the "milestones"

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deleted5493

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Just curious at what age the following "milestones" occurred for everyone. If there is anything that I missed feel free to add it in.

You accepted to yourself you were gay?

You told someone for the first time?

You actively sought a relationship? You were in a relationship?

You told your parents?

And at what age you would say you were completely open to most friends/family?

And a little background why I am curious. I am currently 24. I would probably saying I didn't accept it for myself until I was 22. In the past two years, I feel like I have accepted it (the doubting/hoping it wasn't true is gone) but I just am in a state of misery because I am too afraid to act on it, don't know where to start, so to speak.
 

erratic

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Sorry to hear that you're having such a tough time! The stage between self-acceptance (I was about 12) and actually coming out (17 was the first time, though I'm continuously coming out as folks assume I'm straight - even to the point of thinking my husband and I are brothers) is super tough. Your personal image of yourself and your publi image are so different. I felt like a huge fake, when really I was just going through a very typical phase of coming out. I didn't see it as part of being gay, though - but it is.

As for being completely open to family, everyone negotiates that at a different pace. Every family is different, and not everyone needs to come out to their whole family.
 
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deleted556573

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You accepted to yourself you were gay? 13

You told someone for the first time? 23

You actively sought a relationship? You were in a relationship? 23 for both

You told your parents? 34 (never told my father - he's a homophobic asshole)

And at what age you would say you were completely open to most friends/family? 24 for friends. 30 for family.

And a little background why I am curious. I am currently 24. I would probably saying I didn't accept it for myself until I was 22. In the past two years, I feel like I have accepted it (the doubting/hoping it wasn't true is gone) but I just am in a state of misery because I am too afraid to act on it, don't know where to start, so to speak.

Oh boy can I relate to what you've written here. I accepted being gay at age 13, but was so ashamed and scared that I still thought that finding the right woman to marry would allow me to never have to reveal this "dirty little secret". Were it not for me finding the Internet and indulging in my repressed desires, it is safe to assume that I'd probably be married with children today.

The best thing that ever happened to me (when I was quite close to your age, I might add) was my best friend finding out, and then he confronted me about it. Although he invaded my privacy, I'm still very glad he did because it brought us closer together and he is, has been, and always will be, my fierce protector. He's an Alpha Male of sorts, and how he reacted and responded pretty much set the tone for how everyone else in our circle of friends reacted.

My advice to you is to find one of your friends who is going to support you and be there for you 100% no matter what. As long as you have that support, you'll never be truly alone. Trust me, that is worth more than you'll ever know. I think that would be a good starting point for you. The first time you say it out loud to someone, you'll be very surprised how much different (and BETTER) you'll feel. It'll feel like the weight of the world is lifted off of your shoulders.
 
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Bunny35

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I think I had always known I was gay and didn't really have much of an issue accepting it. I did all of the others between 17 and 18. Surprisingly it wasn't as bigger deal as I had made it our to be. Apart from a few strange conversations with my parents all went well.

You may be surprised how things go.
 

Catharsis

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I knew I was gay (or at least different) for quite a while, now, but never really came to accept it until I joined this site. Even then, I still considered myself as nothing more than "curious" - but accepting my sexuality was a process that occurred through the end of 2011 and leading into 2012.

When I came to accept that I was gay in early 2012, I made an account on Adam4Adam and sought to explore my sexuality, some more. From that website, I had sex with another man for the first time when I was 19 (March 2012), and a couple months later (April-May 2012) came out to my parents and close friends. I've dated a couple times when I was 20 (during June-November 2012), but have not been in any relationships, yet.

So far, 2013 has been pretty uneventful in terms of anything relating to my sexuality. But, it's not even half-way done, yet, so we shall see if there's anything else I'd be able to add as a milestone for when I turn 21.
 

Novaboy

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You accepted to yourself you were gay? 26

You told someone for the first time? 29

You actively sought a relationship? You were in a relationship? 29 for both

You told your parents? 29 (both already assumed I was and were great from the beginning)

And at what age you would say you were completely open to most friends/family? 24 for friends. 30 for family.


OP,you live in a large city, you should be fine. Live your life! You'll be glad you did. Don't regret the years you hid from life. I wish I had come out sooner (though if I did, I wouldn't have the life and partner I have now so all in all I don't mind).
 

billybones

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Just curious at what age the following "milestones" occurred for everyone. If there is anything that I missed feel free to add it in.

1You accepted to yourself you were gay?

2You told someone for the first time?

3You actively sought a relationship? You were in a relationship?

4You told your parents?

5And at what age you would say you were completely open to most friends/family?

And a little background why I am curious. I am currently 24. I would probably saying I didn't accept it for myself until I was 22. In the past two years, I feel like I have accepted it (the doubting/hoping it wasn't true is gone) but I just am in a state of misery because I am too afraid to act on it, don't know where to start, so to speak.


1 I don't recall exactly. I remember feeling different at 3 and I figured out it was because I was gay when I understood what that was -maybe 8 or 9.

2 21

3 21

4 21

5 22

21 was a big year for me. I was tired of being nervous and self-loathing. I kicked that fucking closet door off the hinges that year.
 

green200

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You accepted to yourself you were gay? I think for me it was more of a matter of realizing that liking other boys was not what most other boys thought of. I realized this the 4th or 5th grade. I remember feeling ashamed and very scared about the thought of realizing I was this thing other people called "gay", but it never occurred to me to try and pretend it wasn't true.

You told someone for the first time? I was 14, a freshman in high school!

You actively sought a relationship? You were in a relationship? I actively sought a relationship around the time I turned 21, and then started my first relationship about 6 months after that. I was lucky my boyfriend let me determine that pace of our relationship since I hadn't even had my first kissed yet at the time!

You told your parents? I told my parents I was gay when I was 21, around the time I started my relationship with my boyfriend. To this day they deny it, but honestly the ball is in their court because they know that I'm more than open to bringing up the subject again if they want to readdress it.

And at what age you would say you were completely open to most friends/family? I was open to my friends when I started my 20's, mostly because I met a number of gay friends in college who were great role models. They were open to their families, had very positive outlooks on life, were career driven, and incredibly kind. I'm not out to my extended family, primarily because I hardly know them anyway.
 

danjs584

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You accepted to yourself you were gay?

I told myself I was bi starting at 14 or 15. Accepted I was gay at 17.

You told someone for the first time?

Bi I told one or two close friends when I was 16 and my girlfriend at the time who for some reason was shocked when I came out as gay lol. When I accepted that I was gay at 17 I told all my friends.

You actively sought a relationship? You were in a relationship?

17...dated two guys for about a month each.

You told your parents?

17

And at what age you would say you were completely open to most friends/family?

Everyone except extended family knew when I was 17. Extended family suspected but I didn't come out to everyone until I was 25 when I sent a mass e-mail lol.
 

kevind33

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You accepted to yourself you were gay? 22 in college

You told someone for the first time?my ex girlfriend at that was at 22 after my first time.

You actively sought a relationship? You were in a relationship?27 till now and im 34

You told your parents?24.yep told my mom and my father passed away before i came out

And at what age you would say you were completely open to most friends/family?25 give or take a year
 
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deleted5493

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I think the biggest struggle for me is the "what will other people think of me?" I really have a hard time/preoccuption with people's perception of who I am (always doing things to be perceived in a positive light).
 

B_Smitten_Kitten

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Just curious at what age the following "milestones" occurred for everyone. If there is anything that I missed feel free to add it in.

You accepted to yourself you were gay?

You told someone for the first time?

You actively sought a relationship? You were in a relationship?

You told your parents?

And at what age you would say you were completely open to most friends/family?

And a little background why I am curious. I am currently 24. I would probably saying I didn't accept it for myself until I was 22. In the past two years, I feel like I have accepted it (the doubting/hoping it wasn't true is gone) but I just am in a state of misery because I am too afraid to act on it, don't know where to start, so to speak.


we can start buy disliking Kayne west. :)