the "friend zone"

[blazblue]

+1 Ellie :rofl:

 

[AlphaMale]

My husband sent this to me. It's the only sure way to escape the friendzone:

https://i.chzbgr.com/maxW500/7763700736/h8198EEAC/

I like this comic.

If a women even has a "friend zone" or embraces the concept, then she's probably not worth anyone going after her in the first place.

I just think the idea of the "friend zone" is such a moronic concept. It makes women sound so predatory and narcissistic. Like we are the centre and let a Special One into the inner sanctum while keeping all other suitors in a holding pattern in the Friend Zone. And while that may be a characteristic of a serial monogamist, it is really not a female characteristic.

And this is very true.

 

[pokerus]

I think if a woman can sense a man is trying to be something more than a friend, then she should come out and tell him that it won't work out. This is true for many women, but I heard stories of some gals who will be fully aware that this guy likes her but she rather continue to use him as an emotional pillow.

Ladies, if a guy likes you and you aren't interested, don't make him your emotional pillow... even if he offers, it's not good for him. You see he thinks by being there for you to cry into he's getting closer to you. If that's not the case, be honest with him that there is no chance. It isn't fair to the guy if you don't do this. It's almost in a way... taking advantage of him.

This can be very frustrating for some men to continue to be around the girl they like but not get anywhere. It actually best if the two stop being friends.

It goes both ways, a woman would be frustrated by this too. If she really loved a man, sometimes it would be too hard to just be friends with them. Almost torture to be so close and yet so far. Just stop seeing each other, it's better for the both of you.

 

[B_ILIW]

I'm not female, but I'd say all the same these reasons apply:

- The guy is taken (,i.e. married or has a gf)
- She doesn't find the guy attractive, but likes him as a friend
- The guy is not her type (not necessarily the same as above)
- The guy has different interests, lifestyle, etc. not compatible with her own

It's more complex than simply saying "yo, act like the man/the dude and be strong around her, and she'll warm to you". This may work in some cases, but it depends on why one is in the friend zone.

 

[fanoftheendowed]

There is no friend zone. The only reason it's made up is because of the pretentious perspective that a person (mostly women in the case the term is used) owes sex/relationship and if you don't give it to someone, it's the act of putting someone in the "friend zone."

We're not an exchange system where you trade in your 'nice' bucks for sex/relationship. We're are a person, with interests, goals, likes and dislikes, beliefs, and dreams, etc. Just because someone doesn't like you in the way you want doesn't mean it's justifiable to bring up the accusation that we put you in this imaginary "friend zone".

As for the argument that sex can change the relationship, sure. I agree with some of that. As it depends on how each person feels about sex, how it's viewed. Some people still feel sex is about that special connection while others feel it's just an activity for fun. These are just examples. Either perspective is fine and depending on each person, their kinds of relationships are unique to each own.

 

[redz_rule]

how the friendzone works

That is frighteningly accurate! I think I know that guy

Didn't MickeyLee have a post somewhere about putting women in the 'fuckzone' too? Sometimes the only way to appreciate the absurdity of something is to turn it on it's head... gives that little bit of detatchment that's needed to get things into perspective.

 

[bigmatt1983]

That is frighteningly accurate! I think I know that guy

Didn't MickeyLee have a post somewhere about putting women in the 'fuckzone' too? Sometimes the only way to appreciate the absurdity of something is to turn it on it's head... gives that little bit of detatchment that's needed to get things into perspective.

ive always figured that being "friendzoned" was because the guys only real interest was in wanting to fuck her. ive had a female friend or two over the years that after a while i started to wonder if we could be more then friends we talked about it decided nothing would come of it and we were still friends.

i could make an argument for the i thought we were friends zone though were after months/years of being friends talking all the time a woman just disappears when she gets a new bf

 

[redz_rule]

ive always figured that being "friendzoned" was because the guys only real interest was in wanting to fuck her. ive had a female friend or two over the years that after a while i started to wonder if we could be more then friends we talked about it decided nothing would come of it and we were still friends.

i could make an argument for the i thought we were friends zone though were after months/years of being friends talking all the time a woman just disappears when she gets a new bf

I think a guy who only hangs around a woman because he is secretly hoping to fuck her is not a friend. I think a guy who gets upset that his female friend doesn't want to fuck him has entitlement issues. I think a situation like the one you described has happened to most people at some time or other, you were friends before, you remained friends after - no harm done. Very occasionally both people are in the same place at the same time and they do make it work.

I think women aren't the only ones who can disappear when they get a new partner - men do it too. Women do it to male and female friends and vice versa. It's a personality thing - some people keep a large circle of friends, others prefer to isolate themselves when they are in a relationship. It's probably not a very good idea, but it's their call.

Realising that a close friend now prioritises their romantic relationship over a friendship is a rite of passage that most people go through, usually in their teens *shrug* Usually these things sort themselves out over time, the 'shine' wears off a new relationship and a new balance is found, or the friend left behind makes new friends.

JMO

 

[AlteredEgo]

I like this comic.

If a women even has a "friend zone" or embraces the concept, then she's probably not worth anyone going after her in the first place.




And this is very true.

Why? What's wrong with valuing the relationships she has, and protecting them from potential negative consequences from change?

 

[pokerus]

There is no friend zone. The only reason it's made up is because of the pretentious perspective that a person (mostly women in the case the term is used) owes sex/relationship and if you don't give it to someone, it's the act of putting someone in the "friend zone."

We're not an exchange system where you trade in your 'nice' bucks for sex/relationship. We're are a person, with interests, goals, likes and dislikes, beliefs, and dreams, etc. Just because someone doesn't like you in the way you want doesn't mean it's justifiable to bring up the accusation that we put you in this imaginary "friend zone".

Your looking at it from a very negative persective. Think about it from this perspective. In many romance movies a woman might want to be with this guy, so she does her best to try to make that guy fall for her. Often in these movies her advances are ignored and we as an audience are supposed to feel bad for her.


And why not? Shouldn't someone feel bad when they have been rejected?

 

[someperson]

I think a guy who only hangs around a woman because he is secretly hoping to fuck her is not a friend. I think a guy who gets upset that his female friend doesn't want to fuck him has entitlement issues. I think a situation like the one you described has happened to most people at some time or other, you were friends before, you remained friends after - no harm done. Very occasionally both people are in the same place at the same time and they do make it work.

I think women aren't the only ones who can disappear when they get a new partner - men do it too. Women do it to male and female friends and vice versa. It's a personality thing - some people keep a large circle of friends, others prefer to isolate themselves when they are in a relationship. It's probably not a very good idea, but it's their call.

Realising that a close friend now prioritises their romantic relationship over a friendship is a rite of passage that most people go through, usually in their teens *shrug* Usually these things sort themselves out over time, the 'shine' wears off a new relationship and a new balance is found, or the friend left behind makes new friends.

JMO

I accidentally did the friend zoning rather. Apparently I done it on several occasion with many others . I did quickly abandon any kind of friendship with them. I'm not interested in being her 'gay' best friend




If I don't lose my vcard by the time I'm 28 I just going to crash my car into a tree going 140mph (that is the top speed of the car I have.) at that speed the car will implode on itself

 

[Patchos]

If I don't lose my vcard by the time I'm 28 I just going to crash my car into a tree going 140mph (that is the top speed of the car I have.) at that speed the car will implode on itself

California Suicide Hotlines - Suicide.org! California Suicide Hotlines, California Suicide Hotlines, California Suicide Hotlines, California Suicide Hotlines!

I hope you're not being hyperbolic because if you are then that's a really shitty use of language.

 

[johnlucas-1]

Men & women really cannot be "JUST FRIENDS".

Outside of the homosexual situations & family situations, no man can TRULY be friends with a woman.
And no woman can TRULY be friends with a man.
It's the Biological Imperative.
Male is supposed to attract Female, Female is supposed to attract Male.

You're not supposed to be Friends WITHOUT the Benefits.
When a man & a woman come together there's supposed to be sex involved.
If there's not, somebody's getting played for a sap.

Women are not supposed to call up men to talk about shopping or fashion or that new TV show or any other type of 'girl talk' like they would do with their girl friends.
Men are not supposed to call up women to talk about sports, politics, cars, stereo systems or any other type of 'guy talk' like they would do with their buddies.

Women can only be platonic friends with women.
Men can only be platonic friends with men.
If women & men become friends it should naturally lead to friends with benefits AKA relationship AKA marriage (see how many women say I married my best friend?).

When women talk about their relationship problems with other men, they're using that man for a sucker & he's ALLOWING himself to be used as a sucker.
She's using the pretense of friendship & treating this guy she has no attraction to as a sounding board. He's a tool for her to use.
He naïvely believes if he listens to her problems & tries to solve them for her, she will see the value in him & want to advance the interaction into a lovers' relationship.
He doesn't realize that she's using him & that he's actually working against his own goals in helping to put them back together.

No man wants to be JUST FRIENDS with a woman. He wants sex as a part of the deal. ALWAYS.
Some men are more coy about it than others but all men want sex from women they deal with.
The only time he won't pursue a sexual relationship is if he has respect for his friend's/family member's relationship & artificially withdraws himself from the hunt or if he is not turned on by that woman.
And usually in those types of cases the interaction tends to be more superficial & formal. Friendly cordial interactions but not truly hang-out-with-them/spill-your-heart-out-to-them friends.
And as we see from many infidelity cases sometimes that artificial withdrawal didn't work.

Be honest about biology.
Whether men put it upfront or not, they are ALWAYS sizing women up for sexual opportunities. ALWAYS.
Their strategies differ because women are the gatekeepers of sex & decide who gets it & who doesn't.
So some put up the front of friendship hoping to turn it to something else later while others are more direct with their real needs.

Women surrounded with a wealth of possible suitors tend to see men as a commodity & discard the majority of them as potential sexual partners for what they see as the cream of the crop.
They know men will hang around for the remote opportunity for a sexual encounter & know that they can have this man be a useful tool to her because of it.
Need furniture moved, need yard cut, need a sounding board, here's this guy to do the job!

The Friend Zone has always been bullshit.
Either they like you or they don't.
If they don't, don't offer to be her friend. Move on to the next woman & forget about the one who rejected you.
Don't become yet another male satellite in that woman's world.
John Lucas

 

[someperson]

California Suicide Hotlines - Suicide.org! California Suicide Hotlines, California Suicide Hotlines, California Suicide Hotlines, California Suicide Hotlines!

I hope you're not being hyperbolic because if you are then that's a really shitty use of language.

really a crash at 140 mph would be spectacular the car will crush it self into a cube and would be ready for recycling.

 

[MoneyForNothing]

really a crash at 140 mph would be spectacular the car will crush it self into a cube and would be ready for recycling.

I lol'd.

 

[Brisler]

Men & women really cannot be "JUST FRIENDS".

Outside of the homosexual situations & family situations, no man can TRULY be friends with a woman.
And no woman can TRULY be friends with a man.
It's the Biological Imperative.
Male is supposed to attract Female, Female is supposed to attract Male.

You're not supposed to be Friends WITHOUT the Benefits.
When a man & a woman come together there's supposed to be sex involved.
If there's not, somebody's getting played for a sap.

Women are not supposed to call up men to talk about shopping or fashion or that new TV show or any other type of 'girl talk' like they would do with their girl friends.
Men are not supposed to call up women to talk about sports, politics, cars, stereo systems or any other type of 'guy talk' like they would do with their buddies.

Women can only be platonic friends with women.
Men can only be platonic friends with men.
If women & men become friends it should naturally lead to friends with benefits AKA relationship AKA marriage (see how many women say I married my best friend?).

When women talk about their relationship problems with other men, they're using that man for a sucker & he's ALLOWING himself to be used as a sucker.
She's using the pretense of friendship & treating this guy she has no attraction to as a sounding board. He's a tool for her to use.
He naïvely believes if he listens to her problems & tries to solve them for her, she will see the value in him & want to advance the interaction into a lovers' relationship.
He doesn't realize that she's using him & that he's actually working against his own goals in helping to put them back together.

No man wants to be JUST FRIENDS with a woman. He wants sex as a part of the deal. ALWAYS.
Some men are more coy about it than others but all men want sex from women they deal with.
The only time he won't pursue a sexual relationship is if he has respect for his friend's/family member's relationship & artificially withdraws himself from the hunt or if he is not turned on by that woman.
And usually in those types of cases the interaction tends to be more superficial & formal. Friendly cordial interactions but not truly hang-out-with-them/spill-your-heart-out-to-them friends.
And as we see from many infidelity cases sometimes that artificial withdrawal didn't work.

Be honest about biology.
Whether men put it upfront or not, they are ALWAYS sizing women up for sexual opportunities. ALWAYS.
Their strategies differ because women are the gatekeepers of sex & decide who gets it & who doesn't.
So some put up the front of friendship hoping to turn it to something else later while others are more direct with their real needs.

Women surrounded with a wealth of possible suitors tend to see men as a commodity & discard the majority of them as potential sexual partners for what they see as the cream of the crop.
They know men will hang around for the remote opportunity for a sexual encounter & know that they can have this man be a useful tool to her because of it.
Need furniture moved, need yard cut, need a sounding board, here's this guy to do the job!

The Friend Zone has always been bullshit.
Either they like you or they don't.
If they don't, don't offer to be her friend. Move on to the next woman & forget about the one who rejected you.
Don't become yet another male satellite in that woman's world.
John Lucas

Hi John Lucas

The following really doesn't need to be pointed out, but I somehow feel the urge to do it anyway. Your post is complete and utter crap from beginning to end. It simply isn't true.

Brisler

 

[Mithra]

Yeah that post was complete and utter bullshit; the cynical diatribe of a lonely misogynist. It's a sad and creepy thing when a man believes the only thing women have to offer is their vaginas.

 

[Mithra]

California Suicide Hotlines - Suicide.org! California Suicide Hotlines, California Suicide Hotlines, California Suicide Hotlines, California Suicide Hotlines!

I hope you're not being hyperbolic because if you are then that's a really shitty use of language.

So wait, you hope he really is considering suicide?

 

[johnlucas-1]

Hi John Lucas

The following really doesn't need to be pointed out, but I somehow feel the urge to do it anyway. Your post is complete and utter crap from beginning to end. It simply isn't true.

Brisler

Complete & utter crap?
I don't think so.

When an attractive woman spends lots of time with a bunch of men in what seems to be friendship mode, the men are secretly angling to transform it into a sexual one.
They play along with the friendship pretense to have proximity to the one they are attracted to.

You look in your workplace. How many times do you see men sit with men & women sit with women? If you DO see men sit with women/women sit with men what kind of interaction do you going on?
I'm talking Heterosexual men & Heterosexual women, mind you.
Isn't there some degree of sexual tension with the woman/man interaction?
Isn't it a "girlfriends" or "buddies" type of situation with women/women & men/men?

I have seen situations where women try to get in the male mode of buddies with a bunch of guys.
Bet you money that sooner or later that buddies situation won't remain.
Maybe SHE wants to turn into more than buddies or he will but sooner or later they won't be just buddies anymore.

I simply don't buy that.

If you have men & women of different age groups (50s to 30s) where attraction is muted, yeah that can happen.
But keyword is attraction. Age can dissuade attraction.

When I use the word "friends", I'm not using it in the Facebook friends sense or friendly acquaintance sense, I mean TRUE BLUE RIDE-OR-DIE "brothers from another mother"/"my sisters" kind of friends.

If you have this between a man & a woman it leads to friends with benefits.
Sexual friends.

In fact, I say this is NECESSARY for any long term relationship to exist.
Those lifetime relationships everybody aspires to.
It has to be a friendship at the root to have that longevity.
That's why you hear so many long-term couples saying "I married my best friend".

The hierarchy of human bonds goes like this.

#1: Parent/Child
#2: Family/Friends
#3: "Lovers"

#1: Nothing is stronger than the bond between Parent & Child.
Nothing is unbreakable but if this bond took root, it is VERY hard to break.
That's why some murderers still have their parents in their corner regardless if that parent is horrified by what their child has done.
The child is the partial biological reincarnation of themselves.
They see themselves within the child & since all humans are self-focused at heart they seek to protect the Self Outside of Self.
With 50% of the genetic material of each parent held within the child, it is no wonder why this is strongest between 2 human beings.

Inverse of this relationship becomes Host & Parasite.
This is why some mothers cook their babies in microwaves & throw them in dumpsters. Why some fathers walk out on their children. Why some parents neglect their children. They never saw this child as a part of them. They saw this child as an interruption to themselves. The parent sees themselves as Host & sees the child as Parasite. So they look to remove the parasite from its host.

#2: Next strongest is the bond between Family/Friends.
Family covers your genetic similars from the same parents/grandparents/etc. AND the family you choose yourself, your ideological/behavioral similars AKA True Blue Friends.
Genetic similarity may not be exactly 50% but it is still high enough to recognize these other Selves Outside of Self. Still very strong bond.
Ideological/behavioral similarity allows a different version seeing Self Outside of Self. Birds from a feather flock together & all that.

There are some people in the world who never got the Parent/Child bond so it is GREAT that we can make our own connections to fill that void.
True Blue Friends really act as Family anyway so the only distinction is the direct blood relation. Brothers & Sisters many times are like Friends.
And sometimes your Biological Family is antagonistic to you so your Chosen Family, your True Blues may be the only Family you will have.

Inverse of this relationship becomes Enemies/Rivals.
Sometimes this comes from seeing something in someone else alien to Self & wishing to eradicate it.
Sometimes this comes from seeing something a person doesn't like within THEMSELVES & wishing to eradicate it.
That's why friends can flip to enemies & enemies can flip to friends.
Why sometimes brothers & sisters can seem more like rivals even when they share similar genetic material.
A thin between love & hate as the song goes.
Whether motivated by destroying the difference between 2 beings or motivated by being horrified by seeing this undesired Self Outside of Self, like the positive version Family/Friends this is one relationship that can last a lifetime.

#3: In a distant 3rd comes "Lovers".
And I put "Lovers" in quotation marks because it is misnamed.
It should be called "Lusters" really because there's no love involved in this type of relationship. This is about what you WANT out of a person.
This is a service relationship. If you have the goods, I will exchange the services. If you don't have the goods, I won't exchange the services.
Service TO Self.
This is the most fragile relationship in human relations & people not understanding the hierarchy of human bonds unwittingly give so much importance to this fickle relation.
They are always surprised when suddenly it goes away out of the blue.

Parents & Family & Friends may get mad at you from time to time but they don't just throw away the relationship so unceremoniously like that.
The Blood Is Thicker Than Water, Bros Before Hoes, Sisters Stick Together kind of thing.
Not so in this type of relationship. You may not realize that you're no longer delivering the goods but you'll definitely know when they withdraw the services because of it.
It's over just like that. No sentimentality whatsoever.
You're discarded like common trash for the next goods provider.
This is a User & Used kind of relationship.

Inverse of this relationship is Indifferent Strangers.
They don't want anything from you & have no use for you.
You're effectively invisible.

When you have most people getting together nowadays they're working under Relationship Type #3 & thinking it's Relationship Type #2.
They see similar services being offered—companionship, affection, intimacy—so they mistake it for the other type.
Similar kind of thing goes on with long-term employees of a business.
The employees thought of themselves as an unofficial family with all the hard work & time they put into the company.
The employer didn't see it that way & when the employee had no more use to that employer that employee was unceremoniously discarded.
Whether you call it laid-off or downsized or whatever you saw the employer LUST or WANT the labors of that employee & then when they got all they wanted out of that employee, here's the ax.
The employee was used up & now it's time to throw him/her in the trash.

When the sex play & personas wear off then so does the relationship.
You can't be human & fail. You can't fall short or miss the mark. You can't be vulnerable or fragile.
They demand SERVICE out of you & if you cannot deliver that SERVICE they'll find someone who can.

No, the only time you have lifelong vibrant relationships is when there is Friendship involved.
The #2 Bond: Friends & Family.
When a man & woman get together in this special kind of friendship they become a family. The sexual benefits of these friends creates a child to signify this family.

So no.
Heterosexual men & heterosexual women in their heart of hearts cannot be Just Platonic Friends.
It will ALWAYS end in Friends With Benefits. Sexual Benefits.
John Lucas

 

[Brisler]

My god, that post was hard to get through. Phew.

Listen John Lucas, I don't disagree that in order for a relationship to work, both parties have to genuinely like each other. Call it friendship, call it love. It's all good to me. I don't know why you would put so much energy into arguing that specific case. It's completely self-evident.

But here's the thing: it has nothing to do with male/female platonic friendship. You present absolutely no valid argument when stating that men and women can't be friends.

I have a girlfriend. I love her, she is my best friend and I plan on spending the rest of my life with her. But I also have a number of close, female friends whom I've known for a decade and have never had a sexual interest in. How does that fit in? Are you seriously telling me that I either don't care about these girls or that I'm just keeping them around for future sexual gain? Let me tell you that you would be absolutely wrong in both cases.