The Importance of Being Honest

Discussion in 'Et Cetera, Et Cetera' started by SpoiledPrincess, Sep 29, 2007.

  1. SpoiledPrincess

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    How important is honesty in a relationship? Do you tell your partner everything you should or do you withhold certain things because you know it will upset them? Do you consider lying by ommission to be lying?

    For me honesty is the foundation of a relationship, if someone lies to me about one thing it throws everything they say into doubt, and I know that if something comes up where it's really important that I believe them if they've lied in the past that will colour everything they say to me.
     
  2. Rikter8

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    I would say - The important stuff, YES.

    The not-so-important stuff...depending on what it is, no.

    "Honey, I cheated on you" - tell the truth.
    "Did you take $20 out of my wallet/purse?" - Tell the truth

    "Joe, Did you throw out all that old car junk you had??" ...LIE "Yes dear..."
    (Cmon! It's not Junk.... It's GOLD)
     
  3. SpoiledPrincess

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    I promise you Rikter, your old spark plug collection is not priceless :) That's a whole other thread, why men insist on keeping a load of old rubbish under the impression that it'll come in handy one day.
     
  4. ManiacalMadMan

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    Honesty is a requirement Without it there is no reason to continue the relation ship. This does not mean I tell all immediately I give the information slowly and allow the person to absorb and digest it The main part in honesty is not to lie to them on who I am I make clear what my working situation is and do not pretend to be in a better job or pretend to have a fancy education among other things Mainly just be completely truthful at the start and it will either work good or not depending on who they are and what they are looking for Better to know at the beginning then find out years later.
     
  5. Osiris

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    My wife knows everything. I have no secrets from her.
     
  6. got_lost

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    What a question.

    I do believe that honesty is the key to any relationship and if that trust is broken, it is incredibly difficult to re-build.

    That said, do we have to tell them everything?
    In the past I have done so. But right now I'm not.
    I am sure that at some point down the line I shall. But now is not the time as I still have things to work out and do not have the asnwer.....

    So I suppose I am about to embark on some dishonest behaviour. I have given it great thought and believe that not telling is better than telling, for now. And surprisingly, I don't feel that guilty about it.


    Hmmmm.... just re-read that.... it's a bit gobbledygoop..... but hey-ho.... if it sounds confusing, it is cos I am confused!! :rolleyes:
     
  7. D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah

    D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah Account Disabled

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    Everyone deserves and should have their own privacy. Im a firm believer that each person has to have their own life outside of a relationship, some of which should remain private. However if there is something that he does not want to tell me for fear of me being upset then i think that is the important stuff that SHOULD be told. Nobody likes to find out bad news 3rd hand from an outsider.


    But if he purposely lies to cover something then that is inexcusable. If he doesn't want to tell me something then id prefer he says that rather then lie
     
  8. SpoiledPrincess

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    We all know the things we should tell someone but sometimes don't because we feel that knowing about them would hurt our partner/bf/whatever, but then if they find out some other way the trust between us is damaged. I've always gone for brutal honesty from day one, that way I know there's nothing I have to fear him finding out for himself. I don't feel it necessary to mention every pair of shoes I buy, every drink I have, but I do feel it necessary he knows I'm a spendthrift and that I like to go out and flirt.
     
  9. ArtfulDominant

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    If you're prepared to settle for a relationship where you compromise what you want and need (and what the relationship itself needs) then go ahead: lie about things that are fundamental to your needs, so as "not to hurt your partner". By attrition, you'll likely find yourself alone within your relationship in the not too distant future.

    Many of us have done this. I now see that "strategy" as folly. Having said that, both parties in a relationship need to be mature and emotionally strong to effect total honesty with themselves and with each other.

    When you find the right partner and you realize how important building your relationship is -- being honest with each other is the only logical alternative. I made that leap of faith when I met HollyBlue. We were honest with each other from the start. As much as we wanted each other, we knew that lies of omission – whether to build one’s self up in the other’s eyes, or to avoid “hurting” the other’s feelings –
    would only leave shifting sands under our fledgling relationship’s foundation.
     
  10. DC_DEEP

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    Being honest does not necessarily mean volunteering and telling everything all at once. I don't think it's necessary to go down a list or recite a litany of all past partners and practices.

    With that said, my partner and I practice open and complete honesty. We've told each other everything that we think is of great importance, already. If one of us asks the other, honest is expected and required. Things like, "have you ever been incarcerated?" (for us, both, yes; and oddly enough, for both, the charge was "disturbing the peace" which actually meant "engaging in civil disobedience.") Things like, "are you healthy, have you been tested?" Yes, those kinds of things should be disclosed early on.

    But there's a caveat that goes along with an openly honest relationship: both parties have to be mentally/emotionally healthy enough and strong enough for it to work.
     
  11. Osiris

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    Spot on! Wonderfully put DC.
     
  12. SpeedoGuy

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    Gotta agree with Rikter here. Important stuff: yes! Trivia: it depends.

    This question is certainly good food for thought. Raw honesty is laudable but it can carry heavy overtones for a relationship. I can think of examples of being deliberately put on the spot when asked a question by a girlfriend that she clearly didn't want to hear an honest answer to. I sometimes wondered whether she'd ask such questions to undermine the relationship.
     
  13. B_Jennuine73

    B_Jennuine73 New Member

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    Honesty is very important.

    The way I see it, if you married someone and plan to spend the rest of your life with him/her, why in the world would you not be honest about everything.

    If a question is asked, honesty is mandatory.

    When I married my husband I made an iron clad rule with myself. If I ever want to lie to him or lie by omission, then I won't do whatever it is I want to lie about.

    He doesn't know absolutely everything about me, but he can ask anything and I will give an honest answer.

    Good thread SP.
     
  14. B_Think_Kink

    B_Think_Kink New Member

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    Honesty is important over important things. Examples like rikter suppoorted are good ones... lying/fibbing about not throwing things out, or goofy things people have no reason to be mad about should be ok. Then again that has to depend on what a person thinks are minor things.
     
  15. got_lost

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    There are 2 parts to honesty in a relationship and we are almost acknowledging them both but I'm still a little confused.

    With regards to answering a direct question, then to lie is dishonest and we shouldn't do it (although perhaps if its about the junk in the garage, is that such a big lie and something that would rock said relationship?!?!)

    The other seems to be that which we don't share with our partner. Is it dishonesty by omission?


    I agree with many of you where you say in a good, strong relationship each individual should be utterly honest, but what about those who are not in a good, strong or healthy relationship? Not all of us are in that ideal relationship, but neither are we (OK... me) prepared to jack in the relationship just yet.... until I am sure.... which means in the meantime, I'm dishonest :O
     
  16. B_Think_Kink

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    Good explanation.
     
  17. DC_DEEP

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    Those two statements say a LOT about you, young lady. That's an excellent philosophy.

    As for the "lies by omission," what's in the past cannot be changed. Again, not everything needs to be volunteered. Confession may be good for the soul, but it's not always good for the relationship. Like Jennuine, I really try not to do anything about which I'm ashamed or about which I feel I have to lie. But most people have at least something in their past which, while major, is not necessarily important. If the only purpose it serves, to volunteer information like that, is to hurt your partner, it's not necessary. I can't think of any examples right off hand.
     
  18. got_lost

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    But that is all about things in your past.

    What about omissions of things hallening now or in the future?
     
  19. SpoiledPrincess

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    I always stuck to brutal honesty, of course no one tells their partner every little thing, there are just some things there are no need to tell but we all know which are the things we should tell them, I found sticking to brutal honesty meant I never had the urge to withold things because brutal honesty was what our pattern was. Looking back it might not have been such a successful ploy because part of what ended my marriage was me telling him I wanted an open relationship, but this thread wasn't to say what was and wasn't wrong, it was to find out what everyone else thought.
     
  20. B_ScaredLittleBoy

    B_ScaredLittleBoy New Member

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    Honesty is good. I hate liars. I also hate people who think I'm just a walking cock :mad:

    Well even cocks have pride :tongue: and I am not an emotional tampon; someone you can pick up and put down as the mood takes you (or as you fall in and out of 'love' with your sugar daddy)!!

    Tirade over. I am always honest which is why I get so pissed off by being deceived.

    I wonder why people lie. If you care about someone, you don't lie to them. If you don't care about someone, why lie to them?

    I would just like to add that if someone is a liar or otherwise 'broken', no amount of boyfriends/girlfriends is going to fix it; you have to fix it (yourself), yourself.

    In response to IKnowKK...if someone is in an "unhealthy" relationship, won't the cycle continue? So in that relationship and future ones you won't be 100% as happy or successful as you could be. Everyone should reach a point where they resolve to tell the truth. Honesty is the best policy.
     
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