The Keys in Attraction

[Number 9]

I’ve become much less judgmental and I’ve tried to open my eyes to different perspectives as I’ve emotionally matured. I’ve started to question myself and question my assumptions as it pertains to relationships and I’m interested in your perspective.

For the longest I held that the greatest share of attraction between men and women was conjoined physical and emotional cocktail. I get there is always the exception to the rule but by and large, that’s the norm.

Any time I saw a couple with a great difference in age, attractiveness, or other characteristic, I attributed it to security, profit, or maybe call it nesting. I’m sorry but by and large I thought it wrong. (No, I’m not proud of it.)

Thing is, I never considered it as something that one could actually see as attractive. It was just something they possessed and the other wanted. Is it?? I never considered it or business prowess or wealth as a quality. Can it be? Is financial power any different than brute strength and physique?

I can work though the idea that one is attracted to another because the are an exceptional artist or perhaps an amazing chef, or has another “ability” but when it’s money or power society see it as dirty or sleazy. Why?

If you are attracted to someone with one of the other abilities doesn’t that attractee benefit from what it brings to the relationship?

I can see where a powerful and successful person could be attractive in a different but equally intense way. The thing is, if you are powerful in that sense then it’s likely you have done well for yourself. So why does the person that is drawn to it get regarded as a gold digger?

No, I am by no means well off and I have no interest in fishing. I’m just a guy getting comfortable with life and who I am and I like the way this group thinks and speaks their mind.

Getting older allows me to see Whitman was right, “ Be curious, not judgmental”.

Sorry if there are errors, I hate typing on this phone.

 

[TinyPrincess]

I like the way this group thinks and speaks their mind.

Honestly, I think everyone should speak their mind whatever their financial stature. I think the difference you find intriguing is the "thinking" part. It's not always the usual "what's in it for me" - especially if you talk with "old money"

 

[Holly Doors]

I think everyone sees something different in everyone, I'm younger than my husband but our relationship is mutual, it's not like he was chasing me cos I was younger than him.
My husband is also considerably comfortable financially but I knew nothing of that and certainly didn't marry for money, I come from a background where money was tight but never looked to be a gold digger.
For us we just had that spark between us and still do, personally I believe as long as people have that spark it doesn't matter who it's with.

 

[Number 9]

Please @TinyPrincess and @Holly Doors, I want to assure you that I wasn’t making any presumptions and meant absolutely nothing derogatory in my questions. I don’t always state things as well as I should or at least could. I have nothing but admiration and respect for all of you that reply in this forum.

That being said

Looking back I think I should have mentioned that this is all a part of a general curiously I’ve had about natural selection and if it is evolving as society does.

I want to be sure to say while I highlighted the financial aspect, my curiosity and question includes any and all aspects that differ from the traditional characteristics that assure survival of the species. Of course now it really just means being with the person that best assures the best protection and outcome of your particular family or just kids.

I actually thought that we may see a shift towards individuals refocusing their selection to pairing with those who’s uniqueness falls outside the areas needed to fend off physical threat. Does he or she make me laugh, is he or she extremely smart, it doesn’t necessarily need to be are they wealthy. I do see that as a viable positive character trait in the sense of modern day survival and flourishing.

I do believe with absolutely certainty that physical appearance will almost always be the cornerstone of selection in 90% of relationships. While appearance will very likely change over time you still need to have that basic animal gravity/attraction. Even if a person was so blatantly over the top in one of the other characteristics, you not want to jump Quasimodo’s bones.

Just thought I would clarify anything I may have poorly stated. Please, no offense to you all, in any way.

 

[TinyPrincess]

None taken.

I've never been interested in the financial aspect of relationships - not even when I wasn't financially independent. It's probably a mix of a Nordic society and upbringing. I get why some do consider it as part of a relationship - but I seriously doubt I will ever.

 

[MickeyLee]

Keys to '67 Impala? Oh, yeah. I could be had.

For true answer...

Everyone is a jumble of music notes, words, highlight clips and secrets, good/bad/charming. Some people just happen to be a tune that hits different.

Kinda assume that when you see a mismatched couple both folks simply found a compatible or intriguing tune. Like, a mash up of swing and nu metal.

 

[Number 9]

Keys to '67 Impala? Oh, yeah. I could be had.

For true answer...

Everyone is a jumble of music notes, words, highlight clips and secrets, good/bad/charming. Some people just happen to be a tune that hits different.

Kinda assume that when you see a mismatched couple both folks simply found a compatible or intriguing tune. Like, a mash up of swing and nu metal.

The one ai wish I still had was my 68’ Chevy short bed. We all called her the ghost. (She was polara white and I was always out at night)

These improbable mashup songs are the people I find most interesting. I see a wonderful quirky anomaly that defies the logic of social norms. I mean how often do you really see what most would call a mismatch.

They find something/s so gravitational about each other and it’s a collection of perfect imperfections that make it work beautifully.

My work is analytical reliability so when things go wrong I’m all about the puzzle. Normally it the typical 1+2=3 always but not here. They defy the pattern and I love it.

The financial was just an easy target and seen as almost taboo but anything out of typical is interesting.

 

[Number 9]

None taken.

I've never been interested in the financial aspect of relationships - not even when I wasn't financially independent. It's probably a mix of a Nordic society and upbringing. I get why some do consider it as part of a relationship - but I seriously doubt I will ever.

I can certainly understand your point. Forgetting about the financial aspect, has there ever been someone that had some other characteristics that attracted you to him or her when under any other circumstances you would not have been?

 

[MickeyLee]

 

[EllieP]

I'm the one who fell in love with the prince disguised as a pauper. He never really hid anything, but I was too blinded by love to see who he really was.

He was handsome and kind and he loved me. What more could I ask for? Oh, and he loved my daughter! He even asked her if he could marry me.

We were both scarred from broken first marriages.

He was a musician. I'm from Austin. I knew a lot of musicians. Some were pretty big names in Texas. But I knew most of them were starving artists.

I was a somewhat successful advertising executive.

When things looked to be getting serious between us I did a lot of figuring how to support the three of us. When I shared that plan with him he said he knew he had to marry me. No one had gone to that much trouble to show their love for him.

We're not really an odd couple. Our friends and community know who we are. But he's a public figure, and I'm decidedly out of the limelight by choice. I stay out of his business and he stays out of mine. It works perfectly for us.

 

[TinyPrincess]

I can certainly understand your point. Forgetting about the financial aspect, has there ever been someone that had some other characteristics that attracted you to him or her when under any other circumstances you would not have been?

Don't think so. But then I honestly (or should it be hopefully) don't overthink why I find people attractive. I'm driven by emotions way more than anything else - it leaves bruises and burn marks now and then, but it's who I am.

 

[Number 9]

I'm the one who fell in love with the prince disguised as a pauper. He never really hid anything, but I was too blinded by love to see who he really was.

He was handsome and kind and he loved me. What more could I ask for? Oh, and he loved my daughter! He even asked her if he could marry me.

We were both scarred from broken first marriages.

He was a musician. I'm from Austin. I knew a lot of musicians. Some were pretty big names in Texas. But I knew most of them were starving artists.

I was a somewhat successful advertising executive.

When things looked to be getting serious between us I did a lot of figuring how to support the three of us. When I shared that plan with him he said he knew he had to marry me. No one had gone to that much trouble to show their love for him.

We're not really an odd couple. Our friends and community know who we are. But he's a public figure, and I'm decidedly out of the limelight by choice. I stay out of his business and he stays out of mine. It works perfectly for us.

Austin is a beautiful place to fall in love. It just has so much natural beauty. I’ve loved the Hill Country and Austin forever. I was never a down on 6th street guy much but I wandered all over the limestone landscape while studying geology as 18-19yr old. Now a days I only get over to Gruene each late October for the clay fest.

You put this beautifully and even though you aren’t an odd match I see where it wouldn’t matter. The heart supersedes rhyme and reason regardless. At least typically I hope. I know there are those that don’t leave it to the heart but they aren’t the group that fascinates me.

Unfortunately, I think I’ve spent too many years analyzing things at work and I think everything should be thought about rationally. Pitfalls of the job I guess. I’m a walking confliction in that I love the creative side of everything including human emotion and inner connection but I need to just let it be and enjoy and accept.

Thank you for your answer. Maybe I can relax and just go with the flow and enjoy rather than worry about why the river does what it does.

 

[Tight_N_Juicy]

People are sometimes confused by the way my relationship works. People judge both of us for how we've always done things. I'm not going to go into detail, but several aspects of our relationship are the opposite of traditional and we've both been questioned about why we are the way we are.

I owe explanation to none of them. We're together because we love each other. Period. We celebrate each other's accomplishments, and accept each other's flaws. We don't take advantage of each other. We talk to each other about issues when we have them. It's not always perfect. It gets ugly. The ugliness never compares to the happiness we give one another.

My attraction to him developed over our entire lifetimes. Literally. I've known him my entire life. We know one another in a way I will never be able to know another partner. The bond we have is so much more than anything I can even explain with spoken language. There was no period of "getting to know him". I just always knew him. He was always there. I know why he is who he is. He knows why I am who I am.

 

[Number 9]

People are sometimes confused by the way my relationship works. People judge both of us for how we've always done things. I'm not going to go into detail, but several aspects of our relationship are the opposite of traditional and we've both been questioned about why we are the way we are.

I owe explanation to none of them. We're together because we love each other. Period. We celebrate each other's accomplishments, and accept each other's flaws. We don't take advantage of each other. We talk to each other about issues when we have them. It's not always perfect. It gets ugly. The ugliness never compares to the happiness we give one another.

My attraction to him developed over our entire lifetimes. Literally. I've known him my entire life. We know one another in a way I will never be able to know another partner. The bond we have is so much more than anything I can even explain with spoken language. There was no period of "getting to know him". I just always knew him. He was always there. I know why he is who he is. He knows why I am who I am.

And this is exactly why I come to lpsg and walk through all the bs in the other areas to talk with you all. It’s your answers and viewpoints, it you, ALL OF YOU and your and your abilities to make sense in a world that doesn’t anymore. Not to mention the occasional pointed jab.

At first glance my wife and I never made any sense at all. Not by appearance but in personality. But she accepts me for who I am and she always has my best interest at heart. Several people literally warned me off before we were married but they could not see what I could. That was over 39 years ago.

Fuck the haters.

And as for you and all the lovely souls that reply in this group heading, well, you are magnificent. Just accept that fact.