THE ONE: How soon can you tell?

[Principessa]

I guess this question is just for the married people.

Have you ever dated someone and within hours, days, or weeks knew that this is THE ONE? How soon could you tell? Did you tell the other person as soon as you knew? When did you let your family and friends know that this person was THE ONE with whom you wanted to spend the rest of your life?

Aniston 'thinks Mayer could be the one'​

Tuesday, May 20 2008, 11:03 BST​

By Beth Hilton, Entertainment Reporter ​

Rex Features​

Jennifer Aniston has reportedly told friends that she is in love with boyfriend John Mayer.​

The couple were first spotted together in Miami last month and the 39-year-old's feelings have quickly become serious. ​

A friend told Star magazine: "Jen thinks John could be 'The One' and that she has fallen for him - hard! She's usually pretty cautious when it comes to dating but, with John, she has decided to follow her gut feelings."​

Talking about the musician's previous relationships with stars such as Jessica Simpson, Cameron Diaz and Minka Kelly, the source added: "[Jennifer] has heard all about his past and his womanising ways, but doesn't see him like that."​

Mayer is rumoured to share Aniston's feelings, despite previous concerns that he may be interested only in a summer fling.​

A pal of the singer is quoted as saying: "He had become disillusioned with some of his earlier relationships, but he thinks Jennifer is gorgeous and he loves her sense of humour." ​

 

[DC_DEEP]

I'm not married, does my experience not count?

I've been with my man since 2001. We met briefly in person, then actually got to know each other online (we lived about 700 miles apart). It took me about two weeks of online conversation to know "he's the one."

 

[sdg475]

Speaking as someone who's never felt like he's met "the one" (so my opinion may be discarded if you like), I think its varied. I don't think that there is any one time or point in a relationship that you realize "wow, this person is it." I think it all depends on the specifics, your level of intuition, personalities, events, etc.

 

[D_Fiona_Farvel]

I'm not into marriage, but have met 'the one'. Actually, a few 'the ones', and I knew immediately. One, I met when I was 11 and he was 14 - knew it the minute we met, and it lasted through our on and off, our ltr, and now. We aren't together, but he acknowledges what we have together is an unexplainable, deep, loving connection - that is too intense.

Another, I knew and I know, but it wasn't reciprocated. A third, I am his 'the one', but I do not feel the same. Almost married him, though, because it felt too good being someone's everything. Fortunately, no wedding because he deserved the same and pretty much found it. A fourth...

There are a lot of chances for 'the one', soul mate, whatever, if you are open to it. I also think it is important to realize that it may not last, or for some reason be unable to sustain, doesn't mean that was the only opportunity... the experience of having each one of my great loves helped me grow and change in a way that opened and guided me to the next.

I know there's a pattern now, but can't wait until I am 90, look back, and see it laid out like a treasure map...

 

[WifeOfBath]

i am highly cynical of the entire concept of "the one." I think people expecting that sort of connection all the time in their long term committed relationships is part of the reason why the divorce rate is so high. I think a lot of people expect to feel that initial blush of passion, lust, and energy all the time and it simply doesn't last in any relationship.

 

[Principessa]

I'm not married, does my experience not count?

Damn, I realized I had made that mistake and meant to correct it. My apologies DC_Deep. :redface: Yes same sex, long term, and common law couples are of course invited to respond.

I've been with my man since 2001. We met briefly in person, then actually got to know each other online (we lived about 700 miles apart). It took me about two weeks of online conversation to know "he's the one."

Hmm, okay that actually makes more sense to me than people who meet and 'fall in love' online without having actually met in person.

 

[Ethyl]

Hmm, okay that actually makes more sense to me than people who meet and 'fall in love' online without having actually met in person.

You underestimate the power of the written word. :wink:

It's easy to sculpt a perfect person in your mind from the few things they've told you about themselves online. Without the reality of meeting in person, all you do is fill in the holes yourself with details you've created for that person.
When two eventually meet they'll find that 1) the potential suitor matches what they've written - or not. 2) They discover more things than they bargained for - good and/or bad.

Trust but verify.

 

[2322]

My sister did that. My mom dropped her off at high school and she saw this guy and told my mother, "That's the man I'm going to marry." They dated for about 6 years.

She almost did too until she found he (a singer) was cheating on her with some groupie.

You underestimate the power of the written word. :wink:

It's easy to sculpt a perfect person in your mind from the few things they've told you about themselves online. Without the reality of meeting in person, all you do is fill in the holes yourself with details you've created for that person.
When two eventually meet they'll find that 1) the potential suitor matches what they've written - or not. 2) They discover more things than they bargained for - good and/or bad.

Trust but verify.

Very, very, very true. Wisdom for the ages.

 

[AlteredEgo]

I knew he was the one on the Sunday before Columbus day two years ago. I suspected it before that, but that was when I knew. He was here visiting me for the first time. He'd never really been to New York before (other than to see the Empire State Building with his elementary school). I was showing him the Apple store in midtown, and FAO Schwartz. `As we were walking west from Lexington Ave, we heard what sounded like war drums coming from 5th Ave. We turned to look at each other, and then we ran to see what it was. It was one of the best parades I ever saw. Standing in front of the huge plaza near the Plaza, the Apple Store and FAO Schwartz I noticed tears streaming down his face. I asked why he was crying. He pointed out the large number of people lining the Avenue and filling the plaza. He pointed out the wide open spaces, the hiding places in the Park across the street, on the tall buildings and called the situation a tactical nightmare; a security breach waiting to happen.

"But look," he said. "All of these people are just happy. They are smiling, laughing and cheering. Everyone's enjoying the parade. No one is worried about terrorists. No one is worried about the war. They're just enjoying the parade. This is why I joined the military."

I was taken aback by his passion. I'm his.

 

[fournineteenfiftynine]

I hate to burst the bubble, but I don't think there really is such a thing as "the one." Actually there are probably millions if not tens of millions who are compatible or who have the potential to strike some sort of chord in your brain that tricks you into thinking they "are the one." I think the real trick is to decide whether or not you want to commit to a long term and maybe lifetime relationship to someone knowing that they aren't perfect, nor are you, nor is there something magical to keep it perfect. We are imperfect beings whose brains trick us into "falling in love" in order to keep the species going which is okay, but culturally and socially you have to take responsibility for your choice knowing that Snow White and Cinderella don't really exist.

 

[AlteredEgo]

I hate to burst the bubble...

Then don't read between the lines. Just read the lines.

THE ONE with whom you wanted to spend the rest of your life?

It doesn't ask "When did you know you found THE ONLY ONE you could possibly spend your life with?" It just asks when did you find the one you would spend it with. That's the question the rest of us are answering, I think.

 

[bigtex357]

I think "the one" can certainly extend to one or more people over the course of your life. I met "the one" right before high school but at the time I lacked the maturity and confidence to ask her out. Instead we have been best friends for years and she has a great husband - I am happy for her.

I think when you first meet someone we tend to project what we want them to be based on what little we see. I have learned to not project so much and just wait and see how the girl is over time.

I don't think that if you don't get your "the one" that she was the only one for you and therefore there is no point in trying. There are a lot of warm, attractive women out there that I think under the right conditions (age, place in life, location, etc) could be "the one".

Also, sometimes you think you have met "the one" so you try very hard to make it work but it doesn't.

 

[MichaelHJ]

I knew the moment I laid eyes on him, and I told him and we have been together ever since, seven years now and only getting better!!

 

[fournineteenfiftynine]

It doesn't ask "When did you know you found THE ONLY ONE you could possibly spend your life with?" It just asks when did you find the one you would spend it with. That's the question the rest of us are answering, I think.[/quote]


It says "THE" one.

I read that word in that line.

 

[Love-it]

I met her 36 years ago in the High Sierras, Graveyard Meadows to be exact, and I was very attracted to her but she was with her boyfriend whom she later married. Two years after that she was back in the High Sierras and I knew immediately that she was the one, we slept together that "night" after talking all night on a glacial polished granite slope under the stars. We had to wait for her to get a divorce and married two weeks after that. Last week we had our 33 anniversary.

 

[michaang]

I've only fallen in love with one person, and he was my straight best friend. Every gay guy within 5 years of my age that I've ever met, spoken to either in person or over the internet in terms of any kind of interest, have been completely insane or otherwise just fucking weird.

I've been turned down from guys for not liking country music, to talking with a guy that has an obsession wit "how gorgeous the red/white/blue police lights are", to another guy that was too paranoid to trust anyone that he had a habit of tasering people. I don't think I'll be finding anyone anytime soon.

With the way I grew up from my parents, I didn't have the 'happy go lucky' childhood phase at all, and seemed to have completely skipped it. So while I'm 19, I often feel like I'm in my mid-twenties, but too young socially and financially to date someone older. Life goes on.

 

[two2]

I've been turned down from guys for not liking country music

wow that had to been a moron, turning down dick because of someone's taste for music?

that was bullshit.. he was afraid of dick and went back into closet to fantasize. thats why he turned you down.

 

[michaang]

Yeah, I don't know what it is with some people..

 

[B_Hung Jon]

I don't think there's just one "the ONE". I think there are a lot of them out there. It's just a matter of mutually deciding who will be the best mate because that's what most peeps are looking for.

 

[D_Coyne Toss]

Our eyes crossed, and I felt she was the one.

Our voices started talking, I suspected she was really the one.

Our souls talked, date after date, and I was convinced she was the one.

We satyed together five years, and I was sure she was the one.

We married and I know: she is the one.