The Guide to a REAL Nice Guy

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by herosol, Jun 10, 2010.

  1. herosol

    herosol New Member

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    Let me put it up first, that I have read through countless articles over the internet, magazines, books, and ultimately personal experience has guided me on my way. Yes, I am very young, just a little bit over legal age in America, but this is NOT an end-all-be-allguide. It is really just I hope the end-all-be-all thread on "nice guys". Feel free to add things along the way, and agree/disagree on the things I have to say.

    To be honest, this is not some Pickup Artist (PUA) guide. I am not here to teach you how to seduce a bunch of hoes at a club. It is really for people looking to find a great girl in their life, and ultimately hope to keep her.

    I have a great girl with me at the moment. Lovin' it alot, to be honest I haven't been in the "dating" realm for almost a year, so it's more of a self-reflection type of guide. I hope you find this useful, and understand you have the opportunity become just an amazing person.

    So without further a due...let's begin!


    The Misconception


    See remember that time a girl called you "nice" or you heard another girl call some guy "nice". That's what it actually means. To be honest it's just a sugar-coated way of saying: 1) You are not boyfriend material 2) Boring 3) Passive 4) Stagnant. So if you are labeled a "nice guy". Scrap that shit. You're really just the "boring guy".

    Harsh? Yes. But eff, pain will allow you to see the light.

    Now, if a guy does not understand this, he labels himself as "nice". And begins to ask "why do girls fuck the assholes?" The truth is assholes break criteria #2, #3, and #4. The asshole is not boyfriend material but he is never boring because he is always doing crazy shit with other girls. He gets what he wants without waiting for approval. And he is always living his life, whether it be partying or whatever.

    So what separates assholes from the very very very elusive "nice guys". It is criteria #1: boyfriend material. This includes: job, house, integrity, kindness, faithfulness, etc.

    So what are "boring guys"? They are simply guys that have #1 only. They ARE boyfriend material. But they lack all of the other 3 things. That is the problem. Fine! You don't need all 4, but surely 2 and for safety 3 of them.

    Ultimately, as we segway into the self-reflection section of the guide, remember the 4 points i brought up, and if you think you need more specific help, please scroll past the basics.


    The Basics Begin with YOU

    Now just to reiterate everything after point #1, here they are:

    1. boring
    2. passive
    3. stagnant

    To be honest all three are tied together, but let us tackle them one by one, FIRST by checking where the problem lies for you, and then working towards a remedy.

    Boring?

    It is exactly how it's spelled out. Boring. Boring. Dull. Nothigness. Barren. Whatever you wanna call it, you're boring. And to put it better terms: predictable. Now I don't like to use the word predictable, but it's easier to understand. So let's self-reflect!

    Look back at your previous romantic relationships, were you often doing the same thing? Always calling at 8pm to schedule a date. Always going out on a Wednesday? Text her every morning when you wake up, and fall asleep texting at 12 am? How about your dates? You could be going to different restaurants, but is the experience ever different? Movies? Sure you had sex a few times when you guys were at home, but maybe you thought her being physically active meant she was falling for you. So you kept doing it!

    That is fallacy #1
    :

    A woman's sexual actions do NOT guarantee that her emotions are parallel or in agreement.

    Okay whatever, I can't name every question. And plus this is a guide, not an in-house psychologist. Point is are you predictable? If you were in her shoes, could you actually predict what you were gonna do? Since you're reading this, i'm guessing the answer is "yes" unless, this is not your problem, or you're here for kicks. But please! Read on!

    Remedying Predictability

    Let me start our first remedy with this warning. Why don't I like using the word "predictability"? Cause FUCK, I don't want you to start playing mind games, and not return a girl's call, trying to be "unpredictable". That's not how that shit works. Fine it might work on a hoe or two, but seriously in the long run, your fake persona WILL catch-up. You want to approach your "new you" as naturally as possible.

    Okay now! So the first remedy...

    #1 Plan Everything!

    For the almost year I have dated my current girl, almost every date is planned, whether it be weeks ahead or days ahead. Not because you want to be organized, but the more you plan the more PREPARATION. And that allows you to self-reflect on your own ideas. You can be like: "Wait...I've done this before." So switch it up. If you know EXACTLY what's gonna happen, YOU are in control.

    Not to long ago for an anniversary, I bought my girl a picture frame with a picture of us. I wanted to sneak it in to her bedroom so she sees it when we get back home later in the night. You gotta PLAN that shit. You can't just improvise and hope you get away with some half-assed plan. It doesn't work everytime. However you're plan goes, DO IT. Plan the first hour to the last hour. Maybe even Plan B's and Plan C's. Switch up on her, when you begin to realize things are being repetitive.

    I cannot stress how important this part of the remedy is! Sure you do this the first month or two, but this is why many relationships are short. Relationships ARE and will forever will be very MALE dependent. You are a cornerstone. So to have a strong house you gotta work hard and build a strong cornerstone. Don't fall back on a routine after time passes. You want your relationship to be fiery till the day you die? You gotta WORK HARD at it. It ain't easy. So if you're just into fucking, go look up Neil Strauss or any other PUA self-degrading crap (in my own humble opinion of course).

    #2 Live it Up!

    Now I don't suggest you toke up everyday or get wasted all the time. But this remedy section is really for those of you who are currently looking to start dating a girl you really like. So how do you stop be boring? Tell her about yourself! Tell her about the things are going on in your life, and how truly un-boring it is.

    See what you need to convey in her mind is that "my life is great, you SHOULD want to join me." If she begins to envy the excitement in your life, then she will become more and more attracted to you. Now what type of excitement you want to pursue is up to you, but this really leads up to one of the most critical sections: COMMUNICATION.

    #3 Communication and the Point of No Return

    Communication guys. Communication!

    Before we begin, look at your cellphone, are you texting that girl you want to date or are currently dating right now? What is that text looking like? A conversation about her day? How many texts have you racked up this week with her? 1000 maybe?

    Now peek at your phone bill. How many calls to her? 5 a week? 3 Hours a session? If you answered yes at all, STOP THAT ISHHHHHH!

    Let me break down what these goddamned cellphones are doing to us guys' romantic lives. It's breaking them apart. It's turning us into sissies and boring-azz people. This is the chain of reaction that happens with long calls/texts constantly:

    - The few exchanges are really great, alot of laughs and stories, blah blah blah
    - You've racked up maybe 15-20 hours, conversations are great!

    But before we continue, let me ask, what type of people do these things? FRIENDS DO THESE THINGS. NOT BOYFRIEND. JUST FRIENDS. Okay let us continue...

    - You guys aren't celebrities so heck you run out of things to say one night
    - You begin to talk personal issues
    - Maybe your childhood, current drama, your insecurities?
    - The next conversation is the same, but guess what you have none to say
    - You're not 80 years old, so you don't got that much to say
    - So you're phone calls/texts are just about NEGATIVE subjects (drama, insecurities, etc.)

    So you may be wondering, how does "communication" gotta do with being boring/unpredictable. It is everything!

    See, when you begin to talk about your dramas and insecurities. You are transforming your lady-friend into a psychologist. Romantic relationships are just like the movies in the sense they should be a means of ESCAPE from the world. The girl should feel like when she's in your arms, she's protected. No more drama. Just fun, laughs and passion! Instead now whenever she thinks of you, she just thinks of your problems and issues. She has enough to deal with, she will internally be unattracted to your negative problems. Plus no girl wants a guy with a bunch of insecurities. Hide that shit, let her know when you got like 6 kids above 25 years old. You're issues will becoming boring. You're same old shit, about how you were fat and ugly.

    But that's not it. You're spending 15 hours or more on the phone. What is that saying? She thinks you got nothing in your life going on. Because man you can set-apart 3 hours a day to talk to her? You must be pretty unexciting. Plus, she's like your mother, she knows exactly what you do everyday, and probably at what time and with which of your friends. She has no opportunity to even guess what you are doing. And maybe you even throw in a few "i miss you". She CAN'T even miss you. Why? You are talking to her all the time, you don't give her a chance.

    See I know it sounds VERY VERY HARSH. But you're just telling a girl too much about yourself. If you truly want to keep her for a long time, you will have decades and decades to tell her about your life. Don't spoil it in the beginning. Give her a little bit at a time! Make her want to everyday discover more and more about you.

    So what do you do? Get off that PHONE! Even if you have started that routine, or she wants to, just say: "Baby I know you want to, but i think it's better if we talk in person, because I love the way you smile when you're telling a story, and I don't want to waste a single moment over the phone." You can use whatever line. Point is, if you want to call her. Make it sweet and simple. Flirt for a few minutes and ask her out on a date. You call on Monday and schedule Friday, she will spend Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday morning wondering what you are doing. She has no clue! She wants to discover. And even when Friday night rolls around, tell her the interesting things you did, and she will say to herself: "God I want him so bad, because I am missing out on being part of his fun life."

    So all in all, when things just start, limit your communication to keep her interested in your life. As time moves on, don't date her EVERYDAY. Date her twice maybe three times a week? I'm already almost a year into my own, and I see her on average 2 times a week, and maybe phone in every once in awhile. Trust me that 3 day gap leaves HUGE room to tell alot of good stories. Finally, telephone and text cannot convey body language. Body language is the different between you getting the girl or not. Let not one conversation be misunderstood. Let every joke convey the message perfectly. And you can only do that in person. No matter how great your seduction texting-rhetoric is, you cannot beat telling her that she's beautiful in person, and then pulling her in and kissing her.



    To be continued VERY soon.... we will remedy being passive!

    I hope you found this helpful. And yes, i may need to condense a bit!
     
  2. herosol

    herosol New Member

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    reserved for guide section #2
     
  3. herosol

    herosol New Member

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    reserved for section #3
     
  4. herosol

    herosol New Member

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    reserved for section #4 (last)
     
  5. maxcok

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    That's an understatement.
     
  6. Bbucko

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    "Nice" is the lowest common denominator or compliments, and "nice guy" is not the antonym of "asshole" or "douchebag".

    If the best thing you could say about me is that I'm "nice", I'd rather hear nothing at all.
     
  7. maxcok

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    Now Bucko, be nice. :smile:
     
  8. dolfette

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    no way am i reading all of that!

    ranting page after page of your thoughts...

    just that first post was an 11 page scroll down ffs.

    reminds me of a bumper sticker...

    ''quick! hire a teenager while they still know everything!''
     
  9. alx

    alx
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    I read th first few para's but I disagreed with what you wrote so didn't read it all.

    Were you stim'd up writing that lot?
    Give you 10/10 for effort.
     
  10. Wish-4-8

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    I just posted in a thread about nice guys finishing last. I could sum up you whole article in one sentence:

    "Have the confidence of a jerk, but the morals of a nice guy."
     
  11. petite

    petite New Member

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    This.
     
  12. HiddenLacey

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    Well considering the fact that I consider myself a nice girl, which is what I would hope most nice guys are after I will tell you that I totally disagree with most of what you are saying. If I say someone's a nice guy, it really means he's a nice guy. It means he gets a second look, I might actually trust him for more than 5 seconds. It does not mean he's passive, boring or stagnant. It means he treats me with respect, he helps people less fortunate than himself, he doesn't look down his nose at other people and most importantly he doesn't act like he's better than everyone else or treat me like his trophy. A nice guy is just that A NICE GUY. There really isn't anything to it, just be NICE and be CONFIDENT.
     
    #12 HiddenLacey, Jun 10, 2010
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 10, 2010
  13. herosol

    herosol New Member

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    haha yeah i agree it's alot to read, and I've been looking over to condense it.

    sure "having the confidence of a jerk and morals of a nice guy" is it a great way to put it.

    i guess in my opinion, it's more than taking a one liner and executing it. If it was that easy, we wouldn't have "nice guys finish last" threads.
     
  14. petite

    petite New Member

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    I think this is the fifth thread on the same subject in the past month.
    I think people are talked out about it now. The posts on the first two threads were much better than the ones this past week.

    "Do nice guys finish last?" thread had a lot of intelligent posts in it, with the consensus coming down to the idea that real issue is whether a man is passive or pro-active, not nice or not, when it comes to whether he finishes first or last and that those are totally independent factors.
     
    #14 petite, Jun 10, 2010
    Last edited: Jun 10, 2010
  15. sbat

    sbat New Member

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    You know, about that phone bit...girls are much worse about that than guys are. 3 hours on the phone is 2 hours and 50 minutes of her talking, and 10 minutes of him saying "hello?", verbal affirmations or negations when necessary, and "goodnight."

    As for that planning business...I get it for special occasions, but that's way too exhausting for a regular night out with the chica. Plus, planning like that for most dudes turns into the predictability that you're railing against. If anything, you should be telling your neophytes that they need to learn how to be spontaneous and improvisational so that, you know, they aren't so damn boring.
     
  16. D_Petherick_Poundlouder

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    what an asshole.
     
  17. herosol

    herosol New Member

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    oh yeah see the phone part is really about the male taking control. by telling her connotatively: "hey, we should stop talking on the phone, because thats what a girl wants to do, not a guy. and we should do things we both want to do."

    And i completely agree with your planning analysis. I think the direction i'm pointing at is that many guys as time wears on 5 months...7 months? They get too comfortable. Sure you can spend time watching a movie in your house, but eventually it gets old. And a guy cannot hope that girl will be down to stay with you in a LTR, if you plan on having boring lifestyle.

    So yes with planning eventually is refine spontaneity. Basically now I make up a date as i go, but ya know like everything. baby steps!
     
  18. dolfette

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    it's pink, it's tight and you want to put your tongue in it.
     
  19. maxcok

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    ^ Y'all . . . . be nice!
     
  20. AlteredEgo

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    You are very, very nice. But that's not the best thing which could be said of you. Not by a long-shot!
     
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