The Masculinity Police

[wallyj84]

I was online today when I ran across the below tweet. The link is to the original tweet.

https://twitter.com/ms_fishscale/status/1249484419620102145?s=20

Of course the above tweet is ridiculous, but this isn't the first time I've seen people give insane rules for men to be considered straight/masculine/sexually worthwhile. We all know the various ways men police each other's masculinity, but women do it as well. In my time online dating I've seen women put things in their profiles like, "I don't date men with cats" and I've had women that I didn't know make snide, sexuality questioning comments about shirts I've worn. It seems like straight male masculinity is always under a microscope. That's why we have commercials like this:

Men can't even buy soap unless we're assured that it is as manly as possible. It's kind of insulting.

Do you agree that there is a lot of policing of straight male masculinity? If so, why do you think there is so much policing of straight male masculinity and what can we do to stop it? Should it be stopped?

 

[bigmatt1983]

I don't know abut policing but I have seen that a lot of companies have figured out that men can be manipulated into spending more on products just like women can by feeding on manufactured insecurities.

 

[deleted136887]

Time to reeducate your friends, or get new ones?

Or maybe to try not to be so totally influenced by what other people think?
Is it possible to live one's life to some basic rules like sex beteeen consenting adults, leave minors and animals alone, take care of the enviroment and be kind?

 

[EquusAZ]

When I was young (late 80's to mid 90's) I remember being told that certain things made up a man. Not crying, not holding hands with or hugging my friends, and playing man-like sports. I was not, and still am not, into sports. I never saw the point. The only 'manly' thing I liked was working on cars. For the most part though I did a lot of non man-like things. Read fantasy novels, loved to cook and bake, played the piano and other instruments. Even then in things that were non-masculine there were things you should and shouldn't do IF you were going to do those things. In band, women played flute, clarinet, or oboe. Men played Sax, trumpet, tuba. The ones that played outside of those spheres were seen as non-masculine / feminine.

Then about that time was when people started using the term 'that's gay' or 'you must be gay if.'

As if sexuality can be inherited or influenced by the things we like. Hardly. But there it is. Society puts pressure on us to be one way or another and woe unto him who strays. After a little while of being teased for being in band or in home-economics classes instead of shop or other such things I just stopped caring what people thought. All through high school I just didn't give a flying fuck what people thought about me.

I was in auto mechanics class (went to state finals - yes thats a thing).
Played Clarinet in Band
Sang in Choir
Founding member of the Star Trek Club (raised over $1k in candy sales to expand sci-fi books in our school library)
Enjoyed Home Economics

I also grew my hair out, and hung out with whomever I pleased and never once cared if I was cool or not. Even when people told me if something I did was not masculine or made me gay I just shrugged my shoulders and did it anyway or shot back "I don't care what you think."

At my 20th HS reunion I ran into a lot of the 'popular' kids, most of whom said I was way awesome for not caring what they or anyone thought. They considered me awesome and an inspiration.

I think society puts a lot of undue pressure on young boys and men to be masculine in ways that is unhealthy. Men policing other men to be men. Women expecting men to be a certain way. Porn telling us what to be / do.

Screw it all - just be you and fuck what other people think. Enjoy being you.

 

[sodominsane]

The definition of a man, straight or gay, seems to be very narrow. Thanks for sharing.

The definition of a man, straight or gay, seems to be very narrow. Thanks for sharing.

i would disagree

definition of a man is not narrow and depends if who you ask

ask a single mom and a man is someone who pays their child support

a police interrogators says a man is someone who owns up to thier mistakes and confesses

A football team mate...a man is a middle linebacker who brings the hat and stuffs the 2 gap

ask a church pastor ... a man is a guy who tithes and obeys the word of good

ask a wife and a man provides for family

ask a cuckold and a man is a big dick muscle head Who fucks his wife

ask an innovator of industry and a man is creative

ask an army officer and a man follows orders

ask a scientist and a man is an adult human with xy chromosomes

Ask an early American author and a man is a rugged individualists

Ask a conservative and they
Will tell you a man has a penis

ask the trans community and they will inform
You a penis is not required at all

ask a protester and a man stands up for change

Ask a traditionalist and a man honors history and traditions of the past

I could go on and on but you get the picture

Me ...I’m not sure what the definition of man or masculinity is

the only thing we can be sure we can all agree on is A MAN USES DR.SQUATCH PRODUCTS!!!!!!

 

[DiamondJoe]

I'm secure in my gender and sexuality. I don't feel threatened or bombarded for being exactly as I am, irrespective of whether or not that fits into narrow gender stereotypes.

Given some of the comments here I think men are starting to understand what it's like for women.

 

[Serpentlike]

I was always abused as a kid for being artsy and not like the backwoods country boys I grew up with. I had to get mean fast, but I never stopped being me. I am bi, but I didn't know what that was back then. I just didn't fit their narrow little idea of manhood. I was gentle and kind to animals, I loved drawing and still do. I wasn't into sports and fighting. I still stompet their asses when they got in my face.

 

[BIGBULL29]

It's really sick to use sexual orientation as a way to degrade a man. Have you ever really thought about it? See it for what it is. It's twisted and delusional.

Hypermasculinity leads to death, suffering and destruction. Is that what women truly want? Is that what men truly want?

I don't care what any man or woman thinks of me, and I don't say that out of anger. In ultimate reality, there is no gender anyways - just in a conventional sense (not going to get all Buddhist on you all). Gender is concept borne out of mind and culture; it doesn't exist inherently, frozen in time.

If a woman calls me gay, she might miss out literally on one of the biggest dicks out there. LOL.

It's to women's great disadvantage to be policing men's masculinity according to their culture. That big-dicked boy that knows how to eat pussy might be your little gay artist or nerd down the straight.

 

[LilJock]

I wanted to go out and order Dr Squatch Soap right away. All those masculine, natural scents sounded heavenly! Unfortunately, I'm a bit of a wuss and have to use Dove soap for sensitive skin. Oh, my! However, I was reassured the dark-haired, "masculine-looking" guy has a hairy chest like mine.

I think the masculinity policing is a fairly recent phenomenon. As women got the vote, stepped out of the kitchen and started encroaching on historical male domains like the military, athletics, and business, men have grown typically fearful of their masculine place in the scheme of things. If Dr Squatch Soap can help restore their sense of masculinity, all the better.

Personally, I think men who wear gold bracelets are effeminate. I only wear one because my wife bought it for me.


BTW, have you noticed the Progressive Insurance commercial where the dweeb asks the half man/half motorcycle if he minds being a Moto and the Moto replies, "Do you mind not being one?" To which the dweeb replied, forlornly, "Yes." Now, get me on this, we're supposed to be jealous of a man who's replaced his cock and balls with a gas tank and a combustion engine. "My piston's bigger than yours!" Can a Large Piston Support Group be far off?

 

[James0909]

I’ve experienced the other way around personally.

I’m a masculine man and I’m personally attracted to masculine men, and there’s a large sect of the LGBT community that seems to take issue with both of those things, especially gay men who would be considered more feminine.

I haven’t so much experienced being shamed for not being masculine enough. I’ve experienced the opposite in an increasing frequency.

Policing either way should be stopped. Most of it, in my experience, comes from self-proclaimed “progressive” types/groups.

 

[DiamondJoe]

Some of the things I, in my adulthood, have heard men called gay for include, liking sweets, wearing nice clothes, reading comic books, eating appetizers, and being short. Keep in mind, I don't mean gay as a pejorative, but as a descriptor. I knew a woman who thought any man under a certain height must be a homosexual.

Yeah, but what yr describing there is just small-minded prejudice.

And besides, ain't nothin' wrong with being gay.

 

[wallyj84]

Yeah, but what yr describing there is just small-minded prejudice.

And besides, ain't nothin' wrong with being gay.

It is small minded prejudice, but small are very common.

Nothing is wrong with being gay, but homosexuality is used as a way to attack straight men all the time. Is that wrong? Yes. But it is the reality of the situation.

 

[Player_01]

Men can't even buy soap unless we're assured that it is as manly as possible. It's kind of insulting.

Do you agree that there is a lot of policing of straight male masculinity? If so, why do you think there is so much policing of straight male masculinity and what can we do to stop it? Should it be stopped?

Yes I think it should be stopped because it's pretty toxic and it is insulting to guys. I think it's an expansion of how companies market to women by telling them they're not enough without the products they sell (soap, cosmetics, etc) and now they are trying to tell men you/we can be manly-men by buying special man-soap.

The irony is, all these man-products always remind me of Jack McFarland from Will and Grace who had to call everything "man" in order to justify using it, like getting a man-tan.

 

[wallyj84]

I wanted to go out and order Dr Squatch Soap right away. All those masculine, natural scents sounded heavenly! Unfortunately, I'm a bit of a wuss and have to use Dove soap for sensitive skin. Oh, my! However, I was reassured the dark-haired, "masculine-looking" guy has a hairy chest like mine.

I think the masculinity policing is a fairly recent phenomenon. As women got the vote, stepped out of the kitchen and started encroaching on historical male domains like the military, athletics, and business, men have grown typically fearful of their masculine place in the scheme of things. If Dr Squatch Soap can help restore their sense of masculinity, all the better.

Personally, I think men who wear gold bracelets are effeminate. I only wear one because my wife bought it for me.


BTW, have you noticed the Progressive Insurance commercial where the dweeb asks the half man/half motorcycle if he minds being a Moto and the Moto replies, "Do you mind not being one?" To which the dweeb replied, forlornly, "Yes." Now, get me on this, we're supposed to be jealous of a man who's replaced his cock and balls with a gas tank and a combustion engine. "My piston's bigger than yours!" Can a Large Piston Support Group be far off?

I think masculinity policing has been going on for a very long time. It was probably worse in the past. Social media just makes it easier to show examples.

I think there is definitely something to be said for the changing roles of women and men in society having an affect on what we perceive as being masculine. I'm not sure if it has altered the way we police and enforce masculinity, though.

As some of you may know, I like 90 Day Fiance and am involved in the fan community there. Something that I've noticed since the first season is that the women who watch it love to call some men on the show gay. In some cases it is understandable, really one case, but most of the time they are just calling normal guys gay. Is it possible that the changing gender dynamics have made women expect some form of hypermasculinity from men?

BTW, I love those weird motorcycle man commercials. They need to make more of them.

 

[sodominsane]

Maybe it’s a thing. yeah I’ve noticed a lot of policing of masculinity (although the definition of masculinity seems to be real shifty moving target)

to the point where if you asked ten people what it was you would get different answers.

that being said. It does seem like policing is on the rise

But maybe cause it’s getting rarer

turns out that testosterone levels are dropping with each generation

but the Flynn effect says each generation is getting smarter .so maybe it evens out

as far as the tweet...not sure how feminine I am but I’m a big eater. And a man of hedonistic excess. When I go out to eat I’ll eat an appetizer (maybe two) ,main course ,desert A bottle of wine and finish what my dinner company doesn’t eat. So if ordering desert is a red flag. I’m waving a flashing electric red flag that’s on fire

 

[wallyj84]

I'm secure in my gender and sexuality. I don't feel threatened or bombarded for being exactly as I am, irrespective of whether or not that fits into narrow gender stereotypes.

Given some of the comments here I think men are starting to understand what it's like for women.

The thing is, and I'm going to get shit for this, but I think the idea of what it means to be a woman has been expanding for the past several decades. Not so much for men. In fact, in some ways the acceptable range of masculine actions is shrinking.

Probably 50 years ago a man could have a model train set and most people wouldn't bat an eye. Nowadays though, I think many people on social media would call this hypothetical man gay.

Some of the things I, in my adulthood, have heard men called gay for include, liking sweets, wearing nice clothes, reading comic books, eating appetizers, and being short. Keep in mind, I don't mean gay as a pejorative, but as a descriptor. I knew a woman who thought any man under a certain height must be a homosexual.

 

[DiamondJoe]

It is small minded prejudice, but small are very common.

Nothing is wrong with being gay, but homosexuality is used as a way to attack straight men all the time. Is that wrong? Yes. But it is the reality of the situation.

Time to reeducate your friends, or get new ones?

 

[bigdickstripper]

I was online today when I ran across the below tweet. The link is to the original tweet.

https://twitter.com/ms_fishscale/status/1249484419620102145?s=20

Of course the above tweet is ridiculous, but this isn't the first time I've seen people give insane rules for men to be considered straight/masculine/sexually worthwhile. We all know the various ways men police each other's masculinity, but women do it as well. In my time online dating I've seen women put things in their profiles like, "I don't date men with cats" and I've had women that I didn't know make snide, sexuality questioning comments about shirts I've worn. It seems like straight male masculinity is always under a microscope. That's why we have commercials like this:

Men can't even buy soap unless we're assured that it is as manly as possible. It's kind of insulting.

Do you agree that there is a lot of policing of straight male masculinity? If so, why do you think there is so much policing of straight male masculinity and what can we do to stop it? Should it be stopped?

Thats just her opinion of masculinity vs femininity. I personally would not be bothered with that at all. Propably wouldn't date her as it seems our ideas might not be a good fit.

But I would definitely not let someone elses ideas and definitions of desireability and masculinity have any sort of impact on my sense of self worth.

She (and all those with opinions) might think differently in 6 months (or tomorrow for that matter). Thats how fleeting and non-serious these things are.

To each his own.

 

[twoton]

I agree that a guy shouldn’t let someone else’s ideas define him, but it’s not realistic for a guy to separate himself from friends and family who pressure him to act a certain way.

 

[ericbear]

I'm sorry, even as a gay man, anything scented that is sold with a subscription rates zero to me on the manliness scale. It is the same marketing model Gwyneth Paltrow uses to sell her vaginal and other feminine care products. At least Paltrow calls her product line Goop, which is actually the name of an abrasive hand cleanser used for generations by mechanics to clean heavy, stinking automotive filth off their hands.

I use plain, white, unscented liquid soap, like comes out of the shower dispensers at the YMCA. And if your are out camping, and discover you have no soap at all, you piss on your feet and pits to kill the bacteria, then rinse off in the stream.