the idea that sex is a gift that women give to men,

Discussion in 'Women's Issues' started by dolfette, Feb 15, 2012.

  1. dolfette

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    rather than a source of mutually agreed upon mutual pleasure...

    it troubles me.

    on the one hand, i think some women perpetuate it because it means men will seek their favour and keep on best behaviour in order to acquire sex.

    but on the other, it creates feelings of resentment. men sometimes feel women who do not put out are holding out and being selfish. some men think women are all, in essence, prostitutes.

    *ponders*

    like valentines... commercially/socially it seems to focus on him doing more for her. she just puts out in gratitude.
     
  2. someone1

    someone1 Active Member

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    read Anthony Giddens thing about the 'pure relationship' if you can find it somewhere, kind of interesting and a counter point to what you're saying. I
     
  3. MickeyLee

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    sex is really awesome cake i share with a friend :smile:
     
  4. D_Kitten_Kaboodle

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    hmmm, interesting topic, dolfette..

    I remember my mother telling me (very early in life) that a woman should "save herself for marriage" because her virginity is the best 'gift' she can give her husband.

    As a young adult, it did guide me and keep me from being promiscuous before I was old enough and ready to accept the consequences. I was raised in a very strict home, but my mother was very open during "our talks together". I have to remember, also, that I was raised by both parents that believed in very old-fashioned values for marriage (I suppose I disappointed them many times over.)

    Looking back, and thinking on your take, I see where, if this were generally considered "my gift to you" ... even after marriage.... yeah, that could be pretty detrimental to a relationship, also making the woman feel rather pitiful if that is all she has to offer him.

    Commercialism plays a big role in relationships between men/women. But, we can look back and see some very progressive changes over the years (for which I am thankful). And, yes, we still have a long way to go.

    I kinda like to think that sex is my husband's gift to ME....:tongue:
     
  5. SilverTrain

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    In my case, it's more akin to charity. :wink:
     
  6. Kotchanski

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    This is something that has always confused me... I have sex because I want to have sex, and I don't have sex because I don't want to have sex. Seems simple enough to me.

    Granted, there are some things one or other of us like far more than the other does, and we'll usually save those for "special occasions" but not because we want our own ones in return, just because we don't do them often and saving them for those times mean neither one of us are missing out on something we'd like (assuming it isn't something the other has a huge issue with!) or constantly wondering if we're ever going to get it again/nagging.

    If those times aren't reciprocated, that's absolutely fine... Not like we're keeping score cards!

    I was stood in boots a few months ago, near the "quit smoking" section which is oddly right next to condoms and lube (I have no idea why... I wouldn't have thought the two were a good mix personally) Two guys were stood there faffing around trying to decide what to buy.

    One was looking for condoms but clearly hadn't bought any before, he was actually taking the time to read each and every box. The other wanted a lube that could double for massage because she'd told him the only way he'd get anal from her was if he showed her just how much he cared for her...
     
  7. dolfette

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    i say thank you, because i appreciate him sharing.


    at first he looked perplexed by this.
     
  8. Fade

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    This concept irks me in the same way that there are people in the kink community that are all "my submission is a gift". If you break up, you'll be taking that "gift" back. Sex and D/s (and many other things) should be done with equality between partners. If you're both horny, fuck, if one of you is horny, try and get the other in the mood. If they can't get in the mood, go watch porn and masturbate. If you're in a relationship with someone there should be equal give and take. :smile:
     
  9. D_Kitten_Kaboodle

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    I have applied for my NPO status... :tongue:
     
  10. nicenycdick

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    I must say that for most of my life, I have always felt that it was the men who wanted sex and the women who gave it to them. Usually at some price, emotional or otherwise. To be honest, it is the women of LPSG who have convinced me otherwise. I finally get it now. Women like to fuck, too!

    Who knew?!
     
  11. hsarge

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    Well, you certainly can't take sex from a woman, that's rape. It is something women permit. Does that mean it is a gift? I don't know. Dolfie, good question.
     
  12. SilverTrain

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    I meant that women might bestow an act of charity upon me. Silly.
     
  13. Gecko4lif

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    If you act like a prostitute your a prostitute.
     
  14. SilverTrain

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    New Rule: If you can't spell or punctuate properly, no one will take your "wisdom" seriously.
     
  15. dolfette

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    i have bolded the actual issue.
    you seem to have missed it the first time around.

    ps. you're
     
  16. D_GlennFeckless

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    By the creator's diabolical intent, or sheer evolutionary accident, the male orgasms every time in the act of copulation; the female, not so much. Unfortunately, throughout history a fair number of women rarely, if ever, orgasm when with their partner, making their sexual role little more than that of a "gift giver" who needs to open the doors upon demand, with little in return other than the good feeling of having done her duty. This goes back to the basic biological need for a male mammal to "stick & move, stick & move, soldier!" in order to impregnate as many females as possible before he's discovered in that vulnerable position and taken out by a bigger, badder predator. The busy animal didn't have any understanding of her needs, nor did she, unless she was lucky enough to be the second or third he'd hit in rapid succession, with the resultant delay in ejaculation giving her enough extra rubbing to reach that elusive euphoric plateau.

    That ancient sense that it's a woman's "duty" to "give" sex to the man needs to be rubbed out by a gender uprising to demand equal orgasmic rights! While a prefect balance will never be achieved, with a push and pull on either side over time, we need to start with a radical move, then let it drift back towards the center.

    Men need to be subjugated by the movement to never cum before a woman does, making us their playthings, their flesh Sybians, with a man's needs being unimportant and often ignored completely. Regular doses of Vitamin V in the water and cockrings tight enough to inhibit ejaculation so that they're always ready, and never lose their ability to please before the woman is finished. In time, the women will start to utter those words that men have callously and selfishly said for centuries after opening their gifts, "Thank you, honey. That was great"

    As men begin to tire of their subjugation and cumming deprivation, their desire to have sex will wane, inwardly sighing a heavy sigh every time they're compelled to perform, to primp and preen themselves, to succumb to societal pressures to be the man on the poster, the man on the screen, the man they know their woman would rather be with. The deed is done.

    The cockrings come off. The women are no longer objectified; both genders are equal in their appreciation and their obligation, their partnership in the pleasing of themselves and their mates. Let the global bacchanal ensue!
     
  17. SilverTrain

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    Not even true for porn, in which the male orgasm is portrayed as powering the entire electromagnetic output of the universe.
     
  18. dolfette

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    nowt but waffling supposition presented as fact!
     
  19. redbear52

    redbear52 New Member

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    I think some women do use sex as a commodity to be bargained with for goods and services.

    I don't speak from personal experience since I would never have remained in a relationship with such a woman for any length of time, but I have heard such tales of woe from male friends.

    Valentine's Day doesn't bother me too much. I can accept the notion of setting aside a day to acknowledge appreciation of one's lover, even though it does seem to be more centered on females than males.

    Although I haven't experienced the "sex as a commodity" phenomenon first hand, I have found that it is quite common for women to withhold sex when they are aggravated with a guy. I suppose that could be construed as a mechanism for keeping guys on their best behavior as well.
     
  20. EllieP

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    I've never thought of sex as something I dispense for favors. Quid pro quo sex is prostitution, and I'm not into that. Cap bought me a Volvo not because I gave him sex - it's because I was so good at it!!!:biggrin1:
     
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