The Men of Roseanne

Discussion in 'Fictitious Stories' started by travis1985, Jul 6, 2011.

  1. travis1985

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jun 22, 2011
    Messages:
    868
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    31
    Gender:
    Male
    Verified:
    Photo
    Moderators, if fan fiction with characters we didn't make up ourselves is not allowed, feel free to take it down and let me know we can't do that. If it's all good, enjoy, guys. Send me a private message if there is another TV show or movie you'd like to read something about, and what you think should go on in the story and I'll try to oblige.

    ............................................................

    Dan Conner locked the door of the garage. He was horny as hell. Roseanne had been in one of her moods lately and he wasn’t getting any, and with his house always full of people he never had any privacy to take care of business. Finally after five days of frustration, he decided he had time to rub one out in the garage.

    He unlocked the tackle box where he kept his girlie magazines and got his favorite one out, turning right to the centerfold. A gorgeous blonde who couldn’t have been any older than 21 or heavier than 120 stared back at him, and so did her double-D’s. She was a far cry from Roseanne. Dan’s junk started stirring as soon as he laid eyes on the well-loved picture of this beauty lying back on her bed with her legs open, showing him the wet, trimmed pussy just waiting for him to ram. By the time he got his belt unbuckled, his jeans unzipped, and his package hauled out over the waistband of his white briefs, he was rock hard.

    Dan had once been quite the stud. When he met Roseanne, he was a 6’3”, solidly built piece of eighteen year old football starter, bound with muscle and what little softness he had on his body just making him sexier. Now he was forty-four and had gotten a little round over the years. Okay, very round. But he thought he still looked okay for a working guy his age. His face was still the reasonably handsome 7 or maybe 8 out of 10 it had always been and his furry, rotund body was kind of like a big, snuggly teddy bear.

    He shifted his gaze from the hot young thing in the magazine to the rock hard cock he was stroking vigorously in his right hand. If he could change one thing, that’s what it would be. He had never been especially well-endowed. He was four and a half inches long when fully erect (such as right now). Even a short dick had looked good on him in high school, but even then he would have given anything for two more inches. Now, with all the extra padding he had put on, he knew he had a small penis and no rock hard body to balance it out, but big deal. It’s not like anyone but Rosy saw it these days, and she was used to it. He did know his piece was thick, at five and a half inches around. That beer can chode of his did the job, but he hoped DJ would end up with something more to look at than he had. Like most men, especially somewhere like Lanford, Dan was circumcised.

    Dan could feel his orgasm coming on when there was a frantic knock at the garage door. Shit! No cum just yet.

    “Who’s there?”

    “It’s me, Mr. Conner.”

    “Who the hell is Me?” Dan called back, even though he recognized the voice.

    “Me, Mark.”

    Becky’s twenty-four year old husband, Mark. Dan hadn’t liked Mark much at the beginning, but now that he had gotten to know him he had grown to like the guy. Not that bright but a decent, hard-working guy, Mark kind of reminded Dan of a young version of himself. Still, this wasn’t exactly a great time.

    “Catch you later, Mark, I’m kind of busy.”

    “Come on, Mr. Conner. Mrs. Conner’s acting like she’s about to breathe fire or something. I’ve got to get out of the house. Just let me hang out here with you for a while. I won’t bug you or nothing.”

    Well, Dan knew better than anyone how it felt to be trapped in the house when Rosey wasn’t having the best day. Besides, his hard on had softened anyway and he had lost that sweet orgasm he had been about to have.

    “K, give me a second, Mark.”

    Dan hoisted his package back into his briefs, tucked in his XXL T-shirt and zipped up and belted his jeans. Wiping his hands on a rag, he went to let Mark in.

    “Thanks, Mr. Conner,” Mark said. “I owe you one.”

    “Why start keeping track now,” Dan kidded him. It was true that he and Rosey had been supporting Mark and Becky for a couple of years now. But they were good kids and he was glad to help out.

    Mark’s vacant, puzzled expression suggested that he didn’t get the joke.

    “What are you working on in here, Mr. Conner?”

    “Nothing really important, just re-organizing a few things,” Dan came up with a good lie pretty fast.

    “Hey, what’s that smell?” Mark asked. “It’s like sweat or something.”

    Dan was about to justify that it was a hot night and of course he would be sweating working in that little garage, but he knew it was all over when Mark looked down and spotted that blonde bimbo looking up from the workbench.

    “Oh, man. I’m really sorry, Mr. Conner. You should have just told me to get lost.”

    “Well, I did. But never mind, it’s all right. Just don’t say anything about this to Mrs. Conner, got it?”

    “Sure thing, Mr. Conner. I would be doing the same thing if I had a garage like this. Becky and I haven’t-” He stopped short. Maybe he shouldn’t be talking about this with Dan. After all, he was Becky’s dad. But what the hell, they were both guys and Dan knew how it went. Besides, who was he going to confide in if not Dan. His little brother David? Not likely. He went on, “We haven’t had sex in a week. She’s been on her thing.”

    “You mean you don’t do it when she’s on the rag?” Dan felt weird asking this when it was his daughter they were talking about, but what the hell, guys have to talk to someone about their wives. “It’s not that different, Mark. Maybe a little more slippery, but hell, nothing wrong with that.”

    “I know. She’s the one who doesn’t want to. Not that we could anyway with the house full of kids and Jackie. I’m so fucking horny, Dan. I can’t even find a few minutes to whack off around here.”

    What happened next was pretty surreal. Maybe it was pity for the horny young man before him, maybe it was the beers he had been drinking all afternoon, but Dan had a crazy idea.
    “You want to get off in here, Mark?”

    “Excuse me, Mr. Conner?”

    “You could probably jack off in here if you want to. Shit, you know that’s what I was up to when you came by. It can just be our secret.”

    Mark was a little shocked. Was Dan Conner really suggesting that they get off right here in his garage?

    “Is this a trick, Mr. Conner?”

    That snapped Dan out of it.

    “God, I’m sorry, Mark. I don’t know why I just blurted that out. It was just a suggestion. I was horny and I wasn’t thinking. Forget I said it, okay?”

    “Hey, don’t feel bad, Mr. Conner. I didn’t say it was weird or anything. I was just kind of surprised to hear you wanted us to jack off together.”

    “Well, it’s not like I want us to. I’m just saying, we’re men, we have needs. No reason we can’t take care of business out here. It’s not like we’re going to touch each other or anything.”

    “You won’t say anything about it to Becky?”

    “Hell, no! She’d just go tell Rosey and I don’t want that. So what do you think, Mark?”

    The bulge in Mark’s jeans pretty much said what he thought, but Mark agreed to try it anyway.

    “So, how do we get started, Mr. Conner?”
     
  2. travis1985

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jun 22, 2011
    Messages:
    868
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    31
    Gender:
    Male
    Verified:
    Photo
    “Well I guess we stand here at the workbench and look at this centerfold and just go with the flow.”

    The two men stood side by side at the workbench, Mark to Dan’s right. Dan got things started by unhooking his belt and unzipping his jeans like he had done twenty minutes ago. His hard cock was already bulging in his tight-whities. Mark followed suit and Dan noticed he was tenting his blue plaid boxers, too.

    “On the count of three?” Dan suggested.

    “Okay,” Mark agreed.

    “One…two…three!”

    And the two men hooked their thumbs in their waistbands and pulled them down to rest under their balls. Neither man could resist checking out the other’s junk. Mark was proud to notice he was longer than his man’s man of a father in law. Dan noticed too, but at least Mark’s tool was skinnier than his. Dan was hairier than Mark, of course, but Mark did have a very nice, thick, dark bush over his package.

    Dan and Mark started beating their meat staring at the hot blonde. It soon became clear that their positioning wasn’t the best. Mark was left handed and Dan right handed, so their arms kept rubbing together as they stroked. What started out as occasional, sheepish glances when their arms touched soon became two men with their pants around their ankles, standing face to face a foot apart, stroking their cocks.

    “Hey, guys, dinner’s ready – oh, my God.”

    Dan and Mark turned in a panic toward the door they had forgotten to lock when Mark came in. There was Jackie’s uptight, straight-laced boyfriend, Fred, looking like he had just seen a ghost. Mark pulled up his pants and tried to put his cock away as Dan hustled to close the door behind Fred.

    “What the hell are you guys doing?” Fred gasped.

    “Calm down, Fred,” Dan started in trying to do some damage control. “It isn’t what it looks like.”

    “Oh, yeah? What is it then? You guys were standing there beating off together.”

    “Yeah and what’s wrong with that?” Dan countered. He explained that they were a couple of horny guys just getting off when their wives weren’t seeing to their needs. Nothing gay about it. Just getting their rocks off and if they happened to be doing it together who the hell cared?

    “Well, I still think it’s weird,” Fred said. “But I guess I can understand. With Jackie being pregnant, I haven’t been getting any either.”

    Dan and Mark exchanged a look.

    “Then why don’t you join us, Fred?” Mark offered.

    “Oh, no, I don’t think so,” Fred looked like his eyes were going to pop out of his head. “I just said I got it, I didn’t say I want to do it. That’s a little weird for me.”

    “What’s the matter, Fred?” Dan teased. “Mark and I are comfortable enough in our masculinity to do this. Are you worried you’ll like it?”

    “No! And there wouldn’t be anything wrong with liking it anyway. Who doesn’t like to cum? I just don’t think I should be cumming with you guys.”

    “I think I know what it is, Dan,” Mark said with a smug, teasing smile. “I think our buddy Fred doesn’t want us to see his little dick and be embarrassed next to us.”

    For a dumb guy, Mark impressed Dan with his cunning right there. Dan didn’t really want to challenge anyone about dick size since he knew he would likely lose, but it was a good way to get Fred in on it, and if Fred joined in, he would never blab about it to Jackie.

    “No, that’s not it.” Fred blushed. “Just because I don’t feel like showing you guys my penis doesn’t mean it’s small.”

    “Oh, come on, Fred,” Dan rolled his eyes. “Your ‘penis’? What are you, a biology teacher? It’s your dick.”

    “Or your cock,” Mark added. “Your cock that must be small if you don’t want to show it to us.”

    The whole thing was still a little weird for Fred, but he wasn’t about to let his friends think he had a small penis. Or cock. Once that kind of thing gets out, everyone believes it.

    “Okay, okay. If I show you guys my penis, will you – my COCK – will you drop this?”

    The other two men assured him that they would, so he turned around to undo his belt buckle, unzip his pants, and take his soft penis – cock – out of his gray boxer briefs. He turned to face the guys hiding his package in his hands.
     
  3. travis1985

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jun 22, 2011
    Messages:
    868
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    31
    Gender:
    Male
    Verified:
    Photo
    “Well, here it goes. We’re never speaking of this again.” And Fred let go of his package, putting his hands up in a gesture of surrender, revealing his junk for Dan and Mark to see plain as day. For a moment, they were silent.

    “Holy shit, Fred!” Dan broke the silence. “How big is that monster?”

    “And where did your man hair go?” Mark added.

    Fred blushed again, embarrassed to have his friends’ attention focused on that particular part of his anatomy, sheepish about the implicit compliment on his size, and mortified that they had commented on the hairlessness of his equipment.

    “Jackie makes me shave it,” he mumbled. “She won’t go down on me otherwise. Scared of getting a hair in her mouth.”

    “Looks so weird completely clean-shaven like that,” Mark said. “Not a pube in sight. Sorry, Fred. Not trying to say anything. It’s just weird. And I guess you’re not circumcised?”

    “Nope.” Fred was secretly proud of that, too. Everyone was cut, but he was different than the others with his natural, uncircumcised schlong.

    “So how big is it?” Dan still wanted to know.

    Fred hesitated and finally muttered, “Eight inches.”

    “Bullshit!” Dan called him out. “Everyone always says they’re eight inches. You’re big but I’m not buying it. How big are you, really?”

    “Really, Dan, I’m eight inches,” Fred insisted, his shyness disappearing quickly now that these guys were impressed. “I wouldn’t lie about it. It’s not that big of a deal.”

    “Then you shouldn’t mind proving it,” Dan said, and grabbed a ruler off his workbench. “Get hard and let us see.”

    Ordinarily, Fred would protest to such a weird situation. But he was an unremarkable man in so many ways. He was okay looking but not the most handsome man in the world. Good at his job, but not rich or famous. A good guy, but he had never been the big man on campus. Only forty years old (forty-one in two months, but still forty for now), but losing his hair. What he did have going for him was an eight-inch dick, and he wasn’t going to let his friends go on thinking it was any less than it was now that things had gone this far. Especially since they had assumed he was small. And especially since he must be bigger than them, or they wouldn’t be so fucking impressed.

    “Okay, but you guys have to prove it first.”

    “You got it, Fred.” Mark took his junk out again – it was hard even though he wasn’t gay, probably from the adrenaline, and hell, this was sex talk even if it was just him, Dan, and Fred talking about their dicks. Mark held the head of his dick between two fingers and pulled it down so it was parallel with the floor (being a horny young guy, it normally stuck straight up), put the ruler against his pubic bone, and let the guys take a look.

    “Looks like a little under six and three quarters of an inch,” Dan gave the verdict.

    “Not bad, huh?”

    “I’ve gotta hand it to you, Mark, you’re a decent guy with a decent-sized cock on you.”

    “Your turn, Dan,” Mark let his bone snap back up against his belly and handed the ruler off to Dan.

    Shit, now Fred would be like Mark, in on the fact that Dan had a small one. And now both would know his exact dimensions. But he wasn’t backing down in front of his friends. He measured in the way Mark had, letting them both get a look at his rock-hard four-and-a-half-incher.

    “Four and a half inches?” Fred smiled smugly. Sorry, Dan, but you’re the one with a small penis.

    “Yeah, well, it’s thick, and that’s what matters most,” Dan said, grabbing a cloth tape measure from the workbench and proving his respectable girth of five and a half. Mark went next, clocking in at four inches around. Not bad, but not bigger than Dan’s in every respect. Not by a long shot.

    “Okay, you’re up, Fred.”

    Fred turned away from the workbench so he was facing in toward the other two men. For the first time, they got a look at his hard dick. Three men standing in a circle, each with their pants and underwear around their ankles, their hard cocks exposed. One a big, strapping, hairy bear in his mid-40s, with a small but proud dick. One a young guy, thin but toned, very handsome, with a respectable cock just on the slightly big side of average. And one, pubic area fully shaved, somewhere in between the two in age, physical stature, and attractiveness, breaking the chain of representing an average of the other two only when it came to his undeniably large penis, now standing hard for his buddies to watch him measure. Fred grasped his organ just as Mark and Dan had, pressed the ruler against his pubic bone (though not so hard that the result would be unduly generous), and looked up at them expectantly.

    “Exactly eight inches,” Mark verified.

    And according to the tape measure Dan handed him, just over five and half inches around.

    “Congratulations, Fred. You’re the king.”

    “I just want to hear you both say it,” Fred prompted.

    Dan and Mark looked resignedly at one another and complied. After all, they kind of had to.

    “Fred, buddy,” Dan said clearly, “you have a bigger penis than mine.”

    “You’re bigger than me, too,” Mark admitted.

    “Well, guys, I’m the only one who came here to rub one out, but it looks like we’re all ready to. Shall we?”

    “Why not,” Mark mused, “we were halfway there when Fred showed up.”

    “Sure, what the hell,” Fred agreed. “ But if either of you breathes a word of this to anyone, I’ll personally kick both your asses. Is anyone going to find out about this?”

    “Hell, no!” Dan and Mark laughed.

    The three men sat on the floor of the garage and masturbated together with Dan’s magazine in the middle of the circle. No one touched the others, but they all spent about as much time staring at each other as they did the blonde slut in the centerfold. Dan, the horniest, came the fastest and dropped a huge load. Mark was next, shooting even more than Dan. Finally, Fred (who, unlike the other two horny guys, wasn’t so deprived that he hadn’t stroked in a week) busted a nut, too.

    They sat quietly, contently recovering from their intense orgasms. Then they glanced around at each other, sitting on the floor naked with their soft dicks dangling, shared a quiet, mutual, sheepish laugh, and got everything wiped off, tucked in, and zipped up. Fred hosed the cum all over the floor off into oblivion, leaving no evidence, and Dan locked up the magazine.

    Dan, Mark, and Fred left the garage and started back to the house. Halfway there, Roseanne stuck her head out the window and yelled in her sensitive way, “Thanks a lot, Fred! I send you to get the boys in here for dinner and it takes you an hour to bring them back!”

    “Sorry, Rosey,” Dan offered. “Mark and I had got to working on a bike and we pulled Fred in with us.”

    “Yeah, I figured,” Roseanne rolled her eyes. “Well between the kids, my pregnant sister and, well, me, we took care of dinner pretty good. There’s cereal on the shelf if you expect to eat, and if you’re lucky the milk is still good.”

    The three men laughed. They had gotten away with it if even Roseanne didn’t suspect what they had been up to. It was kind of scary, but it was fun. Maybe even a little hot. But they probably wouldn’t do anything like that together again. Probably.
     
    #3 travis1985, Jul 6, 2011
    Last edited: Jul 6, 2011
  4. Hoss

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Aug 22, 2010
    Messages:
    12,050
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    398
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Eastern town
    A nice read and surprisingly realistic and along the lines of what I always thought Dan did when he left the house.
     
  5. Shawn152

    Shawn152 Member

    Joined:
    Jun 27, 2010
    Messages:
    371
    Likes Received:
    2
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Cleveland, OH.
    Hot story
     
  6. coachreffn

    coachreffn Active Member

    Joined:
    Oct 30, 2009
    Messages:
    127
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    65
    Location:
    California
    I thought you had a real sense of the characters and dialogue of Roseanne. That made this story fun and entertaining as it was written in the same style as the television show. Good writer!
     
  7. travis1985

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jun 22, 2011
    Messages:
    868
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    31
    Gender:
    Male
    Verified:
    Photo
    Thanks, guys. Are there any others you'd like to read?
     
  8. fratpack

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Sep 24, 2005
    Messages:
    7,085
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    79
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    nyc
    good job! i always thought mark was hot
     
  9. thee1

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jul 2, 2009
    Messages:
    2,586
    Likes Received:
    53
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    East coast
    Very nice!!
     
  10. Hoss

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Aug 22, 2010
    Messages:
    12,050
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    398
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Eastern town
    Seeing your good work on the above story, I'd say you'd be good with anything that you came up with. I get a huge enjoyment when television and movie characters get into sexual situations.
     
  11. travis1985

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jun 22, 2011
    Messages:
    868
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    31
    Gender:
    Male
    Verified:
    Photo
    Has anyone jacked to this?
     
  12. maneater716

    maneater716 New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 1, 2009
    Messages:
    73
    Likes Received:
    2

    no but i was rock hard the entire time reading it!!!!!!!very very hot!!!!! u should do another!!!!!!!! i love roseanne and this is great seems very real!!! very well written!!:biggrin1:
     
  13. maneater716

    maneater716 New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 1, 2009
    Messages:
    73
    Likes Received:
    2
    maybe a bump could get us another episode????????? travis???????:biggrin1:
     
  14. catman

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Oct 24, 2004
    Messages:
    2,607
    Likes Received:
    46
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Ga
    nicely done...
     
  15. jusright

    jusright Active Member

    Joined:
    Jun 14, 2006
    Messages:
    305
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    144
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Derby (GB)
    That was kinda surreal! :p
     
Draft saved Draft deleted