of 26 to 59 go through at least one full calendar year earning nothing at all, compared with just 16% of men.

 
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D_Sal_Manilla

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The way i see relationships,

I was brought up with the idea that the guy should always pay for things at first...
once both parties agree to enter the relationship then the cost of things should be shared.

ex. you pay the meal and i leave the tip.
or
Well since you payed for the movies last week, let me take care of this evening.

Also both have to be realistic. he should not make it seem like he all the money in the world and she should be considerate of how much he makes.

can't ask or give a steak dinner when you know you only have money for hotdogs.

idk, its complex. All depends on the person, what has to be paid and who is present.
 

rtg

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D_Bubba_Butter

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This girl told me she has been brought up with the principle that she should never have to do any organising or paying in a relationship. This is everything from say days out to the cinema, taxi rides, nights out and even holidays. I was always told that these days women were much more independent and proud of their achievements and would find it unrealistic for the man to do everything.

This hearks back to the days when women didn't work & part of wooing was to demonstrate to a lady that you could afford to keep her comfortably. Those days are over.

When dating, it is a gentleman's duty to offer to pay. It's a woman's responsibility to either a) not let him & insist on paying half, or (better) b) say thank you & that the next time will be her treat.

You are being taken for a ride, because you are a nice boy. I hope by now you've given her the heave ho!
 

VernalTiger

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An English friend always paid for me because his dad had told him, "Don't date if you can afford to pay". I'd still make an effort to pay for every other round.

Currently, my man tends to pay when we go out, but he deducts it from whatever he owes me for rent, bills, and any other expenses that I've paid for.
 

august86

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This hearks back to the days when women didn't work & part of wooing was to demonstrate to a lady that you could afford to keep her comfortably. Those days are over.

When dating, it is a gentleman's duty to offer to pay. It's a woman's responsibility to either a) not let him & insist on paying half, or (better) b) say thank you & that the next time will be her treat.

You are being taken for a ride, because you are a nice boy. I hope by now you've given her the heave ho!
<<--- what he said! Well put, sir!
 

_Jonesy

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Who ever ask the other person out should pay.
There is far more to this than that though. Initially I agree but it is always nice for the woman to offer or show some signs of gratitude, but further down the relationship some things should be shared.

ZyZ I agree. Me and my flatmate here said the same thing and also I am planning to give her the 'heave ho'. I was going to keep her around just to see steadily without gaining emotional attachment but after last night I think even that won't work - explained after.

I know I am not being taken for a ride - my days of falling for that due to being Mr. Nice Boy are over and I can sense it from a mile off. This girl just genuinely feels it is her right to expect it as a woman, a value brought about by her 19th century Mum.

Last night I couldn't sleep, nor could she. We ended up messaging again at 2am and I somehow ended up at hers (joys of living on same street I guess). We got down to it and it turns out that she is worse in the bedroom. She didn't do anything to me and made it very difficult to relax as she kept telling me what to do.

I've never had complaints in bed and this is the first time I have walked away feeling I disappointed someone. It just doesn't happen to me, especially with my hands but for her it just didn't work so she told me to work on my technique. She also mentioned her ex-bf also being 'bad' at first and she still refused to do anything to me even after she was done.

Funny thing is I didn't freak out because I expected it, I don't know which is worse. The act or the fact I knew it would happen.

Damn she isn't even a FB...
 

D_Bubba_Butter

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this is the first time I have walked away feeling I disappointed someone

This doesn't sound like wounded pride, it sounds like you genuinely felt bad about not being able to please her. Even though she doesn't sound like a particularly lovely person. This suggests to me that you care more about pleasing your partners than yourself. & in my book that makes you a genuinely nice lad & a gentleman.

It's her loss. Move on. :)
 

coolnude

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This doesn't sound like wounded pride, it sounds like you genuinely felt bad about not being able to please her. Even though she doesn't sound like a particularly lovely person. This suggests to me that you care more about pleasing your partners than yourself. & in my book that makes you a genuinely nice lad & a gentleman.

It's her loss. Move on. :)

You are a decent guy, move on mate
 

_Jonesy

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Cheers guys!

And yeah, I'm one of those pleasers who basically get off most by hearing the woman scream in ecstasy so to speak. Pleaser + Pleaser = The best sex I ever had.
 

dolfette

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she must be special for you to be this bothered. her mother has a lot to answer for, warping this girl's perceptions and possible costing her any chance of future happiness. hopefully, when she escapes her mother's influence, she will start thinking for herself and make smarter choices.
 

SR_Dee_Zasther

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Well obviously you know by this point in the thread that the rest of the sane world is on your side and you should kick this bitch to the curb. You deserve to be with someone who wants to make you as happy as you want to make them, everyone does.
 

dolfette

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dismissing her as a bitch is kinda harsh. if she's the same in 5 years then that'll be fair, but right now she's just a young, dumb victim of parental brain washing.

i think he should be honest with her, that her sense of entitlement is off putting and unattractive to modern men.
 

D_Bubba_Butter

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I think he should be honest with her, that her sense of entitlement is off putting and unattractive to modern men.

Dolfette may be right; knowing this could help her realise that she has to work on her personality & expectations in the future.

But do it in an open space. Getting the gist of her temperament, it may not turn out pretty...
 

SR_Dee_Zasther

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She has an awareness of how she acts and where that viewpoint came from. She seems to be very callous about having dumped a previous bf for not having the means to treat her like she feels entitled too, and is aware it was not some fault or choice of his. And she throws this in Jonesey's face, clearly using it as a threat. It seems pretty clear that it's not that she doesn't know any better, nor that she thinks that her attitude is the norm, but regardless she expects to be treated that way, and that that is the most important aspect of a relationship to her (as evidenced by her consciously dumping the previous guy for being unable to maintain that lifestyle). For all these reasons, I label her a bitch. It doesn't mean she'll always be a bitch, but right now she is.