The Funny IM Convo Thread

Discussion in 'Funny Stuff: Jokes, Quizzes, Games & Pics' started by Heather LouAnna, Aug 3, 2006.

  1. Heather LouAnna

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    Somebody just say some hilarious shit?! Post it here.

    [12:51] BunnySpleens: 'cha doin?
    [12:52] *Anonymous*: sitnhere
    [12:52] BunnySpleens: sounds fun weeeeee
    [12:52] *Anonymous*: counting the hairs on my balls
    [12:53] BunnySpleens: you should count them AFTER you pull them out
    [12:53] BunnySpleens: it'll save time
    [12:53] *Anonymous*: oh shit
    [12:53] *Anonymous*: u made me lose count
    [12:53] *Anonymous*: now I have to start over
    [12:54] *Anonymous*: actually fuck it... ill just count my dick
    [12:54] *Anonymous*: damn that was easy
    [12:54] BunnySpleens: HAHAHA
     
  2. B_Spladle

    B_Spladle New Member

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    This isn't really funny, but it's the last snippet of conversation that I found interesting enough to save.

    duomaxwell24816: I'm pondering life.
    duomaxwell24816: Specifically, coincidences.
    duomaxwell24816: Are you a big fan of Stephen King?
    *Anonymous*: Not so much.
    duomaxwell24816: That's okay.
    duomaxwell24816: I'll explain what's pertinent.
    duomaxwell24816: The book I am reading now revolves around a concept known as "ka."
    duomaxwell24816: It is another word for "destiny" or "fate" s'far as I can tell.
    duomaxwell24816: Are you familiar with the works of Charles Dickens?
    *Anonymous*: Mildly. It's been a while.
    duomaxwell24816: Well, as you may well know anyway, ka plays a large role in his works.
    *Anonymous*: Ok...
    duomaxwell24816: The "deus ex machina" is a phrase I believe you're familiar with, at least?
    *Anonymous*: Of course.
    duomaxwell24816: Well then.
    duomaxwell24816: There's that.
    duomaxwell24816: I'm reading a book that revolves around coincidences that are not really coincidences at all.
    duomaxwell24816: And then earlier today, I twice sneezed thrice in quick succession.
    *Anonymous*: What is the book?
    duomaxwell24816: After each burst, I was prompted to say aloud, "Bad things come in threes."
    duomaxwell24816: The Dark Tower.
    duomaxwell24816: But that's not so very important.
    *Anonymous*: That is a beautiful thing.
    duomaxwell24816: I got home just now, perhaps ten minutes ago.
    *Anonymous*: I see.
    duomaxwell24816: There are six new messages in my inbox.
    duomaxwell24816: Were, rather.
    *Anonymous*: And?
    duomaxwell24816: Three of them were from homosexual/bisexual men asking me if I'd like to receive oral sex from them, NSA.
    duomaxwell24816: I hadn't gotten one of those in quite awhile, until today.
    duomaxwell24816: So the fact that there were three was unusual.
    *Anonymous*: Does that interest you?
    duomaxwell24816: No, not really.
    *Anonymous*: Hmm.
    duomaxwell24816: The other three were from girls who felt obliged to remark upon my resemblance to Ryan Gosling, an actor that I have never, before today, been compared to.
    duomaxwell24816: And I'm just remembering that line from Magnolia.
    duomaxwell24816: Have you seen Magnolia?
    *Anonymous*: I see a slight resemblance.
    *Anonymous*: Just once, forever ago.
    duomaxwell24816: It's just an odd feeling, all around.
    duomaxwell24816: There are stories of coincidence and chance, and intersections and strange things told, and which is which and who only knows? And we generally say, "Well, if that was in a movie, I wouldn't believe it." Someone's so-and-so met someone else's so-and-so and so on. And it is in the humble opinion of this narrator that strange things happen all the time. And so it goes, and so it goes. And the book says, "We may be through with the past, but the past ain't through with us."
     
  3. Heather LouAnna

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    LMAO.....me and my friend Michael promised each other to make five time capsules each for the each other. Like I'd make five for him and he'd do the same for me...and ten years in the future we're gonna have scavenger hunts for each other to find them. Then he said some dumb random shit and I said....


    [03:32] BunnySpleens: you, sir,
    [03:32] BunnySpleens: should never mate.
    [03:33] *ANONYMOUS*: lol
    [03:33] *ANONYMOUS*: i really wonder what ur kid would be like
    [03:33] BunnySpleens: a rock with a duck bill glued on it
    [03:33] BunnySpleens: LOL
    [03:33] BunnySpleens: I'm totally puting one of those in one of your time capsules
     
  4. Lex

    Lex
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    I am moving this to Funny Stuff.

    Carry On.
     
  5. Pecker

    Pecker Retired Moderator
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    Euripides: what are we gonna talk about?
    *Anon*: i wanna bash Bush
    Euripides: but you know i'm a republican
    *Anon*: that's why
    Euripides: gee i thought you were my friend
    *Anon*: fair-weather only. it's raining here.
     
  6. Heather LouAnna

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    aahahaha
     
  7. Heather LouAnna

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    Why spanks. I forget this forum exists. lol
     
  8. Heather LouAnna

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    [11:32] Spledel: OMG I WAS BANNED
    [13:03] BunnySpleens: lol
    [13:03] BunnySpleens: you were BAND?!
    [13:03] BunnySpleens: what'd you DO?!
    [13:03] BunnySpleens: ;x I wonder which mod did it
    [13:06] BunnySpleens: Stronzo was banned too?!
    [13:07] Spladel: Holy cow.
    [13:07] Spladel: I dunno what I did.
     
  9. Pecker

    Pecker Retired Moderator
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    budweiser: hey, whatcha doin'?
    bud light: oh, nuthin', smokin' a cigarette, f*ckin' the neighbor's wife.
    budweiser: don't you know smokin' will kill ya.
     
  10. hypolimnas

    hypolimnas Well-Known Member

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    [quote=Pecker]budweiser: hey, whatcha doin'?

    Not quite on topic here, but some quotes from the net that made me giggle:

    Riley: Have you ever stuck a finger up a girls butt?
    Steven: No, that's gross.
    Riley: What? You can stick your penis in there.
    Steven: Yeah but you don't eat sandwiches with your penis.


    Kirk: The only way to eat an ass is with orange marmalade.
    John: What about butterscotch, that would be kinda sweet.
    Kirk: What are you a fairy?
     
  11. Heather LouAnna

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    The following are REAL conversations. They're taken from a website where people participate in an act called "Baiting" where they just..taunt the other person lol...It's pretty hilarious if you read it all the way through.

    bloodninja: Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight?
    BritneySpears14: Aight.
    bloodninja: Slip out of those pants baby, yeah.
    BritneySpears14: I slip out of my pants, just for you, bloodninja.
    bloodninja: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.
    BritneySpears14: Oh, I like to play dress up.
    bloodninja: Me too baby.
    BritneySpears14: I kiss you softly on your chest.
    bloodninja: I cast Lvl. 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman.
    BritneySpears14: Hey...
    bloodninja: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl. 8 Cock of the Infinite.
    BritneySpears14: Funny I still don't see it.
    bloodninja: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty F*ck of the Beyondness.
    BritneySpears14: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is ridiculous.
    bloodninja: Don't f*ck with me bitch, I'm the mightiest sorcerer of the lands.
    bloodninja: I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl. 1,000,000 Your body explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl. 2 Druid.
    BritneySpears14: Don't ever message me again you piece of ****.
    bloodninja: Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shield inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of metal.
    bloodninja: King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik's evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals my accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him.
    bloodninja: You still there baby? I think it's getting hard now.
    bloodninja: Baby?
    -------------------
    bloodninja: Ok baby, we got to hurry, I don't know how long I can keep it ready for you.
    j_gurli3: thats ok. ok i'm a japanese schoolgirl, what r u.
    bloodninja: A Rhinocerus. Well, hung like one, thats for sure.
    j_gurli3: haha, ok lets go.
    j_gurli3: i put my hand through ur hair, and kiss u on the neck.
    bloodninja: I stomp the ground, and snort, to alert you that you are in my breeding territory.
    j_gurli3: haha, ok, u know that turns me on.
    j_gurli3: i start unbuttoning ur shirt.
    bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't wear shirts.
    j_gurli3: No, ur not really a Rhinocerus silly, it's just part of the game.
    bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't play games. They f*cking charge your ass.
    j_gurli3: stop, cmon be serious.
    bloodninja: It doesn't get any more serious than a Rhinocerus about to charge your ass.
    bloodninja: I stomp my feet, the dust stirs around my tough skinned feet.
    j_gurli3: thats it.
    bloodninja: Nostrils flaring, I lower my head. My horn, like some phallic symbol of my potent virility, is the last thing you see as skulls collide and mine remains the victor. You are now a bloody red ragdoll suspended in the air on my mighty horn.
    bloodninja: Goddam am I hard now.
    --------------
    BritneySpears14: Ok, are you ready?
    eminemBNJA: Aight, yeah I'm ready.
    BritneySpears14: I like your music Em... Tee hee.
    eminemBNJA: huh huh, yeah, I make it for the ladies.
    BritneySpears14: Mmm, we like it a lot. Let me show you.
    BritneySpears14: I take off your pants, slowly, and massage your muscular physique.
    eminemBNJA: Oh I like that Baby. I put on my robe and wizard hat.
    BritneySpears14: What the f*ck, I told you not to message me again.
    eminemBNJA: Oh ****
    BritneySpears14: I swear if you do it one more time I'm gonna report your ISP and say you were sending me kiddie porn you f*ck up.
    eminemBNJA: Oh ****
    eminemBNJA: damn I gotta write down your names or something
    Bloodninja: I lick your earlobe, and undo your watch.
    Sarah19fca: mmmm, okay.
    Bloodninja: I take yo pants off, grunting like a troll.
    Sarah19fca: Yeah I like it rough.
    Bloodninja: I smack you thick booty.
    Sarah19fca: Oh yeah, that feels good.
    Bloodninja: Smack, Smack, yeeeaahhh.
    Bloodninja: I make some toast and eat it off your ass. Land O' Lakes butter all in your crack. Mmmm.
    Sarah19fca: you like that?
    Bloodninja: I peel some bananas.
    Sarah19fca: Oh, what are you gonna do with those?
    Bloodninja: get me peanuts. Peanuts from the ballpark.
    Sarah19fca: Peanuts?
    Bloodninja: Ken Griffey Jr. Yeaaaaahhh.
    Sarah19fca: What are you talking about?
    Bloodninja: I'm spent, I jump down into the alley and smoke a fatty. I throw rocks at the cats.
    Sarah19fca: This is stupid.
    Bloodninja: Stone Cold Steve Austin gives me some beer.
    Bloodninja: Wanna Wrestle Stone Cold?
    Bloodninja: Yeeaahhhh.
    Sarah19fca: /ignore
    Bloodninja: Its cool stone cold she was a bitch anyway.
    Bloodninja: We get on harleys and ride into the sunset.
    ---------------
    Bloodninja:Wanna cyber?
    DirtyKate:OK, but don't tell anybody ;-)
    DirtyKate:Who are you?
    Bloodninja: I've got blond hair, blue eyes, I work out a lot
    Bloodninja:And I have a part time job delivering for Papa John's in my Geo Storm.
    DirtyKate:You sound sexy.. I bet you want me in the back of your car..
    Bloodninja:Maybe some other time. You should call up Papa John's and make an order
    DirtyKate: Haha! OK
    DirtyKate:Hello! I'd like an extra-EXTRA large pizza just dripping with sauce.
    Bloodninja:Well, first they would say, "Hello, this is Papa John's, how may I help you", then they tell you the specials, and then you would make your order. So that's an X-Large. What toppings do you want?
    DirtyKate:I want everything, baby!
    Bloodninja:Is this a delivery?
    DirtyKate:Umm...Yes
    DirtyKate:So you're bringing the pizza to my house now? Cause I'm home alone... and I think I'll take a shower...
    Bloodninja:Good. It will take about fifteen minutes to cook, and then I'll drive to your house.
    **pause**
    DirtyKate:I'm almost finished with my shower... Hurry up!
    Bloodninja:You can't hurry good pizza.
    Bloodninja:I'm on my way now though
    **pause**
    DirtyKate:So you're at my front door now.
    Bloodninja:How did you know?
    Bloodninja:I knock but you can't hear me cause you're in the shower. So I let myself in, and walk inside. I put the pizza down on your coffee table.
    Bloodninja:Are you ready to get nasty, baby? I'm as hot as a pizza oven
    DirtyKate:Oooohh yeah. I step out of the shower and I'm all wet and cold. Warm me up baby
    Bloodninja:So you're still in the bathroom?
    DirtyKate:Yeah, I'm wrapping a towel around myself.
    Bloodninja:I can no longer resist the pizza. I open the box and unzip my pants with my other hand. As I penetrate the gooey cheese, I moan in ecstacy. The mushrooms and Italian sausage are rough, but the sauce is deliciously soothing. I blow my load in seconds. As you leave the bathroom, I exit through the front door....
    DirtyKate:What the f**k?
    DirtyKate:You perverted piece of s**t
    DirtyKate:F**k
    ------------------
    Bloodninja: Wanna cyber?
    MommyMelissa: Sure, you into vegetables?
    Bloodninja: What like gardening an ****?
    MommyMelissa: Yeah, something like that.
    Bloodninja: Nuthin turns me on more, check this out
    Bloodninja: You bend over to harvest your radishes.
    (pause)
    MommyMelissa: is that it?
    Bloodninja: You water your tomato patch.
    Bloodninja: Are you ready for my fresh produce?
    MommyMelissa: I was thinking of like, sexual acts INVOLVING vegetables... Can you make it a little more sexy for me?
    (pause)
    Bloodninja: I touch you on your lettuce, you massage my spinach... Sexily.
    Bloodninja: I ride your buttocks, like they were amber waves of grains.
    MommyMelissa: Grain doesn't really turn me on... I was thinking more along the lines of carrots and zucchinis.
    Bloodninja: my zucchinis carresses your carrots.
    Bloodninja: Damn baby your right, this s**t is HOT.
    MommyMelissa: ...
    Bloodninja: My turnips listen for the soft cry of your love. My insides turn to celery as I unleash my warm and sticky cauliflower of love.
    MommyMelissa: What the f**k is this madlibs? I'm outta here.
    Bloodninja: Yah, well I already unleashed my cauliflower, all over your olives, and up in your eyes. Now you can't see. Bitch.
    MommyMelissa: whatever.
     
  12. majormadness

    majormadness New Member

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    Here's a conversation I was having as I was browsing this thread. Eerie coincidence, no?

    Her: one of my friends is going to Klien this coming year
    Her: his names darr
    Me: Darr?
    Me: As in Darius?
    Me: or just Darr?
    Her: nope just darr
    Me: oh...
    Her: hes from south africa and his last names all weird
    Me: I see.
    Me: How can a country with a name as normal as South Africa have citizens with names as wierd as Darr
    Her: Sheniqua

    Me: Tuche
     
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