The friend zone.

[wombat]

Some how every chick that i chaise and am keen on ends up saying the same thing. Your a really lovely sweet guy thats rare. And boom into the friend zone i go. Any tips on getting out of it?

 

[813691]

That's a tough one. I'd say,start showing interest in her friends and ask her to help you out. Then don't show any more interest in her. She may change her tune. Also. If u aren't in good shape, hit the gym. It matters, even if a girl says it doesnt.

 

[bigbill810]

Once she's put you there, best thing to do is not fight it. Just be the friend and stop the chase. She has all the power when she knows you're chasing.

Women don't want a puppy to follow them around begging for scraps. Women love confidence. Pushing her for a date or trying to convince her that she should sleep with you will just make you look sad and small. Plus it puts you completely at someone else's mercy...which gives you the chance to do something you might regret.

Play it cool. Just be the friend. If you want value in her eyes, you'll have to earn it by letting her see that YOU are a confident, individual...a Man.

 

[Serial Kisser]

The friend zone doesn't exist.

 

[temptotalk]

Was about to joke saying to slap her hand and say "no, bad friend zone bad" but the best and most easy way to get out the friend zone is just to not be a friend. Sounds simple but if you think you've been friend zoned and don't want to be there then stop being there. She'll get the hint sooner or later. Gotta say too, bigbill810 is right. I'd take it a little further though. Most people on this planet only see confidence. Looking at the current happenings in politics and other issues it would seem that nothing else actually matters all that much.

 

[Phil Ayesho]

Women are looking for confidence and a man who goes after what he desires.

You end up in the friend zone when you do not make your sexual interest in her clear soon enough.

Too many guys wait to get to know a girl really well, unsure if she really likes them. But that is just timidity, as far as she is concerned, and that's a turn off. Real Men are not afraid of getting rejected. They approach a woman with confidence in their own appeal, and with the clear signal that they are interested.

among young women… who are often naive, and a little drunk with the power they wield, its common to see them mistake aggression or being a dick for confidence. And many of the dumber women DO fall for the mind games of you asking them for a date, and when they shine you on…. you just absolutely lose interest entirely, like dropping a stone.

So ask yourself if you are being too timid… waiting too long for a sign that they like you, too… and work on your timing. If they are responsive enough to become your friend, chances are there was a moment when they would have said yes… but you let that moment slip by and they wrote you off as not being daring enough to make anything of yourself in this world ( which is WHY they are evaluating you on your willingness to risk rejection )

More than one guy has bedded a woman who initially rejected him, simply because she liked the way he handled it.



other than that… the other thing to consider is the kind of woman you are attracted to. Are you persistently trying for women who are out of your league? That is, women who have so high an opinion of themselves that its gonna take a skydiving brain surgeon to pique their interest?

Or, conversely, are you tending to be attracted to naive and immature women who are too judgmental and inexperienced to even know what kind of man is good for them?

The greatest tragedy in life is when people are fatally attracted to the people who are simply not the best match for them.
You see women who go from one abusive relationship to another… because the only men who turn them on are utter as holes.
And men who get taken advantage of by women who don't really find them attractive… but are willing to USE the guys attraction for them to get what they want.

So the other thing to think about is whether you should try approaching entirely different women than you have hit on in the past.

 

[sangheili90]

I'm hardly the relationship master but I honestly think you should show yourself some respect by not wasting your time on women who have no interest in you.

 

[josh20hung]

I met a girl years ago on my first day at a new job. I wasn't the most confident person and didn't think I could ever get someone as hot/beautiful as her. After a few months of hanging out (as bff's) I was giving her a ride home one night when she made a move. She started making out with me, saying that she had wanted it since the moment she met me. Not only was I excited to finally get with the girl I wanted, but it was a huge confidence booster to have a girl that was that hot be in to me. We ended up dating for just over two years.

Even if you think you are friend zoned you can always get out. Not only was I the epitome of being friend zoned but I also had zero confidence and when I say this girl was hot .. I mean like SUPER hot .. absolutely beautiful. I never would have thought even out of the zone I'd have a chance. If you actually have a connection with a girl than being in the zone wont matter.

 

[sangheili90]

I consider myself so very fortunate to have not wasted any of my energy on such meaningless pursuits where the only reward for putting yourself out there is psychological and emotional torture.

 

[Phil Ayesho]

I consider myself so very fortunate to have not wasted any of my energy on such meaningless pursuits where the only reward for putting yourself out there is psychological and emotional torture.

Chickenshit.


What the fuck are you afraid of? Getting your heart broken?

So the fuck what?
A broken heart is your only proof of purchase- the only evidence that you actually CARED and invested yourself in anything.

A woman ( or a man ) wants to know that you want THEM, strongly enough to inspire passion and personal risk.
And don't you want to know the same about whoever might be caressing you? Whoever might be sitting beside you drinking coffee on an early summer morning?

People afraid of being hurt go to their graves unblemished, and unloved, never having lived. Never having made any difference to anyone or anything.

A broken heart won't kill you.

And after you have had your heart shattered, you pick up the pieces, glue them back together, and offer it to the next person with whom you are smitten… knowing full well that its going to be broken again.

Because that is what you signed up for when you took your first breath. A life that WILL end.
Everything you ever hold dear will be stripped form you- either thru misfortune or mistake along the way, or when you, or they, die and everything that remains is stripped away.

So being alive means you WILL lose everything. That's is guaranteed.

Is that a reason to cherish nothing at all? To not allow yourself to be invested in life?

Or is that a reason to cherish everything all the more… Because you know it to be temporary, fleeting, impermanent.


I say the only life worth living is the one you embrace wholeheartedly- knowing that you are signing on for loss and for pain.
Grab what you can while you can, and treasure it, because you will have an eternity of nothingness where there is nothing to cherish.

I spread my arms to each new lover and say- go ahead… shatter me if you must but make it FEEL like it mattered to me, because it does.

 

[sangheili90]

Chickenshit.


What the fuck are you afraid of? Getting your heart broken?

So the fuck what?
A broken heart is your only proof of purchase- the only evidence that you actually CARED and invested yourself in anything.

A woman ( or a man ) wants to know that you want THEM, strongly enough to inspire passion and personal risk.
And don't you want to know the same about whoever might be caressing you? Whoever might be sitting beside you drinking coffee on an early summer morning?

People afraid of being hurt go to their graves unblemished, and unloved, never having lived. Never having made any difference to anyone or anything.

A broken heart won't kill you.

And after you have had your heart shattered, you pick up the pieces, glue them back together, and offer it to the next person with whom you are smitten… knowing full well that its going to be broken again.

Because that is what you signed up for when you took your first breath. A life that WILL end.
Everything you ever hold dear will be stripped form you- either thru misfortune or mistake along the way, or when you, or they, die and everything that remains is stripped away.

So being alive means you WILL lose everything. That's is guaranteed.

Is that a reason to cherish nothing at all? To not allow yourself to be invested in life?

Or is that a reason to cherish everything all the more… Because you know it to be temporary, fleeting, impermanent.


I say the only life worth living is the one you embrace wholeheartedly- knowing that you are signing on for loss and for pain.
Grab what you can while you can, and treasure it, because you will have an eternity of nothingness where there is nothing to cherish.

I spread my arms to each new lover and say- go ahead… shatter me if you must but make it FEEL like it mattered to me, because it does.

Honestly, last time I truly put myself out there resulted in me having to have a pacemaker implanted and I did almost die. I think I know what its like to have my heart broken.

 

[ThatFellaUK]

If everyone understood their own self worth and treated everyone with respect, then we would all...

A) only seek to partner up with people who were spiritually well and equally honest and respectful
B) have the necessary confidence to actively pursue such potential partners; AND
C) have the necessary understanding and grace to accept and move on, when potentials declined our advances

It seems we don't understand self worth, live in our own egos and rarely treat everyone with respect and therefore, we find new and exciting ways to fuck up our own existence.

 

[Phil Ayesho]

If everyone understood their own self worth and treated everyone with respect, then we would all...

A) only seek to partner up with people who were spiritually well and equally honest and respectful
B) have the necessary confidence to actively pursue such potential partners; AND
C) have the necessary understanding and grace to accept and move on, when potentials declined our advances

It seems we don't understand self worth, live in our own egos and rarely treat everyone with respect and therefore, we find new and exciting ways to fuck up our own existence.

fuck self worth. In life everyone does NOT get a trophy just for being, and your lists of "if onlys" is a utopian fantasy that you had better grow up quick and realize ain't gonna happen.

Few people are perfect- learning how to live happens on a learning curve and some folks are gonna get an F.

Besides- trust me- the few that are perfect? You wouldn't be able to stand them for more than a few days.


Really- its a lot easier than you imagine- Everyone doesn't have to meet some impossible target before they are allowed to take a stab at relationship. And precisely because the people you try to be with are not perfect… its easier because neither one of you is asking the other to endure anything in yourself that you are not being asked to endure in them.

As Lincoln said to McClellan, you are all Green, alike.

Self worth comes from accomplishment. You don't get it just for breathing. What you get for just breathing is LIFE- which is a big enough trophy for doing the bare minimum.

Other than that… wake up- there is no such thing as unconditional love. and thank fucking God there isn't- because I do not want to live in a world where everyone expects to be treasured no matter how big a shit they are.


You want to be loved? - then you damn well better BE lovable.

The person you dream of having has every right to have their own dream of you.
so either Measure up, or lower your expectations.

 

[Phil Ayesho]

Honestly, last time I truly put myself out there resulted in me having to have a pacemaker implanted and I did almost die. I think I know what its like to have my heart broken.

Yeah- I doubt that was because you loved someone.
You might have other issues that impact your health… like anxiety. Or a congenital defect. Hardly a lover's fault.

If you read what I wrote carefully- you'ld understand that I am advocating embracing life and love- not Fearing it.

There are people who fear emotional pain… and the anxiety they feel over the potential of such pain ruins any benefit they might get from loving. But that isn't love doing that to you. Its anxiety. Its fear.

I am advocating being fearless. And recognizing that deep feeling is always positive.

When someone I love dies, or leaves, I WANT it to tear me up…. I want to know that i was invested and committed and cared.
That that time mattered to me.

The alternative is to be 'ho hum' about the things in life that matter the most.


Sorry- I don't want to live on the level of 'meh'.

 

[someperson]

other than that… the other thing to consider is the kind of woman you are attracted to. Are you persistently trying for women who are out of your league? That is, women who have so high an opinion of themselves that its gonna take a skydiving brain surgeon to pique their interest?
.

Most women are out of my league because i look better then them i.e face wise

 

[sangheili90]

Yeah- I doubt that was because you loved someone.
You might have other issues that impact your health… like anxiety. Or a congenital defect. Hardly a lover's fault.

If you read what I wrote carefully- you'ld understand that I am advocating embracing life and love- not Fearing it.

There are people who fear emotional pain… and the anxiety they feel over the potential of such pain ruins any benefit they might get from loving. But that isn't love doing that to you. Its anxiety. Its fear.

I am advocating being fearless. And recognizing that deep feeling is always positive.

When someone I love dies, or leaves, I WANT it to tear me up…. I want to know that i was invested and committed and cared.
That that time mattered to me.

The alternative is to be 'ho hum' about the things in life that matter the most.


Sorry- I don't want to live on the level of 'meh'.

Yeah, I'm pretty sure I know the circumstances of my pacemaker ordeal far better than some know nothing idiot on the internet.

 

[Phil Ayesho]

Yeah, I'm pretty sure I know the circumstances of my pacemaker ordeal far better than some know nothing idiot on the internet.

seriously?

You are claiming that your pacemaker was the result of a relationship that didn't work out?

Hmmm,… I may know nothing of your circumstances but I do know quite a bit about anatomy.

Did your Ex stab you in the chest ?
Poison you with something that damaged your heart or the nerve that regulates its contractions?

I would love to be enlightened as to how your lost love physically damaged your heart.

 

[wombat]

The friend zone doesn't exist.

How so?

 

[wombat]

Thanks. Some interesting opinions and views on the subject.

 

[EllieP]

"You're such a great guy. I wish I could meet someone like you.*"

Have you heard that? Did you see that asterisk? Yes, it's either there or implied.

It means I want a guy that shares your sensibilities, but is not too close to being a female. I like a guy who is worldly but still makes time for me. I like a guy who has lots of friends, but I'm still his very special friend. I like a guy who gets me but doesn't know me as well as you because you know all of my secrets. I want a guy who's not afraid of me. I want a guy that knows how to argue with me.

There is something about being intimate with such a close male friend. I know there have been successful match ups as if the cloak is suddenly lifted from her eyes and she sees him for the first time as an attractive mate, but that has never happened to me.

And I have had a very close male friend in whom I confided everything: fears, obsessions, good and bad feelings. I realized too late that I hurt him when I moved away. I lost that friendship forever. It's never been the same when I go back to visit.

Mum said if only he told me how he felt. The truth is I'm glad he didn't. I don't know how I would have handled it, and knowing how much I cared for him I would have been a complete asshole by avoiding him so I wouldn't have to face tell him the truth that I didn't feel the same way.