The Media On Spring Break

thirteenbyseven

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The Story Behind Spring Break

Ever since I matriculated through college in the late-eighties and early-nineties--I realize I'm showing my age-- the media has used this right of passage as an opportunity to warn the youth of America of the dangers that lurk beneath the fun and frivolity. To throw a bucket of ice water on the party, TV networks normally assign a camera crew or three to fly-down from their gloomy New York headquarters, south to the sun-splashed beaches of Florida where fit college coeds in bikinis mingle with beer infused dudes out for (gasp) sexual excitement.

Since rational youthful behavior is not allowed to be videoed, the news teams must occasionally employ clandestine and devious methods in order to make their social arguments. For example, to demonstrate a reckless disregard for COVID social distancing among twenty-somethings, some of the networks use super-telephoto zoom lens shots of South Beach. This creates a distorted illusion that groups of sun worshipers, dozens of yards apart on the beach, look as though they are piled one atop each other like sardines. Gee that's not nice. Meanwhile this past weekend up at Arnold Palmer's Bay Hill Country Club in Orlando, tons o' beer-filled golf fans, tightly packed one atop another around the 18th green, cheered-on to victory the mysteriously muscle-bloated Bryan DeChambeau, winner of the PGA event. TV cameras didn't need any zoom lenses for that.

Another clever technique in the dirty bag-of-tricks many network news outlets deploy on Spring Break is to interview dumb hot college coeds; impossibly dense, stupid, but really-really cute babes in bikinis. I mean come-on, how the heck did they ever pass high school? College, no way? Viewers at home derisively laugh at their responses to simple history questions...until they come to realize they are sitting in a living room in cloudy, boring Cleveland while the hotties on Spring Break get to bask in the warmth of Florida. :(

Miraculously, after Spring Break 99.9999 percent of these young people will safely return back to their schools, colleges and universities. And the networks will have satisfyingly high ratings to show advertisers.





 
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thirteenbyseven

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Massive Penile Measuring Study During Spring Break In Cancun

Mr. Average - The true story about penis size, from a site that isn't trying to sell you anything.


A long time ago, not in a galaxy far-far away but at Sen. Ted Cruz' favorite Mexican resort of Cancun, the former manufacturer of Lifestyles condoms undertook a serious and scientific study of the dimensions of the male penis. It was done during Spring Break in 2001.
Heretofore studies on penis size had often been done under less than strict laboratory conditions. For example, famed sexologist Dr. Alfred Kinsey at Indiana University used a somewhat dubious method of self-reporting when he came to the conclusion that the average male was 6.21" in length.

For the Lifestyles study, researchers erected some white tents outside Dady 'O nightclub, posting signs enticing and challenging Spring Break college students to test the size of their man meat. According to various articles posted online the men had to manually manipulate themselves, using sexual magazines and their own imagination to gain an erection. One supposes when the organ in question was at full takeoff thrust, the penile survey patient would then signal for two attending nurses, standing at the ready, to enter the tent in order to conduct the formal measurement. There is no word as to how attractive these nurses were, but I trust they must have been at an acceptable visual level to maintain full tumescence for accurate test data.

Of all the articles posted on the web chronicling this historic event, this is the only one which actually has complete penile length and girth data from that study. The rest merely state the computed average size. For the information of LPSG members here, the longest of 300 erect phalluses measured was purported to be somewhere between 8.75" and 9.00" inches in length, while the widest circumference was between 6.5" and 6.75".