The Importance of Being Honest

[got_lost]

double post!

 

[got_lost]

I wonder why people lie. If you care about someone, you don't lie to them. If you don't care about someone, why lie to them?

I lied to my Mum when I was a kid..... she asked me if I had been smoking, and I knew my parents views on that and they would go through the roof, so I lied. Of course, she found out and went berserk also upset that I lied to her face. But she wouldn't have taken the answer 'yes I smoke' any better, so it was a no-win situation which I clung on to the chance of not being found out as long as I could...... still couldn't swear I wouldn't do the same again, if I knew the consequences were going to be that bad... (believe me... you don't want to get on the wrong side of my parents!! ). I'm not proud of it at all.... just.... ha! being honest!

In response to IKnowKK...if someone is in an "unhealthy" relationship, won't the cycle continue? So in that relationship and future ones you won't be 100% as happy or successful as you could be. Everyone should reach a point where they resolve to tell the truth. Honesty is the best policy.

That's the key for me... I am sure at some point I shall reach a point where I tell the truth as to what is happening right now. But to say anything now would just be to throw the relationship away without even knowing what I want or how to fix it.....

And Spoiled Princess.... right on the button! If I were to 'be totally honest' right now I do believe the consequence would be the same for me as for you.

 

[lafever]

If you can`t be honest with your spouse than you`re married to a stranger. As far as my relationship goes, nothing is hidden from her, as a matter of fact i`d rather she be upset from the truth than me live a lie. Many times people will only tell half of the truth and the way i see it, half truths are still a lie no matter how you look at it.


lafever

 

[B_ScaredLittleBoy]

PS I was on about chronic, almost compulsive liars/people lying about 'serious' things such as cheating etc.

And there are better things to put in your mouth KK. For shame! :wink:

Little white lies/pacifying lies are okay. But if its something like fidelity, feelings, it should all be laid on the table, not hidden 'neath it.

 

[got_lost]

If you can`t be honest with your spouse than you`re married to a stranger. As far as my relationship goes, nothing is hidden from her, as a matter of fact i`d rather she be upset from the truth than me live a lie. Many times people will only tell half of the truth and the way i see it, half truths are still a lie no matter how you look at it.


lafever

I don't disagree with you regarding the first part in bold. But I think there are many people in long term relationships where they have become strangers. Surely the best thing is to try and find a way to work things out than to walk out the door before you know what you want.

As for the second, I think that's still up for debate.... is it a lie or is it dishonesty by omission. I don't think life is so black and white....

ScaredLittleBoy:
And there are better things to put in your mouth KK. For shame! :wink:

I know, I know, I know!!! Stop reminding me!

 

[36DD]

Honesty is extremely important and so I have to weigh whether or not I want an honest answer before I ask a question and I hope one would do the same with me. Don't ask for my opinion if you are not open to what I have to say, you don't have to agree, but don't get upset with what I give as a response. Honesty also needs to be tactful.
A person can ask of me whatever they like but that doesn't mean I have to answer, if I think they are disrespectful or invasive I will simply say it is not something I will discuss with them...not because I am lying, but because I feel it is an invasion of my privacy or I do not trust that person enough to open myself to them.
I don't feel one needs to share things with those who do not have their best interest at heart...is that lying by omission? I don't think so, for example, in the case of divorce I think it is just self-preservation.

 

[datdude]

I think you need an even it out. You can not be truthful all the tiem and you can not lie all the time either. You need to teel the truth and have eacth others backs to make a relationship work, but you can not be totally honest al the time.

What happened at the Bachloer party? If it got out of hand, or her girlfriends boyfriend got a blowjob, it better not to tell her. Why argue over someone else.

You dont have to lie really, just not as open with everything.

 

[Jovial]

Honesty is a 2-way street. If one partner gets upset hearing the truth, then the other is hesitant to tell the truth in the future. Personally, I like sharing everything. It gives a feeling of closeness.

 

[Aitch]

Honesty is paramount. I dont DO liars, they disrespect me & themselves by lying, they have no place in my life.
My ex says he lied to 'protect my feelings'. BOLLOX! He lied in order to have his cake AND eat it.

 

[DC_DEEP]

But that is all about things in your past.

What about omissions of things hallening now or in the future?

That's where the part about "don't do things you feel you will have to lie about" comes in. I don't really care how much I "want" something, if I can't be honest with my partner about it, I just don't do it.

Honesty is a 2-way street. If one partner gets upset hearing the truth, then the other is hesitant to tell the truth in the future. Personally, I like sharing everything. It gives a feeling of closeness.

That's a better phrasing of what I tried to say in my first post about both people involved needing to be strong enough to handle an honest relationship.

 

[IntoxicatingToxin]

How important is honesty in a relationship? Do you tell your partner everything you should or do you withhold certain things because you know it will upset them? Do you consider lying by ommission to be lying?

For me honesty is the foundation of a relationship, if someone lies to me about one thing it throws everything they say into doubt, and I know that if something comes up where it's really important that I believe them if they've lied in the past that will colour everything they say to me.

I'm right there with you. My ex didn't understand that. He lied about something, and I told him that I couldn't believe anything he said... and he was like, "Well, I've never lied to you about anything else!" How am I supposed to believe that? He's already proven that he's capable of lying to me to my face.

Honesty is #1 with me in relationships of any kind. Do not lie. In my opinion, if you feel like you are doing something that requires a lie, then you shouldn't be doing it. I don't care if it's major or minor.

 

[SpoiledPrincess]

My ex husband had a lot of trouble telling the truth too Meg, when he got found out, as he always did, he never seemed to understand that the hassle I gave him wasn't because of whatever trivial thing he'd done, but because he'd lied to me yet again.

 

[sbeBen]

My ex husband had a lot of trouble telling the truth too Meg, when he got found out, as he always did, he never seemed to understand that the hassle I gave him wasn't because of whatever trivial thing he'd done, but because he'd lied to me yet again.

I think a relationship has to be based on trust. If you havn't got that then there is not much else really that you could call a good relationship. My female work colleague is always telling me how honest her husband is, but whenever she tells me of something she has done that he would disapprove of it's "don't tell my husband" or "just make something up if he asks you". Plus, how does she know he is honest? If he is then she doesn't deserve this honesty!

 

[SpoiledPrincess]

Honesty is one of the things we try to teach our kids, how can they learn honest if they see their parents lie?

 

[Stretch]

The foundation of any relationship is Trust, the ability to freely Communicate with each other and the Acceptance of your partner for who they are. Honesty being the main cornerstone of those three elements.

I agree completely Spoiled Princess. I truly believe honesty is the most important aspect of a relationship. I would like to think that extends even to the day to day people one comes across, including here, but I'm not quite that naive. :smile:

I find most honest people seek out the same in others which makes us vulnerable human beings. I've never understood people who blatantly and consistently lie, but it must have something to do with the fear of of intimacy and of being hurt. I think the dynamics, however, are too varied and complicated for a blanket or easy explanation.

 

[sbeBen]

Honesty is one of the things we try to teach our kids, how can they learn honest if they see their parents lie?

I suppose some kids grow up to do as their parents did but I also hear of many who see the problems of their parents and do completely the opposite. I don't know whether it always has an effect. It is always best to do as you expect your kids to do though I agree.

 

[2322]

Honesty can be a liberation or a trap depending upon how it is used.

Liberating in that it strengthens trust and illuminates character.

A trap in that it can be used to breed suspicion and destroy privacy.

Much depends on what is done with what honesty reveals for it can build as easily as it betrays.

 

[Love-it]

Honesty is everything, in all aspects, and at all times. Intentions can temper honesty when it is paramount and timely, but honesty prevails in the end.

 

[Principessa]

How important is honesty in a relationship?

Extremely! I could never date or even be friends with anyone whom I considered to be dishonest.
Do you tell your partner everything you should or do you withhold certain things because you know it will upset them? I have been known to hold back inconsequential things if I thought it would hurt him. Do you consider lying by ommission to be lying? No, I do not; but he certainly did! :redface: He called it a sin of omission, and considered it to be a cardinal sin as opposed to a venial sin.
My sin of omission- I neglected to tell him that I chose not to go to church one Sunday during the blizzard of 1994. He of course ignored the bishops dictate to stay home and walked 3 miles through the snow and ice because no trolleys or cabs were running. :headache::angryfire2:

For me honesty is the foundation of a relationship, if someone lies to me about one thing it throws everything they say into doubt, agreed and I know that if something comes up where it's really important that I believe them if they've lied in the past that will colour everything they say to me.

Yup, it's true I never forget things like that but I don't think I should. It's a natural defense mechanism.