The Little Girl's Prayers

MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK

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So, a man put his little girl to bed told her a story and and listened as she said her prayers, which ended her saying, " God bless Mommy, Daddy and Grandma, and Good-bye Grandpa."

Curious, the man asked, "Why did you say good-bye to Grandpa?"
The little girl said, "I don't know, Daddy, just seemed like the thing to do."

The next day, Grandpa die. The man thought it was only a strange coincidence.

A few months later, the man put her to bed again and listened to her prayers , which went like this;
"God bless Mommy, and Daddy, and good-bye Grandma."

The next day, The grandmother died.

Holy ****, the father thought, this kid's in contact with the other side.


Several weeks later, when the girl was going to bed, her prayers went like this;
"God bless Mommy, and Good-bye, Daddy."

The man almost went into shock after hearing this. He couldn't sleep all night and was up at the crack of Dawn to go to his office.

He was nervous as a cat all day, had his lunch and watched the clock.

He figured if he could go till midnight, he'd be okay.

He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of his day, he stayed there, drinking coffee , looking at his watch and jumping at every sound.

Finally midnight came and he breathed a sigh of relief and went home.

When he got home, his wife said, "I've never seen you work this late. What's the matter?"

He said, "I don't want to talk about it; I've had the worst day of my life!!"

She said, "You think you've had a bad day?You'll never believe what happened to me; on the golf course this morning; my young Caddy dropped dead right on the green"
 

DiamondJoe

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True story...

As he lay in his deathbed, Spanish dictator Francisco Franco stirred when he heard the crowds of not-entirely-well-wishers gathered underneath the presidential window.

The restive mob were shouting, "Down with Franco!" and the great man whispered to his wife, "What is all the noise?"

"It is the people," she replied, "They have come to say good bye."

"Why?" asked Franco, "Where are they going?"
 

DiamondJoe

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Another true story...

I used to work in a car park when I was a teenager and got to know a few of the traffic wardens reasonably well.

One of them, Martin, was busy ticketing overstayed cars one afternoon when an old duffer walked up to Martin, brandishing a ticket and insisting that he shouldn't have to pay.

Martin was polite but firm and yet the old man got very angry, very fast and at the end of his tirade actually uttered the words, "We didn't fight the war so that Nazis like you could take over!!"

And Martin instantly cut him down:

"Sir, I find that remark highly offensive! My grandfather died at Auschwitz!"

And the old man, humbled, slunk back to his car with his ticket and drove off.

As the old man's car passed us and went, Martin shouted after it:

"YEAH, HE FELL OFF A WATCHTOWER, YOU PRICK!!!"

:joy:
 

MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK

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True story...

As he lay in his deathbed, Spanish dictator Francisco Franco stirred when he heard the crowds of not-entirely-well-wishers gathered underneath the presidential window.

The restive mob were shouting, "Down with Franco!" and the great man whispered to his wife, "What is all the noise?"

"It is the people," she replied, "They have come to say good bye."

"Why?" asked Franco, "Where are they going?"
Another true story...

I used to work in a car park when I was a teenager and got to know a few of the traffic wardens reasonably well.

One of them, Martin, was busy ticketing overstayed cars one afternoon when an old duffer walked up to Martin, brandishing a ticket and insisting that he shouldn't have to pay.

Martin was polite but firm and yet the old man got very angry, very fast and at the end of his tirade actually uttered the words, "We didn't fight the war so that Nazis like you could take over!!"

And Martin instantly cut him down:

"Sir, I find that remark highly offensive! My grandfather died at Auschwitz!"

And the old man, humbled, slunk back to his car with his ticket and drove off.

As the old man's car passed us and went, Martin shouted after it:

"YEAH, HE FELL OFF A WATCHTOWER, YOU PRICK!!!"

:joy:
Uh, if it's all the same to you, I'd RATHER you just say whether or not you liked it, so how about it, Diamond Joe? Otherwise I consider these replies worthless.
And don't one up me in the thread I created here; go tell your stories elsewhere
 

Motion-of-the-Ocean

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giphy.gif
 

MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK

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@DiamondJoe How dare you? This is very clearly a personal "joke" page, and not an open forum which thrives on the expectation that people will comment. The stones on you, man.
Hey ,i'm not trying to make a big deal out of this, but it's generally good manners just to say whether or not replies liked the joke, that's all.
I mean, unless the OP invites personal stories as replies.
 

Brian S

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Hey ,i'm not trying to make a big deal out of this, but it's generally good manners just to say whether or not replies liked the joke, that's all.
I mean, unless the OP invites personal stories as replies.
1) Your original response seems to make quite a big deal out of this.
2) Those aren't personal stories.
3) This is an open forum, not the taping of your Netflix comedy special.
4) I don't see any rules that a person can't tell a joke after another joke, but even if it was true, your wannabe-aggro response to a new user wouldn't have been helpful anyway.
5) This is the part of LPSG that is funny - root word "fun" - let's try to have some.
 

double_digit

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Once upon a time...

Two young lovers met at a Victorian style ye-olde ballroom dance. A young man and a young lady danced, caroused, drank all night. They stole away from the party to engage darker, lascivious desires. Once upon the bed they'd share, the young man notices the yellow ribbon tied about the neck of his Beau.

"No, you musn't touch it" she said.

"Yes, darling...." he replied and they proceeded to engage in each other rather wonderfully.

Within a year, they marry. Upon the nuptial bed, they both share in their naked glory but for the yellow ribbon about his wife's neck.

"May I love?" he asked tentatively, pausing with fingers upon the very edge of one strand of that yellow ribbon tied about her neck.

"No, my love; you musn't touch it..." she replies and silences his further queries with a fervent kiss.

Decades pass, they grow old together. They had two wonderful children - both successful and of course, married on their own.

Climbing into bed to engage in septuagenarian level escapades, the old man touches the ribbon upon his wife's throat.

"All these years, I've never, ever seen you completely naked. May I remove your ribbon my love?"

His wife in a tired sigh says; "Yes, darling - you may remove my ribbon."

Husband tugs and pulls, the old, tired fabric finally falling away from her throat...





































...and her head falls off.





*Bwaaaahaaaaahaaahaaa!* <hiccup>

Edit: For Schpeilling and guud grahmmarz
 
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MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK

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1) Your original response seems to make quite a big deal out of this.
2) Those aren't personal stories..
Right, a joke plain and simple by me, albeit not original.
3) This is an open forum, not the taping of your Netflix comedy special..
Never said it was
4) I don't see any rules that a person can't tell a joke after another joke, .
There isn't, I give you full marks on that; however- there is a thing called courtesy and consideration and etiquette and not one upping.
Urban Dictionary: one upping
All it takes is to just admit you like it or not. I have no illusions of being egotistical; mere want like anybody else with any other thread to admit positive or negative. No more, no less. You can't handle that?You know you don't have to come and chime in you know.
 

Brian S

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There isn't, I give you full marks on that; however- there is a thing called courtesy and consideration and etiquette and not one upping.
Urban Dictionary: one upping
All it takes is to just admit you like it or not. I have no illusions of being egotistical; mere want like anybody else with any other thread to admit positive or negative. No more, no less. You can't handle that?You know you don't have to come and chime in you know.

I know what "one upping" means. The point is, as you admit, there are no rules for not posting another joke under a joke. Only your arbitrary attempt at controlling the forum rules, which you didn't even state in the first place, so how is anyone to know what your fee-fee's are about it, let alone a person new to LPSG? Nobody can read your mind, and you don't own this parcel of the internet.

The whole point of a forum is predicated on the fact that people will communicate and comment. If a thread has rules, the rules are explicitly stated at the top of said thread. For all others, nobody just goes "Positive!"; they comment with their opinion or add to the discussion. That's...how forums work. You can't handle that? You know you don't have to post ancient jokes on here, you know.
 

MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK

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I know what "one upping" means. The point is, as you admit, there are no rules for not posting another joke under a joke. Only your arbitrary attempt at controlling the forum rules, which you didn't even state in the first place, so how is anyone to know what your fee-fee's are about it, let alone a person new to LPSG? Nobody can read your mind, and you don't own this parcel of the internet.

The whole point of a forum is predicated on the fact that people will communicate and comment. If a thread has rules, the rules are explicitly stated at the top of said thread. For all others, nobody just goes "Positive!"; they comment with their opinion or add to the discussion. That's...how forums work. You can't handle that? You know you don't have to post ancient jokes on here, you know.
O-kay, so....help me out; the concept if not courtesy of a simple response of liked or not liked is too far fetched, indeed out of place, and should be replaced with scorn for what YOU perceive as outdated humor...???
 

Brian S

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O-kay, so....help me out; the concept if not courtesy of a simple response of liked or not liked is too far fetched, indeed out of place, and should be replaced with scorn for what YOU perceive as outdated humor...???

Can we gain some perspective here? Your "rules" are not listed. They are, in fact, made up and arbitrary, and were in no way stated beforehand. In fact, they go against typical forum behavior. But you felt so "one-upped" that anyone would dare tell a joke after you, Seinfeld, that you responded with abject derision. It's you who posted to a forum and expected a different outcome from said forum than usual, which would require the reading of your mind. You gatekeep neither this forum, nor joke telling. And in the end, we're talking about jokes on a big-dick website. I mean, pick your battles, man. Is this worth being incensed about for a week, to the point of going on a cross-site tirade over it?
 
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MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK

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Ok, then. I didn't think it was funny. At all. And your shouting is totally unnecessary.

Gawsh.
No worries, dude, and you've done me the consideration that DJ and others here haven't; you told me whether or not you like it, so I thank you.
Apologies to you alone for the "shouting" but sometimes people just don't get it.
Good day, sir.
 

MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK

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Can we gain some perspective here? Your "rules" are not listed. They are, in fact, made up and arbitrary, and were in no way stated beforehand. In fact, they go against typical forum behavior. But you felt so "one-upped" that anyone would dare tell a joke after you, Seinfeld, that you responded with abject derision. It's you who posted to a forum and expected a different outcome from said forum than usual, which would require the reading of your mind. You gatekeep neither this forum, nor joke telling. And in the end, we're talking about jokes on a big-dick website. I mean, pick your battles, man. Is this worth being incensed about for a week, to the point of going on a cross-site tirade over it?
If-what I'm hearing from you is accurate, you think i'm in charge???Nah, only big Mr. LPSG is. I only ask for the simplest of requests; replies that denote like or disliked, funny or not funny; Now, if you really are going to uselessly debate that function, then I don't even know why the hell you''re here, apart from-BANAL-JUVENILE-SNIPING. What's the matter, your parents didn't hit you enough, or maybe too much??? Either rate, this whole thread is shot to hell thanks to you guys. Additionally the way you & DJ consistently and irrationally defend your actions as being on "An open forum, anyone can reply anyway they want" smells worse than the cow shit fertilizer at the Home Depot Garden Dept. And as an addendum, your replies are what the Brits refer to and DJ knows this one as-BAD FORM.
Definition of BAD/POOR FORM

That said, I'm done here for keeps as I know and have my protests only inspire mocking.
Both of you are on ignore as now.
 
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No worries, dude, and you've done me the consideration that DJ and others here haven't; you told me whether or not you like it, so I thank you.
Apologies to you alone for the "shouting" but sometimes people just don't get it.
Good day, sir.
I'm not a dude nor a sir.

And I've read how you have been shouting and antagonistic towards others as of late so you may want to take a breath and consider who doesn't get it. It's completely unrealistic to attempt to dictate how others act, especially in on the internet on a site that you don't own, and is going to lead to frustration. This is said with kindness... take a chill.
 

Brian S

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If-what I'm hearing from you is accurate, you think i'm in charge???
No, I think you think you can control comments on an open forum.

I only ask for the simplest of requests; replies that denote like or disliked, funny or not funny
And you didn't do so at the top of your post, so how's anyone to know that? And the only way you let someone know that is by yelling at them. (A new user, to boot.) My point is you don't get to establish arbitrary, hidden rules that nobody knows and then get your panties in a twist when people can't read your mind.

And you're still a grown-ass man who is bent out of shape by someone telling a joke. Nobody one-upped you. Nobody made you look a fool, aside from yourself

What's the matter, your parents didn't hit you enough, or maybe too much???
That's disgusting, but why am I not surprised?
 
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