- Joined
- Jun 1, 2006
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- 69% Straight, 31% Gay
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- Male
I don't normally post my issues or ask for advice from this site, but I figured today would be a good day to do so.
I'm gay (well, homoflexible), I've been out to my friends and family for the past 14 years. I haven't dated a lot because gay men can suck- just like anyone else. So, I've stuck to just fucking dudes and leaving it at that. I met a guy earlier this year on adam4adam, and we'll call him G. G is early in his early 30's, very handsome, intelligent, closeted, bisexual, and a country boy. He's told me in the past that he wouldn't have an issue with coming out to his friends and family, he just wants a good reason to do so. The first night I ever spoke to him we spent 4 hours on the phone just getting to know one another- we lost track of time. We continued to speak, and then we just lost touch for whatever reason for like 5 months. I had since deleted my account and then created a new one after 3 months. That night I signed online, and I received a message from a name I didn't recognize. After reading the profile, and after he read mine- we both know who we were. It was awesome- we reconnected, talked for hours and hours again; it made me happy. One Saturday night, I called him up, asked what he was doing, and he told me that he had a few beers, and if hadn't been drinking, he'd make the two hour drive to come see me. I asked him if I could come see him, and after 10 minutes of going back and forth- he agreed. I packed an overnight bag, said goodbye to my roommate, and jumped in the car.
He lives in the mountains, which I love (despite the shitty cellphone reception). And when I got there, we just hung out and had the nicest conversations. There were times when I'd look into his eyes, and I just wanted to kiss him. I didn't have to, because he kissed me. He gave me a beer and we walked down his car port and looked into the sky- it was like you could see every star, and then a shooting star. It was like something out of a movie- I literally thought "OMG, this shit actually happens in real life- I'll be damned". He kissed me again, and this time I just couldn't contain myself- I wanted him. I wanted to be inside him. And for the first time in 7 years- I didn't want to fuck a man, but to make love to one.
Anyway, I drove home the next day, and I was on cloud 9. He's altered the way I see some things. I'm not the man-whore I used to be. When I'm intimate with a man, I want it to mean something. We had made plans to get together another weekend, but he had to cancel- he promised he'd help his best friend move. No problem there- it's his best friend- I'm not going to argue that. We made plans for the following weekend, he sent me a text that said "Hey I'm exhausted, going to have dinner with friends and then going home". I was pissed about that because you don't break plans with someone like that via text. There was no apology. He had no idea how much running around I did to make sure that he had a very special weekend- the money I spent. But hey, it's whatever. I sent him a long text- not a mean one- I wanted him to understand that we need better communication- no profane words or anything like that. He ignored my texts and he ignored my calls.
Damn near a month goes by, and even though I've thought about him- what I wish there could have been no longer being a reality just hurt so much less. And then one night I'm joking with my roommate about being a slut as he's talking to guys on adam4adam. I call myself a hypocrite, I turn around to my computer and I log on to mine. Now for those of you who are not familiar with adam4adam- you can see if someone has visited your profile unless they delete the trace. Well, there was a profile that had viewed mine and the name looked vaguely familiar. After viewing the profile, I concluded that it was G. I wasn't rude or angry- very civil in fact. We went back and forth with messages and then he apologized to me. I said thank you and I accepted it. He asked me if he could call- he did, we spoke again for 4 hours. During that conversation, I explained how I felt and how angry he made me with the shitty way that he had handled the situation. I don't want to yell or scream or get bitchy with anyone- when you escalate, others escalate, and that gets you nowhere. I called him later that week, and he answered while his brother and his brother's girlfriend was present. Because he's so closeted, he normally ignores the call or will send a text stating that he'll call back later or something. But he answered, and we talked for a few minutes, and he told me he would hit me up later. Things seemed cool, and we made plans to get together this past weekend. Once again, I got a text letting me know that it wasn't happening. We had agreed to not discuss "important" matters via text just to avoid having true meaning and tone lost in translation. So I haven't sent him any text messages.
So this is where I am: do I wait to hear from him and do I continue to see where things go with him if/when I do? Or do I just give it a clean break? I personally find it to be unacceptable, and even though his friends and family find him to be reliable, I just don't. But what does that say? I don't think it's fair or right to treat anyone that way? Any thoughts? Any questions I can answer?
I'm gay (well, homoflexible), I've been out to my friends and family for the past 14 years. I haven't dated a lot because gay men can suck- just like anyone else. So, I've stuck to just fucking dudes and leaving it at that. I met a guy earlier this year on adam4adam, and we'll call him G. G is early in his early 30's, very handsome, intelligent, closeted, bisexual, and a country boy. He's told me in the past that he wouldn't have an issue with coming out to his friends and family, he just wants a good reason to do so. The first night I ever spoke to him we spent 4 hours on the phone just getting to know one another- we lost track of time. We continued to speak, and then we just lost touch for whatever reason for like 5 months. I had since deleted my account and then created a new one after 3 months. That night I signed online, and I received a message from a name I didn't recognize. After reading the profile, and after he read mine- we both know who we were. It was awesome- we reconnected, talked for hours and hours again; it made me happy. One Saturday night, I called him up, asked what he was doing, and he told me that he had a few beers, and if hadn't been drinking, he'd make the two hour drive to come see me. I asked him if I could come see him, and after 10 minutes of going back and forth- he agreed. I packed an overnight bag, said goodbye to my roommate, and jumped in the car.
He lives in the mountains, which I love (despite the shitty cellphone reception). And when I got there, we just hung out and had the nicest conversations. There were times when I'd look into his eyes, and I just wanted to kiss him. I didn't have to, because he kissed me. He gave me a beer and we walked down his car port and looked into the sky- it was like you could see every star, and then a shooting star. It was like something out of a movie- I literally thought "OMG, this shit actually happens in real life- I'll be damned". He kissed me again, and this time I just couldn't contain myself- I wanted him. I wanted to be inside him. And for the first time in 7 years- I didn't want to fuck a man, but to make love to one.
Anyway, I drove home the next day, and I was on cloud 9. He's altered the way I see some things. I'm not the man-whore I used to be. When I'm intimate with a man, I want it to mean something. We had made plans to get together another weekend, but he had to cancel- he promised he'd help his best friend move. No problem there- it's his best friend- I'm not going to argue that. We made plans for the following weekend, he sent me a text that said "Hey I'm exhausted, going to have dinner with friends and then going home". I was pissed about that because you don't break plans with someone like that via text. There was no apology. He had no idea how much running around I did to make sure that he had a very special weekend- the money I spent. But hey, it's whatever. I sent him a long text- not a mean one- I wanted him to understand that we need better communication- no profane words or anything like that. He ignored my texts and he ignored my calls.
Damn near a month goes by, and even though I've thought about him- what I wish there could have been no longer being a reality just hurt so much less. And then one night I'm joking with my roommate about being a slut as he's talking to guys on adam4adam. I call myself a hypocrite, I turn around to my computer and I log on to mine. Now for those of you who are not familiar with adam4adam- you can see if someone has visited your profile unless they delete the trace. Well, there was a profile that had viewed mine and the name looked vaguely familiar. After viewing the profile, I concluded that it was G. I wasn't rude or angry- very civil in fact. We went back and forth with messages and then he apologized to me. I said thank you and I accepted it. He asked me if he could call- he did, we spoke again for 4 hours. During that conversation, I explained how I felt and how angry he made me with the shitty way that he had handled the situation. I don't want to yell or scream or get bitchy with anyone- when you escalate, others escalate, and that gets you nowhere. I called him later that week, and he answered while his brother and his brother's girlfriend was present. Because he's so closeted, he normally ignores the call or will send a text stating that he'll call back later or something. But he answered, and we talked for a few minutes, and he told me he would hit me up later. Things seemed cool, and we made plans to get together this past weekend. Once again, I got a text letting me know that it wasn't happening. We had agreed to not discuss "important" matters via text just to avoid having true meaning and tone lost in translation. So I haven't sent him any text messages.
So this is where I am: do I wait to hear from him and do I continue to see where things go with him if/when I do? Or do I just give it a clean break? I personally find it to be unacceptable, and even though his friends and family find him to be reliable, I just don't. But what does that say? I don't think it's fair or right to treat anyone that way? Any thoughts? Any questions I can answer?