The Obsession With Comparisons....

R

returnofseht

Guest
I wasn't entirely sure where to post this. Please move it to a more appropriate forum, if necessary.

I find the obsession with comparisons to be quite overwhelming on this site.

Of course, everything is a matter of preference. So I'm not trying to frame "comparing" as something bad; we all do it. But when I start reading a thread about a woman's first experience with an uncircumcised penis, and it snowballs into a heated exchange about circumcision and lord knows what else, it's quite obvious the obsession with comparisons spills over into validating narratives, which are tied to insecurities and such.

I can't blame women for being sensitive and reactive when this happens, because it happens a lot. My personal fave is on the "Ask a Woman" forum when men respond, or when women have to preface their posts asking men to not respond.

Sadly, the obsession with comparisons is all too related to projections, particularly projections onto women. Women's opinions and preferences are solicited, but when the "right" answers aren't tendered, the subject in question turns into a debate about what's right or wrong, better or worse. The fact that there's a thread dedicated to women talking about the number of times men have made them feel uncomfortable is even sadder.

Obviously, men don't understand women. So it stands to reason that men try to understand women using their own paradigms and subsequent narratives. I think that some guys understand that women don't care nearly as much about their penises as they do (and NEVER will), but others definitely don't - enter the dick bomb. But there's part of me that thinks that while comparisons are a normal thing, there's a line that gets crossed far too often here. But does the site itself, as a public forum and platform of sexual expression perpetuate this? I think it does in many ways, though I'm not sure what I'd change, honestly.

I just find the obsession with comparisons here to be overwhelming. And I totally get the purpose and nature of the site, but for a guy who's pretty open and accepting of most stuff, it's strikes a cord with me.

Because women are subjected to far more comparisons than men, I thought I'd post this here. And secretly I probably just wanna hang out in the ladies forum. But in all seriousness, please move the thread if it's inappropriate there....

Love to hear your thoughts....
 

LaFemme

Mythical Member
Staff
Moderator
Verified
Gold
Platinum Gold
Joined
Aug 16, 2010
Posts
41,949
Media
2
Likes
39,308
Points
743
Location
Canada
Sexuality
90% Straight, 10% Gay
Gender
Female
It is overwhelming. As a women, we get asked to compare and almost forced into making a decision. See the dozens of “If you HAD to choose between (...)” threads. We only choose the man, never the penis, so it’s almost a non-issue unless it causes discomfort.

Men are constantly trying to tell us what they’ve been told, what they’ve heard, when it’s usually just BS women throw around to appease the male ego. Do they not know that we know how touchy you are you about your dicks? I mean, I always knew, but I had no idea of the depth until I got here.

If you want us to like your penis, then be a good guy. You don’t have to pump, or moan about that missing half an inch. Be interesting, be interested in us. Do the dishes, run the vacuum around the house. Surprise us in the bedroom now and again. Bring home dinner once a week. Smell good. Keep your penis clean. Cut or uncut, and ball sweat is unappealing. Tell us that the best day in your life was the day we met. Quit acting like we’re from separate planets.

Oh, well. Maybe that’s just me. :)
 

MisterB

Worshipped Member
Staff
Moderator
Gold
Platinum Gold
Joined
May 11, 2012
Posts
5,246
Media
0
Likes
18,307
Points
558
Location
Arlington, VA, USA
Sexuality
100% Gay, 0% Straight
Gender
Male
I wasn't entirely sure where to post this. Please move it to a more appropriate forum, if necessary.

I find the obsession with comparisons to be quite overwhelming on this site.

Of course, everything is a matter of preference. So I'm not trying to frame "comparing" as something bad; we all do it. But when I start reading a thread about a woman's first experience with an uncircumcised penis, and it snowballs into a heated exchange about circumcision and lord knows what else, it's quite obvious the obsession with comparisons spills over into validating narratives, which are tied to insecurities and such.

I can't blame women for being sensitive and reactive when this happens, because it happens a lot. My personal fave is on the "Ask a Woman" forum when men respond, or when women have to preface their posts asking men to not respond.

Sadly, the obsession with comparisons is all too related to projections, particularly projections onto women. Women's opinions and preferences are solicited, but when the "right" answers aren't tendered, the subject in question turns into a debate about what's right or wrong, better or worse. The fact that there's a thread dedicated to women talking about the number of times men have made them feel uncomfortable is even sadder.

Obviously, men don't understand women. So it stands to reason that men try to understand women using their own paradigms and subsequent narratives. I think that some guys understand that women don't care nearly as much about their penises as they do (and NEVER will), but others definitely don't - enter the dick bomb. But there's part of me that thinks that while comparisons are a normal thing, there's a line that gets crossed far too often here. But does the site itself, as a public forum and platform of sexual expression perpetuate this? I think it does in many ways, though I'm not sure what I'd change, honestly.

I just find the obsession with comparisons here to be overwhelming. And I totally get the purpose and nature of the site, but for a guy who's pretty open and accepting of most stuff, it's strikes a cord with me.

Because women are subjected to far more comparisons than men, I thought I'd post this here. And secretly I probably just wanna hang out in the ladies forum. But in all seriousness, please move the thread if it's inappropriate there....

Love to hear your thoughts....
IMO, an excellent job of summarizing a lot of the ladies' (and some of us guys too) frustrations at times on this site.

We need all the allies we can get with the misogynistic and downright hateful woman-bashing shit some guys post here.

And I agree with @Tight_N_Juicy; I'd like to read more of your thoughts.

I think you are a welcome addition to this area of the site!
 
R

returnofseht

Guest
My thoughts: I'd just like to read more of your thoughts. That was pretty damn good.

LOL Well, that's very sweet of you to say. I'll do my bestest.

It is overwhelming. As a women, we get asked to compare and almost forced into making a decision. See the dozens of “If you HAD to choose between (...)” threads. We only choose the man, never the penis, so it’s almost a non-issue unless it causes discomfort.

Men are constantly trying to tell us what they’ve been told, what they’ve heard, when it’s usually just BS women throw around to appease the male ego. Do they not know that we know how touchy you are you about your dicks? I mean, I always knew, but I had no idea of the depth until I got here.

If you want us to like your penis, then be a good guy. You don’t have to pump, or moan about that missing half an inch. Be interesting, be interested in us. Do the dishes, run the vacuum around the house. Surprise us in the bedroom now and again. Bring home dinner once a week. Smell good. Keep your penis clean. Cut or uncut, and ball sweat is unappealing. Tell us that the best day in your life was the day we met. Quit acting like we’re from separate planets.

Oh, well. Maybe that’s just me. :)

Honestly, I think that many men's assumptions, assertions, understandings, and feelings about women are completely self serving. Not all, of course...but here, the scales seem to be a wee bit tipped to one side.

Look no further than the pictures that men post, bless their hearts. Now, there's always a time and place for a candid erotic selfie taken in the heat of a moment. We've all taken them. I love candid pictures of women. It's such a turn on to think that the sheer eroticism of a moment would compel a lady to grab her phone and just start taking pictures. But with men, posting dick pick after dick pick - literally, almost the same picture over and over and over - it'll only get you the basic "yup, you have a big penis" acknowledgement...to your point about being a good guy.

If the objective is to turn women on, a picture often requires context, otherwise it's just another penis. Getting a little more creative with a shot will be far more appealing. Like simply picking a flattering camera angle (everyone has bad angles), using some natural lighting, picking a "setting," and then cleaning your room, it all injects narrative into the picture. That may not be a guy's intention, but on a site with hundreds of big cocks and thousands of documented erections, you need to market yourself beyond your penis; or maybe you don't, but you sure will reap what you sow.

I think that part of the issue is that women have a more developed sense of sexuality relative to men. Men's sense of sexuality is mostly phallic-centric where a man's sexual universe revolves around his penis. A woman's sexuality on the other hand, is often far more complex. It's intricately layered in ways that transcend the simplicity of physical pleasure. That's the part of a woman's sexuality that I find most interesting, the psychological part; because no matter how big your penis is, and no matter how long you can last, if you can't make a woman feel completely safe and comfortable, you'll never truly rock her world. In my experience, sex is never truly satisfying without a basic level of trust, respect, and being considerate. I don't find one nighters with strangers appealing, at all....

Maybe that's just me, too. :)

Finally! Someone who gets it!

Thanks, Incubus. I'll say this...I've been in relationships with several women who went through incredibly difficult stuff growing up, and I'm lucky that they trusted me enough to share it with me. And I was even luckier that we were able to share our pervy sides with each other. :yum

IMO, an excellent job of summarizing a lot of the ladies' (and some of us guys too) frustrations at times on this site.

We need all the allies we can get with the misogynistic and downright hateful woman-bashing shit some guys post here.

And I agree with @Tight_N_Juicy; I'd like to read more of your thoughts.

I think you are a welcome addition to this area of the site!

I really appreciate that, MisterB. You're so right; it's incredibly frustrating to guys, albeit in a far different way.

But from what I've read, none of the women here need their battles fought for them. In fact, I think it's because the female contingent is so strong and empowered, that it makes some men feel even more insecure, which is why the lash out.
 
9

918177

Guest
Where is my black and white clap gif when I need it most?

My biggest sexual organ is my brain.

They just don't get that what they post is their calling card and their introduction to the women here.

I have rarely looked at a gallery of a guy who posts garbage.
Why would I bother?
If I have contempt for the man what he has in his pants is beyond worthless to me.
There isn't a machine finely calibrated enough to measure how few fucks I give
about the 100 or so grainy dick pics taken from the same angle in a filthy bedroom, bathroom or from God forbid, a unflushed toilet...yeah....

Pass.
 

MisterB

Worshipped Member
Staff
Moderator
Gold
Platinum Gold
Joined
May 11, 2012
Posts
5,246
Media
0
Likes
18,307
Points
558
Location
Arlington, VA, USA
Sexuality
100% Gay, 0% Straight
Gender
Male
But from what I've read, none of the women here need their battles fought for them. In fact, I think it's because the female contingent is so strong and empowered, that it makes some men feel even more insecure, which is why the lash out.
You are so right! The ladies do quite well taking care of business here at LPSG. They suffer no fools for sure.

I do, however, find it refreshing when a man *gets it*. Unfortunately, that's often not the case. And that's when threads go off the rail.

I find it quite funny (not ha ha funny) that oftentimes when a woman responds to a particular not-so-understanding post/poster, it's met with negativity. Derision. Even when speaking about how she, a woman feels. Or what she has experienced. Or what she wants. Or likes. Like that the size of a guy's penis is not in their Top 5 desired traits. And often a man will post basically the same thing in the same thread and bam!, the poster will get it. That's crazy!

Insecurity is the driving force for a lot of posts on this and other social media sites. I've yet to meet truly secure folks who lash out. At or about anyone/anything. Period.
 

Enid

Worshipped Member
Joined
Jul 3, 2008
Posts
7,326
Media
10
Likes
17,472
Points
393
Age
53
Location
Arlington, Texas, US
Sexuality
Unsure
Gender
Female
no but for real would you rather a 5'1.375" woman with an athletic build and web toes or a 5'9.777" woman with a pear-shaped build and alopecia?


all kidding aside, Obsessive Conparison Disorder runs rampant here. Best I can gather, those suffering from it are deeply unhappy because they look for validation from external sources instead of relying on themselves. They get hung up on the minutiae not realizing how incredibly unattractive it is. It's really a vicious cycle.

I either ignore those posts or I have fun with it.
 
1

1345864

Guest
One could go stark raving insane trying to compare physical attributes of every kind on this site.

Some of us aren't interested in comparing everything though. It's not a competition, at least not in my mind.

As @Enid said, it's a losing battle trying to find validation externally. You ultimately have to find it within, because the small jolt of endorphins obtained from your pics getting likes is fleeting and ephemeral.
 

MisterB

Worshipped Member
Staff
Moderator
Gold
Platinum Gold
Joined
May 11, 2012
Posts
5,246
Media
0
Likes
18,307
Points
558
Location
Arlington, VA, USA
Sexuality
100% Gay, 0% Straight
Gender
Male
no but for real would you rather a 5'1.375" woman with an athletic build and web toes or a 5'9.777" woman with a pear-shaped build and alopecia?


all kidding aside, Obsessive Conparison Disorder runs rampant here. Best I can gather, those suffering from it are deeply unhappy because they look for validation from external sources instead of relying on themselves. They get hung up on the minutiae not realizing how incredibly unattractive it is. It's really a vicious cycle.

I either ignore those posts or I have fun with it.
Enid my friend, this was a STELLAR post! Brava to you!

And you need to seriously consider copyrighting or trademarking (whichever would apply!) "Obsessive Comparison Disorder." That's some good words right there that say so much. Awesome!
 

Scarletbegonia

Worshipped Member
Gold
Platinum Gold
Joined
May 2, 2013
Posts
8,335
Media
26
Likes
23,701
Points
508
Location
Purgatory (Maine, United States)
Sexuality
Asexual
Gender
Female
no but for real would you rather a 5'1.375" woman with an athletic build and web toes or a 5'9.777" woman with a pear-shaped build and alopecia?


all kidding aside, Obsessive Conparison Disorder runs rampant here. Best I can gather, those suffering from it are deeply unhappy because they look for validation from external sources instead of relying on themselves. They get hung up on the minutiae not realizing how incredibly unattractive it is. It's really a vicious cycle.

I either ignore those posts or I have fun with it.

A. I like swimming and have a bit of a thing for hair.

Seriously, I have peeped ONE man’s gallery. @ronin001
He’s a definite how to do tutorial.

I’ve probably mentioned this before, but when my sweetie and I exchange shots, I’ve had to ask for more of his body to be in them.
I’m taking shots where I’m draped over a bed with linen sheets, rumpled enough to suggest he’s just gotten up from a romp, my hair arranged just so, careful timing for lighting.
And I get a very well focused peen close up.
Sometimes the captions make the angle work.
Edited to add: I have occasionally said, “have you been watching that spot? It’s new.” So, close ups are great for medical records.

So in a video chat, I’ve had to say that I want to see his face during the fun (he’s using a laptop, and the zoom opportunities are nil) , and leave it up to him to ask for close ups. I know he wants the details. I’m fine with the blur of his hand, as long as I see his face as he comes.

So that’s my take on dick pics...be my dude, be in the shot.

As for comparison, insecurity is a turn off. Show me what you can do with it. Show me skills, and passion, humor and devotion.
Unfortunately, I did get asked by the sweetie once about size of previous partners. I palmed it away with, can I just say it was painful? (And someone he knew, so I wanted OUT of that convo.)
Turned out he was having some self doubts. He’s noticed length shrinkage as he ages.
I said I remembered more of who was skilled, and who was selfish. That I remembered events not objects.
And once we drilled down to why he’d asked, I have reassured him he’s all I need, and these days, all I can handle. And no girth has gone.
“Leave me a puddle of goo, and see how wonderful you are.”
 
Last edited:

Scarletbegonia

Worshipped Member
Gold
Platinum Gold
Joined
May 2, 2013
Posts
8,335
Media
26
Likes
23,701
Points
508
Location
Purgatory (Maine, United States)
Sexuality
Asexual
Gender
Female
Let me leave this here.
Men do not have to categorically “understand” women.
Women do not need to categorically “understand” men.
We need to understand that we are individuals, with thoughts of our own.
We have needs, insecurities, joys, sorrows.

All the stereotyping gets in the way. Shed expectations and open yourself to joy. It’s far more fun.

Everyone is a flawed human.


(@returnofseht points for “dick bomb.” That may get into the LPSG lexicon.)
 
R

returnofseht

Guest
One could go stark raving insane trying to compare physical attributes of every kind on this site.

Some of us aren't interested in comparing everything though. It's not a competition, at least not in my mind.

As @Enid said, it's a losing battle trying to find validation externally. You ultimately have to find it within, because the small jolt of endorphins obtained from your pics getting likes is fleeting and ephemeral.

The interesting part is that the whole comparison thing is actually completely "normal." It's human nature, and I think being curious about things where comparison is used to process difference is essential to personal growth and development. But there's a point where it turns odd for me here.

I find there to be an obsessive preoccupation with comparison to the point where it perpetuates an unhealthy and unrealistic view of life and sexuality. It's the difference between recognizing that a big penis is a big penis, and thinking that it means a whole lot more.

I don't think it's as simple as just finding security and validation from within, though I totally agree with the premise of the sentiment. The level of personal work and self reflection required for that is pretty massive. If anything, I think this place would reinforce the opposite, depending on how you see yourself.
 
Last edited by a moderator:
2

2163431

Guest
The interesting part is that the whole comparison thing is actually completely "normal." It's human nature, and I think being curious about things where comparison is used to process difference is essential to personal growth and development. But there's a point where it turns odd for me here.

I find there to be an obsessive preoccupation with comparison to the point where it perpetuates an unhealthy and unrealistic view of life and sexuality. It's the difference between recognizing that a big penis is a big penis, and thinking that it means a whole lot more.

I don't think it's as simple as just finding security and validation from within, though I totally agree with the premise of the sentiment. The level of personal work and self reflection required for that is pretty massive. If anything, I think this place would reinforce the opposite, depending on how you see yourself.
The notion that comparison is “natural” for human beings (but not animals, it seems) is definitely worth pondering. And “comparison” is an extensive activity. It’s certainly not just about dick size. In fact, a person can take pride in comparing himself or herself favorably—to those who compare dick sizes. It’s a dialectic...

Anyway, thx for posting. Food for thought...